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Date Night at The Confluence


Rico? I’d like some of that fine boxed Merlot.

318 Responses

  1. bb-for the record my joke was a BIG Pee Pee Joke!

  2. Ok, from the last thread:

    What do you get when you cross a computer with a prostitute?

  3. first 2 times in one night!

  4. I don’t know angie…I give up!

  5. A fucking know it all!

  6. Why is email like a man’s genitals?

  7. angie:

    a lot of fun on your screen?

  8. SOD — I don’t know, but I’m dying to find out! LOL

  9. Those who have it think that those who don’t are somehow inferior.

  10. SOD:


  11. angie LOL!

  12. SOD:

    Is it why Jesse Jackson tried to cut BO’s nuts off?

  13. The answer to my question “what do you get when you cross a computer with a prostitute” is “A fucking know it all”

    My post that I’m dying to find out was in answer to SOD’s “why is email like a man’s genitals?”

  14. the punchline is above

  15. SOD — LOL!!

  16. I know, fuzzy! Yours was funny too. I was talking about the three words you don’t want to hear during sex.

  17. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

  18. none — men don’t change the roll!

  19. How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?

  20. SOD — you got it!

  21. MABlue — don’t know.

  22. my was a guys answer to the joke and angies was a womans answer to the 3 words you dont want to here duriing sex….

  23. None!

    The beer HAS TO be opened when SHE brings it.

    (Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week)

  24. Why don’t women blink during foreplay?

  25. another thing you dont want to hear durning sex is…

    Holy crap I thought the ben gay was KY jelly!

  26. Why do farts smell?

  27. doesnt last long enough? state….

  28. “They don’t have time.”

  29. come on that was funny bengay KY Jelly…ok I should go to my room!

  30. SOD:

    What is foreplay?

    Angie: I’m waiting for the answer.

  31. What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?

  32. Great cartoon, Katiebird! Birds also eat twice their own weight every day, I think. Or is it three times?

  33. MABlue — For the benefit of the deaf.

  34. angie???

  35. what SOD?

  36. What has four legs and flies?

  37. brb

  38. Have you guys been chugging the boxed Merlot or can I introduce a thought for some feedback in the midst of this comic roll?

    I was at dinner tonight, and this woman I work with (who had a very hostile Eve Ensler-esque reaction to Palin) started talking about the interview she saw with Ayers last night. She spit out how McCain/Palin completely misrepresented him as a “terrorist.” (She couldn’t remember his name at first, but immediately assumed it was a typical Republican smear job.) I said that actually, he DID bomb the Capitol and a police headquarters. She said, he explained everything thoroughly, and that it was only a stick of innocuous dynamite and he never intended to hurt someone. In the context of the time, the government was not listening, and extreme measures needed to be taken.

    Now, is it just me or is this a case of serious moral relativism? He couldn’t find other ways to protest effectively?

    She found him to be very intelligent, and ended with the media talking point: he’s a professor at the U of Chicago.

  39. well all gotta get up early so off to bed! kisses see you al sunday on blogtalk radio!

    and dont mistake the Bengay for KY boys and girls! you will only do that once!

  40. come on that was funny bengay KY Jelly…ok I should go to my room!


    That was funny, especially when you know someone who made that mistake.

  41. Are we scaring everyone away with silly jokes?

    Maybe I should write a post explaining why all the markets gained today except for the FTSE and the DAX.

  42. Fif, It sounds like moral relativism to me.

  43. fif — what if someone does that?

  44. OT -..caught up on the last thread and saw Pat Johnson’s. It was spot on as ALWAYS. Just my impossibly small opinion, but I wish she was another one of the regular contributors here.

  45. an elephant.

  46. She found him to be very intelligent, and ended with the media talking point: he’s a professor at the U of Chicago.


    I think my only question regarding him is why is he a professor at a University? Actually, I have another question, why would any parent want their child to take his classes?

  47. fif,

    Your friends is an idiot. How old is she–25? Thanks to Bill Ayers and his Weathermen pals, SDS was destroyed from within and the Peace movement lost credibility. Because of them, the Vietnam War probably went on longer, and Republicans were able to complain about the Peace movement for the past 40 years. Plus, the Weathermen killed and injured police officers, and terrorized plenty of people. They were planning to set off a bomb at a servicemen’s dance. If they hadn’t killed themselves, they certainly would have killed U.S. soldiers.

  48. jvsp — we’ve asked and begged — but Pat turns us down every time.

  49. jvsp,

    We would all like Pat to be a regular contributor. She’s been asked repeatedly. We have to settle for her cogent and often hilarious comments.

  50. mhlv — I agree with your concerns about Bill Ayers.

    BB — that’s a good summary.

  51. MABlue: Another commenter who would make an excellent front page contributer, but refuses to do it.

  52. Hello all.

    Ayers is not at the University of Chicago. Ayers is at the University of Illinois at Chicago.

  53. mhlv,

    Bill Ayers is not a prof. at U. of Chicago. He works at U. of Illinois at Chicago–a branch location of a state school.

  54. This is very flattering but I am nowhere in the league of the diarists who regularly post on this blog. Katiebird, Boston Boomer, SM, Lady Boomer, dakinikat, Riverdaughter, myiq, are you kidding me??

    I am your junior high school student by comparison. But the thought is very nice.

  55. Not so, Pat. You are a brilliant and humorous writer.

  56. Hi afrocity!

  57. Hi Afrocity,

    Great minds and all that….

  58. {{Pat}} — ♥♥♥♥

    Are you kidding? Your comments blow me away.

  59. Pat – you have an innate ability to express the thoughts of many in a straightforward manner. You have a gift!

  60. BB:

    I have to quote George Bush: “It’s a lot of work!”

    I have tons of admiration for all the frontpagers here because they are so prolific.
    I don’t think I can do it. Even commenting regularly is “hard work”.

  61. speaking of hard work — anyone here think BO is going to actually do any, or will he spend his time playing basketball and eating his waffles in peace while likeable enough does the heavy lifting (again!)?

  62. He is a teacher, correct? A state school? Great …

    I honestly don’t know much about the guy. Patty Hearst, now she was in my neck of the woods, robbed the store below my ballet class. She actually went to prison (and I’m not sure if she deserved to or not), but I still don’t think I’d want her to be a teacher. JMHO.

    BTW, Pat, I love your posts.

  63. elderj,

    That is the whole idea isnt it. If I were Obama I would not trust those guys as way as I can throw them. I smell a Watergate coming on.

  64. If someone could honestly tell me why and how we got stuck with this third string candidate who has done nothing to enhance the “hope” and “change” mantra he ran on but dust off the Clintonites from the 90’s I would sure love to hear it.

    God, for that matter we could have had Bill all over again!!

    And just putting our own feelings and doubts into perspective about the SoS nomination: we all hate Obama, we loathe and despise him. Having our candidate cozy up to this administration is what is driving us all nuts. That being said, I rest my case.

  65. How come no one wants to know the answer to my riddle? Do they have to be risque to attract any attention?

  66. Pat J
    “I am your junior high school student by comparison. But the thought is very nice.”

    From my little corner in the room I’ll just assert, you’re selling yourself short and depriving your blog fans of some well wrought, often pithy, entertaining, lines of insight. However, as BB put it, I will “settle” for the comments.

    “She found him to be very intelligent, and ended with the media talking point: he’s a professor at the U of Chicago.”

    Fif -Do your friend a favor and purchase her first year text in Logics 🙂

  67. elderj:

    You’ve got the whole blueprint. BO has never been a policy wonk or even a doer. All I’ve heard so far from friends and colleagues is “how nice” he is.

    As lecturer as constitional law for 10(!) years, the guy didn’t publish a single paper, which normally not allowed. Actually after 5 years, if you haven’t made it to full professorship you’re gone.

    At HLR as chief-editor, not a known piece he edited or wrote.

  68. boomer — a horse?

  69. BB:

    What was the riddle?

  70. Sorry BB — I got distracted by Bill Ayers (I guess Obama was right)

    What has four legs and flies?

    A cow??

  71. Pat,

    I hate Hillary cozying up to “that one,” but I can see some positives too. She will be attending cabinet meetings and national security meetings. She will be on the inside. She could actually help with diplomacy. Despite what Joseph Cannon said, I heard that Jim Jones (new National sec. advisor) and Hillary like and respect each other.

    And (my selfish reason) we will get to see Hillary in the news, we’ll see lots of pictures of her and her outfits, and she will be interviewed a lot.

    Finally, she wasn’t going to accomplish anything in the Senate. She doesn’t have seniority and the Obot Senators have shut her out of everything.

  72. KB,

    No. Two robins.

    I know–not funny….

  73. What do you call a sleeping bull?

  74. what bothers me is this idea that BO is soooo smart… although there really isn’t much evidence for that. Sure he went to Harvard and all, but he was a legacy (his dad went there) and just going to Harvard doesn’t mean you’re smart. Heck Bush went to Yale. we haven’t seen any publications which would be typical for a “professor” and most tellingly… why was he not offered a clerkship after graduation like almost every other law student worth his salt from a law school like Harvard? I don’t buy the whole, “I wanted to organize the community” crap he’s been pumping out. He never mentioned even being offered a clerkship, which is probably because he wasn’t

  75. Now that the election is over and all parties have been assigned their places in history, we can get back to the real news of the day.

    Rosie and Barbara Walters are involved in a feud! Thank God for perezhilton.com who manages to keep up on these things.

    And what is the problem with Shakesville these days? It has become another sounding board for Palin bashing.

  76. elderj,

    No, Obama has already said he would be a hands off executive–delegating everything, like GWB did. Another reason why Hillary just might be able to accomplish something good.

  77. fif I was going to answer you , but Bb diod a superb job . Those of us in the peace movement and the womens movement despised them and still do to this day . bill ayers was ( and is ) an arrogant self involved attemtion seeking immoral narcissist .
    Diana Oughton was his first girlfriend .

    more insight intothe narciissist that is bill ayers

    While Ayers was her “boyfriend” he slept with other women to “smash monogamy,”

  78. All I want to say about PDS is that we attack what we fear.

    That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

  79. Maybe not funny – but at least it was a surprise!

  80. Hey I’m back — and y’all went and got all serious on me.

    fif — I know I’m late but about that young girl with Ayers — that is the problem with these young people today — no responsibility — they don’t seem to grasp the concept that “not intending to kill someone” doesn’t mean shit — it doesn’t mean shit ethically & it doesn’t mean shit legally — that is what the felony murder rule is all about. But somehow these kids missed the lesson that your actions have consequences — even if they are unintended consequences. I blame their parents for always softening every blow for these spoiled idiotic brats.

  81. bb: I have no doubt at all that she will carry on this job as she has always done. In the most professional and honorable manner. I just despise him so much. But we are in perilous times and we need leadership. He sure as hell does not make me feel that he has it.

    She will succeed and eclipse him as she has always done. He probably knows that full well. Biden was his pick to fill that important role of foreign affairs adviser if nothing else. But she will make the role her own, of that I have no doubt.

    I just cannot stand Obama.

  82. MABlue — a bulldozer!

  83. Pat — I respect her deeply.

  84. MABlue — btw are you a guy?

  85. fif — what if someone put some “innocuous dynamite” under her kitchen table during dinner time?

    SOD: LOL!

    Thanks for all the feedback folks. I knew I could come here and get a good reality check. This woman is NOT 25. She is 53, a single mom with four kids and her own business. A liberal “feminist” who loves HRC, doesn’t like BO, but got on the Kool Aid train, because there was “nowhere else to go.” As soon as she did, however, she was insanely hostile about McCain being Bush III, and Palin made her head spin around. She thinks they are pure evil, and thus, is willing to believe that Ayers–who was vicariously responsible for murder–is actually an ok guy and wrongly portrayed. I just sit back and watch all of this in amazement. Seemingly intelligent people have lost all reason.

  86. SOD: I hear you. I want what is best for the country. I guess it is always worthwhile to walk in someone else’s shoes before we bring the hammer down.

    But oh God, Obama is such a jerk!

  87. Pat!!! 😉

  88. I have only one thing to say…{{rolls eyes}}

  89. fif — one correction — Ayers is not vicariously responsible for murder — he is directly responsible — it doesn’t matter that there was no intent to kill — when you are engaged in a criminal enterprise & someone dies, you are guilty of murder. Heck, if you robbed a bank & the teller had a heart attack, you are guilty of murder. That’s the felony murder rule.

  90. KB,

    My dad used to tell that riddle all the time. We got so irritated!

  91. MABlue — did you see my answer? Did I get it right?

    What do you call a sleeping bull?
    A bulldozer.

  92. How many euphemisms can the media come up with for Obama’s ducking of responsibility for policy?

    Obama keeps low profile in auto rescue talks

    Maybe I should start an “Obama media euphemism for ducking policy” blog.

    And let’s see if I stay out of moderation

  93. If anyone tells you that getting older is the beauty part of life do me a favor: spit in their eye for me!

    I raked about 12 bags of leaves over the weekend and have spent the better part of the week laying on a flat surface because my lower back gave out! Cannot sit, stand, or lay down for long. Motrin and I have another date in 20 minutes.

    The good old days, when I could balance a kid on either hip while pushing a grocery cart and pulling two other kids out of the cereal aisle are long gone.

    Age may diminish your child bearing years but they sure make the joints squeak loudly.

  94. “hands-off executive” grrr…..

    How the hell does this happen to someone so unworthy?

    I’m sorry. Not being angry yet. That’s why I stick with the naughty jokes. I’m a bit more likable that way.


  95. What goes: “CLICK -is that it? CLICK -is that it? CLICK -is that it?”

  96. Ayers comes across as charming for the same reason BO does. They are both pathological narcissists.

  97. I am watching The Omen right now. Seems fitting of BO. No background, everyone in his family is dead…

  98. HEY PJ,

    Don’t knock Motrin. It’s all I’m getting these days.

  99. SOD ” What goes Click is that it?

  100. joaniebone:

    ’m sorry. Not being angry yet. That’s why I stick with the naughty jokes. I’m a bit more likable that way.

    As attested in so many phone booths throughout Seattle!!

  101. Teresa,

    That would be a great blog! I’m sorry you got stuck in moderation earlier. I’ve had a really busy week.

  102. Pat Johnson, on November 21st, 2008 at 11:36 pm Said:

    That’s exactly how I feel about it Pat. I don’t even see BO. He doesn’t really exist for me. I think HRC realizes how naive he is, and it’s her responsibility to keep the damn country safe. I know I feel a lot safer knowing she will be facing Putin instead of dough-boy what-can-I-get-out-of-it-Richardson. And these foreign leaders, sitting across from that steely gaze will know they can’t fuck with her.

  103. Ewww, Boston you think Ayers is charming. He reminds me of some patchouli funk former hippie that craves being around undergrads looking for a Svengali type. He shops at my Whole Foods and he is gross.

  104. angie:

    You got it right!


    I like that title: Obama keeps low profile in auto rescue talks

    My question: And Obama didn’t keep a low profile in…?
    We’re talking here about a guy who never found an issue he couldn’t duck>

  105. Afrocity,

    Ever watch Omen IV? In that one he becomes President of the US, if I remember correctly.

  106. Hey, I met my last date from one of those booths! He says he likes me for my humour.

  107. afroctiy took the words out of my mouth re: Ayers:

    Boston you think Ayers is charming. He reminds me of some patchouli funk former hippie that craves being around undergrads looking for a Svengali type. He shops at my Whole Foods and he is gross.

  108. Phone booths or bathroom stalls, Pat?

  109. SOD — I’m waiting — what goes “Click is that it?”

  110. Angie — a blind person with a rubik’s cube

  111. Have you guys seen this? The Evolution of Dance? Until recently it was the most viewed video on You Tube — Over 104 Million views!

    The last dance took me by surprise….

  112. not a bad t-shirt slogan:

    “He shops at my Whole Foods and he is gross.”

  113. SOD — lol!

  114. *I* don’t think he’s charming. I don’t think Obama is charming either. But a lot of people fall for their creepy con jobs. We are outliers.

  115. Ok — what do you call a woman with one leg?

  116. joaniebone LOLOL!! I’d wear that!!

    angie — I give!?

  117. Ilene

  118. Obama keeps low profile in auto rescue talks

    WTF? He’s been at the gym for 10 days. I was thinking about this today. Can you even imagine if the economy was rocking and rolling like this that president-elect Hillary Clinton would not be front and center with policy proposals and pressure on Bush every day? it’s call LEADERSHIP. Instead, BO is “thoughtful.” When are they going to admit he just doesn’t have any idea what to do?

  119. Pat, there’s a stall in Renton with GQ’s writing in it.

    I knew it was him calling when he said, “Hey, wanna see my PHD?”

  120. elderj, on November 21st, 2008 at 11:31 pm Said:
    I have to chime in and agree with what you say. Without transcripts we don’t even know if BO was a good student, let alone “smart”. I am not somebody who believes that only academic credentials demonstrate smarts, but one of my pet peeves – and it is not applicable just to BO – is when people assume that because somebody is clever about something (e.g. being manipulative) they are therefore highly intelligent.

    Oh, and fif, I have been listening to Ayers go on about how in context dynamiting buildings is just a minor matter. What drivel. I could not for the life of me get the DNC to pay attention to the havoc they were wreaking by refusing to have a convention according to their own rules – would that have justified me dynamiting DNC headquarters or any other place. OF COURSE NOT.

    The only sensible thing for Bill Ayers to say is that he was young, foolish, disrespectful.

    Ok, ranting done.

  121. He’s getting ready for granny’s funeral… Oh yeah…that’s over, he missed it.

  122. Does anyone else think it is very disquieting that Obama has been getting foreign policy advice all along (secretly) from George H.W. Bush’s friend Brent Scowcroft?


  123. As a parent paying for an overpriced college education for my kid I would be appalled to discover he/she had a class with Bill Ayers as professor.

    First Assignment: “The Brilliance of Timothy McVeigh and What Went Wrong”.

    Wouldn’t you love to know that second mortgage you took out was paying this joker’s salary?

  124. fif, it takes alot for people to admit they are stupid.

    well, not for me…. but for everyone else.

  125. The ONE time I write on a stall and everyone finds out…

  126. joaniebone:

    I knew it was him calling when he said, “Hey, wanna see my PHD?”

    He is such a snob! Has this line now taken the place of “etchings”?

  127. bb — disquiteing? Yes. Surprising? No.

  128. speaking of dead… i just don’t get how Bo can be so impassive about the death of his “typical white grandmother” who meant so friggin’ much. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen a single recent photo of the woman. I know she was housebound and all that, but still its odd. Was she cremated and if so, was there some memorial service? If there was, he clearly missed it… surely msnobc would have been there so that Tweety’s leg could tingle as he watched BO be moved at the tragedy. The whole thing is weird. It would be different somehow if she was some distant unknown grandma, but she raised him from a pup.

  129. I was listening to the Sean hannity show today and this lady called in and was genuinely distressed. She said this was all a dream, or at least it seems like it, How could America take such a wrong turn by electing BO.

  130. This may be way off the mark but I have a feeling that the Obama family probably all hated each other.

  131. “one of my pet peeves – and it is not applicable just to BO – is when people assume that because somebody is clever about something (e.g. being manipulative) they are therefore highly intelligent”

    Mental illness often appears clever. Sane people have to plot and struggle to achieve the contortions of manipulation that sick people do instinctively and in seconds.

  132. Here’s one for angie:

    What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?

  133. ElderJ,

    There was a memorial last week. Obama did not attend. It was strange as usual. He is an odd bird.

    I wonder how his aunt is doing.

  134. I could not for the life of me get the DNC to pay attention to the havoc they were wreaking by refusing to have a convention according to their own rules – would that have justified me dynamiting DNC headquarters or any other place. OF COURSE NOT.

    Exactly Heidi. What galls me is that he is being given these forums to “explain” himself, and Obama supporters are so eager to accept his rationalizations. I consider myself an open-minded person, and I’m thinking: “Uh…excuse me, but he BOMBED THE CAPITOL!” (And has never expressed regret about doing it.)

    What’s next? Farrakhan really is a swell guy–he’s just “passionate.”

  135. elderj — someone posted a link a couple of days ago — yes there was a memorial — 150 people attended. B0 was not among them. They will squeeze in a second memorial for her when B0 goes to HI for Christmas.

  136. I haven’t used the “etchings” line in years.

  137. Afrocity,

    Obama’s aunt moved to another state. I can’t remember which one–but out west.

  138. “etchings” Oh Pat. You poor sot. You had to suffer through etchings. I’ve suffered through “world music” cassette compilations. What else have we long-suffering Conflucians had to suffer through in order to make us put out?

    etchings, PHDs, world music ….and?????

  139. SOD — a good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge!

  140. Farrakhan is “religious”. Ayers a “patriot”. Rezko a “philanthropist”. MO a “beauty”. Obama a “mental giant”.

    Rev. Wright is still nuts.

  141. elderj: who’s that in your picture? Handsome devil.

  142. Pat Johnson, on November 22nd, 2008 at 12:03 am Said:

    Farrakhan is “religious”. Ayers a “patriot”. Rezko a “philanthropist”. MO a “beauty”. Obama a “mental giant”.

    Rev. Wright is still nuts.

    and that’s why I love Pat J!

  143. Angie,

    I think eventually we will learn that Obama is GW Bush’s handpicked successor. And I’m only half joking.

  144. joaniebone: Shoes. I was invited to view shoes. All 6 dozen.

  145. It’s a funny thing ya know?

  146. Barack Obama has always seemed to me utterly conflicted about racial identify – and thus all the oddness about his relationship with his grandmother. Love/hate stuff going on.

  147. Doh!

  148. Ayers is in education. Ever checked out his “books”? Do, please do. Anybody know how mainstream Ayers is in the edu. community?????? LOL!

    Most of today’s professoriate is a product of the same declining standards they now decry. Give a child a good grounding in mathematics and philosophy (analytic), plenty of time to explore their library (fuck classes) and find one prof. who is humble, sincere, and is willing to read WITH the child and that kid will be MILES ahead of others when it comes to learning what it means to be a person.

  149. Boomer — did you see that????

  150. What do you call a mediocre law student who barely passed the bar exam?

  151. I agree with SOD. Those books were pure fantasy allowing him the excuse to be viewed as an “exotic”. He is an exotic all right. Straight from central casting.

  152. In my defense, I’ve never used the PhD as a pick up line. I did use “I’m unemployed” as a pick up line. That wasn’t as unsuccessful as one would imagine. Didn’t work at all in Las Vegas though.

  153. myiq – a lawyer? (practicing attorney?)

  154. elderj: who’s that in your picture? Handsome devil.

    Thats what I think!!!
    (Ducking from Pat’s next line..)

  155. bb — why only half-joking. I completely believe B0 is W’s handpicked successor.

  156. Why does a dog lick itself?

  157. The Confluence is full of vampires.

    Up to 30 mins ago, there were barely 4 people keeping the thread going. Now around midnight, more people are on board.

    Maybe we are evil and that’s why we supported “evil and vile” Hillary.

  158. myiq — Your Honor.

  159. Night folks. Thanks for some laughs.

  160. nite heidi

  161. Boston, who moved her BO? I thought she is illegal anyway.

  162. SOD:

    Because he can.

    (It’s actually “Why does the dig lick his balls?”)

  163. I use “wanna f*ck?” as a pick-up line.

    The success rate is low but it cuts down the small talk.

  164. SOD — because he can!

  165. Yes, it’s true. It was the unemployed part that worked, my poor little hottie-hoo 😉

    Now, come to mama.

  166. myiq — wanna f*ck? 😉

  167. I have everyone beat. I had someone tell me he was going to “give up his religion” for me after we had only 3 dinner dates!!! I was either extremely alluring or he was desperate.

    The turning point came when I offered to introduce him to my mother (in her bathrobe, usual attire) and my four teenagers! I was lucky to get out of the car in one piece since he barely slowed down when dropping me off.

  168. Night Heidi.

  169. night Heidi!

  170. ok, I’m game:

    Bear walks into a bar. He says, “I’ll have a gin…………………….

    …………..and tonic.”

    Bartender: “What’s with the big pause?”

  171. For those who like me “don’t watch no teevee” to watch the kefuffle about Hillary as SoS, you MUST read Bob Somerby over at the dailyhowler. He does a spectacular job at documenting the atrocities.

    And boy is he witty!

  172. Nope — because he can’t make a fist!

  173. What is the problem with lawyer jokes?

  174. Y’all are causing me to blush…. 😀

  175. fif — what is with the big pause?

  176. fif:

    A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks: Why the long face?

  177. A rabbit and a carrot were walking down the street when a car came whizzing by, knocking the carrot to the ground.

    At the hospital the doctor approached the rabbit and said:
    “I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that the carrot will live. The bad news is that he will be a vegetable for the rest of his life.”

  178. MABlue — that’s also been told before.

  179. Is that you in the pic elderj?

  180. XOXO

  181. fif — sorry — I get it now — I didn’t read that it was a bear!

    Ok, so tell me: what is the problem with lawyer jokes?

  182. Bob Somerby hates Tweetie!

  183. you get it Ange?

  184. angie and MABlue — did you see the correct punchline from mine?

  185. Sleep tight, Heidi!

    Pat–give up my religion?? Where do you find these guys?

    I dated one of those infamous Seattle bike geeks (the kind that wear racing gear everywhere they go). He sized up my inseam on the first date, but it was as far as he got!

    I went on a date with Bill Nye the Science guy–speaking of odd-balls. I forgot to mention that on famous person night a few weeks back.

  186. yup ’tis me

  187. The problem with lawyer jokes:

    Lawyers don’t think they are funny & everyone else thinks they are true!

  188. Blinking

    You dated Bill Nye?

  189. elderj,

    blush away. but don’t leave.

  190. I apologize in advance.

  191. One of my teachers used to show us episodes of Bill Nye.

  192. SOD — I saw it!

  193. SOD:

    I prefer your version with John Kerry.

    Pat J, don’t you think Twwety is seriously obsessed with Hillary and jealous of Bill Clinton? I heard he was saying Bill may take Hillary spot in the Senate.

  194. elderj: loookin’ good! 🙂

  195. SOD,

    I can’t remember if I saw your theory. It’s all a blur…

  196. “Lawyers don’t think they are funny & everyone else thinks they are true!”


  197. OMG SOD — what?

  198. angie – He’s usually home with the kids.

  199. joaniebone: I dated a minister once. He was quite handsome. As I was finishing my salad he informed me that he had only one testicle and that he was a Democrat. What the two had in common I will never know because after that disaster I refused all calls and had my kids tell him I returned to my ex.

    For awhile I thought of wearing a sign that read: “If you are an idiot give me a call. You probably will anyway because that is all I attract”.

  200. Afrocity,

    I’m not sure how the Aunt got out of Boston. I just heard she is staying with relatives in another state. Now that I think about it, it might be in MI or WI, instead of a far west state. I heard it on the radio, but I don’t know if BO’s campaign moved her or if she went on her own.

  201. Here is one of my favs:

    A man tells his wife “Honey, I want you to tell me when you have an orgasm”
    The wife responds “But I hate to call you when you are at work!”

  202. Patterson will choose HRC’s replacement in the Senate. Tonight the NY news mentioned that Nita Lowy (sp?) and Vasquez (also a woman) are top contenders. Nita stepped aside for HRC’s run.

    That thought makes me sad–I’m a New Yorker. I love having her as my Senator.

  203. “XOXO”

    GQ, hopefully that’s not the only making-out you’ve done lately.

  204. SOD — LMAO! That is similar to the one I just posted!

  205. As I was finishing my salad he informed me that he had only one testicle and that he was a Democrat.

    Pat: I could think of a lot of current Dems who would fit that description.

  206. MABlue: He is obsessed but I am not sure if it all pertains to Hillary. This is the same guy who went into ecstasy when Bush landed from the fighter plane and his comments even then were off the wall.

    Tweetie is seriously deranged. You can see it in his eyes.

  207. I once went on a date with a guy who was wearing shorts so short his pee-pee hung out.

    Well, the plan was to go on a date but, I just couldn’t.

  208. alright all — time for shut eye.


  209. night SOD!

  210. Joanie, that’s my placement holder while I try to figure out something witty to text.

    BTW, I don’t kiss and tell.

  211. katie — I saw that one before I logged out ROFLMAO!!!! What a visual!

  212. SOD — It haunts me to this day!

  213. From Europe where I’ll be working starting January, I’ll have so much fun watching the “prohressive movement” 1.0 squirm.

    Obama to delay repeal of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’

    I’ll be back to my usual “We told you so so… Assholes!!!”

  214. I can top you all — I went out on a date with a guy who told me that he had a small dick & he hoped I didn’t mind. I got out of there fast — thank god I always drive my own car & “meet” the guy on a first date.

  215. OK, I have to go to sleep now. But you guys have made sure I’ll be laughing as I doze off. Nighty-night! I’m glad we all made up. Sorry for being a downer earlier.

  216. fif, hands off he’s mine! (elderj, blame katiebird for calling it “date night”–now, “date” around here is a loose term.)

    Katie, I was set-up with Bill (a former neighbor) by a mutual friend. We went on one date to the Woodland Park Zoo. I towered over him. We got along, but no sparks.

    I saw him all the time at our village Starbucks until he moved to LA.

  217. Oh — he also asked me if I was into “porno sex”

  218. Eeeewwwww katiebird.

    I went to my prom with a guy who became the head of the local Mafia. My real boyfriend was in the Navy stationed in the Great Lakes at the time so this was a fix up date.

    Anyway, he showed up in a pink cadillac, a tuxedo, and a porkpie hat that had crap hanging off it like fishing lures and stuff like that. It was a nightmare! When we all went to the restaurant after for our big meal I spent most of my time in the ladies room so he ate both our meals.

    He died a few years ago in prison doing time for murder and extortion. And to think I gave up the opportunity to become another Carmella Soprano.

  219. night bb!

  220. nite bb

  221. wearing shorts so short

    Oh Katie! Ewww…..!!!

  222. speaking of “date night” — I think I scared myiq with my pick up line — he can dish it but he can’t take it, I see! LOL

  223. Best response to Teh Great Turkey Massacre:

    “Tell me, Arianna – have the turkeys stopped screaming?”

  224. lol — seems I’m hot property in these parts today. Well every dog has his day and today must be mine. 😉

  225. Could we just stop for a minute while someone hoses joaniebird down?

  226. Pat, your whole life has been prep for your comedy act. Wholly smokes!

  227. I saw a guy sleeping on a bench once in Jackson Square with running short on & his pee pee was hanging out — I was only about 6 years old & had never seen one before — I turned to my mommy and said “Why does that man have a tail?”

  228. Hey gang!

  229. angie: That is a really cute one!

  230. One New Year (99-00) I threw up on the gal I had the new years kiss with. We ended up in a faux relationship for two months.

  231. myiq is like candyman — whenever you say his name he appears.

    myiq — why don’t cannibals eat clowns?

  232. Pat J — about the tail? My mom still laughs about that one!

  233. how’s it, scrubs?

  234. They taste funny

  235. gqmartinez: Just think, she probably thinks of you at least once a year when New Year’s rolls around.

  236. Well, elderj, I doubt it’s just a day.

  237. Talk about difficulties we men have with attractive girls, here is for those who haven’t seen it:

    Attractive Girls Union Refuses To Enter Into Talks With Mike Greenman

    So close to reality.

  238. I’m off to bed too. What a great place to hang out. Nite you loony principled PUMAs.

  239. myiq — yes! you got it.

  240. night fif!

  241. angie: Yes, really cute. I love it when little kids say something so off the wall.

  242. Why don’t sharks eat lawyers?

  243. nite fif

  244. angie: they taste funny?

  245. Why does that man have a tail?”

    hee- hee!

  246. fif, Goodnight!

  247. myiq — professional courtesy.

  248. Yes fif — they taste funny.

  249. Cannibalism, myiq.

  250. Pat, I don’t generally have bad “break ups”, but that one wasn’t so pleasant. She was a libertarian who gave me shit for donating to United Way. On the other hand, the experience did provide us both with a good story… The more embarrassing parts of the story have been left out ;).

  251. oops…slow brain. NOW it’s time for bed. You people are hard to leave!

  252. The Motrin is kicking in. I hope this back pain eases up by Tuesday as I have a lot of cooking to do.

  253. Oh, can we tell lawyer jokes?
    Why don’t lawyers go to the beach?

  254. gqmartinez: Probably just as well. One never knows who is “lurking” out there.

  255. Nijma — because cats keep covering them with sand.

  256. In my undergrad semester abroad, a girl took me out with her friends to eat a “fondue”. I made a complete fool out of myself because I didn’t know you have to dip the meet or whatever it was in the pot. I spent the whole evening trying to fish out whatever everyone else was coming out with.

    I thought to myself “great, they certainly think “it’s the Black thing”.

  257. Reading the whole thread without actually being there as it unfolded makes some of the jokes sound strange.

    My cannibalism response was about sharks not eating lawyers – cause it’s too much like eating their own.

    Doctors rag on lawyers all the time but I can’t remember any of the jokes.

  258. Nijma — did you see my joke up thread?

    What is the problem with lawyer jokes?
    Lawyers don’t think they are funny & everyone else thinks they are true.

  259. That’s about right, ange.

  260. My first and last blind date turned out to be a mortuary student. After that I decided I could do at least that well for myself.

  261. MABlue: How embarassing!!

  262. Oops, hit submit too early. Meant to add that the lawyers on The C have helped to change my mind about them. You guys are great!

  263. scrubs — don’t worry, we lawyers rag on doctors all the time too — prima donnas that y’all are.

    And don’t worry — lawyers know all the lawyer jokes — people seem to have a compulsion to tell us everyone they know as soon as they find out we are lawyers. LOL

  264. Nijma: I can understand that.

  265. In college I dated a guy whose roommate was a complete asshole — complete asshole, trust me. I’ll spare you the completely gory details, but he was totally MEAN to a labrador puppy. Totally mean.

    Anyway, on the night I planned to break up with the boyfriend the two roommates through a party. I got completely drunk — I don’t know if they put drugs in my drinks but ewwww — and threw up in a downstairs room (this was college, remember). Somehow I was sober enough that I found the laundry room, found clean towels in the dryer, cleaned up my mess and then….threw the towels back in the dryer and turned it on.

    I never saw these two jerks again. But to this day, I’m still happy that I did it.

  266. one more gross date story. I dated and quite liked another guy from the neighborhood. (He was 7 feet 3 inches tall!) He was a retired NBA vet, VERY handsome, and for that reason alone, I went out many times before getting even close to physical.

    But on the first Kiss, I though I would die. It is hard to describe how repulsive that kiss was. I got outta there as fast as I could, and left him wondering what went wrong. He wrote me letters and I felt really guilty for a long time after.

    Good lord, hadn’t he had enough opportunity to get it right?

    Just saw him recently at the caucuses for Obama, so it never would’ve worked out. 🙂

  267. Pat J,

    How do you expect me to know what the hell “fondue” is. And the lights were dimmed. I could see exactly what the others were doing.

  268. Correction: They THREW a party. Threw a party….it’s getting late

  269. What do lawyers use for birth control?

  270. Angienc: Dating other lawyers?

  271. MABlue: It is still kind of a funny story though. Can just picture you standing there trying to look “cool” and not having a clue.

  272. Angie: their personalities?

  273. angie – at least people don’t ask you to look at their rash as soon as they find out you’re a doctor!

    What do they use for BC?

  274. Teresa: close
    Their personalities!

  275. gq got it right — I didn’t see his post before I posted the answer.

  276. What do male lawyers & sperm have in common?

  277. joaniebird: Yikes! When I was about 16 I had a mad crush on this boy who was the brother of a friend. He was about 4 yrs older and he asked me out to a basketball game. I thought I had died and gone to heaven!

    When he picked me up and I got into the car he took out a comb and proceeded to comb my hair!! Years later when I watched “Frasier” on tv it reminded me of him. A total asshole.

  278. scrubs, can you look at my rash?

    I got it after Pat and I shared a no-good so and so last summer.

  279. That wasn’t a gross story, joanie. Unfortunate, but not gross.

  280. A little boy is sitting in a restaurant with his parents, and he is flipping a coin in the air to amuse himself. On one flip however, the coin land in his mouth and he begins to choke.

    His parents begin to panic and scream for help as the boy turns blue. A sharply dressed woman gets up from a nearby table, walks over and reaches down to grab the boy by the testicles. She squeezes hard and the coin comes shooting out of the boys mouth. The woman catches the coin with her other hand.

    The boys mother says “That was incredible. Are you a doctor?”

    “Divorce attorney” the woman says as she pockets the coin and walks away.

  281. myiq: LOLOLOLOL

  282. GQ,

    i left out the gross part–the actual description. believe me, it was gross.

  283. Eeew, joanie. Where exactly IS this rash? 🙂

    Angie, what?

  284. myiq,

    that was a good one.

    Nite everybody!

  285. joanie: That hasn’t cleared up yet? My God, mine went away within days! Of course you did get him after me so what can I say? Those STDs can be a b*tch to get rid of.

  286. What do male lawyers & sperm have in common?
    Only one in 2 million do any real work.

  287. Night MABlue.

  288. Night MA Blue!

  289. MYIQ! hahaha!!

  290. G’night, MABlue!

  291. Good one, angie.

    My response to my patients when they say, “but doctor, I just don’t know HOW I got pregnant!”

    “All it takes is one sperm with a sense of direction.”

  292. scrubs, I think you know where it is… but SHHHH…I don’t want to scare elderj.

  293. My mom spent 35 years are the secretary to the city manager in my hometown.

    Somebody once asked her how many people worked at city hall.

    “About half of them” she replied

  294. Those lawyer jokes are “bad” but funny.

    Am off to bed on my board. If I sit any longer I won’t have any feeling in my legs and I would hate for my kids to find me like this. No make up, sweats, socks, and a lb of M and Ms at my side.

    joanie, behave. Like at the jerks we have ever known, rashes too come and go.

  295. joanie – try rubbing vinegar on it.

    (Heloise swears that vinegar can clean up anything!)

  296. Night Pat J!

  297. G’nite Pat!

  298. What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

  299. Pat’s had M & M’s all this time?

  300. I thought that was just a rumor, joanie. EWWWWWW.

    I gotta go too. Some of us need to try really really hard to do more than just type “XOXO”

  301. Gee thanks, scrubs–very scientific!

    Nite Sissie! Thanks for the fun thread! I too am going to sleep.

  302. angie:


  303. Joanie — ♥♥♥

  304. Everybody’s leaving — the party is just getting started!
    Good night Joanie & gq

  305. Accountants know they’re boring.

  306. what a hoot – you guys were in rare form tonight… i gtg… long day tomorrow

  307. Angie, I’m just saving you the trouble of having to run away when I say I have a small . . . :o).

  308. night elderj!

  309. Go get-em, GQ! Then come home to mama.
    Nite Pat Nite MA Blue.

    Night naughty ones.

  310. gq — LOL!

  311. You can always get me to come back with a promise of a manhattan on the rocks, joanie.

  312. New thread up

  313. Oh, AngieNC, you peeked, but if lawyers don’t think they’re funny, why is MYIQ telling them?

    bwt, I heard all of mine when a good friend’s wife was in law school. Most of them, like the one about the necktie, I can’t post in a classy blog like this.

    Pat , unfortunately I did much worse on my own, shoulda kept the mortuary student.

  314. Nijma –don’t worry — I’m a lawyer too!

  315. nite elderj! so soon???

  316. …..difference b/ween a lawyer in the road and a squirrel? ….skid marks!

  317. When it comes to bill ayers I can not be reasonable.
    i worked in Penn Station NY when the puerto rican independence movement set a bomb in the bag room.
    The bag room was right above where I worked. If the NYC police dept had not been able to disarm it I would be dead and my kids would not have a mother.
    No I do not think domestic terrorism is excusable.
    Daddy’s money got him off and he was not man enough to take his punishment for his act.
    He and that silly twit bernadette dorhn should both be in jail.
    Any university that hired them should not get federal money.



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