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    • The Rise of the Guillotine
      There was a time when almost no one would have put forward anything like the below, today, guillotine references are routine. Today’s parents have forgotten that children’s play should teach them how to be responsible adults. pic.twitter.com/bGprm9rv09 — Will works for the working class (@ClassFirster) December 3, 2020 Back in the 2000s I spent a […]
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Trump has Scanxiety

Is anyone here familiar with the term scanxiety? If you’ve had cancer you know what this is. It happens at the beginning of the ordeal and at many points throughout the duration. It starts when a doctor says, “we see something suspicious and we need to run some scans to get a better look”.

If you’re LUCKY, you get scanxiety when things are still in the very early stages, when the “thing” is still in one location, or has spread locally. That’s when it’s easiest to catch it and force it to submit to your will. That’s what happened to me. It was caught early but the sucker was still pretty obnoxious so a course of strong treatment was necessary.

But before treatment could commence, I needed some scans to make absolutely sure that the bugger hadn’t hitched a ride on a lymph node. And that, oh best beloveds, is very scary. Note to the never been scanned: if you ask for classic rock in your headset as they roll you into the MRI, don’t be alarmed if “Don’t Fear The Reaper” turns up in the playlist. Yes, it really happened. Turned out I had nothing to fear but it you don’t know that ahead of time.

What happens if you can’t overcome scanxiety?

If you can’t get over your fear, or at least allow yourself to freak out in the PET scanner, then you won’t know if or where the thing is. And if you don’t know for sure where it is, you can’t get the right treatment to root it out.

That’s what happened to Trump. First he ignored the warning signs. According to sources, he had multiple meetings with intelligence officials in January warning him that there was a very infectious virus on the loose in China.

Then the virus showed up here. At first, there were only a few locations. All he needed to do was get the scans going to figure out how big the first locations were. But he chose the “it’s no big deal” route.

Then the virus started to spread. There was still time to scan us and quarantine the growing number of infected lymph nodes. But he chose the “it’s just like a flu and it will burn itself out” approach.

Now we have massive metastasis. It will be like playing whack-a-mole to get it out of our system. But Trump still has scanxiety. And that’s a problem. Because if you can’t locate every single errant cell, you can’t ever get rid of it.

All you can do is wait for a cure.

Good luck with that!


People, my vacation, that was ruined in 2018 by a hurricane, postponed for the year from heck treatments in 2019 and was purposely rescheduled for the week before Memorial Day so as to avoid yet another hurricane, has been brutally murdered by Coronavirus. Yes, that’s right, after a decade of boring staycations or no vacation, my one true chance for a week at an uncrowded beach vacation in the outer banks of North Carolina has been ruined by their decision to keep vacationers off the island until after Memorial Day when counterintuitively, the beach will be significantly more crowded than the week before. I can’t wrap my head around the logic here but whatever. We have essentially lost our reservation and yet another relaxing and desperately needed vacation.

If any of you know what god I have to appease to get my vacation on the beach in NC, please let me know in the comments section. I’m willing to pay more as long as it doesn’t bankrupt me. (It might) I’ll sacrifice my first born (sorry, Iphigenia, this is important.)

I can’t even tell you how depressing this is. I even changed the date on my last surgery so I could go without feeling drained. But it was to not avail. The gods are against me. No, no other place will do unless the beach is as uncrowded and nice as Salvo, North Carolina. If you know someone who has a house and can rent it to us, let me know. I’m going to lose my mind.