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The Double Agent: A Play in One Twisted Act.

THE SCENE: Two offices, one belonging to KKKARL ROVE and the other belonging to DONNA BRAZILE. Each office takes up half of the stage, with ROVE’s office stage right, and BRAZILE’s, stage left.

ROVE’s office is furnished in traditional Republican style, with dark wood, leather chairs, stuffed animal heads on the walls, and a fireplace with Nixon’s portrait over the mantle. The desk, which sits against the backstage wall, is large and covered with papers, a multi-line phone, and a small laptop. A framed poster of the movie “1984” hangs over it, behind ROVE’s head. The man himself sits hunched at the desk, working furiously on many things at once.

BRAZILE’s office is full of bright colors and abstract art. Her taste is more Danish modern than Rove’s, with a focus on light woods and steel accents. She’s also sitting behind a desk against the backstage wall, but unlike Bush’s Brain, she is busy taking turns staring off into space, and staring at the phone. Clearly, she is waiting for a call that just isn’t coming.

Finally, BRAZILE makes a decision. She picks up the phone and hits a Speed Dial button.

BRAZILE (into the phone): Hello? Helga, is that you? (smiling) Hi there darlin’, it’s Donna. (Her smile disappears after hearing what Helga has to say.) Now don’t you play that little game with me, Helga. I know he’s screening. I’ve been trying to get him for a week. You just go ahead and put me on with him, or I’ll just keep calling every three minutes until you do. (slight pause while Helga gives in) That’s what I thought. I’ll hold, but not for long!

(In ROVE’s office, the phone buzzes.)

ROVE (hitting the speaker setting on the phone): Yes, Helga?

HELGA: Karl, it’s that Donna Brazile again. She says she’s going to call every three minutes until you talk to her!

ROVE (frustrated): That woman just cannot take a hint! (sighs forebearingly) Okay, Helga, I might as well get this over with. Put her through. (A fake joviality enters his manner.) Hello, Donna!

BRAZILE (hitting the speaker setting on her phone): Well, FINALLY. Why have you been avoiding my calls, Karl? This had better be good. Things are starting to go really badly for President Obama. His bump in the polls from that trip he took last week has totally disappeared, and the media is starting to turn against him. They’re calling him the “presumptuous” nominee now, just like those PUMAs have been doing for the last few months! What are we going to do?

(ROVE is gleefully silent.)

BRAZILE: Hello? Are you there? Dammit, you helped me get the ball rolling with President Obama. Without your money and connections, he never would have gotten this far. But now our plan seems to be falling apart. You’ve gotta help me, Karl!

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