The Sounds of Winter

I turned on the cable news on MSNBC for literally one minute today, and there was a reporter shouting about Covid tests, and how Biden has said that there will be 500 million tests available, “But how he is he going to get them out there?” “And there are 300 million Americans, so does that mean one and a half tests for each person??!” “And how are people going to know what they should do for the holiday season??!!” (That’s right, the 70 million people who refuse to get vaccinated or to wear masks, are desperate to take Covid tests at home).

So I turned it off, but I can still hear the echoes…”And what about the empty shelves in the stores?!!! Oh, there aren’t any empty shelves, there is 99% supply now? (David Muir doesn’t know that, he asked Biden about the ’empty shelves.’) Well, what about the 1% that isn’t there?? What will those shoppers do, if the thing they want is part of that 1% which is not there?? What do they do then?!”

“And what if they want to buy a Mr. Potato Head, but there aren’t any more of those now? What do they do? Are they supposed to go out into the field and plant potatoes and then put their own accessories on them? And it takes a year or so to have the potatoes grow, so what do they do meanwhile? Why didn’t Biden anticipate this?! What has he been doing all this time?!!”

“And where are the Dr. Seuss books? Gone! Well, not all of them, but some are! What are children supposed to read? Uncle Wiggily? Mary Poppins? The Wizard of Oz? Olivia Pig? Angelina Ballerina? But what if they want ‘Green Eggs and Ham’? Oh, that’s still there; well, what if it’s out of stock, just like the Potato Heads? More trouble for Biden!”

“And let’s talk about gas prices! Well, they have gone down, but not enough! Why didn’t Biden stop them from going up! Why didn’t he focus on the economy?! Look at consumer confidence! Okay, it’s up, but for how long, huh?! And GDP, well it’s 5.5%, but that’s not good enough, and it’s going to go down, when the BBB doesn’t pass! It has been a terrible year for Biden’s economy! (The stock market just hit an all-time high today). Just wait, things will get worse!!”

“Remember when it was Morning in America? The sun was shining, we saw it on the ads! Everyone was happy, well, except for some people in labor unions, but we don’t focus on that kind of thing. It was a new day for America, the ads said so! We didn’t have scare headlines, and anchors complaining, and field reporters yelling! Now, under Biden, everything is bad! Economy, pandemic, empty shelves, Potato Heads, Dr. Seuss, War on Christmas, you can’t even say Merry Christmas any more, without being sent to an indoctrination camp! What has happened to this great country??!!”

“Where is Joe DiMaggio? Willie Mays? Wee Willie Keeler, who said the secret to his hitting was, ‘Keep your eye clear and hit ’em where they ain’t’? Back in the 1890’s, that’s when he played, when Casey would waltz with the strawberry blonde, and the band played on! Me and Mamie O’Rourke! The sidewalks of New York are now old, and filled with strange-looking people of different types! And all they see is empty shelves!”

“Once the angry voters get rid of Biden, and put Trump back in, or maybe DeSantis or Cruz, all these problems will go away! Well, at least we won’t talk and yell about them, so you will think they have gone away! And that’s all that matters, right?! We’ll talk about cancel culture, and football games, and how the highways and bridges are safer, because of the infrastructure bill in 2021, which Republicans worked hard to pass! And how religion can now be taught in schools! And how thoughts and prayers are offered to everyone who has been shot in the last few hours! And we will cover all the book-burnings, so there will be plenty for you to watch! Just keep your remote handy, and we’ll be there to offer more of our completely unbiased coverage to you!!”

I turned the TV off, and I listened to the soothing sound of the always much-needed rain. I hope that everyone here has a relatively nice Christmas. I do not celebrate it, but there are always holiday presents. And I am always touched by the better shows and movies about “the spirit of Christmas.” My recommendations might be “Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol” and the new Shaun the Sheep short movie, “The Flight Before Christmas,” but there are many classics. Ignore the TV noise right now, and the next year may well be better, whether or not the media want to portray it that way.