It’s almost as if they want to make it worse

Saturday ‘Trump Boat Parade’ still on despite new county gathering limits

City of Pittsburgh will recognize 1st Amendment right to gather. Authority yielded to PGH Coast Guard along federal maritime route. PGH Public Safety will provide protection. https://t.co/3YiQEflrlQ

— bill peduto (@billpeduto) July 3, 2020

I’m not even sure what a Trump Boat Parade is but I’m agin it.

The only redeeming qualities that I can think of is if it’s on the rivers, the participants will have to social distance to some extent.

The thing that bothers me more is most of the rest of Allegheny county will be cooking in our backyards with a few other people and enjoying the glorious and rare sunshiney days. Fireworks probably not going to happen this year.

But this flotilla of Trumplicans will be taking over the city while the rest of us respect the health guidelines and avoid downtown like, well, The Plague.

Yep, I was right. This is all about high jacking the backdrop of my beautiful city for visuals that a big campaign commercial for Trump can use in the future. Just a heads up: Pittsburgh is overwhelmingly a blue city. Our local paper’s publisher recently referred to Pittsburgh as West Berlin, and not in a nice way. This flotilla does not represent us. At All.

Oh, if only there were a way of showing those Karen’s and Kevin’s what ugly Americans they have become. Is there a way to plaster the bridges with Black Lives Matter signs? Color the rivers bright yellow? Make the Fountain at the Point gush blue water? Come on, Peduto, think of something. I’ll contribute to that fund.

It’s the visuals they’re going for sure. A few hours to be a celebrity, even the ornery kind, aerosolizing each other’s out of shape, brainless bodies with juicy droplets of virus.

Ew.

Meanwhile, Trump is taking his Covid Caravan to South Dakota to Mount Rushmore. Since there aren’t that many people in South Dakota, I’m going to guess that the pre-rally publicity will have attracted a lot of seniors in RVs and other summer vacationers of the Trumpish variety. They’ll gather without having to respect any rules on social distancing. They’ll be offered masks but by golly, no one is going to strap one of those things on those manly men who think that not wearing a mask makes them look manlier.

Then they will get into their cars, trucks and RVs and spread all that militant non-compliance all over America, actively demonstrating the true meaning of Independence Day. We need a Hallmark Movie.