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Quotations from Emperor Obama

obamabook

Are you ready for the Change we’ve been hearing about?

It is an unofficial requirement for every citizen to own, to read, and to carry this book at all times.

Printed in a size that easily fits into pocket or purse, it is comprised of quotations borrowed from the President’s speeches and writings. His guiding principles will enlighten the minds of the people and prepare the way for a new era of change. In order to master the President’s ideology, it is necessary to study many of the basic concepts over and over again, and it is best to memorize important statements and apply them repeatedly. Learn earnestly and diligently.

Together we can bring about the next great era in the American story.

That is the introduction to Pocket Obama, a book of quotes from our Dear Leader. The book, which is already sold out on Amazon, was published by the History Company on January 8, 2009. Is it a joke? The History Company sells historical replicas, and many of them are quite pricey. In a quick look around the site I didn’t see a lot humorous item, but this one seems intended to be funny. Even as snark though, this book is seriously creepy. Continue reading

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Obama Makes Black People Smarter

20090121044149_img_1478-simulacrum_of_hopeIt’s a good thing President Black Obama is…black on slow news days.  Talk about a reliable “go-to” subject.  I mean, now that it’s obvious that two-thirds of Americans polled are going to support him no matter what he does, reporting on what he does is, frankly boring.  So, why not ask what his being black means to America if you’re a columnist up against a deadline?  We never get tired of that.

Thanks to the New York Times, we now know that “researchers” have shown that just having a black president makes black people test better.  Which seems to bode well for new Secretary of Education Arne Duncan’s job:

Educators and policy makers, including Secretary of Education Arne Duncan, have said in recent days that they hope President Obama’s example as a model student could inspire millions of American students, especially blacks, to higher academic performance.

Now researchers have documented what they call an Obama effect, showing that a performance gap between African-Americans and whites on a 20-question test administered before Mr. Obama’s nomination all but disappeared when the exam was administered after his acceptance speech and again after the presidential election.

Whew!  I know I feel smarter!  Andrew Sullivan claims news of the “Obama effect” blew his mind, and for some reason made him relate the heartwarming tale of his African American teacher neighbor’s concerns about her students’ use of the dreaded “n-word,” which they never use in reference to the new president.  On second thought, maybe the “Obama Effect didn’t take with me, ‘cuz I don’t see what the flock one thing has to do with the other, but that could just be me.  At least, now we know what happened to Andy’s mind, though.

Deroy Murdock sees a connection.  Writing for RealClearPolitics, Murdock puts forth the theory that Obama’s “erudition” will eliminate the “ghetto culture” and cause young black men to pull their pants up and stop belittling people like him and his siblings for “acting white,” just because the Murdock kids got good grades.  Some scars stick, I guess.  Though, I never knew you couldn’t get good grades if your butt was cold.  And, those kids who picked on the Murdock family probably call Obama the “n-word” all the time, being immune to the “Obama effect,” like they obviously are, since they must be about 35 -40 years old by now.

CNN informs us that some people think that America will demand that Obama be twice as good as a white president would have to be, while others do not.  They also clue us in to the fact that “twice as good” as his predecessor ain’t saying much, making the whole premise moot.  But, what the hell do I know, I’m one of those “Obama effect” immune “n-words” who used to pick on Republican kids.

In other “news,” did you know that the day before the inauguration,  Matthew J. Clark put a statue of Barack Obama on a donkey and dragged it through the streets of Des Moines, Iowa all the way to the capitol building, while onlookers waved palm fronds and Secret Service-style SUV’s followed?  Betcha didn’t.  But, he did.  The “performance art” exhibit is called, “Simulacrum of Hope: Simulation of the Triumphant Entry of the Christ.”  Here’s Matthew on Matthew:

Matthew J. Clark is an unidisciplinary artist and sculptor who is neither living nor working in New York, New York. He hasn’t a MFA from the School of the Art Institute of Chicago and knows absolutely nothing about painting. His technical proficiency at 3-dimensional art could speak for itself if he would let it. In a self-fulfilling exercise of ostracization and alienation, he works tirelessly designing, constructing, and re-designing and re-constructing concept-driven sculptures and installations that he understands most people misunderstand. His work examines emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, metaphysical, psychological, physiological, sociological, and societal realities, hyperrealities, and dream-like states of consciousness, along with semiotics. Matt insisted that he end this bio with the declaration, “Words have no meaning.” He can’t stop.

He is not represented by the Marian Goodman Gallery which has offices in New York and Paris. I think I have pneumonia.

Does the “Obama effect” apply to white people in reverse?  Probably not, whatever’s troubling Matt is probably a pre-existing condition.  And, speaking of lingering troubles, the Cabbage Patch Weeble, Rod Blagojevich, has hired a public relations firm to handle his upcoming “Screw Your Impeachment Trial” media blitz.  In true Blago ham-fisted style, the firm he chose is notorious for its clientele, primarily, Drew Peterson, the latest Peterson to be accused of killing his inconvenient wife.

In case you just can’t get enough Obama, and I’d be shocked if you could, there’s always Pocket Obama.  Yes, you too could have a pocket full o’ Obie quotes to consult anytime your hopium levels plunge.  And, if that’s not enough, you can generate your own inaugural speech here, secure in the knowledge that you couldn’t possibly do worse.

And, the wheels are off the bus.  The people under it say, “hi.”

You can consider this an open thread.

Cross posted at my place, Cinie’s World, natch.