Joe Francis buys Ms. Magazine

Joe Francis announced today that he is purchasing Ms. magazine and he will make himself the new managing editor.   He said the unexpected purchase of the magazine was inspired by the cover of its Special Inaugural Issue.  He said “I saw that cover and I realized that if Barack Obama can be a feminist then so can I.” 

The 35 year-old Francis is  a self-made multi-millionaire who has launched the movie careers of 100’s of young women, some of them while they were still minors.  One of the aspiring young performers, Ashley Alexandra Dupré, later became involved in politics and played a intimate role in helping David Paterson become Governor of New York.

In 1997, at the age of 24, Francis founded Mantra Films, Inc. which combined independent filmmaking with infomercial marketing to become a media empire.  Francis and his film crews traveled the country looking for young women willing to show what they had to offer.

Francis said he plans to expand the Ms. readership by adding a monthly centerfold pictorial that will be called “Fem-babe of the Month”  He also said he wants to replace the current “dried up staff of writers with some perkier new talent.”   He added “The staff is bloated and their performance is sagging.  We need to cut the fat.”

To help him with managing the magazine, Francis said he is creating an Editorial Board that will include Phyllis Schafly (Women’s Rights)  Rick Warren (Reproductive Rights) Mark Foley (Children and Family) and Donnie McClurkin (LGBT Rights)

He announced that to increase sales Ms. has reached a joint agreement with the Church and Dwight company and they will be offering a free Trojan “Vibrating Touch” with every new subscription in a marketing campaign he called “Get the latest buzz from Ms.”

Francis said his next project will be acquiring and expanding the the “Hooters” restaurant chain (another ‘female-friendly’ employer) because “We need to see more Hooters.”

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UPDATE:  An anonymous source at Ms. reports that Francis is in negotiations with Jim Newell and Ken Layne of Wonkette to take over as co-editors.  “They’re from Wonkette so they must be feminists” the source said.

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UPDATE II:  Francis denied rumors he plans the change the magazine’s name to “Ms-ogyny”