Things That Make You Go WTF?

From Matt Stoller at OpenLeft:

It’s interesting to consider how Clinton would have voted were she the nominee, and there’s no way to know now.  Why did she vote properly this time?  She doesn’t have a strong incentive to vote  either way this time.  She’s going to be a very powerful Senator going forward with a substantial PAC and web operation regardless.  I wonder why she did this.  It’s possible she voted this way to embarrass Obama, though it’s more likely she just believes that this is a bad bill.  Maybe it’s heralding a new Clinton who is less cautious and more willing to fight for liberal principles.

Gee Matt, with punditry like that, you truly deserve a high-paying job alongside MoDo and Bloody Bill Kristol.  I very much want to tell you what I really think of you, but this is a family-blog.  So just think of the most abusive and insulting thing anyone has every said to you, then scream it at your reflection in the mirror while pelting yourself with rotting fruit and animal feces.

Stoller is a prime example of Obot illogic and the poster child for the dangers of kool-aid addiction.  Rather than simply give a tip of the hat to Hillary for her vote on the FISA bill today, Stoller feels the need to speculate as to her motives.  And of course he ignores Occam’s Razor and assumes complicated and corrupt motives on her part.  Finally, at the end of the sixth sentence, he arrives at the obvious and logical answer: Hillary voted against the FISA revision because she thinks it’s a bad bill. 

I guess it was too simple.

Stoller exhibits the CDS mindset that saw racism in the words “fairy tale” and nefarious intentions in a comment about RFK’s assassination.  He also is in deep denial and is rationalizing Obama’s yes vote on FISA so as to turn it into some shrewd and necessary political calculation, instead of facing the cold, hard truth: Obama is not the person his supporters think he is.

We really need a 12-Step program for Kool-aid detox.

PS: The graphic came from Clyde’s Place

Dear Donna, if you don’t have time to do it right…

When will you have time to DO IT OVER?

I know you answer email personally, Donna, but for some reason, you did not reply to my invitation to take questions at The Confluence.  No matter, we know the answers to the questions we would have asked because you stupidly told them to the Wall Street Journal and the NYTimes yesterday.  The pre-Convention Obama Haka sounds like this:

The problem is “there’s a strong feeling” that Sen. Clinton’s delegates need the chance to vote for her, Mr. Devine said. Many are still angry with a party decision that they feel deprived her of delegates from Michigan and Florida. “You don’t want a situation where anybody feels they’ve been cheated,” he said.

A second option would be for Sen. Clinton to be nominated, complete with laudatory speeches and happy floor demonstrations. By prearrangement, Sen. Clinton then would take her name out of consideration and endorse Sen. Obama’s nomination.

“There’s nothing symbolically wrong to putting her name in,” followed by a scripted withdrawal, said Ms. Brazile. But the spectacle of a rapturous welcome for Sen. Clinton would be irresistible to television and could embarrass Sen. Obama.

Oh, please.  Nothing could be more embarrassing for Senator Obama than to have his buddies on the Rules and Bylaws committee rig the vote for him so he could slither that last centimeter over the finish line.  How could it be more humiliating than to find that the first African-American to be nominated has to have the caucuses stacked in his favor, the critical mass of two major states withheld from the tally of his opponent and the entire US News media out for blood for Hillary in order to just barely squeak by?  Did I mention all of the superdelegates that had to be threatened with primary challenges, the other superdelegates that were bought off, the power of DFA used as your personal campaign organization outside of the official OBAMA organization and nearly every African-American in the US voting for you?  And with all of that plus the institutional power of the Democratic establishment lining up behind Obama so they can pull his strings after he is in office, he only just *barely* managed to buy his way into the winner’s circle.  Barely.  Because we’re not talking about his qualifications or experience, which is virtually non-existent. I can’t think of anything more embarrassing than having been carried to the nomination on the back of droogs who want to use you.  For sure, no one will ever look at the nomination of Barack Obama and have anyone say he won on his merits.  Doesn’t get any more embarrassing than that.

But I find this passage the funniest:

The Obama campaign said Monday that the Illinois senator would accept the nomination at the 76,000-seat stadium where the Denver Broncos football team plays so that thousands of nondelegates could attend. But the campaign hasn’t settled other key questions about the convention, including whether Sen. Clinton’s name will be put into nomination, said Obama spokesman Bill Burton.

Sen. Clinton’s campaign office didn’t answer emails seeking comment.  Under party rules, Sen. Clinton’s huge delegate count gives her the right to put her name into nomination. “But do you do it?” asked Ms. Brazile.  “Politically, does it heighten tensions?”

LOLOLOLOL!  {{Catching breath, wiping eyes, clearing throat}}

Donna, Donna, Donna, get your fingers out of your ears and stop singing “la-la-la”.  You cannot force the Democrats to accept this man, I don’t care if you ARE trying to use his candidacy to score points for African-Americans.  This election year wasn’t supposed to be an opportunity to have a teachable moment about race.  This was an election year to wrest control from the Republicans and here you are, making a pact with Nancy “Impeachment-is-off-the-table” Pelosi to hand control over the executive branch over to Congress but, by golly, you’ll have an African-American in the WH.  One who is not prepared, who has no coalitions who he can call on outside the ones who were handed to him and who will be facing a war, a failing economy, health care issues and global warming.  If he doesn’t end up like the failed and equally unprepared Deval Patrick, we will be lucky.  You would have been better off recommending him for VP and letting him learn on the job behind a much more experienced nominee.  Instead, you may set back progress by decades.

But the thing I want to point out to you, Donna, you dumb@$$, is that a floor fight, complete with “heightened political tensions” could be the best thing that happens to your candidate.  Let him present his case to the superdelegates.  Let them hear from Clinton as well.  Let the best PERSON win.  If it’s Barack Obama, if he suddenly displays the leadership abilities you have said he posesses (and which we have yet to see), then the party will unite behind him and we will go forward together, not altogether happy about it, but much more reconciled than we are now.  But to preclude such an event, to truncate the process is to leave those bad feelings intact and will almost guarantee that the party will continued to be fractured.

Sure there is a risk.  The risk is that the better candidate will be Hillary Clinton and that superdelegates will flock to her en masse, leaving Obama out in the cold.  There is a risk that they will put her on the top of the ticket and force Obama to take the VP spot.  Ohhh!  Horrors!  It’s *almost* the perfect unity ticket, one that just about everyone will understand and agree with, one that will make the Democrats unbeatable in the fall.  What could be worse for Nancy, Howard and Donna?  It would spell the end of their evil triumvirate.  There would be much rejoicing! Invesco Field would be the scene of celebration and a wild bacchanalia.  Wine would flow, frenzied dancing and orgies would ensue!  The media would committ hari-kari!

So, why are you being such a f$^*ing killjoy?

BTW, I will be a guest of Sheri Tag’s on NO WE WON’T PUMA RADIO on blogtalkradio tonight at 7pm EST.  Hope to hear from you!

The Confluence is a satisfied member of the Just Say No Deal coalition.

What About Bush? A Play in One Final Act.

[BUMPED, by katiebird]

THE SCENE: The Oval Office. PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH is absent from the seat behind the desk. VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY squats there instead, toad-like, hands folded on his stomach, chin down, snoring gently. A large box on the desk reads: “DC TRANSLATOR – PUSH RED BUTTON TO ACTIVATE.” There is a comfy-looking sofa on one side of the desk, and a couple of wing chairs rest on the other side.

The clock on the wall reads 8:59. It’s morning, and the windows are full of light.

The clock hits 9:00. BUSH enters through a side door, wiping a little extra powder from under his nose.

BUSH [walking over to CHENEY, amped]: Woo-hoo! [shakes CHENEY awake] That was some good shit, Dick. Paraguay again?

CHENEY: [grouchy] Grrrmmm-mmrrrm-prrrrmmmm! [CHENEY only speaks in sneers and mumbles.]

BUSH: God bless it, I forgot again. [presses red button on DC translator] Say what, Dick?

CHENEY: I said, no, that’s prime shit from Colombia. They’re upping their production lately.

BUSH: [crossing to sofa next to desk and lying on it, hands crossed behind his head] Well, shit, freedom isn’t free.

CHENEY: [rolling eyes] Sure, George, whatever you say. [brief, awkward pause]

BUSH: [fidgeting nervously] Heh-heh. Say, where’s Bolty with my daily briefing? You know how I hate it when people are late.

[JOSH BOLTEN, Bush’s Chief of Staff, enters through another door.]

BOLTEN [nervous]: H-h-hello, Mr. President. Mr. Vice President. I apologize for my inexcusable lateness, but there was a gas leak on my street, some houses exploded, and well, my wife and kids are dead. I had to make a few arrangements. [The clock on the wall still reads 9 am.]

BUSH: Gosh, that’s terrible, Bolty. I hope you know that your wife and kids died as heroes. We’re fighting them over there so we don’t have to fight them here! [Bush smiles expectantly. Awkward pause again.]

BOLTEN: Uh, thanks, Mr. President. That was, um, very inspirational.

BUSH: Of course it was! Now, just give me my briefing, and you can have the rest of the day off for the memorial service and golfing.

BOLTEN: G-g-golfing, sir?

BUSH: Sure! That’s what my parents did when my little sister died. Isn’t that what everyone does? Help me out here, Dick?

CHENEY [rolling his eyes]: Mrrrmmmm-hmphmmm-grmmmm!

BOLTEN: Darned thing! Here, let me, Mr. President. [crosses to desk, hits Cheney translator a couple of times, presses the red button again]

BUSH: Heh-heh. Never mind, we’ll catch you on the other side, Dick-o. So anyway, Bolty, how’s Operation Loose End going?

BOLTEN: [cheering up a bit] Excellente, sir! [His Spanish accent is impeccable.]

BUSH [threatened]: Say what now?

BOLTEN [contritely]: Oh, I apologize for my poor pronunciation, sir. I mean [butchering the word] excellente! [sits in one of the wing chairs next to the desk]

BUSH [relieved]: Oh. Okay then! So, we finally got that asshole Maliki to open the gates? [CHENEY smirks widely.]

BOLTEN: Yessir, that mission is accomplished. Iraq’s oil leases are ready for the taking.

CHENEY: Heckuva job, Georgie! Thank Halliburton that no one was able to get access to my secret energy meeting minutes before we invaded Iraq.

BUSH: Heh-heh. Yeah, Dick-o, wouldn’t have been too good if the American people knew how you guys were already divvying up the pot back in Oh-One, now, would it? [All three snicker knowingly.]