
Guess Who Is WHAT?
H/T to Darragh Murphy, who suggested that the play be expanded. Thanks, Darragh!
THE SCENE: A game show set, modeled on “Jeopardy.” The host, DREW CAREY, stands at a podium, behind which is a giant flat screen. It currently shows President Barack Obama’s smiling face, with the Possum seal behind it.
Across the set from CAREY are three podiums, with a contestant standing at each podium. The contestants are BOB HERBERT of The New York Times, LOUIS DIUGUID of The Kansas City Star, and JOE THE PLUMBER. The lead-in music – “Everyone’s A Little Bit Racist,” from Avenue Q – concludes as the lights come up. The audience applauds wildly.
CAREY: Thank you, thank you everyone! Gosh, it’s great to be here with you. You may not know this, but we’re celebrating a very special occasion tonight – the 100th episode of America’s favorite game show, everybody say it with me now:
AUDIENCE and CAREY (shouting): “Guess Who’s The Racist!”
CAREY: That’s right! Every Tuesday night on “Guess Who’s The Racist,” we all come together and find the hidden racism within people like you and me! The panelist who has the most correct answers gets an all-expenses-paid trip to ObamaWorld, located right next to Universal Studios in lovely Hollywood, California.
AUDIENCE (on cue): Oooooh!
CAREY: Ooooh indeed! Well, let’s start the show. Because it’s a special night, we’ve got some celebrities with us! First, we’ve got Bob Herbert, columnist for The New York Times, who was savvy enough to spot racism in all of its nasty forms during the 2008 election.
HERBERT (waving): Hello, America!
CAREY: And next, we have the incomparable Louis Diuguid of The Kansas City Star, who proved to Americans that the word “socialist” was a racial slur in October of 2008!
DIUGUID (waving): Helllloooooo!
CAREY: And finally, we have Joe The Plumber, who was used by both President Obama and John McCain in the primaries as a campaign prop. Joe has been spending the last few months in a Racism Rehabilitation Camp in Walla Walla, Washington. Let’s give him a big hand, and hope he’s learned enough to match the competitiveness of these two amazing players!
JOE (waving): Hi!
AUDIENCE: BOOOOOOOO!!! RACIST! WHITE SUPREMACIST! BOOOOOOO!
(Joe looks puzzled and hurt, and drops his hand.)
CAREY: All right, take it easy, folks. It’s not Joe’s fault he’s a racist; it’s just because he’s from a rural area and bitter about it. He’s trying really hard, honestly he is. Let’s see how he does on our first question. Are you ready, panelists?
PANELISTS: Yes!
Continue reading →
Filed under: Barack Obama, Politics, Presidential Election 2008, snark | Tagged: plays by madamab, Satire | 17 Comments »