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Onanism Open Thread

You celebrate your birthday your way.

67 Responses

  1. I’d like to hold the pickles, hold the lettuce. Oh, and buy the world a Coke. Er, some coke.

  2. hahahahahaha

  3. Someone needs to tell that young lady she needs to keep her hands to herself….oh wait!! >_<

    PS. ~*~*~HAPPY BIRTHDAY myiq2xu!!~*~*~
    Hope you got something good, or at least returnable ^_^

  4. Happy happy! I didn’t get a chance in your last thread before comments were closed.

    OK, oldie but goodie, Q: How many clowns does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: As many as can fit inside. And while we’re on the topic of Buddhism, what?, Q: How many Buddhists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Two. One to change it, and one to not change it. Notice how I cleverly changed the question on the second one. I’m just that good.

    OK, enough of that. Have some cake. Make some noise.

  5. A clown and a little boy are walking across a graveyard at night.

    The little boy say “It’s dark and I’m scared”

    The clown says “Why are you scared? I have to walk back alone!”

  6. Q: What did the cannibal say when he ate the clown?

    A: “Tastes funny”

  7. Happy BD part deux:

    Thank you for making me laugh on a dark effing day.

    Well, this read ought to tell us all we need to know bout stuff…



    don’t miss the very last sentence — sez it all.

  8. I confess. I was a shy and clown-shy child. Clowns scared me and I did not find them funny. Myiq, you are the exception. Happy Birthday. I hope it was excellent.

    • Clowns scare you?

      How would you like having Captain Spaulding as your fairy godmother/guardian angel?

      And people wonder why I can’t sleep

      • I trace my fear to a disturbing skit by Ernie Kovacs, whom I loved BTW. Thank you, Myiq, for systematically desensitizing me. Hope you got some sleep last night.

    • My grandfather took me to the Shriners’ circus as a child.

      I got so upset by the clowns I was crying and screaming so badly we had to leave. 😦

      • My daughter was about 2 1/2 when she went to the circus.

        TYhe clowns entered the big tent from the far end, and EVERYBODY heard my daughter.

        After the movie “It” came out it took 2 years before my baby would use the bathroom without someone no farther than outside the door.

        She HATES clowns like a cat hates swimming.

    • I was so scared of clowns, that initially, when on the Confluence, I hung a strip of toilet paper down one side of the screen to hide the avatars, so that Captain Spaulding would not jump out and get me.

      That lasted about a month until I suddenly realised that myiq was wandering around the tthreads muttering “sock puppets” under his breath, to all and sundry, and I found that pretty funny, and wasn’t scared any more.

  9. Happy Birthday Clown!

  10. Onan, Er and Tamar..another Bronze Age fairy tale that has caused angst for hundreds of generations of humans.

  11. This has to be my favorite BBC April fools hoax 😀 😀 😀

    On April Fools’ Day 1957, the BBC broadcast a video showing the Swiss spaghetti harvest. People were shown picking spaghetti noodles from trees, and the pernicious “spaghetti weevil” was mentioned. Many people later called the network to ask how they could grow their own spaghetti trees, not realizing the clip was an April Fool’s joke.


  12. myiq2xu, on April 1st, 2009 at 1:14 am Said:

    Eyes popped out of your head?
    Nah..I am a romantic, my reaction was: ” What is your problem?? Why do you want to “F” your father??

  13. Myiq, if we had 12 fingers instead of 10, you’d be 31. I like to think that way during these difficult times. 🙂

  14. Good morning and happy B-day to you!

    In London we have a wonderful spring day with temp expected to go up to 16c. Perfect for demonstrations. Currently O has breakfast with Gordon and at 11 demos are supposed to kick off at the Bank of England! The Excel center where meetings will be taking place is considered too much of a fortress, in addition it is located a bit out of the way in the East in the docklands.

    The UK press is turning more critical on O. Here from the Guardian (center-left) which was a big cheerleader for O.

    Where is the new JFK we expected? He’s stuck in a rut with Gordon Brown


  15. The UK press is turning more critical on O. Here from the Guardian (center-left) which was a big cheerleader for O.

    Where is the new JFK we expected?

    You all bought the same line of bullshit a lot of people here did.

    Big surprise, eh?

    • OMG, they are calling him the new Jimmy Carter! What a rapid comedown!

  16. I think the press did not bother to reflect greatly on O and were united in their hate for Bush. The public just followed what they read in the press.

  17. I think the press did not bother to reflect greatly on O

    No, they didn’t. The press was up his butt. That’s why thinking individuals have to do exactly that: think for themselves.

  18. Thanx for the news Viv-keep up the running commentary!!!!

    Wonderful Spring day-Perfect for Demonstrations LOL

  19. Laurie,

    ciao cara….I am planning to stay inside and do some work and go running in the park in the afternoon….should be save!

    Will need to go to work in the early evening, not in a hotspot area but everybody is so paranoid abt disruptions! Some bankers work from home and were basically told not to leave the building over lunch (there will be catering). In addition, they were told to wear no suits but jeans.

    Helicopter activity over the London has def picked up!

  20. I’m staying in too. Took some pics earlier, but still pretty quiet. Maybe the coachloads haven’t bussed in yet. Estimate for the weekend protests were revised to 20,000 which seems more likely to me too from what I saw.

    Update, highly interesting stuff from the Telegraph:

    10.02 Mr Obama and Mr Brown ate a Full English for breakfast, Sky News’s Niall Paterson reports. He expresses concern that Mr Obama may have jeopardised his trim figure for the sake of some bacon.

    • Arkachips – what did you take pics off? Are you around Regents Park?

      • I’m in Westminster, walk everywhere as it’s usually faster *g* – and I just take pics wherever I go – crowds, horseguards staying stoic in the face of trying tourists *g* – and lately, G20 activity, of course..

        St James is the closest park for me. Lovely, but nothing like Regents – you’re lucky!

        • You must be close to me….I am running in Battersea park….but I am North of the river.

  21. Telegraph LiveBlog again:

    10.28 In the first press question, the BBC’s Nick Robinson points out that Mr Brown has repeatedly blamed the US for causing the crisis. Zing. Mr Obama says everyone is responsible, but apportioning blame at this stage is pointless. “I’m a big believer in looking forwards, not backwards.”

    Hah! So you haven’t been blaming anyone, O? Repeatedly even? No? Yeah, I must have dreamt it all. So sorry.

  22. I don’t think taking responsibility is in the skill set of O, but he overcompensates by having a triple helping of assigning blame!

    • I’m stepping away from the LiveBlog and taking a shower.

      Too sickening to bear.

      Stay safe, Vivienne!

  23. George Pascoe-Watson of The Sun asks Mr Obama: As a president who won in a landslide, do you have any advice for Mr Brown? Mr Obama says: “The only advice I would give is the advice I give myself and gave myself every day on the campaign. That is, over time, good policy is good politics. And if every day you are waking up and making the very best decisions you can, despite the fact that sometimes the cards aren’t very good, and the options are narrow, and the choices are tough, and you are assured to be second guessed … then I’d think ‘I’m doing pretty good’. The best part is to wake up and be able to look at yourself in the mirror.”

    Ready to puke – hand me the bag!!

    • Snap! *g* – That’s the straw that’s breaking my back and sending me to the shower. No more newshunting for me today – had enough.

      • I know how you feel – have showered already, so better do some work!!

      • yeah, Obama needs to be taken in small doses-thx for trying anyway. 😦

    • vivienne-I would hand you my bag but it seems an awful waste of a good Jonathan Alexander…mabe I can spare a Doonet and Borke for you….

      thanks for keeping us posted while America sleeps….

      • Hey Fuzzy – congrats again to the referendum in G-ville!

        All this news on O-Zero – wonder where the two Ladies are: Hill and Angie – probably doing some REAL work instead of ‘working’ the red carpet!

  24. I felt today was the time to acknowledge Obama’s progressive actions

  25. 👿

  26. I’m wondering if anyone has come up with a copy of this alleged letter.

    • Ross wrote a nasty letter to the Bar Association newsletter, using words like “immoral”, “perversion” and “degenerates.”

      Sounds like my last annual review

  27. What happened to Heidi?

  28. “The best part is to wake up and be able to look at yourself in the mirror.”

    I am totally unsurprised that Obama said that.

    • it’s all good

    • The best part of everything to Obama is being able to look at himself in the mirror.

      BTW – hey, Kat5, are you in San Antonio? Just curious, because I read where you mentioned our crap newspaper, and that’s where I am.

  29. So is this the theme song for Tweety or the Administration?

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