To our more sensitive readers

In the last couple of days, since we have roughly *doubled* our hit rate, I have noticed a new phenomenon. It appears that our commentary has a nauseating effect on some of our more sensitive readers. They write that what we have said here makes them sick. It is occurring with increasing frequency to the point that we are now able to give it a name: Conflucian Emesis Syndrome or CES. Sufferers share similar characteristics. They self-report to be formerly unbiased, giving their support to neither Obama or Clinton. They are also plagued by a new symptom which I will name hallicinographia. That is, they are reading things that are not there. It is perfectly understandable, however, if they have just arrived here from a site indulging in over-the-top Obamaphilia-like debauchery. Such sites like DailyKos and TalkingPointsMemo stimulate the overexpression of neurotransmitters associated with hostility and irrationality. These neurotransmitters do not automatically refract to normal levels during the site hopping phase of an average surfing session. The result of elevated neurotransmitters is the ability to see hostility and irrationality in every post that they read subsequently. This effect may last for several hours and in some cases, days. In particular, hallucinographia prevents the reader from distiguinshing between snark and inflammatory purple prose.

The LD50 associated with CES has a low threshhold value and the triggering mechanism involved in hallucinographia is unknown at this time. Therefore, we strongly caution readers who may be susceptible to CES to avoid sites like ours like the plague. It is imperative that the sufferer seek to immediately relieve the emetic effects of CES with a non-controversial site so that neurotransmitter levels return to normal. In particular, serotonin levels should be carefully monitored until the victim achieves a state of mental well being. We recommend a glass of warm milk and a Trefoil as an immediate and readily available counteractive remedy to CES, along with surfing to a site associated with gardening (like the Burpee seed site) or small furry imaginary animals who pick up their toys and and don’t piss each other off.

The effects of CES should resolve themselves permanently after the primary season. Temporary relief may be found by following the prescribed remedy above. In all cases, we wish these readers a speedy recovery and will not be offended if they avoid this site until they feel better. Get well soon!