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Thursday: Democrats in Denver Elect President McCain!

In a show of shmoonity, Democratic delegates from across the country abandoned their voters and threw their support behind Barack Obama.  Arkansas, which Hillary Clinton won by some 70%, turned simple math on its head while New Jersey showed why it is called the densest state in the union when its Governor, who doesn’t know how to use a seat belt, handed over all of its delegates to Barack Obama.  Tony Soprano was not required to break any knees.  There was no overt coercion.  The state that Hillary Clinton won by 10 points over Barack Obama merely handed the delegates over to him with no complaint.  Happily!  “Here you go, Barack, we’re sorry we didn’t have more to give you.  And here’s our lunch money too.  No, no, we are glad to help.  It’s our pleasure.”

Meanwhile, back in the states, the voters were left bewildered.  They frantically searched their memory banks for the outcome of the primary in their state.  They thought for SURE they had voted for Hillary Clinton, sometimes in overwhelming numbers.  Puzzled, they watched their delegates, the ones they had entrusted with their votes and their tax dollars for the primaries that sent them there, boogie down to Love Train.

yay

Well, I guess that’s that then.  We are officially unified!  Everyone is going to form a conga line down to the precinct in November and festively push the button for the one Democratic nominee who has no chance of winning.  And why is that, you ask?  Simple, if the candidate and the party didn’t listen to the voters during the primaries and didn’t listen during the convention, they have no other choice but to listen to them in November.  Otherwise, the voters just sink into learned helplessness and might as well wear gray soviet era clothing and give themselves over to elections as mere formalities.

No, we’re so not into emotional blackmail.  But we *are* into making sure that the people who are partying now have one hell of a hangover in November.

Oh, did I mention we broke a site record today?  Yep, doubled our traffic.  PUMA Power, the post I wrote on June 2, 2008 after the RBC hearing has been viewed more than 40,000 times.  Savvy old ladies are probably emailing it to their friends.  Damn, we should have never encouraged them to surf!  The DNC has made a lot of new PUMAs this week.  And we are just getting started.  Darragh Murphy has plans.  We’re not going away.  We’re just getting started.  Bwahhahahahahahhhh!  Barack Obama is going to have to actually start earning his office.

As for Hillary Clinton, I’ve heard that the party is going to ask her to help them even more because although she was not good enough to be the nominee and although she wasn’t likeable enough to be the VP, her presence on the campaign trail is absolutely vital for Obama’s success.  Remember, it takes a village to elect Obama.

Not sure the voters are going to buy it though.  After all, the world is a big, scary place, Joe Biden thought that Alberto Gonzales was “the real deal” {{snort}}, and we could probably survive John McCain for four years as long as we had majorities in the House and Senate.  That is, if the voters decide to show up.  And after what happened this week in Denver?  Why bother?  If this is a private party, why ask the voters to pony up for the bar tab?

The Love Train is headed into a tunnel where the light coming from the opposite end is another train with a big, bad GOP painted on the side.  I can hardly bear to look.