Rescue Mission!

According to our reliable sources, Snidely, er, the DNC has been pressuring Hillary  to pay her campaign debt or it will force her to release her delegates or have a merely symbolic role at the convention.  Originally, they were going to give her til the end of the month to pay the rent, then they moved it up to July 15.  Now, it’s imminent.  Drat!  Hillary must be flipping some of the Superdelegates or the DNC wouldn’t be so dastardly.

Oh, heck, sure they would. They’re like that.

Once again, we are asking you to do the impossible and reach down into your pocket, waaayyy down where the lint grows, and pull up a couple bucks for Hillary that you might have spent on that iced double caramel latte.  If you can throw in a fifty, you can get the winning T-Shirt from Chelsea’s T-Shirt design contest from earlier in the campaign. 

We were so successful last weekend that we knocked off some$6Million (conservative estimate).  The DNC must be getting nervous that Dudley Do-Right is going to show up in time.  One more push ought to do it and free our heroine from the clutches of the evil Whiplash and make Donna Brazile hiss, “Curses!  Foiled again!”.

Who Killed Ole Yeller? A Play in One Mysterious Act.

***NOTE: Thanks to SM at The Confluence for inspiring this one. As you can see, I’m over my qualms. You are brilliant, SM!

THE SCENE: An old-fashioned parlor out of Agatha Christie, with sofas, chairs, a fireplace, porcelains on the mantel, etc. HILLARY CLINTON, wearing a yellow pantsuit, is standing center stage. Seated are NANCY PELOSI, BARACK OBAMA, DONNA BRAZILE and HOWARD DEAN. Standing in the corner with arms folded is Obama’s right-hand man, DAVID AXELROD.

HILLARY: All right everyone, you know why we’re here. A crime has been committed, and it’s a very serious one. I figured we are all suspects, so we might as well get our stories straight.

OBAMA (sullenly): Well, it wasn’t me.

AXELROD: Barack – take it easy. Remember – Unity, hope, change! [OBAMA rolls his eyes.]

BRAZILE [faux-fended]: For Pete’s sake, Hillary, what the hell am I doing here? I’m neutral! How could I be guilty? Don’t you know I work for CNN?

[Brief pause]

ALL except BRAZILE: HAHAHAHAHA! [BRAZILE glares at everyone, then slowly breaks into a grin and laughs along with them]

HILLARY [wiping her eyes]: Whew! Thanks for the laugh, Donna. That really broke the ice! [returning to seriousness] Okay, are we ready to get down to business?

PELOSI [with a stern look at the others]: Go ahead, Hillary. We’re ready.

HILLARY: Thank you, Madame Speaker. [takes out a police report and scans it while speaking] All right now, as we know, Ole Yeller, the Yellow Dog Democrat, died sometime during the primary season. The voters aren’t sure when it happened, but they know he’s gone to another, more Independent place. He’ll never vote straight Democrat again. A moment of silence for poor Ole Yeller, if you would.

[ALL bow their heads.]

HILLARY [sighing and resuming her spiel]: Right at this moment, things are looking pretty grim for our Party because of Ole Yeller’s death. We can’t bring him back to life, but maybe if we figure out how he died, we can persuade the voters to get a replacement. A New Yeller, if you will. [The others groan.]

OBAMA: Jeez, Hillary, can’t you get to the point a little faster?

HILLARY [muttering]: Amateur. [PELOSI snorts in agreement.]

DEAN: Obama’s right. Let’s just start talking about how none of us could have done it, then we’ll all blame Hillary and go home. Deal? [HILLARY shakes her head with a little half-smile, then sits down by the fireplace.]

BRAZILE: That’s a great idea, Howard! I’ll go first. [stands up, begins pacing the room dramatically] Of COURSE I couldn’t have done it. I mean, no one knows better than me how to win over Democrats. Look at my record! Every Presidential candidate I’ve worked with has won! [grins triumphantly, arms out]

AXELROD [crossing to BRAZILE]: Uh, Donna, you might want to check that statement. You’ve chalked up more losses than wins in your column, unless you’re seriously claiming that Dukakis, Jesse Jackson, Gephardt and Gore all became President? [Donna’s grin falters, and she sits down sheepishly] Oh yes, you definitely could have done it…unlike me. Look at my incredible record running campaigns and working for Democratic politicians. I got Deval Patrick elected, and then, of course, Barack. I could not be more innocent. Ole Yeller loved me and my candidates!

PELOSI [standing]: Ha! Your [sarcastic] brilliant campaign made a lot of women very angry. I know because they kept calling me. [imitating the callers] “Why does Obama call women ‘sweetie’ and offer to kiss them for votes? Why doesn’t he say something about all the misogyny from his supporters and surrogates? What was that stuff about being periodically down?” Blah blah blah. They’re a bunch of whiners, but they do have a point. So don’t tell me about how you couldn’t have killed that dog. You’re just as guilty as Donna here.

OBAMA: [standing] And what about you, Nancy?

PELOSI [bristling]: That’s Speaker Pelosi to you.

OBAMA [smiling]: My apologies, Madame Speaker. [PELOSI is somewhat mollified. Of course, it’s hard to tell because of the Botoxed frozenness of her face.] But my question remains, what about you? Thanks to your inability to get us out of Iraq, Congress’ “good to excellent” approval rating is 9%. That’s gotta be some kind of record, right guys? [THE MEN ALL SNICKER. HILLARY glares at Obama until he stops laughing.] Uh, anyway, looks like you’re not so innocent either.

PELOSI [dignified]: Fine. I’ll admit that I’m not a saint. But Senator Obama, can you do the same?

OBAMA [offended]: Who, me? Are you kidding? I AM the Democratic Party! I moved the DNC to Chicago! I’m Obama for America! And besides, everyone loves me. Yes, I can!

HILLARY [unable to keep silent]: Oh, for god’s sake, Barack, you don’t believe your own propaganda, do you? Save it for your deluded worshipers in the blogosphere!

AXELROD [aside to Obama]: Yeah, Barack. I told you that most of those [makes air quotes with his hands] “anonymous supporters” work for me anyway.

OBAMA [ignoring AXELROD, sneering at HILLARY]: Oh please, woman, like you have the right to tell me what to do! I am the nominee! I won! I’m going to be nominated in a giant football stadium in front of 76,000 screaming fans – I mean, Party members! I’ll win without you and your voters! Who needs those Bubbas, anyway?

DEAN [scratching his head]: Uh, Barack? You know, a lot of people think Ole Yeller was a Bubba. You’re acting like you sure hated him. Maybe you ARE the killer!

[BILL CLINTON enters.]

BILL: Did I hear someone say Barack killed Ole Yeller? Well, forgive me for being just a dumb country boy from Arkansas, but it seems to me you’re all guilty. Donna, you changed the DNC rules to disenfranchise Florida and Michigan, but not states you thought Barack would win. Howard, you let her do it. Axelrod, you’re just creepy with all that cult worshiping stuff, the Bush-style campaigning and the astroturfing. And Nancy? Well, I feel kinda sorry for you because you got ol’ Steny undermining you every step of the way, but you sure didn’t help Ole Yeller much – and the buck stops with you.

OBAMA: Oh, come on now. Like you’re an impartial observer, Bill? This is – just – inartful, even for you.

BILL [getting red in the face and pointing]: Listen here, you ungrateful little Chicago punk. If it wasn’t for me – the only two-term Democratic President in this room, by the way – you would be nowhere, man. I raised Ole Yeller. I made him think we Democrats cared about him. I fed him, I stayed up with him at night when he was sick, and I made sure he stayed with me instead of going to Bush’s or Dole’s house. By the time I was done with Ole Yeller, it looked like he’d live forever – or at least another eight years!

You guys were the ones that screwed it up. You showed Ole Yeller you didn’t care about him. After eight years of Bush destroying everything he loved, he finally died – of a broken heart.

[EVERYONE but HILLARY starts yelling at BILL and each other. BRAZILE and PELOSI start throwing porcelains at each other. DEAN starts screaming “Chicago sucks! Yeeeearrrrgh!” at AXELROD.]

[HILLARY stands up and walks over to BILL. She shakes her head and takes his hand.]

HILLARY: I wonder if they’ll ever understand what happened to that poor dog? Come on, Bill, let’s get out of here. [exiting] Maybe in 2012, we can get the Party a puppy!

[LIGHTS OUT]

A Noisy Noise Annoys a Noisy Oyster

Masslib at Alegre’s Corner pointed me to the silly commentary on FISA on DailyKos.  Suffice it to say, Markos is uncomfortable.  He is not amused.  First, there was that stupid FISA vote yesterday where the evil villainess, Senator Clinton, voted like she always said she was going to vote- for Constitutional principle.  And Senator Obama, that evil of two lessers, did not.  Nope, he was OK with George Bush listening in on our cell phones and peering into our email.  That’s all cool and groovy for Obama.

So, what to make of this inversion?  Markos said that Clinton appears to be finished triangulating and that’s good because triangulation is bad.  And Barack Obama is triangulating because he needs to win.  And this is also good.  Because he needs to win.  Wrapping his head around this must be tiring because it is making Markos cranky:

Like all retreats, this one came with a price. Much of his veneer as a transformational politician has faded. He’s a gifted and inspirational politician, no doubt about that, and he will make a great president. But at the end of the day, he’s a politician, with all the triangulating goodness that’s become a hallmark of our presidential candidates. That has cost him some intensity of support, some bad headlines, a new avenue of attack for Republicans (even though McCain didn’t even bother showing up for the vote), and … renewed energy and sense of purpose for the ridiculous PUMAs. That last one is really fucking annoying.

I have no idea why Markos is giving us attention on his world’s biggest political billboard but, hey, whatever works.  Make some noise for us, Kos.

Update: I am watching Bush sign the FISA bill and he is thanking the members of the House and Senate, including Steny Hoyer, Jay Rockefeller, Silvestre Reyes … and “other supporters of this legislation”.  Oooo, isn’t that nice?  Bush is thanking Barack Obama for helping him fight terrism.  Wow!  When they said that Obama would have an historic candidacy, they sure weren’t kidding.  He and Bush will go down in history for this day, the day the fourth amendment took a body blow.  I hope Markos isn’t too annoyed.

Purrrrrr…

It’s Thursday. Has she quit yet? 5 Bucks says she’s in….

I dumped the "star" - 5BUX in the next 48

Gracious winners that they are the Obama campaign has been sending signals far and wide that if Hillary doesn’t get her campaign debt paid off by some arbitrary date the DNC won’t allow her name to be entered for votes at the convention. Most recently Alegre posted this:

Breaking! DNC Deadline of this FRIDAY re Debt

Someone just confirmed that there is a DNC deadline of this Friday for wiping out Hillary’s campaign debt you guys.

If we don’t get this taken care of by then they’ll use this to pressure Hillary re keeping her name off the ballot in Denver. That means no real Roll Call vote!

NO WONDER BHO’s donors dragged their feet in helping to wipe out this debt. DAMMIT all they had to do is sit on their hands and the DNC would finish this off by ending all hope of an open and honest vote in Denver. It’s just like the revote in Michigan.

So here’s the deal – we need to GIVE UNTIL IT HURTS on Thursday and Friday. Take care of the last of that debt and tell Howard, Nancy and Donna (ESPECIALLY Donna!) go get stuffed.

Why won’t these stupid losers back off? I don’t know about you, but I’m getting sick and tired of the permutations this WWTSBQ routine has taken. We’ll get her debt paid off and they know it. They aren’t worried about her vendors. They’re just looking for anything they can use to lever her out of the convention in Denver.

And we’re looking for anything we can use to lever her right back in. So for the next 48 hours The Confluence and all members of the Just Say No Deal coalition will participate in the “I dumped the “star” – 5BUX in the next 48” fundraising drive.

We know that fundraising has been the critical issue this primary season. That Super Delegates were swayed by Obama’s magic bucket of money. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could prove that Hillary is a competitive fundraiser even when she’s stopped campaigning?

Let’s get this debt issue behind us. Then it will be a lot easier to move on to the REALLY important task of convincing Super Delegates that Hillary is the winning candidate NOT Barack Obama.

[UPDATE] I’ve heard a rumor that a $50 contribution can get you a tee-shirt (that link should take you to that promotion).

[UPDATE II] Heidi Li has up-to-date information straight from the campaign!

[UPDATE III] From JustSayNo.Com:

Clinton Donation Link temporarily disabled due to hi-volume…
Keep trying!