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Explaining Trump’s criming in terms that Donald and his droogs can understand.

This is going to be quick. Here it goes:

Donald John Trump is a disgruntled ex-employee who was fired for cause. But before he left, he stole intellectual property from the company in case he decided to sell it to the highest bidder.

Now for the fun toppings:

I don’t know Donald Trump hardly at all. I think I saw him around here making coffee once or twice. But he was a real loser and very bad at his job. Before November 2020, he came to my office and got down on his knees begging me to keep him on. I told him he wasn’t wanted. Terrible attitude. Threw things at the wallpaper. Nobody liked him.

Ok, your turn.

19 Responses

  1. “He was a lousy player, always played for himself. But the owner’s playboy son hung out with him, and he convinced his father to make Trump the manager. For the first year or so, the players liked him, he let them do anything they wanted, on and off the field. But the team was unprepared for games,and Trump had no idea of how to manage. He tried to bribe the umpires, to win games, but they wouldn’t go along. The players were out of shape, got injured, and didn’t play as a team. Trump tried to make some trades, but the players he brought in were worse.

    “Attendance went down, the team lost money. Some long-time fans lost trust in the game of baseball altogether. Finally, the general manager had enough, and fired him. His father had died, and there was no one there to save his job. Trump vowed to get revenge, and started selling information about his players, their weaknesses on the field, their affairs and addictions, to the managers of other teams. He even made some of it up, and figured they would buy it anyway. The new manager got some new players, instilled a new ethic, and tried to regain the fans’ trust.

    “But Trump would not stop in his quest to “win.” even if he destroyed the franchise, and baseball. His few corrupt friends on the newspapers would print his daily diatribes against his former team’s players, manager, and fans. Finally, before he was driven out of town, he secured a contract with a rival team, and moved to another city, They put him in a room, where he wrote illiterate screeds,, which the secretaries were told to throw in the wastebaskets at the end of the day. He never seemed to realize it.”

    • Didn’t he always say he could have played for the Yankees?
      I just woke up. My phone was playing Lawrence O’D talking with a panel about TFG’s explanation about how he declassified the TS/SCI documents. It would be hilarious if so many people didn’t take it seriously. The story is so deranged that I’m convinced that anyone who says they believe it is just trying to drive the rest of the world crazy.

      • “You jerk, I just caught you in bed with another woman, and i’m going to file for divorce and take all your money.” “She’s just a long-time friend.” “A friend? You just met her at the party tonight!” “i reclassified her. Remember my standing rule that any woman who walks in the door becomes classified as a long-time platonic friend?” “You’re insane, you think you can make up rules to get you out of anything?” ‘Yes, i can, and besides, you planted her.”

      • He might have been able to declassify TS/SCI documents on his own (not sure), but I don’t think he had the power to declassify DOE RD documents on his own initiative. I might be wrong about that, but I think there are statutory requirements in the Atomic Energy Acts that mandate agency (originally AEC) approval of any declassification of those sorts of documents. In any event, documents that have been declassified have to be marked on every page with the date of declassification and who declassified them.

  2. He keyed my Camaro, then stole a carton of Marlboro Reds and a case of Dew from my back porch. Sold them to get a tattoo of my wife’s ass on his arm.

    Some things can’t be forgiven.

  3. Wordle, try using words that are not slang. Otherwise, all sorts of slang words are in play.

    • I had all the letters, none in the right place, after my third guess. Could think of only one possible choice for the fourth guess but hesitated because it was an iffy slang word. Still, nothing to lose giving it a try. Did get it in four.

      Yesterday (I think it was yesterday) was one of those too many possibilities days. A PHEW for me.

      Bah humbug. Get off my lawn, Wordle.

      • Very good. I also got it in four, and also hesitated because I could scarcely believe that they would use it, but there seemed no other worthwhile guesses. I felt like I was watching one of those new versions of quiz shows, with the audience laughing along with the words they know.

      • I had three letters after three turns with the first 2 in the proper position, my fourth guess was hopefully going to hone me in on the answer by testing a possible position for my incorrectly placed letter and two additional letters. I was surprised that it was the answer.

        Yesterday was a great day for me. After 4 guesses I had only 3 letters with one correctly placed and got lucky.

        English is SUCH a stupid language. I have always wanted to tell me how table and label should not differ in spelling except for the first letter. I have never gotten an explanation other than, English spelling is a disaster. The only thing it’s good for is spelling bees.

        • I used to teach reading to learning disabled students (grades 1-12). My students would ask me why English spelling was so difficult and made so little sense. I had no good answers for them.

          • Because it is a creole language mainly composed of Frisian and French plus a soupçon of Gaelic. Attempts at standardization resulted in letters that didn’t carry over from Latin root words. Then there were letters in old English that were dropped. Confusing.

          • Getting rid of the thorn and eth was a mistake, I blame John of Gaunt. Getting the ash and ethel back would fix some of the overloading of the vowels (but not all of it). The wynn is unnecessary since we added “w” to the Latin alphabet.

          • Thanks guys… this is the best explanation I have ever seen.

            I guess it’s possible that John of Gaunt was an earlier adapter of dumbing down the population. Having an alphabet with 31 letters would have been too hard to remember.

          • John of Gaunt, in addition to being the ancestor of Henry the Navigator, both Ferdinand and Isabella of Spain (and therefore somewhat responsible for discovering America) as well as most of the royal houses of Europe, brought the printing press to England and published The Canterbury Tales (he became a close friend of Chaucer after marrying Chaucer’s wife’s sister, Katherine Swyneford – which is an interesting story in and of itself). The typefaces he imported didn’t have those letters, so he came up with workarounds. He used “y” for the thorn, which is why “the” was often spelled “ye” in addition to “the” for many years. Without any evidence whatsoever, I believe that this contributed to the loss of second person singular “thou” in English.

            Rather than “dumbing down” the populace, he made it literate and made books widely accessible for the first time in English history.

            He was quite a remarkable man

          • And thereby hangs a tale (pun intended).

          • Propertius: My brother is an English medievalist, so I asked him for something about English spelling. He pointed me to this youtube video as something he thought explained it pretty well. It made sense to me… but English spelling is till FUBAR as far as I am concerned.

  4. A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling

    by Mark Twain

    For example, in Year 1 that useless letter “c” would be dropped to be replased either by “k” or “s,” and likewise “x” would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which “c” would be retained would be the “ch” formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform “w” spelling, so that “which” and “one” would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish “y” replasing it with “i” and Iear 4 might fiks the “g/j” anomali wonse and for all.

    Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez “c,” “y” and “x”–bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez–tu riplais “ch,” “sh,” and “th” rispektivli.

    Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.

  5. FBI agent (lifting box marked “Top Secret”):
    Heavy. What is it?

    Donald Trump:
    The, uh, stuff that dreams are made of.

    FBI agent:

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