Cocktails at The Scratching Post: Rolling on the River

Does anyone recognize the location for tonight’s cocktail party? Ok, I’ll tell you. This is Lake Powell, a resevoir created by the Glen Canyon Dam on the Colorado River. Yep, there is a lot of controversy surrounding that dam but no one who’s been there can argue that the vista isn’t spectacular. I was there about 3 years ago and this is pretty typical of what I saw from the window of the hotel that the National Park Serivice runs there. Lake Powell is a hidden gem, a beautiful juxtaposition of water and rock. The lake is long and narrow with many steep canyons through which the water meanders. You can rent a houseboat and find yourself in soaring silent cathedrals carved by wind and time. Where there is a way, the water will find it.

Lake Powell

Today, the forces behind the effort to get Hillary Clinton on the ballot as a VP gave up the ghost. It was always a long shot anyway. The last thing Obama wants is Hillary showing him up at every campaign stop and getting more thunderous applause than he does. I’m relieved that she won’t be saddled with VP. It woudn’t have been a good career move. And now, Obama is going to have to come up with some explanation for why he didn’t choose her to all of the voters who had come to expect it. He is rapidly boxing himsefl into a corner with the half of the base he has to sway to support him in November. But if he reaches out to his base, he risks alienating the independents and moderates he’s been courting. It’s always as risk when you are not guided by principle.

But let’s leave Obama for awhile and have fun. Welcome to the Cocktail Party at The Scratching Post. I’ve rented a houseboat for tonight’s festivities. You can take in the scenery from the deck while Rico, our bartender with Flair! whips up his special concoction. Tonight’s special is a Cactus Tequila Collins to go with the view. We are also offereing Causmos at $10 per drink. You can choose from the PUMAPac Causmo and help Murphy pay for buses for Denver or you can help Hillary to pay down her debt with a Hillary Causmo. Of course, you can order anything you like.

Tonight’s entertainment, is the Doobie Brothers. Some things never go out of style and although this southern flavored tune refers to a river farther to the east, the fluid melody will keep us rollin’:

Everyone is welcome at The Scratching Post, including OPUMAs. But to keep people from being thrown overboard, we recommend that you leave your trigger words with Florence who is catching some rays on the sundeck. The waiters will be circulating shortly with some guacamole, salsa and empanadas. Please drink responsibly and tip your wait staff generously.

Thursday: What’s on your iPod, Barack?

Your friend, Ludacris says that *he’s* on it:

I’m back on it like I just signed my record deal
yeah the best is here, the Bentley Coup paint is dripping wet, it got sex appeal
never should have hated
you never should’ve doubted him
with a slot in the president’s iPod Obama shattered ‘em
Said I handled his biz and I’m one of his favorite rappers
Well give Luda a special pardon if I’m ever in the slammer
Better yet put him in office, make me your vice president
Hillary hated on you, so that b**** is irrelevant
Jesse talking slick and apologizing for what?
if you said it then you meant it how you want it have a gut!
and all you other politicians trying to hate on my man,
watch us win a majority vote in every state on my man
you can’t stop what’s bout to happen, we bout to make history
the first black president is destined and it’s meant to be
the threats ain’t fazing us, the nooses or the jokes
so get off your ass, black people, it’s time to get out and vote!
paint the White House black and I’m sure that’s got ‘em terrified
McCain don’t belong in ANY chair unless he’s paralyzed
Yeah I said it cause Bush is mentally handicapped
Ball up all of his speeches and I throw em like candy wrap
cause what you talking I hear nothing even relevant
and you the worst of all 43 presidents
get out and vote or the end will be near
the world is ready for change because Obama is here!
cause Obama is here
The world is ready for change because Obama is here

Ludacris shouldn’t give up his day job. Math is really not his strength. At the risk of sounding racists, because I use *words*, it pains me to have to point out to Mr. Cris that almost all of the “black people” (his words, not mine) turned out at 90% strength in the primaries and Obama *still* had to steal delegates from Michigan to pull off his “win”. Now, that static population of African-Americans is about to be diluted by a bunch of hardass, redneck Republicans in the General election. Too bad Obama has made such a point of flipping the bird to half of his base. That’s a lot of territory to make up between September and November. Anyway, not my problem. Or Hillary’s either, for that matter, especially after they’ve relegated her appearance at the convention to a speech on stage with the Tea Party Ten of the Senate Ladies Auxilliary.

But back to Ludacris. Ahhhh, Here it comes, the retraction:

The Barack Obama camp has condemned the lyrics and states Luda should be ashamed:

“As Barack Obama has said many, many times in the past, rap lyrics today too often perpetuate misogyny, materialism, and degrading images that he doesn’t want his daughters or any children exposed to,” said spokesman Bill Burton. “This song is not only outrageously offensive to Senator Clinton, Reverend Jackson, Senator McCain, and President Bush, it is offensive to all of us who are trying to raise our children with the values we hold dear. While Ludacris is a talented individual he should be ashamed of these lyrics.”

Oh My God! Does Obama *know* these songs are on his iPod? Holy Hemiola! He’s been syncing Ludacris for years and didn’t even know how outrageously offensive Ludacris is. Well, of COURSE he doesn’t approve– now. But this has never happened to him before, except for that Reverend Wright incidence(s). Obama probably had the iPod set for shuffle. I’ll betcha the Ludacris songs never came up, what with all of the competition from the JayZ songs.

I can only imagine what it must have been like the day he made this discovery:

Barack: Michelle, ma belle, come here quick! I was just listening to my iPod while I was on the treadmill and you will not believe the misogyny and racist crap that Ludacris is spewing these days. Did you know it was this bad? Why didn’t you tell me before I went to the iTunes store?!

Malia: Hey, Dad, can I borrow your iPod again for camp? I want to show my friends that JayZ song you used to play at the —

Sasha: Daddy, watch what I can do, watch what I can do! {{Gestures}} “Brush that dirt off your shoulders. Brush that dirt off your shoulders.” Daddy, what does irrelevent mean? I know what b**** means but what —

Barack: MICHELLE, get me that speechwriter from Philly on the horn, NOW!

Kids! They say the darndest things…

Cocktails tonight at 7PM EST.