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Shitzengiggles Open Thread

celebrity-pictures-frankenstein-good-sht


I discovered a funny site called “Texts From Last Night.”  It consists of copies of text messages – some by themselves and some with responses – submitted by men and women, most of whom seem to be about college age.

I should warn you that some are disgusting, obscene and/or offensive, but many are hilarious.  Here’s a few reprintable samples:


(812): The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
****************************
(301): saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
****************************
(816): I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because ‘mom’ and ‘molly’ are next to each other in my address book.
****************************
(251): Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
(1-251): Why are you in my underwear drawer?
****************************
(215): saw you walking with that piece of shit
(267): and that piece of shit just read that
****************************
(515): Well, I’m a guy so I don’t have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
****************************
(915): so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no….. but I think she might catch on
(1-915): who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I’m fat or you’re cheating on me
****************************
(773): My landlord doesn’t knock anymore when he shows the apt… So i just had sex in front of a family.
(1-773): didn’t stop?
(773): naw, they were rude, not me.
****************************
(515): …there is blood under my fingernails.
(515): …I hope my roomates are okay.
****************************
(204): My cousin’s wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
****************************
(267): Singing into hair straightener during spice girls….sooo dangerous
****************************
(905): My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won’t even look at me.
****************************
(780): Did we use protection last night?
(1-780): Um, no…keep in touch, okay?
****************************
(678): He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that’s exactly how it went.
****************************
(702): He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
****************************
(443): shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don’t tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won’t be all eaten.
(610): wrong number but thanks


What’s made you laugh recently?

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The Obama Delusion and Health Care Reform

Obama Transition

The Obama Delusion: The belief that although President Obama is a liberal and has liberal values and goals, he cleverly pretends not to be a liberal in order to to fool Republicans into supporting his agenda.

{{Sigh…}} Where to begin? While perusing Memeorandum this morning, I noticed Booman’s post from yesterday about “11-dimensional chess.” Frankly, the less said about Booman’s post, the better. It’s just embarrassingly silly and illogical. Besides, Big Tent Democrat, who coined the term “11-dimensional chess,” has already handily disposed of Booman’s arguments, such as they are.

Booman’s post was prompted by one at the Cheeto in which the author, Maimonides, makes the claim that Obama, along with his trusty enforcer Rahm Emanuel, are actually using not 11-dimensional chess, but “Sun Tzu’s the strategy of “formlessness,” outlined in this quote:

“Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness. Thereby you can be the director of the opponent’s fate.”

Here is what Maimonides thinks Obama and his capo are up to:

For several months now I’ve been pushing the idea that President Obama is engaged in the Sun Tsu strategy of “formlessness.” This strategy is not the much-derided “11-D Chess” that so many choose to dismiss. This is the very simple and time-tested strategy of not taking a position that is easily defined by your opponents, of not giving them anything to attack. By doing so, one forces one’s opponents to take positions, giving you the advantage of adaptability and information, which they now lack.

Maimonides also claims to have some vital inside information, but, sadly, he/she cannot reveal the sources of that information.

You may not see reports of what Rahm Emanuel says to your Congressperson. You may not hear rumors of it. But it is going on all the time; what did you think he spent his time doing, checking in on Dkos diaries? Rahm is putting pressure where he is told to, floating trial balloons as directed, keeping all options on the table, and most of all keeping Obama’s strategy of formlessness alive. Until he’s directed otherwise.

Which brings us to now. Rumor in DC* is that Rahm has gotten exactly what he wanted: a “Big mess,” as Rahm reportedly described it. Formlessness has payed off. There are virtually no Congressional players left whose opinions we do not know, and every option has been talked to death. And now the Administration, rather than having its policies debated to death, has the ability to sweep in and choose among the options presented.

*Here I open myself to claims that I’m using unsourced “insider knowledge”, which is true, I am. You can take it or leave it, but I would hope that you would be open to the possibility that those of us working in the trenches may hear things that you do not.

Okay? See, Maimonides has inside sources, because he/she “works in the trenches.” But we just have to take that and the “rumors” Maimonides has heard on faith–just like we have to take on faith that Obama wants health care for all at a reasonable price.

Here’s the thing. In a sense I agree with Maimonides that Rahm and Barack have gotten exactly what they wanted–a “big mess.” And for all I know, Obama and Emanuel may both have read Sun Tzu’s The Art of War and may be using it as a guide for their political strategy. But whether the “mess” is the result of a deliberate strategy or just one big clusterf*ck is irrelevant to the President’s actual goals for health care “reform.” Continue reading

Your Breakfast Read, Saturday Edition

Health Care Clusterf*@k

Sen. Debbie Stabenow puts Right-wing buffoon Jon Kyl in his place.
Stabenow Replies To Kyl: You Don’t Need Maternity Benefits, ‘But Your Mother Did’

[W]hile debating an amendment to prohibit the federal government from “defining the health care benefits offered through private insurance,” Sen. Jon Kyl (R-AZ) argued, “I don’t need maternity care, and so requiring that to be in my insurance policy is something that I don’t need and will make the policy more expensive.”

Sen. Debbie Stabenow (D-MI) interjected into Kyl’s remarks to remind him, “I think your mom probably did.”

Are we ever going to leave the “draft” stage?
Baucus Bill May End Up Being a Mere Rough Draft

In a plodding week of partisan sniping, the bill that was supposed to be President Obama’s greatest hope for a grand bipartisan solution was instead described as little more than a decent rough draft, certain to be rewritten by others.

All I can say is “this is brilliant.”
Why the Public Option is Doomed To Fail, and What Can Be Done About It.

The generous, expansive public option on the lips of Congressional progressives, which would be open to all and compete to lower insurance prices is largely imaginary, while the president’s stingy, divisive and means-tested version is all too real. But what about the third version of the public option? What is the Congressional Progressive Caucus doing to promote it, and to allow states to pursue single payer on their own?

Can anyone in the g-damned health care debate play it straight? The whole discussion has become so confusing.
What on Earth Does Olympia Snowe Want?

Senator Kent Conrad’s smack-down of Senator Jim Bunning provided one of the few entertaining episodes in this week’s Finance Committee hearings. But another moment during the same debate, one involving Senator Olympia Snowe, deserves some attention, as well.


Politics

Kit Bond thinks staying is the dark is so great great for thee.
GOP’s Bond quits Senate probe of Bush-era intelligence

The Senate Intelligence Committee’s top Republican on Friday pulled out of a probe of Bush administration intelligence-gathering techniques, blasting current Attorney General Eric Holder for taking steps that he said could handcuff Congress.

What to do with Afghanistan?
U.S. commander in Afghanistan submits request for more troops

Army Gen. Stanley McChrystal, the U.S. military commander in Afghanistan, hand-delivered his request for as many as 45,000 more troops to the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff in Germany Friday and made his case for why he needs more forces to fight an increasingly unpopular war.

Everything I’ve seen so far sends a clear message: This book is a must-buy! (How could you not after the Big Dog had this to say about Maureen Dowd: “She must live in mortal fear that there’s somebody in the world living a healthy and productive life.”)
How I Started to Like Bill

A new book chronicles dozens of secret conversations President Clinton had with a reporter during his presidency, revealing a fascinating behind-the-scenes look. It made Christopher Hitchens admire the 42nd President. Well, a little.


Around The Nation

Hanged Census Worker Found Naked, Bound

A part-time census worker found hanging in a rural Kentucky cemetery was naked, gagged and had his hands and feet bound with duct tape, said an Ohio man who discovered the body two weeks ago.

By my observations, this is not another manifestation of “racism”, but part of the “Liberal” media’s effort to suppress progressive and liberal voices in national debates. The congressional Black Caucus is the most Liberal block in all of Congress. The guy they are fully in sync with is Bernie Sanders. (By the way, when was the last time you saw him on a Sunday talk show?)
Is Obama the only black official in D.C.? On Sunday shows, it seems so

President Barack Obama sprinted through appearances on five consecutive news shows last Sunday, but other African-American lawmakers and opinion-shapers have a hard time getting face time on those programs. Although an African-American is serving as the third-ranking Democrat in the House of Representatives, four African-Americans are chairing important House committees and 17 other Congressional Black Caucus members are holding subcommittee chairs, they haven’t made many appearances on the Sunday talk-show circuit.

Personally, I would rather have Andrew Cuomo as NY Governor, but Obama v. Paterson is much more interesting and has more depth than you think. Who else but Black Agenda Report could make it so clear?
White House vs. Gov Paterson: Is That Any Way to Treat a Brother?

BAR has no favorite in this dispute, since Paterson and Obama are ideologically indistinguishable. Rather, the president’s unprecedented bullying of Paterson should represent a challenge to those African Americans that supported Obama because, in the words of crusading New York City councilman Charles Barron, “I just want to give a brother a shot.” Now, the only “shot” that “brother” Paterson will get at election in his own right is the coup de grace to his temple administered by President Obama.
When the white people have left the room, most African Americans on the Left, Right and in-between will confess that their support for Obama is rooted in race – a default position that has become dysfunctional with the advent of Obama and a whole crop of corporate-friendly Black politicos.In the past, race-based electoral loyalty served Black people rather well – when it was reciprocal. But Barack Obama harbors no such loyalties; Paterson was deemed a weak candidate, so he had to go.

I have such schadenfreude watching these Right-wing freak on Right-wing actions.
Why Mark Levin Hates Glenn Beck

The attacks on Beck by Levin are a reflection of what’s happening on the American Right as a whole, where the old fools’ game of merely corralling grassroots conservatives into the Republican Party is suffering from a severe shortage of fools.

NY Times Magazine has been on a roll lately.
Coming Out in Middle School

Austin didn’t know what to wear to his first gay dance last spring. It was bad enough that the gangly 13-year-old from Sand Springs, Okla., had to go without his boyfriend at the time, a 14-year-old star athlete at another middle school, but there were also laundry issues. “I don’t have any clean clothes!” he complained to me by text message, his favored method of communication.


Economy Watch

Because I’m a sucker for rankings…
FT top 50 women in world business

The fact is that their numbers remain tiny. Just 3 per cent of Fortune 500 chief executives are women. Across Europe, only 10 per cent of board directors of the largest companies are female (quotas have made Norway the exception, with more than 40 per cent) and the numbers are even lower in Asia. This is all the more surprising given the substantial evidence that better gender balance has a positive impact on performance.

The buck stops at the top. NOT!
Why CEOs Survive Recession Better Than Others

It’s good to be CEO, even in a recession. Especially in a recession.

I know a thing or 2 about valuation but, I never cease to be amazed.
Twitter Funding Round Is Said to Value Company at $1 Billion

Twitter Inc., the social-networking site used by everyone from Oprah Winfrey to British royalty, received venture financing that values the company at about $1 billion, according to a person familiar with the matter.

Fresh bailouts for smaller banks being weighed

Treasury officials and regulators are weighing a fresh round of bailouts for banks that were deemed too risky to qualify for earlier aid.

Tepid Economic Data Suggest a Sluggish Recovery


UN & G20 Summits

G20 summit wraps up with some success – for nations and Obama

But world leaders couldn’t agree on exit strategy for massive fiscal stimulus. And there was no solid commitment on climate change.

G20 leaders map out new economic order at Pittsburgh summit

G20 leaders, installing themselves as permanent stewards of the world economy for the first time, agreed yesterday on a tighter regime for bankers’ bonuses and mapped out an economic order in which countries would be urged to co-operate to avoid building up excessive trade deficits or surpluses.

Iran defiant amid new nuclear row

Leaders of the US, UK and France have accused Iran of building a new plant to enrich uranium, in breach of UN rules.

They raised the prospect of new, tough sanctions against Iran if it does not fully co-operate with global powers.

However, at a news conference in New York, where he has been attending the United Nations General Assembly, Mr Ahmadinejad firmly rebutted the Western criticism.

Obama wins praise for orchestrating response to Iran

The revelation Friday that Iran has been building a secret nuclear facility capped a calculated effort by President Obama to assemble a unified international response to Iran’s nuclear program ahead of a six-nation meeting next Thursday in Switzerland.


Around The World

She will win Sunday’s election by breaking every single one of the promises she made 4 years ago and veering to the Left and making the major opposition party almost superfluous. Politically, Andrea Merkel is the most powerful woman in the world but is she really a feminist icon: I have ABSOLUTELY no idea.
Letter from Berlin: Does Angela Merkel Deserve to Be a Feminist Icon?

German Chancellor Angela Merkel looks set to win another election victory on Sunday. Outside Germany she is seen as something of a feminist icon, one of the most powerful women in the world. But inside Germany, when it comes to policies that actually favor women, her record is meager.

Helloooooo… Anybody home? This is the 21st century!
In northern India, village elders order ‘honor killings’

Falling in love with the girl next door would be cause for joy and celebration in many countries. But in parts of rural India, ancient traditions are rooted more deeply than the tall corn and lush green rice plants. It’s a land where marital engagements are arranged by families and follow complex rules of caste, clan and community, and where the cost of “dishonoring” one’s community can be your life.


Odds & Ends

Somebody seems very very angry.
Man sues BofA for “1,784 billion, trillion dollars”

Dalton Chiscolm is unhappy about Bank of America’s customer service — really, really unhappy.

Chiscolm in August sued the largest U.S. bank and its board, demanding that “1,784 billion, trillion dollars” be deposited into his account the next day. He also demanded an additional $200,164,000, court papers show.


HAVE A SUPERB WEEKEND!!!

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