Posted on January 28, 2013 by riverdaughter
The Americans Who Pay Attention Leadership Council met recently to discuss how the President should deal with the Republicans and have concluded that there’s no pleasing those people.
“It’s a trend we have noticed for some time now”, a senior official of the leadership council says, “Republicans seem to get off on yanking our chains. We think it’s a consequence of the way the country developed over 300 years. The two distinct cultures that developed in the north and south were incompatible, probably shouldn’t have been stuck together to begin with and the Union hasn’t been as successful as anticipated. But it’s too late to fix it now.”
When asked what the main sticking point seems to be, the council says it has to do with the comfort level that Republicans and their followers have with exploitation of other human beings.
“We have seen a progressive decline in living standards since Americans decided to let the Republicans have their way. We have noticed that Republicans are particularly good at throwing fits, playing the victim, blaming other people for their bad behavior and generally acting like poorly disciplined adolescents. Before you know it, they’re going to be out partying all night, totalling the family car and knocking up their girlfriends.”, the senior official said.
“It’s important for the president and the other party to stop acting like negligent and permissive parents. What feels good to the Republicans is probably not good for America. It’s time for the White House to stop listening to the friends of Republicans who keep telling it to give the Republicans another chance or they’ll jump off a bridge. They need to be grounded, not going through some squishy therapy session where we’re all supposed to get along. Unfortunately, the president is behaving like he’s living vicariously through Republicans so this could be a problem.”
The Leadership Council reiterated it’s observation that an increase in cable news ratings was inversely proportional to American living standards and recommends a low cable diet.
Filed under: General | Tagged: Americans Who Pay Attention Leadership Council, president useless, Republicans | 7 Comments »
Posted on January 20, 2013 by riverdaughter
The Americans Who Pay Attention Leadership Council met recently to discuss the most effective way to cut the budget deficit. After having examined recent trends and similar historical events, they have decided that resolving the employment problem should be the focus of public and private initiatives and that policies to bring down unemployment would be the most effective way of reducing the deficit. Higher employment has been shown to stimulate economic growth and lead to higher tax revenues.
“It’s unlikely that the private sector is going to be able to contribute to higher employment levels without a ‘carrots and sticks’ campaign”, says a senior director of the leadership council. “The focus of the private sector is on the next quarter, according to our data. Unfortunately, we do not see a movement within the White House to formulate policies that would lead big businesses to focus longer. The 2009 stimulus package was underfunded and not well designed to have a lasting effect.”
The leadership council plans to meet again to monitor the White House’s response to the ongoing unemployment crisis, which it says has been “pathetic” in the preceeding four years.
A second topic that the leadership council explored was the nature of President Obama’s political philosophy. The leadership council has determined that President Obama is not now nor ever has been a member of the socialist party. The irony of such claims to the contrary were not lost on the council.
“Clearly, we must do a better job of moving Americans away from television and radio sources of news. They’re lowering our collective IQ and making us a global laughingstock”, the senior director said. “Americans Who Pay Attention recommend a cable news free diet and only occasional consumption of NPR. Excessive intake of focus group driven memes has been shown to be harmful to the American standard of living.”
Filed under: General | Tagged: Americans Who Pay Attention Leadership Council, AWPALC, unemployment | 1 Comment »