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Eliminating waste, fraud and abuse

La Cebolla News:

In an effort to reduce wasteful spending and eliminate non-vital federal services, the U.S. government announced plans this week to cut its long-standing senator program, a move it says will help save more than $300 billion each year.

According to officials, the decision to cut the national legislative body was reached during a budget review meeting on Tuesday. After hours of deliberation, it was agreed that the cost of financing U.S. senators far outweighed the benefits they provided.

“Now more than ever, we must eliminate needless spending wherever possible,” President Obama said at a press conference Wednesday. “When we sat down to go over our annual budget, we asked ourselves, where can we safely trim back? What programs can we do away with without negatively impacting the American people? Which bloated and ineffective institutions can we no longer justify having around?”

“The answer was obvious,” Obama added. “The U.S. Senate just needed to go.”

Established in 1789 as a means of overseeing the passage of bills into law, the once-promising senator program has reportedly failed to contribute to the governing of the nation in any significant way since 1964. Last year alone, approximately $450 billion was funneled into the legislative chamber, an amount deemed fiscally unsound considering how few citizens actually benefit in any way from its existence.

In fact, the program has gone unchecked for so long that many in Washington are now unable to recall what purpose U.S. senators were originally meant to serve.

“I’m sure when it was first introduced the U.S. Senate seemed like a worthwhile public service that would aid vast segments of the population and play an important role in the years to come,” said Sheila McKenzie, president of the watchdog group the American Center for Responsible Government. “But in reality, this program has been a complete and utter failure.”

Would I lie to you? Would I lie to you about something important?

Would I lie to you about something important on a day like today?

26 Responses

  1. a move it says will help save more than $300 billion each year.

    I really hate inaccurate reporting. This would save TRILLIONS.

  2. I’m just glad you’re back.

    THANKS for the onslaught of posts lately. Missed you. Keep ’em coming.

  3. Ah, he wouldn’t cut that one! He would start with the waste of elections, then work his way on Social security, medicare, then outlaw unions and lower the pay for women. I know, not as funny, too realistic.
    Today’s tabloids

  4. why does he always look so stern?


  5. I’m bringing this classic up from below:

  6. Yestersday Obama threw the environmentalists under the bus.

    Today at Memeorandum it’s “Look – Sarah Palin”

    • That’s my problem!! I wouldn’t have any trouble at all in filling up my morning news post — if I thought Sara Palin was news.

  7. Many a truth is spoken …

    Reid, Pelosi and Obama are so full of themselves that the above piece from The Onion won’t register.

  8. April Fools Conflucians!

    Maybe this whole presidency will end up being an optical illusion–wouldn’t that be a nice 4/1 gift?

    • maybe we will wake up and find out that the last two seasons were a dream?

    • We could get rid of CorporateTOTUS and save even more than pink-slipping the Senatocracy.

  9. I first read the title as “emulating waste, fraud and abuse”. I still think it would make a good title for something.

    Also, no Oxford comma after “fraud”?

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