come Saturday morning….

• Mr. Obama, I saw this video of your most recent remarks and there are a couple of things we need to review. But first, let’s go to the videotape:

Ok, that was ugly and probably David Axelrod, your ratfaced campaign person, put you up to it. But this demonstrates to me how naive and unprepared you are to be president. Because, it’s one thing to get all of the guys together and make fun of your female opponent and guilt some women into joining you because they want to feel cool and stuff. But it’s another thing altogether to bring up that whole menstruation and “women are slaves to their raging hormones” myth. Let’s unpack what you’re really saying here:

1. You are implying that Hillary Clinton is prone to periodic attacks on you when she is feeling emotional and down on herself. Sort of like PMS. Except that Hillary Clinton is 60 years old and is most likely free of any of that pain-in-the-ass periodicity or PMS, if she ever suffered from it at all. And you know this and I know this. Everyone and their brother Joe knows this. So, are you referring to the raging hormones that no longer apply to her or are you signaling by contrast that Hillary is past her prime in a biological sense? That her waist to hip ratio is no longer optimal, her skin no longer elastic, her eyes no longer clear. Are you signalling to the male gender of the species that she is no longer attractive and can therefore be safely dismissed like so many middle aged women are? She is invisible, powerless and all because some of you guys out there don’t want to fuck her. Excuse me for being blunt but I’m just channeling my inner frat boy to figure out what might be going on in your primeval brain stem.
2. You may not be aware of this but there are drugs on the market that make it so that women never have to have a period again. Yep, it’s giving the tampon makers fits but there it is. Biology is not destiny anymore. Moving on…
3. The other message you seem to be telegraphing is that Hillary Clinton is being emotional and that her feelings of frustration and lack of her own self worth are driving her “attacks” on you. Just about every woman I know will identify this as the “soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend you’re only angry because you’re emotional there is no other legitimate reason” maneuver. Guys can’t possibly know why we are mad but you guarantee that it’s nothing to do with YOU; it’s all in our heads. I refer to the “soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend” because relationships do not last long after men pull this crap. It shows contempt for the legitimate anger of the female partner and when contempt enters a relationship, the end draws swiftly nigh.
4. Female Obamaphiles: Is *this* the kind of Change!™ you had in mind? Because it sounds suspiciously like the same old stereotypical @#$% we’ve always put up with. Maybe you want to sit down and think this thing through again. Your male counterparts are probably going to do fantastically well in the Obama era; you?, ehhhhhhh, not so much.
5. Prediction: Expect Michelle to be trotted out to give a spirited defense while she also makes some remark about Hillary’s “tone” or something.  Wait for it.  You know it’s going to happen.

Mr. Obama, you have successfully captured 15% of the population that calls itself African-American. They could have been Hillary’s constituency as well because the Clintons have a history of working to overcome the racial divide in America. But whatever, you played the race card, headed for the fainting couch, twisted words, milked the media tea and sympathy for all it was worth and campaigned like a maniac in all of the urban areas of the states where you thought you had a shot of winning African-Americans over. It worked like a dream in some places and not at all in others (like in NJ where I understand you dumped a load of cash with no payoff- at all. You were beaten handily by 10 points.)

But if you think for one minute that you are going to sail to the nomination by dogwhistling to men at the expense of the biggest bloc of voting Democrats, you are very much mistaken. Personally, I hope you don’t apologize or that your attempts at an apology come off like your fumbling and incoherent responses to debate questions. We poor, high school dropout, prematurely aged and invisible females will make our irrational, emotional anger known in the privacy of a primary state voting booth (as I already have). Enjoy your brief frontrunner status while it lasts. Boneheads who make these kinds of statements are not suitable presidential nominees.

• Damn, everybody thinks they can do snark these days. Ok, so Dahlia Lithwick can do it well enough to get paid for it. So?? (frickin’ showoff). *sigh* Here’s her latest: It’s Not You, It’s Me- Letter from a Young, Hip, Cynical Former Obamamaniac.