Cover up those dirty pillows!

B is for boobies!

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Q: What do women’s breasts and toy trains have in common?

A: They were intended for children but it’s grown men that play with them.

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You just can’t make up shit like this. SF Gate:

Katy Perry’s cleavage is fine for Russell Brand — not so for Elmo and Sesame Street.

The children’s show says it won’t air a taped segment featuring the “California Gurls” singer and Elmo. The pop star — who is known for her risque outfits — wore a gold bustier top as she sang a version of her hit “Hot N Cold.” But some felt it was too revealing for the kid set.

Well we certainly don’t want our children exposed to women’s breasts. It might traumatize them.

Maybe we should require our wimmenz to cover up all their flesh when they appear in public so they don’t cause our fine upstanding menfork to have lewd, lascivious and immoral thoughts.

Personally, I find trouser cleavage to be much more offensive and unsightly. Until we stamp out crack I think women should be free to walk around topless.

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Open Thread: President Obama Caught Lip-Synching Speech

From The Onion:

Look on the bright side, the T Pyxidis could end it all

T Pyxidis, the supernova poised to destroy the earth at any time.

OK, we can all stop worrying about the economy, the healthcare debacle, and the state of affairs in general; it looks like a supernova named T Pyxidis may be plotting our demise and ready to end all of our anguish.

T Pyxidis, a star on the verge of growing too massive and collapsing into a type Ia supernova, was discovered to be closer to Earth than previously thought – close enough to end life here when it finally explodes. NASA

Doomsdayers and 2012 blog-keepers, take note. Astronomers at this week’s American Astronomical Society meeting revealed that a massive white dwarf star in the throes of multiple nova is much closer to our solar system than once thought. When it does finally collapse into a type Ia supernova — okay, if it collapses into a type Ia supernova — the resulting thermonuclear blast will destroy life on earth. Seriously.

According to scientists:

“…the next blast is nearly 20 years overdue…”

Even if T Pyxidis doesn’t do us in, the volcano that is my beloved Yellowstone has been grumbling lately, giving scientists some agita over possible destruction of our continent:

“Depending on the nature and magnitude of a particular hazardous event and the particular time and season when it might occur, 70,000 to more than 100,000 persons could be affected; the most violent events could affect a broader region or even continent-wide areas.”

So stop yer bellyaching.  It’ll all be over soon.  Can I get an “Oh Great?”

Oh yeah.  This is an open thread. In the meantime, enjoy the beauty of a Yellowstone prismatic spring.

OFA Pre-Speech Memo

This arrived in my email by mistake:

From: David Axelrod, Obots For America

To: XXXX

Dear valued OFA team member:

Tonight Barack Obama will make a very important speech about the conflict in Afghanistan. It is crucial that we rally support for our President as he implements his new strategy. Here’s how you can help:

1. During and after the speech you should post comments on your favorite blogs praising the speech and the President’s policies.

2. Be sure to mention how inspiring the speech was, and how President Obama has proven his mettle as a war-time President. It wouldn’t hurt to throw a jab at you-know-who by saying “he’s answered that 3 am call.”

3. It is important that you point out that President Obama carefully weighed the advice of all the experts, but made his own decision. Use terms like “firm, but measured” and “carefully crafted” to describe the new policy.

4. Don’t forget to place the blame for conflict where it belongs – on Bill Clinton. If he hadn’t been fooling around with Monica Lewinsky he would have captured Osama bin Laden back in the nineties. But also mention how George Bush made a mess of things too.

5. Personalize your comments as much as possible by describing how people you know are serving in the military. If you have relatives that served in previous wars mention them too. If you don’t know anyone that is or has served, just make it up.

6. Last but not least, remind people that President Obama promised to “finish the job” in Afghanistan during the campaign. It was the war in Iraq that he opposed.

Thank you for you valuable assistance. The speech begins at 8pm Eastern (5pm Pacific)

Dave

p.s. Don’t forget to donate!

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Good thing that Palin b*tch didn’t get elected, huh?

 

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Remember last year when the Forces of Darkness almost put “Rape Kit” Sarah and her scary lady parts in the Oval Office? Luckily, the Obamacrats spread the word that Bible Spice and her Crypt Keeper running mate intended to restrict women’s right to choose, and truth, justice and the American way were saved!

 

Just imagine what would have happened if Caribou Barbie was PILF – we might have gotten a health care reform bill that was a give-away to the insurance companies and cut-off funding for abortions (but not Viagra.)

 

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This is what feminists look like

 

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Thankfully, Barack Obama used the same “99 Problems but a b*tch ain’t one” mojo that vanquished the diabolical She-Clinton and put that Palin bimbo where she belongs.

 

As Naomi Wolf said, it was Christmas, New Year’s and Hanukkah rolled into one:

 

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Vast right wing conspiracy

I just had a thought. Compare these two things:

When anyone named Clinton talks about a right wing conspiracy, they’re nuts.

But when Bush the Second talked about how we had to fight Them over there if we didn’t want to fight Them over here, he knew what he was talking about because he had access to secret information.

?

Just because you’re not paranoid, doesn’t mean they’re not after you.

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What’s wrong with Obama

This is a graph from pollster.com of Obama’s favorable vs unfavorable rating going back to Jan 2008. Anyone who’s read what I’ve written about him (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9) knows I think he’s an empty suit. An empty, bigoted suit, pressed by the corporations who own him.

I’ve been wondering what’ll happen when people wake up to the depth of the con. Now I know. Nothing will happen. Waking up isn’t part of the plan. If they have to stop dreaming, they’ll just start hallucinating.

Look at those two converging lines.

That loss of rosy faith is not based on the fact that he’s broken every campaign promise he’s made, starting with not ending the war, the torture, the surveillance, the imperial Presidency, going on with not even trying to deliver on health care for all, and continuing through an endless list.

The pollsters say the loss comes from him being a Muslim Kenyan Socialist Nazi gun-hating terrorist-loving radical leftie.

Christ on a bike in a pancake hat.

A man who spent decades going to the most politically connected church in Chicago is not a Muslim. (Original article taken down from Chicago Tribune, May 2008)

A man who’s never since childhood spoken with an aunt, dearly beloved as per his book, an aunt who turns out to be barely scraping by in a Boston housing project, such a man knows less about the Kenyan concept of family than I do, to say nothing of actually having anything Kenyan about him.

A man who throws about a trillion taxpayer dollars (a trillion for God’s sake) at Wall Street without even trying to stop it from being used to pay obscene bonuses is not a socialist. (There was a feeble attempt after it hit the news, but the attempt was so weak, it died in the Senate without a word from him.)

A man whose idea of withdrawing from Iraq is to escalate in Afghanistan doesn’t hate guns.

A man whose concept of breakthrough thinking is begging Republicans to approve of his every word is so far from being a radical I’d call him a milquetoast.

But none of this is why people are losing that warm fuzzy feeling about him. It’s not even that they’re put off, at last, by the way he’s conveniently oblivious to vile misogyny, his own and his followers’. Or his arrogant disregard of gays. Or the cynical use of racism to squelch a few more voices.

It’s that he’s a socialist radical dictator freak.

And judging by the skid marks, these people brake for hallucinations.

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Billionaires for Weathcare Open Thread

Billionaires for Wealthcare, a newly formed lobbying group in California, is adding its voice to town hall protests against government interference in the U.S. health care system. You think you have a right to health care? Forget about it. One sign held by a “billionaire” protester in Spring Valley, CA read “If God loved the poor people, he wouldn’t let them get sick.” Another sign read “We love BlueDogs. A solid investment in healthcare profiteering.”

If you’re a billionaire who wants to hold onto your riches, join the movement. You can download and print signs with messages like “NO to Socialism, YES to Feudalism” and “Private Health Care: Because Corporations Know What’s Good for You” from this page, or you can dream up wealth-supporting signs of your own.

The group’s video is overly long and somewhat amateurish, but it gives you a sense of the energy behind this new movement to rescue the very very wealthy from any changes in the status quo.

I wonder if Jon “the Groper” Favreau wrote this?

Charlie Pierce of the Boston Globe (who is known around town for drinking heavily and seldom bathing) writes:

Ever wonder who helps President-elect Barack Obama sound so uplifting, so eloquent? North Reading’s Jon Favreau, all of 27, tops the list.

So uplifting, so eloquent…

h/t to Hillbuzz for the video

Favorite Gaffes and Verbal Tics

Good evening, you lovely Conflucians. This is a participatory thread. Please share your favorite funny or irritating moments of the 2008 Campaign season. We can also discuss the irritating habits and horrible gaffes of previous Presidents. I’ll start by sharing a few of my very favorite Obama gaffes.

Here’s another one I really enjoyed.

Now it’s your turn. What were your favorite gaffetastic moments? You should also feel free to ridicule the verbal tics and odd behaviors of the candidates and other politicians alive and dead.