A modest proposal to take 2nd amendment types seriously.

The question before us appears to be, should we continue to allow every man, woman and child to be armed to the teeth in order to function in a ruggedly individualistic, libertarian society or will we need to stop the rapidly accelerating number of mass murders via gun regulation?

Let’s look at this another way. The 2A’s think that all we gotta do is shrink wrap schools and, er, grocery stores, hospitals, synagogues, churches and any other place where more than one person might be living while just minding their own business. Among the proposals is to limit entry into such buildings, man-trapping possible shooters, hiring additional security personnel, and arming teachers.

We should try those things out! I mean, if that’s what it takes to keep everyone safe from the mindless zombies with guns out there, then by golly, I’m willing to throw money at that.

It will take an awful lot of money. Reconfiguring a school or other public space so that a gunman can’t get in will probably require the help of local fire marshalls and clever man-trap builders. We can arm teachers but I’m going to guess that their unions are going to want hazard pay, anti-ballistic shields and body armor. Probably body armor for everyone in the classroom. Maybe we should all wear Kevlar. It could be the beginning of a new fashion trend. More security is going to carve a chunk out of school district budgets. It’s going to get passed on to us as increase in hospital facilities fees. The price of hamburger is sure to go up.

Who is going to pay for all this? Most of the country is already bitching about the high cost of gas. Property taxes are already annoying AF. I think if you sat down and had a reasoned discussion with the 2A type, you could make them see that the cost of their sport/target shooting/hunting/militia practice should be born by the hobbyist, not by all of the rest of us. We shouldn’t pay extra for the privilege of living. It’s not our bag, baby. We don’t expect everyone to pay for the cost of pointe shoes for professional ballerinas. We can provide venues for public use but if you want to see the Steelers clobber the Eagles, you buy your own ticket and that presumably pays for the orthopedic surgeries and Anthony Brown’s anger management therapy.

So, for every gun or piece of ammunition sold in America, there should be a registration fee. Forget the arguments about background checks and assault weapons. Given the layout of the anti-majoritarian government we have (thank you founding fathers 🙄), we aren’t going to get majority rule any time soon. But we might put a fee on gun manufacturers to be passed on to the consumer that would pay for the billions and billions of dollars required to retrofit, shrink wrap, man-trap, body armor and securitize all public spaces so that 2A guys can roam freely like the gun toting walkers they are.

I’m sure that the 2As will see this as a reasonable solution. That way their precious, sacred right to flaunt their ammosexuality will not infringe on our rights to operate without bullet induced puncture wounds. So far, there is no suggestion from the 2As on how to barricade a body from bleeding out.

How could they object to that? The gun manufacturers would pay the fees up front and pass the cost to the 18 year olds who are just barely old enough to kill 21 people.

Someone in congress should propose this and let’s hear them debate on the cost of the fees. Should be good.