Authentically Pennsylvania… I’m Assuming

Two things.

First thing: Let me set the scene as I can piece it together from these news reports. There was an incident reported at the Ross Park Mall, one of the posh malls in Pittsburgh on the north side of the city. There’s a Nieman Marcus there and if I recall correctly, an indoor Tesla show room. So, you know, pretty swish for Pittsburgh.

Ok, so at about 4:30 pm yesterday, a fight broke out somewhere in the mall between Macy’s and JC Penney’s. There was a scuffle among young people, probably bored white teenagers on a holiday weekend with nothing but rain, clouds and cool temps in the forecast since Friday and lasting through out Sunday.

Mall employees who witnessed this incident said they heard gunshots and that everyone seemed to have a gun. Yeah, that’s part of my little rhyme that I repeat before I go to the mall:

Breasticles, Spectacles, Wallet and Gun.

Jeez

So the news vans rush to the scene to take it all in. They were interviewing people in the parking lot about an hour later when they discovered that it wasn’t over. Take it away KDKA. (light Yinzer accent warning):

To recap, if you go to the mall, expect that many of the people around you are armed and loaded. Also, the parking lot is not safe and it’s a good possibility that all three local news stations will be on the scene of an active shooter incident while it’s still in progress and has been for an hour and a half. Finally, even when they know the police are bearing down on them, there may be a “you’ll never take me, copper” shoot out with mulitiple rounds of ammunition.

Jeff Bezos must be cackling with glee.

We need metal detectors at the entrances but there will probably be some maskhole refusenik MAGA head who will scream about their constitutional rights being violated if they are not allowed to conceal carry while sniffing Perfumes at the Le Labo counter at Nieman Marcus.

Second thing: This is just embarrassing:

The Cubs are laughing at us. The CUBS.

Omg, I need a bag for my head.