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On the Lighter Side…Obama and EV: A Play in One Unrequited Act.

Author’s Note: This play was inspired by the fact that Obama is determined to pursue the unattainable evangelical vote, while alienating so many other ready, willing and able Democratic base groups.

The Irresistible Evangelical Voter
The Irresistible Evangelical Voter

THE SCENE: Outside of a movie theater in Anytown, USA. The marquee reads: “Now Playing: The 2008 Presidential Election.” An attractive, well-dressed woman, EV (meaning “Evangelical Voter” and pronounced “Eve”), is standing outside, waiting for her date, JOHN MCCAIN.

As she looks at her watch, BARACK OBAMA walks by EV, then stops. A “coup de foudre” has occurred. He struts up to her confidently.

OBAMA: Excuse me, miss? (EV turns to OBAMA.)  Hi, I’m Barack Obama. I’m a Democratic Senator from Illinois, and you are just about the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

EV (perplexed): Um, hi? Gosh, I’m not used to talking to Democrats. (noticing the way OBAMA is looking at her) In case you’re wondering, I’m not alone. I have a date with John McCain, but he’s a little late.

OBAMA (not listening): Wow. You are just stunning, sweetie. What’s your name?

EV (a little uncomfortably): My full name is Evangelical Voter, but everyone calls me EV for short.

OBAMA: EV, huh? Listen, I’m not gonna play games here. I really, really want you to go to the Presidential Election with me. What can I do to make that happen? You want a kiss?

EV: A kiss? Ewwww. I don’t even know you!

OBAMA (confidently): Well, then, why don’t we get to know each other? My full name is Barack Hussein Obama, and –

EV (interrupting): Oh yeah, I heard about you. (suspiciously) Aren’t you a Muslim? If you haven’t accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior –

OBAMA: Relax, baby. I’m as Christian as you are. Check out this flyer – I’ve used it in the South to get my message to people like you. Amen!

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