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The Dog Whisperer’s letter to the DNC

DON’T FORGET TO TUNE IN at 8pm this Sunday “No We Won’t PUMA Radio with Sheri Tag,” special guest Lanny Davis & Ricki Lieberman!

Now on with the post…

This is a parody based on the Dog Whisperer, which doesn’t reflect the thoughts or views of Cesar Millán or the National Geographic Channel – that I know of. Please read in Cesar Millian’s charming Spanish accent.

Dear Howard and Donna,

Many thanks for inviting me to rehabilitate the PUMA. I am honored but puzzled to receive your request as I only work within the canine group. However seeing that the PUMA was formed from the broken bones of Ole Yeller, I wanted to take the challenge. If you’ve watched my show, you know that I rehabilitate dogs and train humans.
Let’s review our session together:

During a training session, Cesar realized that Howard and Donna are untrainable.

HOWARD: "But Cesar, we want the PUMA to be like this "high class" little tabby here! Look at how cute she is!" CESAR: "Howard, how do you expect to have a calm, submissive PUMA when you are strangling the cat?!?" DONNA: "Stop being a hating, toxic racist, Cesar!"

Here in this excerpt, you demonstrate behavior that is similar to the conditions that killed Ole Yeller. This is very disheartening to me since I am an animal rights activist. Being it’s still under investigation, I will not press that matter for now. Let’s get back to the PUMA.

For example, the first step to rehabilitate an animal is for the owner to transmit a calm, assertive energy and earn the role of pack leader. What you have demonstrated is an excited, dominant state throughout the primary season and have lost your position as a pack leader that is worthy of following. If you remain in an excited dominant state, PUMA will not acknowledge you or fall in line to what you desire, which is to support the Obama coronation, uh I mean, NOMINATION. I reminded you constantly throughout the session that the PUMA needs fair reflection and for Hillary’s name to be on the nomination ballot in order to acknowlege you as the pack leader. Instead, you continue to enflare the PUMA with accusations and insults.

When I gave you the Rules-Boundaries-Limitations exercise, it is not meant to strangle, neglect or abuse. If you establish rules, you cannot expect PUMA to accept the rules if you do not follow the rules yourselves. A good pack leader leads by example. The DNC RBC meeting was a perfect opportunity for you to show your calm, assertive energy by using Rules-Boundaries-Limitations in a fair just manner to the voters, but you failed.

Once PUMA was born, it expressed its need to break from your DNC pack after May 31st, 2008. Instead, you assumed PUMA was still a member of your pack and used the “sh-shh” sound I train my humans to use as a method to distract the animal. Well, it did not work, and the reason it did not work is because, yet again, you have neglected to follow the “Rules-Boundaries-Limitations” concept. PUMA is no longer a part of your pack becasue you failed to earn your position as a pack leader. If you cannot abide by the rules you set, you cannot enforce discipline. At this point, PUMA will never be the calm, submissive Ole Yeller, and don’t expect it to – if you do not follow your own rules.

Since you have made it quite clear that you will not abide by the convention rules in the past, nor follow your rules of fair reflection, I regret to inform you that I was not able to perform the task you hired me to do. PUMA can be rehabilitated to cooperate with the DNC, yet I do not forsee that happening unless you place Hillary’s name on the nomination ballot and put Hillary’s name on top of the Democratic ticket. In the meantime, I suggest PUMA roam the entire United States, without interruption because under your domain, the spirit of Democracy will die.

Cordially yours,

Cesar Millán/Dog & PUMA Whisperer

PS: I voted for Hillary anyways and ¡que viva los PUMAs! (Long live PUMAs!)

106 Responses

  1. SM…I still have to read, but that picture is another homerun…the look on DB’s face is priceless!!! and howard looks insane!

  2. Read the caption – it’ll match Donna’s face.

  3. SM: You hit another bullseye!! Your writing is soooo goooood! The picture is priceless.

  4. SM!! I love this the post and graphic are terrific! (I especially like the graphic)

  5. it looks like howard is hissing at the PUMA

  6. Hysterical!

  7. We cannot see where Donna’s hands are which may account for Howard’s big, fat, dopey grin.

  8. Katiebird, it’s GIMP that really helps a lot. I’m still working around it, it’s really complex & very professional-ish, but it’s deffinitely a step up. (Thank you MAWM!)

  9. If you go to the front page, does the right sidebar drop to the bottom for anyone else?

  10. SM, this is so freaking funny, I love the picture

  11. sm-Loved it! Thanks!

    I’ve been reading everyone’s comments off and on all day! It always feels like home here.

  12. ok, Pat and Carol, I wiki’d Ed.

    I can appreciate his cuteness, kinda.

    but he’s an Eagles fan – major turn-off!

  13. me, I like the look on the PUMA’s face! priceless!

    Very good, SM…very very good!

  14. katie, it does for me too…doesn’t that usually mean there’s a stray tag somewhere?

  15. Oh Good, let’s talk more about Ed Rendell. I know he didn’t really mean that “Hound Dog” bulls*+@.
    And he goes pub crawling to gay bars…that’s my kind of man.

  16. Sherry – the PUMA is in a calm submissive state and only because she’s with Cesar.

    Glad you guys liked it, I thought the joke would fall flat.

  17. Katie/Gary: From my end, everything is where it should be. Did I do something wrong maybe?

  18. kiki – that could be because he is in Pennsylvania.

  19. Gary/Katie: Now it’s doing it to me, the post pages are ok, it’s the home page that’s dropping.

  20. everything is back to normal for me now.

  21. I fixed it — I think. SM & Gary can you look at the front page (not this post) again?

  22. There was a DIV tag that had an odd class attached to it. I took that out and that fixed it.

  23. yeah, katie, its normal for me now.

  24. Katie/Gary – A-OK now!

  25. (wiping brow) Whew! That’s always scary…

  26. couple of minutes till the radio show

  27. Gary, Charles had a reply to your post that got caught in moderation. I’ve released it.

  28. SM: I love the post and another knock of picture of Donna B. Do you ever watch his show?

    I am so excited about the radio broadcast tonight.

  29. I can’t help laughing out loud at Howard’s picture. Great pick SM!!

  30. The Terrible Trio!! that so works!

  31. Hi PUMA SF! YEs, I religiously watch The Dog whisperer and I don’t even have a dog right now. I’m hooked on the way he can tame these unruly mutts, but 99.99% of the time, it’s the owner that’s at fault.

  32. SM! SOOOOOOO FUNNY! Thank you! I needed the laugh today.

  33. Lanny is drifting over to the “unity” side.

  34. Shari sure spells out our position pretty clearly.

  35. I love the show, too. I love his rag tag kennel and I really love it when he roller blades with the dog on a leash. I don’ thave a dog either but I’m crazy about the show, too.

  36. Lanny is going to get pounced if he starts the UNITY crap.

  37. FLORIDA HAD NO CHOICE!!!!!!!!!!!!

  38. Lanny now says Fla and Mi did it to themselves…

  39. Was Lanny sent by the DNC to “rehabilitate PUMAs” like Cesar Millan in my parody???

    DON’T GET ME STARTED LANNY.

  40. SM: I am with you, sister!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  41. Will & Sheri are doing a good job though – despite the Lannymator

  42. Want to feel better?

  43. Will is getting charged up!

  44. democratic caucus turnout was 5%???

  45. Here we go with the Supreme Court argument.

  46. In my state Democratic caucus turnout was 10 times normal. They scrambled to find alternate venues and sent people in every direction. Thousands didn’t get to caucus because the turnout was much more than expected. I stood in line for an hour in freezing rain and was sent elsewhere and never did get inside to participate.

  47. kiki: Amazing and mind boggling!

  48. yeah, cause Obama’s soooo liberal regarding the supreme court

  49. Get rid of the caucuses. First right move.

  50. I can’t listen to the show anymore! It makes me too upset! When will this end? I still feel like I’m living in an alternative reality!

  51. Blair, on July 27th, 2008 at 8:29 pm Said:

    And your point being…?

  52. I don’t think he can help himself. Bull shit! I don’t want her anywhere near his administration.

  53. MABlue I responded to someone’s question: Was turnout in the Democratic caucuses only 5%?

  54. Hillary, please lose the cellphone until after Denver.

  55. Pat:

    The caucuses are exciting, energizing and fun. It feels a lot more like participating than pushing a button on a computer.

    They need to get exact head counts at caucuses though if people are going to count the popular vote. Some states take exact head counts always, others only if it isn’t exceedingly clear which crowd is larger.

  56. Someone ask this!

    But Lanny–since the SDs chose anyway, because NO ONE won enough pledged delegates, why can’t the SDs choose Hillary? There are NO RULES that say they have to pick the guy with the most pledged delegates!

  57. And ask this too:

    Why can’t we have a floor vote?

  58. Blair: When a caucus is set aside for a minimum time during the day, preventing all qualified voters for getting to the polls, it is less than exciting. It is discriminatory.

  59. The european trip impressed him??? The FISA vote???

  60. masslib: you heard that too…sheesh

  61. I cannot believe this is being said. Impressive? Oh my God!!

  62. Pat:

    The caucuses are in the evening. Have you attended one? I’ve attended and it was extremely exciting.

    Fine by me if they get rid of them though.

  63. can’t listen because I am stranded at an airport but can somene please ask him why we should vote for the dnc when the dnc refused to standup for womens rights? hillary was smeared in the most sexist of ways and the dnc said notin. by voting for the nominee, I am ratifying such behavior. if the dnc does not learn a lesson, when will this ever change???

  64. Bull shit!

  65. Lanny and I are impressed by different things, I guess.

  66. Divisive to place her name in nomination??? Eff this guy!

  67. Oh Lanny…they gave you shock treatments, didn’t they?

  68. NO LANNY – WE WILL NOT GIVE GIVE IN!!!

  69. Courage to stand up to the netroots? Oh please…Political opportunity.

  70. jj: Sorry, he has just sold out entirely.

  71. Blair, how exciting could it be? you said you never got inside.

  72. Does anyone here believe what this idiot, Lanny Davis, is saying?

  73. We have just marched out “the Rules” again.

  74. The rules call for a vote at convention.

  75. But Lanny, the “majority of delegates” is not a metric according to the bylaws.

  76. WTF? Why do we have Super Delegates then dummy?

  77. lanny seemed real concerned about wright and the antisemitic leanings of tucc. now it doesn’t matter? basically lanny is suggesting that hillarys campaign created a monster because now we all know about the sham of a process it was, we know how unqualified and unprepared bo is, we know he isn’t going to stand up for you and me. we know the truth, but lanny wats to stuff it back in a bottl and bamboozle us…

  78. Riverdaughter has a post for the show. I just posted my comment there.

  79. Pat? Not me.

  80. we ended up with Jimmy Carter as Prez, which was stupid of the Dems!

  81. poor people suffered because ted kennedy wouldn’t shake a hand?

  82. just say no deal

  83. But we have a divisive convention. We’re very committed. We are never voting for Obama. Never.

  84. Yeah, Mary Lou!

  85. I may lose my supper any minute now. Everybody step back!

  86. Now I’m convinced Lanny was tortured by them

  87. He’s impressed???? Bwahahahaha! Idiot.

  88. Ah, yeah right. Sure, he’s an FDR Democrat. Please.

  89. No he [Obama] is not (in that FDR progressive vein)

  90. Progressive?????????

  91. LOL, masslib

  92. Lanny is evidently easily impressed

  93. Should I give Lanny Davis a “Satire on a Budget ” moment?

    I”M SOOOOOOOO TEMPTED!!!!

  94. didn’t Lanny go to school with Hillary? and did he just say he has a three year old? hmmmm

  95. SM: Go for it!!!!!!!!

  96. sm: do it

  97. Lanny Davis and Taylor Marsh: cut from the same bolt of cloth.

  98. Lanny, we’re not falling for that BS about the SCOTUS.

  99. yes SM!!!

  100. Shari and Will were on their game tonight. And Mary Lou was terriffic too.

  101. My computer is really slow when I have PUMA radio on – I’ll do it after the show.

  102. It’s a shame that we are all so delicate that we can’t have any dissent. I’m willing to show them dissent up their ass.

  103. OMG, SM I laughed harder at this one than the Che Guevara one in the trailer park! You are a comic genius!

  104. How do we submit a picture for “satire on a budget?”

  105. sm77, it’s beaooootiful! I could hear Cesar’s voice and cadance. I laughed so hard. Eres unica!

  106. Boston & Maria – thanks! I’m a big Dog Whisperer fan as you can tell. Not even Cesar Millán can tame us.

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