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To our more sensitive readers

In the last couple of days, since we have roughly *doubled* our hit rate, I have noticed a new phenomenon. It appears that our commentary has a nauseating effect on some of our more sensitive readers. They write that what we have said here makes them sick. It is occurring with increasing frequency to the point that we are now able to give it a name: Conflucian Emesis Syndrome or CES. Sufferers share similar characteristics. They self-report to be formerly unbiased, giving their support to neither Obama or Clinton. They are also plagued by a new symptom which I will name hallicinographia. That is, they are reading things that are not there. It is perfectly understandable, however, if they have just arrived here from a site indulging in over-the-top Obamaphilia-like debauchery. Such sites like DailyKos and TalkingPointsMemo stimulate the overexpression of neurotransmitters associated with hostility and irrationality. These neurotransmitters do not automatically refract to normal levels during the site hopping phase of an average surfing session. The result of elevated neurotransmitters is the ability to see hostility and irrationality in every post that they read subsequently. This effect may last for several hours and in some cases, days. In particular, hallucinographia prevents the reader from distiguinshing between snark and inflammatory purple prose.

The LD50 associated with CES has a low threshhold value and the triggering mechanism involved in hallucinographia is unknown at this time. Therefore, we strongly caution readers who may be susceptible to CES to avoid sites like ours like the plague. It is imperative that the sufferer seek to immediately relieve the emetic effects of CES with a non-controversial site so that neurotransmitter levels return to normal. In particular, serotonin levels should be carefully monitored until the victim achieves a state of mental well being. We recommend a glass of warm milk and a Trefoil as an immediate and readily available counteractive remedy to CES, along with surfing to a site associated with gardening (like the Burpee seed site) or small furry imaginary animals who pick up their toys and and don’t piss each other off.

The effects of CES should resolve themselves permanently after the primary season. Temporary relief may be found by following the prescribed remedy above. In all cases, we wish these readers a speedy recovery and will not be offended if they avoid this site until they feel better. Get well soon!

20 Responses

  1. I would suggest psychoanalysis, but it’s time-consuming and expensive. Perhaps the sufferers of CES might benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy. I would recommend they not go to web sites that disturb their delicate views of the world, and if they do, they should do it only in small draughts.

  2. Now that’s some good snark!

    Unfortunately it will be wasted on anyone suffering from CES because they won’t get it.

    Why do trolls feel the need to follow refugees from troll infested sites?

    SASQ – Parasites follow their food source.

  3. Hahahahahaha!

    For a minute there I flashed back to all the journal articles I had to read for my dissertation. Snarkalishusness in the morning is always appreciated.

  4. Perhaps CES sufferers should avoid red meat as well? I’ve noticed this blog serves up a lot of it, and after a diet of pablum, a surfeit of protein is known to have an emetic effect.

    Perhaps they should ask their mothers to come down to the basement, and cut RD postings up into small, easily digestible pieces so their sensitive tummies won’t be upset.

  5. I have noticed too that lately we are getting at least one or two trolls per thread at The Confluence. I guess its readership is growing. Ah… the good old times (like two months ago).

    I found this link on Obama’s use of social “agitation” techniques for political gain in Chicago and now again in the primary. It is long but interesting.

    http://www.discoverthenetworks.org/Articles/bobamasunlikelypoliticaledu.html

  6. I just noticed that this site is a little over 200 hits away from 100.000. Are we having a party any time soon to celebrate?

  7. It’s interesting how people can slide from oversensitivity to insults and back in one thread. That whole thing of pretending to pause in the middle of a comment with a *crickets* and then resume the insults is bizarre.

    Do they really think that’s going to win an argument?

  8. As Bono would say, “Fookin’ brilliant.”

    (But CBS will no longer broadcast such praise.)

  9. Presenting symptoms in patients with CES:

    Subject clutches pearls repeatedly.

    Subject exhibits faux outrage at high volume levels.

    Subject is willing to use any issue for points, as if subject cares and as if subject is willing to press Obama on these points.

    Subject claims his/her candidate is a “uniter”, yet cannot tolerate dissenting opinion on Obama or The Words Of Obama. Subject must dismiss it, no matter what the cognitive dissonance.

    Heh, Riverdaughter, you’re doing something right if you’re getting to ’em. The Confluence is my first stop in the morning these days!

  10. I think it is weird – this site seems pretty mellow. I appreciate the reminder that it aint over til it’s over.

    I got really tired of watching HRC speeches only to watch the MSM and have the most obscure, unflattering and obama critical bit scooped out for consumption – followed by comments of desperation.

    That is how I found you – I was looking for the other side of the story.

  11. Congratulations on getting over 100,000 hits!! Right now, it’s on 100,003!! Yes!

  12. I understand that drinking the kool aid aggravates the condition.

  13. Ha Ha! Go Riverdaughter, and go Hillary Clinton!
    I’ll be looking around for more confluencey types, m’self….

  14. I suggest that sufferers of CES eat bananas and white rice. They are binding. It should hold them until they can get back to the Orange.

  15. That Care Bears site is awesome. More like that please!

  16. really? makes them sick? I think you guys are all pretty tame, franklly. Dont mean that to insult, just that you all arent nuts.hey, as an HRC supporter even I can admit when some on my own team crack up…but I have never seen that here.

    Cheers!

  17. oh, and congrats on 100,000 – I rememeber when it was less than 20,000. Feels like yesterday!

  18. Judith: Um, I think it was last week actually. The growth rate looks logarithmic.

  19. No worries. We have someone on the inside of Big Pharma, and the cure is on the way!

  20. Hilarious…and a classic!

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