The Magliozzi Dope Slap Method
I run into undecided voters all the time, not necessarily just when I’m canvassing. They usually give me the stink eye when they know I’m for Hillary and then proudly declare:
“I don’t really like either one of them. They’re both awful”.
I have two thoughts on this, generally thoughts I do not express to their faces.
1.) Um, Yeah, you are not original. In fact you are rather boring. I know that it’s probably the popular sentiment all your friends express. Maybe they hear so many conflicting stories about Clinton they don’t know what to think. And maybe it’s the fault of the media that really wants a very close race because it is ratings gold.
So even if the candidates are not anything alike and one is clearly orders of magnitude less loathesome than the other, don’t expect the media to tell you this straight out. Ok, the editorial section of just about every newspaper in the country will tell you to avoid Trump like the smallpox infected jacket he is growing up to be. But CNN and Fox still want a photofinish because it’s *exciting* so they’re not invested in making the choice as transparently easy a no-brainer as it actually is.
You might be playing hard to get too. Just be aware that while I try to gently persuade you to recognize the care that my candidate has taken to actually, you know, know her shit, I secretly want to administer a Ray and Tom Magliozzi Dope Slap to you. I haven’t got a lot of time to sweet talk you. I’ve got 40 more houses to hit, if I’m canvassing.
If the fact that Donald Trump wants to:
1.)commit war crimes
2.)suspend freedom of the press
3.)violate Geneva Conventions
4.)revive bills of attainder by jailing his opponent, something that is forbidden by the Constitution
5.)play with nuclear weapons because why have them if you’re never going to blow stuff up?
6.)feels up many women he meets under the age of 35 (you’re nothing to him after that age)
isn’t enuf to you to reject him outright, I can’t think of anything to say that will make you do it. It really is gobsmacking to meet someone like you who can so easily conflate quite possibly the worst candidate the country has ever had with a person who had a dispute with the State Department IT department. That email problem was indirectly uncovered by a zealous Republican congressional committee with an agenda on another matter altogether
In contrast, consider Trump’s policy on immigration. Just think about what it would actually mean to deport 11 million illegal aliens. How do you transport them? In cattle cars? Where do you put them while you are processing their deportations? Detention camps? Are they entitled to food and medical care when they’re waiting? The Republicans have made it illegal to feed and medicate them. So, now you’ve got millions of people waiting to be deported in squalid conditions. What about their kids? If they’re born here, are we going to strip away their citizenship? Trump says yes. How about the property they have to leave behind? You know, houses, furniture, art. Who gets that?
Do you see where I’m going here? If it sounds too much like Schindler’s List, that’s because it’s the same damn thing.
Anyway, I don’t understand the morality of the world you are living in when you cannot tell the difference between a woman with an email problem and a man who will destabilize the nation and the world so that he can enact revenge on anyone who dares to deny him anything.
Look, it’s like this. If there was a hurricane coming and I knew it was going to devastate you, it would be my moral imperative to tell you to get out of the way, seek higher ground and leave town.
Trump is that hurricane.
Ok, so many of you break towards the end of our brief encounters and say, “well if I vote, it’s not going to be for Trump”.
What do you mean “if” you vote??
Deep down inside, your gut is telling you Donald is bad news. Have you seen the crazies that go to his rallies? They’re now threatening the reporters in Trump’s press pool. They want a revolution. And they have guns.
This is not the time to get wishy-washy.
There is literally nothing Donald Trump can do that will keep them from voting for him. And some of them know how bad he is and they’re still going to crawl over broken glass to vote for him. They’re that nuts.
If you don’t vote, the crazies definitely will. Don’t expect the rest of us to be enough. You can always complain later that Hillary isn’t perfect enough for you, and I’m sure some people are going to start doing that the minute she’s elected. But if we get stuck with Trump, it won’t be long before we will need to impeach him.
Lets pre-impeach him on November 8.
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