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Happy F**king Valentine’s Day Open Thread


Valentine’s Day is a bogus holiday made up by a conspiracy of the greeting card/florist/jewelry/lingerie/candy/personal lubricant cabal. Oh sure, they claim it’s a “holiday for lovers” named after some dead saint or whatever, but that’s bulls**t.



Today is the first time I’ve been completely unattached on Valentine’s Day since . . . uh . . . last year. I know, hard to believe, isn’t it? If you’re reading this on February 14th then it’s likely that you’re either unattached like I am or married. In other words you’re screwed, but not in a good way.

Married or single, I’m sure you’ll appreciate these special Valentine’s Day open thread songs for non-lovers:











NOTICE:

If anybody posts one of those disgusting “how I met my valentine” stories in this thread they will automatically be enrolled in Captain Spaulding’s Organ Donor program.



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100 Responses

  1. Should everyone tell divorce stories?

  2. ROFLMAO. Happy F**king Valentines day to you too!

  3. Well, my best break up story is the time I left my 6’11” tall former college basketball playing boyfriend, who thought he was a stud muffin. I left in the morning while he was in the shower without saying goodbye. Then I went to a local cemetery and watched the sun rise. There’s more to the story, but this is a family-oriented blog. :blush

  4. Keep your love, I want money:

  5. Henry Rollins “LIAR”

    Fiona Apple “Sleep To Dream”

    Shiloh Lindsey “Hell In the First”

    Haha, I don’t post online that often anymore but, this is fun!!

  6. Caligulove (Them Crooked Vultures)

  7. Revenge is sweet

    • Carrie, Carrie, Carrie….

      You don’t carve YOUR name into his seats………it ruins your plausible deniablity, instead you carve the name of the chick he cheated with into the seats.

      • Exactly what I thought. That’s like leaving your driver’s license at the scene. Dumb.

        Besides, it’s much better to pour gasoline over the seats and light that sucker up.

  8. Pink’s divorce anthem (too bad they got back together)

  9. Since this is the anti valentine thread…..is this where I opine about all the relationships I screwed up? 😉

  10. In high school I was dating a scumbag, a total a*ss…BUT HE WAS 19 so he was cool!! His room-mate was also a jerk, evident by his “adoption” of a lab puppy that he proceeded to leave in the basement of their rented house to starve — of course while my “boyfriend” looked on.

    Yes, the puppy “escaped” (with my help) and I’m sure found a happy home through a rescue friend.

    One night I went to one of the “boyfriend’s” many wild parties, got too intoxicated, got sick, cleaned things up with their towels, and then threw the towels in their DRYER in the basement, then, in my intox state, told the boyfriend I never wanted to see him again…of course, at that point, he’d yet to see his dryer! LOL. I won’t go into serious detail of the reasons for my vindictiveness. After 30 years, the only thing I remember about the whole situation is that he deserved the revenge — and I’ll never forget the puppy, but the puppy was the only important part of the relationship.

    Wow, that was youth. And my worst breakup story.

    Unfortunately, the “boyfriend’s” room-mate, a high school dropout who went to work at a paper mill (back when there were real jobs for high school dropouts), died the next year in a toilet paper fire –true story! I’m sad that he didn’t get a chance to learn to be a grownup, but I think it’s a classic example of how you die how you live.

  11. Justin sez Eff U to Brittney

  12. …and Nick sez you ain’t all that to Jessica

  13. I don’t know how to do this – But how about:

    HATE ME TODAY by Blue October

  14. Instapundit is trying to make an issue of the fact that one of the Alabama students called Amy Bishop “a socialist” on Rate My Professor. I kind of want to break up with consciousness and hit myself in the head with a hammer for a while.

  15. Traditional Irish tune with lyrics by poet Patrick Kavenagh:

  16. myiq,dear cherub, of course we all love you. How could you doubt it for an instant?

    This doesn’t imbed, but it is well worth the trouble:
    KD Lang singing Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” at the opening ceremonies of the 2010 Vancouver Olympics. This is easily her best rendition, from the official Olympics website with high sound quality.

    http://www.nbcolympics.com/video/assetid=ee4232cf-ca72-47f0-b685-3a5730f2e767.html?chrcontext=ceremonies#opening+ceremonys+uplifting+moments

    • I saw Cohen sing that on campus watching the first man that broke my heart into a million pieces. It shall for ever define what addictive romantic love means to me.

      • I just discovered LC, saw him this summer during his 2009 tour. A heartfelt performance, and his voice has to be better now than it’s ever been.

  17. Late to the party, but bringing good music:

  18. Crap, the link didn’t work.

  19. YES!!!!1!

    • I did my best, it wasn’t much
      I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch
      I’ve told the truth, I didn’t come to fool you
      And even though
      It all went wrong
      I’ll stand before the Lord of Song
      With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

  20. Killer (aka Klown) Cupid- Love really does hurt

  21. Cohen himself once called it “the broken hallelujah”. Here’s Justin Timberlake and Matt Morris doing it for a Haiti benefit. But KD Lang first.

  22. Baby I have been here before
    I know this room, I’ve walked this floor
    I used to live alone before I knew you.
    I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
    Love is not a victory march
    It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah

  23. Here’s how Leonard Cohen does his own song:

  24. You need some songs for really sh#tty relationships too, not just breakups
    Nirvana “Heart Shaped Box”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6P0SitRwy8
    Mountain Goats “Hast thou considered the Tetrapod” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpZtcwilVsM

  25. okay, i’ll date myself with this one

  26. Was Prof Amy Bishop a potential serial killer? If so, how did the system fail badly enough for her to get away with it up to now?

    Alleged Ala. killer was suspect in attempted bombing of Harvard professor

    The professor who is accused of killing three colleagues at the University of Alabama on Friday was a suspect in the attempted mail bombing of a Harvard Medical School professor in 1993, a law enforcement official said today.

    Amy Bishop and her husband, James Anderson, were questioned after a package containing two bombs was sent to the Newton home of Dr. Paul Rosenberg, a professor and doctor at Boston’s Children’s Hospital.

    It was the second startling revelation in two days about the past of Bishop, who is accused of fatally shooting three colleagues and wounding three others Friday afternoon at a faculty meeting on the University of Alabama’s Huntsville, Ala. campus.

  27. Absolutely the most depressing song of all time. Put it in the CD player and set it to ‘Repeat’ when moving out of the apartment.

  28. Short story of this breakup

    For all the wrong reasons I let a girlfriend move in with me. Needless to say when I broke up with her and asked her to move out she refused – she did move to the other bedroom. She wanted 1/2 my house – nice try — so she starts packing her stuff but refuses to leave. She had lost her job and had not worked in almost a year. Had not even looked for a job. One day she leaves for who knows where. I end up getting served with papers because she’s suing me for 1/2 my house. Did I mention we’re lesbians – never talked about any sort of “marriage” or “domestic partner” relationship. So – I call a lawyer who’s is a lot smarter than her lawyer. She tells me to get an order of protection — (the GF had threatened me a couple of times) and call her when it’s done. So, I find the courthouse – go in front of a judge get the paperwork – then go to the police station. The policeman was very nice, he told me to call him when she got home. When I got home she wasn’t there. She showed up later in the evening – so I call the police – my heart is pounding. About 40 minutes later they show up — 3 police cars and she didn’t see it coming. Because I had an order of protection they walked her out of my house and she had to come back with an escort at an agreed upon time to get her stuff out of my house.

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