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Necessary Outrageous Precautions

I saw something similar to this the other day. Post Roe is not going to just affect poor and minority women. It’s going to affect everyone, female and male. No one gets out of this unscathed. Here’s the first big warning:

Also recommended:

  • Don’t use a credit card to buy pregnancy tests.
  • If you’re of child bearing age, don’t buy pregnancy tests at all. Have an older woman buy them for you.
  • Don’t buy pregnancy tests at a self checkout line where there might be a camera. Walmart and CVS were mentioned.
  • You know when you go to your doctor for something as simple as pink eye and they ALWAYS ask you when your last menstrual cycle was? Don’t answer that question.
  • Submit urine samples ONLY for the tests required and make sure you see the contents of the cup flushed. Ask in advance if your urine will be tested for pregnancy on top of your required test. If it is, or they tell you it’s routine, find another doctor.

Men are going to have to get used to unwanted children. They’re going to have to pay for that. Better make sure your girlfriend has a backup plan with Plan B, funds to travel out of state, and costs of medical or surgical abortion. If in doubt, put your junk back in your pants and walk away until you have an agreement.

Plan for more children than you expected in your life. Accidents happen, you might be living in Mississippi and it’s a long drive to the nearest clinic, IFF you are allowed to leave your state at all. If you have an abortion and return to your trigger state and anyone finds out about it, you should know that some state legislatures are planning to charge you with obtaining an illegal abortion, or they will sue anyone who helped you get to the clinic by providing transportation or funds. The doctors in other states may be charged by your state of residence for helping you escape motherhood. Now we really are entering the world of the Handmaid’s Tale. Fortunately for some women, especially in states like WV and Ohio, Pittsburgh is proactively passing local ordinances that will 1.) put enforcing abortion restrictions on a back burner, 2.) protecting the medical staff and people who provide transportation from out of state lawsuits 3.) crisis pregnancy centers will be required to tell women up front what they are. No deceptions or delays allowed.

Of course this has a Cinderella time limit. If Josh Shapiro doesn’t get elected governor in November in Pennsylvania, all abortion rights and protections here will go poof! The golden carriage will turn into a pumpkin, the footmen mice will be turned into the police and your beautiful ball gown will be magically transformed into maternity jeans.

I can’t envision a scenario where this reversal will not impact the lives of women with full time careers. It will. It will happen in southern states first. I predict a certain smugness. When people have power over other people, they can’t help but look at the powerless as less than 100% equal or even human. Insert Stanford Prison Experiment here.

Employers are going to seriously reconsider giving women of childbearing ages work or projects that require a lot of responsibility. There might be months of maternity leave down the road or a shortage of childcare. Why hire or promote when Brad can be available all the time? He’s putting his career first. And that’s going to impact a lot of household economies. If you are relying on your wife’s salary and she confides in someone that she’s unintentionally pregnant anf the state takes over her life to protect the fetus when that friend spreads that confidence around, you might be stuck with an 18 year responsibility that you didn’t need. And let’s be clear here, married women who get pregnant are going to be expected by society to not put an unwanted child up for adoption. The pressure on them will be intense. Women will be mommy tracked whether they want it or not.

Come to think of it, there might be fewer women going to college. Sure. Why spend money on a daughter who might end up dropping out in her sophomore year because she unintentionally got knocked up and her partner left the country for study abroad – indefinitely? It starts to look like throwing money away with a poor ROI.

Some states are trying to pass laws to prohibit employers from helping their female employees travel to safe states for procedures. Yes, they intend to go that far. That will affect a lot of American corporations that are already short staffed.

It’s going to be a nightmare. But I doubt suburban women who voted Republican in 2016 and just wanted a change and couldn’t stop hating Hillary for what Bill did with Monica were thinking about the implications at the time. People can be extremely short sighted and lack the twisted imagination of a fanatical religious anti-choice activist. They are diabolically clever.

The blow against half the country’s population is only the first assault. The next one will target all that money you paid into social security and Medicare all through the years. Don’t believe me? Ok. I’m just being hysterical. I’m exaggerating. People EARNED that money. They’ll never touch social security.

Yeah, that’s what they told us about Roe 6 years ago.


And now a musical interlude for all of the women who just got Catholicism as their official religion:

7 Responses

  1. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before they make fornication illegal again, so that backup plan should probably include a defense attorney.

  2. Don’t use a credit card to buy pregnancy tests.

    And, for the love of God, don’t associate the purchase with any “points programs” the retailer might have.

  3. You know when you go to your doctor for something as simple as pink eye and they ALWAYS ask you when your last menstrual cycle was? Don’t answer that question.

    I can honestly say this has never happened to me, but yes.

    Also, your caution about security cameras was way too restrictive. You’re under surveillance nearly all the time at major retailers because they’re on the lookout for shoplifters.

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