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Zombie Open Thread

 

Hillary lost!

Obama! Obama!

Simon Pegg raises an important issue:

ZOMBIES DON’T RUN!

[…]

I know it is absurd to debate the rules of a reality that does not exist, but this genuinely irks me. You cannot kill a vampire with an MDF stake; werewolves can’t fly; zombies do not run. It’s a misconception, a bastardisation that diminishes a classic movie monster. The best phantasmagoria uses reality to render the inconceivable conceivable. The speedy zombie seems implausible to me, even within the fantastic realm it inhabits. A biological agent, I’ll buy. Some sort of super-virus? Sure, why not. But death? Death is a disability, not a superpower. It’s hard to run with a cold, let alone the most debilitating malady of them all.

More significantly, the fast zombie is bereft of poetic subtlety. As monsters from the id, zombies win out over vampires and werewolves when it comes to the title of Most Potent Metaphorical Monster. Where their pointy-toothed cousins are all about sex and bestial savagery, the zombie trumps all by personifying our deepest fear: death. Zombies are our destiny writ large. Slow and steady in their approach, weak, clumsy, often absurd, the zombie relentlessly closes in, unstoppable, intractable.

However (and herein lies the sublime artfulness of the slow zombie), their ineptitude actually makes them avoidable, at least for a while. If you’re careful, if you keep your wits about you, you can stave them off, even outstrip them – much as we strive to outstrip death. Drink less, cut out red meat, exercise, practice safe sex; these are our shotguns, our cricket bats, our farmhouses, our shopping malls. However, none of these things fully insulates us from the creeping dread that something so witless, so elemental may yet catch us unawares – the drunk driver, the cancer sleeping in the double helix, the legless ghoul dragging itself through the darkness towards our ankles.

Another thing: speed simplifies the zombie, clarifying the threat and reducing any response to an emotional reflex. It’s the difference between someone shouting “Boo!” and hearing the sound of the floorboards creaking in an upstairs room: a quick thrill at the expense of a more profound sense of dread. The absence of rage or aggression in slow zombies makes them oddly sympathetic, a detail that enabled Romero to project depth on to their blankness, to create tragic anti-heroes; his were figures to be pitied, empathised with, even rooted for. The moment they appear angry or petulant, the second they emit furious velociraptor screeches (as opposed to the correct mournful moans of longing), they cease to possess any ambiguity. They are simply mean.

Simon misses one point: even though slow zombies can be avoided, they, like death, occasionally get you by surprise no matter how careful you are. 

Personally, fast zombies scare the bejeebus out of me.  What’s on your mind?

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87 Responses

  1. First!

  2. myiq — first in your heart!

  3. is everyone waiting for the show?

  4. Must…eat…brains.

  5. Voila, ici sont rassemblés tous les francophones.

  6. hey I am dead tired. I was looking at Redstate,com and saw an interesting article about Michael Steele. I would like him to be rnc chair.

    Good night

  7. Doctor Who’s episode “Blink” is on my mind. Coincidentally, it’s the episode where statues of angels are actually assassins that try to kill you everytime you blink. But when you’re watching they can’t move.

    Um, scary much. Go watch it! In the dark, so that you can have the same nightmare I do about demonic angels and zombies all out to get you.

  8. night afrocity!

  9. Reading about the World Economic Forum’s Global Gender Gap report. Seems in most places women have caught up with men in terms of education and health, but not in economics and power. And they wonder why we’re pissed.

  10. Ugsome — myiq ne parle pas de français, il comme l’entendre.

  11. angienc, I’m sure he grasps laissez les bon temps rouler.

  12. I’m actually thinking about that movie “Freaks” — one of us, one of us , gobble, gobble — and of course, the Ramones.

  13. ugsome — everybody knows that one — at least in Louisiana — it is our motto.

  14. I haven’t caught up on the comments because of school work, but I just saw this headline: MSNBC retracts false Palin story; others dupedK/b>

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081113/ap_en_tv/palin_hoax

    How stupid can the MSM get? Will they go with any news that fit their storyline? These journalists should all be fired.

  15. This is the only French I know:

    “Voulez vous coucher avec moi?”

  16. Regency — I’ve never seen that Dr. Who but I would like to. I have an affinity with angels because of my name (it means angel) so I’ve read a lot of the stories. Technically all demons are fallen angels — they were the ones who fought on Lucifer’s side against God.
    Lucifer means light, until he darkened his name & he was God’s favorite.

  17. myiq — Oui.

    So, all your french is from Lady Marmalade? That’s fine with me — I love that song.

  18. Lucifer was the lightbringer.

    Where have I heard that before?

  19. Angie: If you have an affinity for angels, it might survive that episode but you will walk away fearing statues. At least I did. Loved it! That was better than any of the horror movies I saw for Halloween.

    I actually knew that about Lucifer’s name. I was always curious about that. Being a none too religious person I never did too much research on the subject. If he knew he was God’s favorite, why would he attempt to rise to the level (to overthrow?) of God?

  20. myiq — not just when by surprise, but when they come at you in sufficient numbers to overwhelm your defenses! That is the scariest of all, when they reach critical mass. Then all the boarded up windows in the world can’t keep them out.

    That’s why Plouffe built his zombie army from slow-witted but easily-influenced delusional masses….overwhelming us with numbers, crawling in the windows, pushing in the door with the sheer weight of thousands…can’t escape..auuugggh!

    oh wait, your post wasn’t an election metaphor? Beg pardon…

    I’m conflicted about this civilian army thing. On the one hand, I’m schadenfreuding about the thought of millions of keyboard activist punks being drafted to 1) actually do some work; and 2) do something for someone besides their own narcissistic little selves. Being drafted by the King Narcissist himself is just icing.

    But, three months?!?!?! Is that all? Not nearly enough sufffering time.

    Yes, the prospect of a civilian security force under the sway of Obama is frightening in a Komsomol-Hitler Youth-Mao’s youth minions sort of way, but is it really any different than what we already have? I mean really, what’s the diff?

    That’s if it’s a draft (which sadly is unlikely). If it’s volunteer, then I am totally against it. Obots are insufferably sanctimonious now. What will they be like after ‘sacrificing’ themselves in service to The One, I mean their country, for a whopping 3 months?

  21. myiq — lol — another sign that BO is the anti-Christ?

    Dora — that is terrible. The worst part of the story:

    Eisenstadt identifies himself on a blog as a senior fellow at the Harding Institute for Freedom and Democracy. Yet neither he nor the institute exist;

    MSNBC is trying to cover themselves by saying they “immediately ran a correction when they discovered the error.” Excuse me, but bull f*cking sh!t — they should have done a basic f*cking check before running the story! That is Journalism 101 — verify with 2 sources. Furthermore, everyone knows that retractions get far less coverage then the story itself.

  22. oh boo hoo — MSNBC ‘was a victim’ of a hoax. Poor bebbees.

    They just got caught in another lie. Hoax shmoax.

  23. oh boo hoo — MSNBC ‘was a victim’ of a hoax. Poor bebbees.

    They just got caught in another lie. Hoax shmoax.

  24. Regency — it always happens like that –those closest to the “power” and most favored always grow arrogant & jealous.
    Lucifer was filled with pride (he was very beautiful) and wasn’t satisfied with being an angel (which is still a servant of God) he wanted to be equal with God.

  25. My fundie sister quit discussing religion with me when I proved by deductive logic that Lucifer is doing God’s will

  26. myiq — well, if it wasn’t for Lucifer, Jesus wouldn’t have been crucified & that was certainly God’s will.

  27. I don’t want to be drafted and have to go to Camp Obot.

  28. A) God knows everything that is, was or ever will be (omniscient)

    B) God created everything, including Lucifer

    C) God created Lucifer with the knowledge that Lucifer would revolt against him – therefore God intended Lucifer to revolt.

    If A is true and B is true then C is true.

  29. and, btw — that is why I hate, hate, hate fundies who “blame the Jews” for ‘killing Jesus.” Haven’t they ever paused to think that if Jesus hadn’t died, Christ wouldn’t have risen and, uh, that was basically His purpose — to die for our sins & rise again? Did they want Jesus to live & NOT die for our sins?

  30. Seriously — you won’t be. If you are under the age limit (is it 25? 27?) and otherwise eligible, just tell them you are a PUMA. There will never allow such a security risk into Camp. You might deprogram a couple with reason and logic. Not a big risk, but too big for them to take.

    If that doesn’t work, we’ll hide you in the PUMA underground railroad.

  31. myiq — I accept that & actually think it is true.

  32. Bleh. Was just reading about the Carter Administration on Wikipedia. Wouldn’t surprise me at all if Obama makes many similar rookie mistakes.

  33. Eleanor A — I’d be happy if BO only makes the same mistakes. Personally, I’m afraid he will do a lot worse.

  34. Nice weasel, AP compounds the bulll^%&*: ”

    “The hoax was limited to the identity of the source in the story about Palin — not the Fox News story itself. While Palin has denied that she mistook Africa for a country, the veracity of that report was not put in question by the revelation that Eisenstadt is a phony.” Good point, the veracity of the story is put into question by the fact that it’s self evidently ridiculous AND there’s nothing backing it up except a lot of pathetic schoolboy gossips with nonexistant journalistic standards.

  35. Whoooo! New Bond movie featuring hunk-a hunk-a Daniel Craig out in two days!!

    Sorry. (wipes drool)

  36. What do we think about Obama poaching all the Clintons’ staff?

    Wish I thought Bill was stealthily putting poison in the well. But unfortunately, he’s too good of an American and will do what’s best for the country…

  37. *sighs* I’ll come back from Camp O with a big club to smash all non believers in the head.

  38. God created Lucifer, humanity, the animals plants and minerals, the whole shebang. Then as hell broke loose he popped open a beer and a bag of Cheetos and began blogging about it. Hence the Bible.

  39. Eleanor A — well, it certainly belies his “change” argument, now doesn’t it?
    And it doesn’t help his message that Bill Clinton was the devil.
    Although, it really is Bill’s “second string” staff that BO is poaching — I don’t have much hope for this administration.

  40. I don’t feel very good, I’m gonna call it a night.

    Adios mi amor!

  41. ugsome — LOL!

  42. bon soir mon amour.

    Sweet dreams of me!

  43. Hmmm. This might make a fun avatar in a month or so:

    http://homedecor.cafepress.com/item/zombie-santa-ornament-oval/198354118

    (zombie Santa)

  44. actually, y’all I’m not staying much longer myself — I have court again in the morning. I was only hanging out because myiq promised me some flirting. (don’t tell him that though, I don’t want him any surer of himself then he already is! lol)
    He didn’t deliver tonight, but I forgive him.

  45. I should go to bed too. I think I should give my drinking problem to myiq for safekeeping.

  46. night ugsome!

  47. Angie, to paraphrase: you two need to get a plane! 😆

  48. Ok, I’m out.

    Good night all!

  49. Fredster — I’m already planning it. Poor myiq will not know what hit him! LOL

  50. (sniff) dind’t even appreciate my funny 😦

  51. btw — am I officially stalking myiq? I don’t think so, because I think he likes it.

  52. What Made the Cinton administration good wasn’t just the advisers but the President. Barack Obama ain’t no damned Bill Clinton.

    Night, all. I’m going to go be productive–a little bit.

  53. Oh lordy, Seismic event hits CA!!

  54. He’s a teaser!

  55. Fredster — yes I did — I hadn’t left yet — you know it always takes me a few to tear myself away.

  56. night Regency!

  57. I’m not gonna say that that’s somebody’ way of saying, “stop being bigoted assholes” but if the karma fits…

  58. I need to go too. The momster has an appt with derm. dr. for a place on her temple. Probably a skin tag but it has to checked out. Might be raining tomorrow and she’s b!tching about that. I bought her an umbrella and told her use that and her raincoast because **I’d** be pushing the wheelchair getting soaked!

  59. Night Fredster!

    Night everyone — for real this time! LOL

  60. g-nite!!

  61. “I’m not gonna say that that’s somebody’ way of saying, “stop being bigoted assholes” but if the karma fits…”

    🙂

  62. Sure. I get here just as everyone goes to bed. Sigh. There’s a creepy spider in my room somewhere and I’m afraid to sleep.

  63. Damn, missed angie again!

    You’re a riot, myiq.

  64. I found a spider trying to spin a web on my keyboard. LOL I picked up a starand and tried to take it outside, only to discover it was gone [dund dun dun] It was pretty damn big, too.

  65. Thanks, Seriously. Now I’m afraid of my keyboard.

  66. That was supposed to make you feel better in comparison to my plight…..

  67. Oh, I know. I’m just easily spooked. 😀

  68. My grandma’s cousin had scarlet fever when she was a kid and the fever caused her to hallucinate a lot, so now she’s scared of everything. It’s like having ptsd or something.

  69. Did you all see the join the impact site? It is a plan to protest on the 15th of November concerning the prop 8 vote.

  70. No, haven’t seen it. Is it a nationwide protest?

  71. Very peaceful on the zombie shift tonight. I’m not lonely. I’m actually happy that all my favorite insomniacs are getting some sleep.

    So, to you, from down here, I say, “Cheers, mates! May you all have happy dreams.”

  72. Ever since I saw Dawn of the Dead I’ve had this awful fear that I’ve missed warnings of a zombie attack and that I’ll wake up to a zombie attack.

    lol…and i know how ridiculous that is. Thank your this post. I contemplate on zombies alot lol.

  73. LOL I’m here scrubs, just a little distracted.

  74. I’m here too. I got some sleep earlier.

  75. morning all fuzzy in the house just reading the thread…Zombies…I dont like the fast zombies they make about as much sense as a vampire getting a tan in south beach!
    or maybe a vegan werewolf!

  76. I am old school when it comes to horror…of course that Jason crap and Freddy Kruger nonsense was worst of all talk about suspending reality.

    the fact that they made so many sequels each one lamer than the one before it shows the creators lacked insparation and only wanted to milk their “one” good idea until it was sucked totally dry….

    that reminds me of something?

  77. G’morning fuzzy!

  78. Too bad there isn’t a spray for O-bots.

  79. now its off to work where the morning will be spent in diversity training~!

  80. Morning fuzzy!

    Bon jour mon amour — feeling better?

  81. Buenos dias mi amor

    Si, un poquito

  82. Just a little? I wish I was there to make you feel better. 😉

  83. Unfortunately, I have to get to work. Bye everyone — be good.

    myiq — try to take it easy when you go out to beg for money today, mon amour.

  84. myiq2xu,

    Which movies have fast zombies? I don’t know if I’ve ever seen them. But I agree with Pegg that the slow, deliberate staggering is part of what scares me about them.

  85. fuzzy,

    Is “diversity” just about skin color, or does it include gender and sexual preference? Have a great day!

  86. The newer zombie movies have fast-moving zombies in them. It’s disconcerting. The non-Romero remake of “Dawn of the Dead” has them, and so do “21 Days Later” and its followup. Those are all very speedy zombies. It doesn’t work, imo.

    Oh, bestest zombie movie EVAH is “Shaun of the Dead.” Well, maybe not bestest–I put the Romero flicks up there–but it’s really dang good.

  87. p.s. “Shaun of the Dead” is the one Pegg co-directed and starred in. It’s brilliant. I just watched his new movie, “Run Fat Boy, Run” which was funny but not in Dead’s league. Pegg is super talented.

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