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    • What Makes A Good Person?
      I was reminiscing today about the few actually good people I’ve known. Two stand out, my friend Peter, who fought for Hitler; and my old teacher and coach Craig Newell. I had—a bad childhood. My parents were alcoholics, and my father was an angry drunk. Then I went to boarding school, and I was not […]
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The One Speaks To America: A Play in One Truthful Act.

Obama Goes A-Presidenting

Obama Goes A-Presidenting

H/T to my muse, Pat Johnson at The Confluence, for the inspiration for this one!

THE SCENE: A fake Oval Office in a television studio. BARACK OBAMA is on the set of his half-hour infomercial, which will shortly be broadcast on all the major networks (except ABC). He is in the midst of completing the final take.

OBAMA (to the crew): Are we ready?

DIRECTOR: Yes, Barack. We finally got the teleprompter back up. That new techie over there took care of it.

(A brown-haired figure in a denim jumpsuit, wearing a baseball cap, glasses and sporting a large mustache, waves from across the room.)

OBAMA (ignoring the techie, relieved): Thank God! Okay, let’s roll.

DIRECTOR: Five – four – three – two – one. Action!

OBAMA (calm and Presidential): My faithful Obamabots, I am sending you this personal message, because no one but you will be watching. You have done very well for me up until now. I especially appreciate all the violence and hatred you have spewed at people who do not want to “come to” me. Keep it up! But I have to ask that you please stop hanging Sarah Palin in effigy, since some folks are starting to do the same to me, those racist bastards!

DIRECTOR: Ummmm, Barack…

OBAMA (whispering): Shhhh, Fred, I’m nailing it! (clears throat) As for all those things my running mate, Joe Biden, said about how the international community will test me, they’re absolutely true. But don’t worry, when that red phone rings at three a.m., I’ll be forwarding the call to my team of 300 foreign policy advisors, who will tell me exactly what to do. So be prepared for another attack, kids – and oh by the way, I’ll have to draft you and your friends and family. No exceptions for girls, either. Sorry, sweeties – everyone must serve in Barack’s Army!

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