Free association web surfing results today.
1.)First up, Newt Gingrich is running for president? Hokay. The former speaker is a history buff Republican with a petulant streak. He’s also a movement conservative jerk who pursued Bill Clinton with a vengeance and succeeded in shutting down government, leaving government workers without a paycheck for several weeks. He’s also one of those authoritarians that Bob Altemeyer and John Dean wrote about. You know, Conservatives without Conscience? That right should be enough to disqualify him. He’s an enemy to working familes.
But no matter. What brilliant winning message will the Democrats and access bloggers respond with? His fibs about his military experience and his extramarital affairs! Yes, we have learned NOTHING from the left’s relentless mocking of Sarah Palin’s brain cells. It wasn’t her lack of intelligence that knocked her back. It was her careless depiction on her webpage of Democratic Congresspersons’ districts as targets. It didn’t matter that she had nothing to do with the shooting of Gabrielle Giffords. It’s just an untimely convergence of events that shined a spotlight on the right’s inflammatory rhetoric.
Listen up, access bloggers: you are NEVER going to bring Newtie down by harping on what a sleazy, hypocritical asshole he is. As a Democrat, you don’t have the moral authority to challenge a Republican, you godless secular humanist. Remember David Vitter’s romps with prostitutes in his Pampers? How about Larry Craig’s bathroom tap dancing routine? Nobody forced them out of office over their indiscretions. And just because Newt resigned doesn’t mean that he can’t be rehabilitated by the right. He’s a Catholic now and he’s been married to his current wife for 11 years. He’s practically born again. Look at Glenn Beck or Bill O’Reilly. O’Reilly had to pay off one of his staffers because she’d caught him on tape making graphic, sexually harrassing phone calls to her. You’d be amazed at what the Fox News viewer is willing to overlook.
If I were you guys, I’d let the personal stuff go (well, except for the one where he asked his first wife for a divorce when she was in the hospital after cancer surgery. I’m guessing that senior women who were dependent on their husbands for their livelihood won’t like that very much). Instead, I’d bring up the sanctions he earned when he failed to report the money he made on the courses he sold. Hey, if Charlie Rangel could get sidelined and disgraced over bad recordkeeping, isn’t it just as bad, or worse, for the speaker of the house? Or how about the GOPAC document outlining how to manipulate public opinion by subtlely changing your language? Yeah, Newtie is responsible for the crap we’ve been putting up with since 1990. Nice guy. And he hasn’t wasted a minute going back to his old language habits. Go look at his presidential bid announcement. Or why not interview some of the hardworking and retired Americans who waited out Gingrich’s temper tantrum in 1996? You know, mortgage’s due, heating bills to pay, food to buy for your kids, Newt didn’t give a $#*! about anyone who had to wait for their checks. Not one little bit. Is that who we want as our next president?
If you want to take Newtie down, you’ve got to show the Fox News viewer how he’s betrayed *them*, not his wives.
2.) Google is introducing the Chromebook to businesses. You can check out the video announcement here. ( By the way, Google, it’s not a new thought. I believe it was thought by Dave Weininger, the genius behind Daylight Smiles at a MUG User Group meeting in New Orleans in about 1994. I was there.) Whoo-hoo! I can hear the IT groups around the country gearing up for some obstructive-non-productive-passive-resistance maneuvers over that. (Yeah, I got your number) Microsoft’s constant maintenance and crisis management enterprise level business model is what keeps them employed. (Nice corporate data you have there. You wouldn’t want anything to *happen* to it, right?) The Chromebook could have a negative impact on the scientific community, however. (Have you ever tried to rotate a protein with a molecular surface remotely? Go ahead, try it. I’ll wait. Cue the Final Jeorpardy theme tune. And 100 mb/month? Really? I could chew that up in a couple minutes.) It’s already difficult to convince IT that a “one-size-fits-all” strategy doesn’t work for the in silico science community. (Resistance is useless, you will be assimilated) I hope Google is taking this into consideration because the cost savings to businesses could be enormous and we may be left out in the cold when the MBAs stampede to it without thinking, as is their wont. (Ooo! Shiny!)
Check out This Week in Google with Leo Laporte, Gina Trapani and Jeff Jarvis for more in depth critiques of all things Google.
3.) Paint part of Manhattan neon? I LIKE it. After all, it’s only paint. Right? RIGHT??
4.) Bronies. Ok, I don’t get it. There are guys out there between the ages of 13 and 30 who are fans of the My Little Pony Friendship is Magic cartoon. I think the target audience is actually little girls between the ages of 5-7. It’s hard to tell if they are sincere or cynical. Or maybe they’re getting in touch with their softer side after hours of violent video games. I don’t know. Charming or disturbing? And what’s with the obsession with the Figwit-esque Derpy Hooves character? You decide.