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Clinton Cocktail Party: Shattered Glass

ist1_3546928_bartender3The polls will close in NJ in about an hour from now. Time to fire up the tube and watch the first of two ceilings shatter.

Whoo-Hoo! Go New Jersey!

Update: We interrupt this cocktail party for a {{swoonworthy}} ad from Hillary’s campaign. Take a look:

Woah!

If you’re like me, you’ve been obsessively checking your phone and favorite sites during break and lunch and on the bus and since you got home. If you haven’t, here’s what you’ve missed.

Creamsicle Trump is whining about how the media is harassing him like no other candidate over his Judge Curiel remarks and his Trump University investigations and he’s not going to talk about it anymore because it’s distracting. His surrogates say the media is much nicer to Hillary.

LOLOLOLOLOLOL!

{{taking deep breath, wiping eyes}}

LOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Oh, my, this general election is going to be so much fun.

Also, for those of you who want to compare the 2016 primary vs the 2008 primary, check out the front page of the NYT, which has some nifty graphs showing just how close it was. Actually, it was closer. I’m pretty sure they’re not including the FL and MI delegates, which weren’t restored to full votes until just before the convention. The difference between Obama and Clinton was microscopic and his lead came from a lot of undemocratic caucus states, just like Bernie. Anyway, at least the media is *finally* acknowledging the shocking closeness of the 2008 primary. It’s about f&*(ing time. Now they should look into the egregious convention.

Rico is here. He came straight from the gym. We provide great benefits here at The Confluence. He’s whipping up something called a Kick in the Glass. It’s more like a dessert than a cocktail but you can order anything you like including some fine California wines.

David Gergen just said that Hillary’s nomination is not going to be as exciting as Barack Obama’s nomination.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

{{taking deep breath, wiping eyes}}

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Ok, where was I? Ah yes, cocktail party. Our servers are circulating with some appetizers from our primary states. Have some puffy tacos, fresh salads and crudites, buffalo sliders and steamed crab.

Our entertainment tonight is Billy Bragg and Wilco. This Woody Guthrie song goes out to our friends in California.

Everyone is welcome but please check your trigger words and concealed weapons with Florence, our enforcer. Heated arguments should be taken somewhere else. Relentless mockery is always encouraged.

Come on in.

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Jersey Girls Will Make History Today!

Caitie_splash

Number 1 Child at Island Beach State Park, NJ

Today is the day when we make history, when one of the glass ceilings come down. Can you feel it?

We’ve been so fixated on California that we’ve completely forgotten that it’s the Garden State that’s going to give Hillary Clinton the nomination today by pushing the pledged delegate count over the top.

Call it sweet revenge for the humiliating specter of Goldman Sachs lackey, little old ladies’ retirement fund wasting Jon Corzine taking all of the delegates that Hillary won in New Jersey and gifting them to Obama during that sham of a roll call vote at the convention in Denver. (She won the 2008 NJ primary by 10 points, in case anyone has forgotten. One of those votes was mine.) By the way, if you haven’t read former Hillary press secretary Jay Carson’s op/ed in the NYTimes about the anger he felt in 2008, do it now. He made the case to the Sanders people in the way that only someone who has been through genuine undeserved heartbreak can make. There’s no comparison, Bernie people, but we get your pain.

But let’s celebrate today all those Jersey Girls who are going to the polls, who will deliver a crushing victory for Hillary in New Jersey where she leads in the polls by 20 points. Let’s celebrate the researchers who are still in NJ, who can’t leave a depressed housing market, who suffered through pharmageddon and are looking forward to better times in the future. Let’s celebrate New Jersey’s teachers who have had big red targets on their backs since Chris Christie became governor. Let’s celebrate the homeowners of the Jersey Shore who came through Sandy and lived to tell about it.

California, rightly or wrongly, seems like the land of the self-indulgent, blessed with a surplus of sunshine and blondes. Californians have the luxury and excess serotonin to fret about whether or not to send a message to the establishment and to debate whether or not to bring on the apocalypse by letting Trump win in November. New Jersey looks reality in the face and gets on with it.

By 5:00pm PST, it will all be over. While California girls dither and come to realize they missed their opportunity, I’ll be sipping a sea breeze and watching the news as the Jersey Girls make history.

Hillary Clinton is a Jersey Girl at heart. New Jersey girls tough it out.

California girls got nothing on them.

Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...