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Award Season

The Nigel Tufnel “Lick My Love Pump” Award for 2013 goes to Bruno Mars for the song Gorilla.  Mars had some competition from Miley Cyrus.  But while We Won’t Stop has some cliche references to “somebody gonna get some” and her latest hit features the discreetly naked singer licking a barbell, our resident expert says Wrecking Ball is too full of “heartfelt, emotional intensity” to make the cut.  Miley can’t come close to Mars’ lyrics set to a musical gem that starts softly and swells, in more ways than one, to a soaring anthem that leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination except that gorilla sex is essentially just the missionary position:

Ooh I got a body full of liquor
With a cocaine kicker
And I’m feeling like I’m thirty feet tall
So lay it down, lay it down

You got your legs up in the sky
With the devil in your eyes
Let me hear you say you want it all
Say it now, say it now

and

Yeah, I got a fistful of your hair
But you don’t look like you’re scared
You just smile and tell me, “Daddy, it’s yours.”
‘Cause you know how I like it,
You’s a dirty little lover

If the neighbors call the cops,
Call the sheriff, call the SWAT ‒ we don’t stop,
We keep rocking while they’re knocking on our door
And you’re screaming, “Give it to me baby,
Give it to me motherfucker!”

The magic of this masterpiece is that you find yourself crooning along to the high notes even when you are trying to set a good example.  That, my friends, is the sign of a true winner.  Flo Rida’s Whistle song missed the cut this year.  The resident expert said it was all over the radio in Germany in 2012.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Nigel Tufnel’s musical genius, let’s take a walk down memory lane:

List your own awards and winners in the comments.

11 Responses

  1. Too bad Obama’s not running in 2016 – it sounds like a worthy successor to “99 Problems”.

    • I think the Party or at least the Obama Group wants to run that former Newark Mayor (Cory Booker) or some such. I doubt Senator Clinton would want to run for the honor of cleaning up 8 years of political/social/economic Fukushima. But if she decides to play a game with the Dems (will she or won’t she) and in general sabotage their efforts till half past the last minute, I would be well pleased.

      • I think you’re absolutely right about Booker; I saw that coming a year ago.

        • Nah, they’re going to run a woman next time. You heard it here first.

          • If they do, it won’t be Clinton. They would want a more trusted enemy of Social Security and Medicare. Pelosi has already declared herself in favor of cutting SS through the underhanded method of Chained Catfood CPI. The only way they would run a woman is if they know she is a trustworthy Catfood Democrat. I still hope Clinton wreaks vengeful havoc all through the primaries.

  2. What we need to ask is did Obama knowingly destroy the Democratic brand or was that just a happy accident/gift for his backers?

    • He was vetted, hired, supported and nominated by his tribe. His tribe are the new aristocrats with the Ivy League degrees in business, finance and tech. They aren’t really partisan but they find the Republican brand distasteful because there are so many stupid bigots and bible thumpers. It was embarrassing.
      So, they found one of their own to head the Democratic Party and they were quite put out that hillary wouldn’t get off the stage.
      Do you see it yet, Sue? Do you get the big picture? The Grand Bargain is not with the Republicans. It’s with obama’s backers who want to get the whole thing over so they can start managing our money, the only pile of cash they haven’t managed to get their filthy mitts on.
      This is the left’s biggest failing. They are still focusing their wrath at the Republicans. The tribe is just sitting back and laughing at them.

      • The “only other” public pile of money is the publicly owned lands and projects. Obama and his backers want to privatise and monetize those. That’s why Obama suggested selling the whole TVA . . . the dams, the water, the lands, the power plants and everything else, to pirate investors. I remember suggesting on another blog that the Tennessee Valley Reps and Sens should have a revenge plan ready to go if “sell the TVA” even came up for a vote. The Tennessee Valley Reps and Sens should have a detailed bill to sell each and every dam throughout west to private buyers if the TVA gets sold to private buyers.
        Sell the TVA? Well sell Hoover Dam, the CVA, the BPA, and the couple other hundred dams and powerhouses and water to private buyers too. And have that bill ready to go ahead of time to scare the Western Sens/Reps from voting for ObamaSale Privatization of the TVA. Strangle that precedent in the cradle.

      • True dat, Riverdaughter
        Everything Prez Pipsqueak does that puzzles, perplexes and pisses off real dems & libs makes perfect sense when you realize he was Penny Pritzker’s puppet from the jump. Smart, cocky and ambitious (not to mention bi-racial), this inexperienced and obscure Illinois political wannabe was tapped and tutored by the “new” malefactors of great wealth to be their perfect Pied Piper to lead the Democratic Party off the cliff and bring about the Shock Doctrine’s Final Solution for America. Woe is us…

  3. I’m imagining you and Brooke singing and dancing to the Bruno Mars song as you clean the kitchen after dinner ……

  4. I’ve always loved how that scene (along with a couple of others carefully salted through the film) so perfectly sets up the “surprise” ending…

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