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The Racism Game: A Play in One Ridiculous Act.

May The Blessings Of Obama Be Upon You

May The Blessings Of Obama Be Upon You

THE SCENE: A game show set, modeled on “Jeopardy.” The host, DREW CAREY, stands at a podium, behind which is a giant flat screen. It currently shows President Barack Obama’s smiling face, with the Possum seal behind it.

Across the set from CAREY are three podiums, with a contestant standing at each podium. The contestants are BOB HERBERT of The New York Times, LOUIS DIUGUID of The Kansas City Star, and JOE THE PLUMBER. The lead-in music – “Everyone’s A Little Bit Racist,” from Avenue Q – concludes as the lights come up. The audience applauds wildly.

CAREY: Thank you, thank you everyone! Gosh, it’s great to be here with you. You may not know this, but we’re celebrating a very special occasion tonight – the 100th episode of America’s favorite game show, everybody say it with me now:

AUDIENCE and CAREY (shouting): “Guess Who’s The Racist!”

CAREY: That’s right! Every Tuesday night on “Guess Who’s The Racist,” we all come together and find the hidden racism within people like you and me! The panelist who has the most correct answers gets an all-expenses-paid trip to ObamaWorld, located right next to Universal Studios in lovely Hollywood, California.

AUDIENCE (on cue): Oooooh!

CAREY: Ooooh indeed! Well, let’s start the show. Because it’s a special night, we’ve got some celebrities with us! First, we’ve got Bob Herbert, columnist for The New York Times, who was savvy enough to spot racism in all of its nasty forms during the 2008 election.

HERBERT (waving): Hello, America!

CAREY: And next, we have the incomparable Louis Diuguid of The Kansas City Star, who proved to Americans that the word “socialist” was a racial slur in October of 2008!

DIUGUID (waving): Helllloooooo!

CAREY: And finally, we have Joe The Plumber, who was used by both President Obama and John McCain in the primaries as a campaign prop. Joe has been spending the last few months in a Racism Rehabilitation Camp in Walla Walla, Washington. Let’s give him a big hand, and hope he’s learned enough to match the competitiveness of these two amazing players!

JOE (waving): Hi!

AUDIENCE: BOOOOOOOO!!! RACIST! WHITE SUPREMACIST! BOOOOOOO!

(Joe looks puzzled and hurt, and drops his hand.)

CAREY: All right, take it easy, folks. It’s not Joe’s fault he’s a racist; it’s just because he’s from a rural area and bitter about it. He’s trying really hard, honestly he is. Let’s see how he does on our first question. Are you ready, panelists?

PANELISTS: Yes!

CAREY: All righty then. As you know, our tradition is to take a quote from a newsworthy person, and without telling you who said it, determine whether that person is a racist or not. Take a look at the screen behind me, if you will.

(The screen changes to display a quote.)

CAREY (reading the quote):  “The Italians for the most part looked down their garlic noses at the Galileans. From the circumstances surrounding Jesus’ birth (in a barn in a township that was under the Apartheid Roman government that said his daddy had to be in), up to and including the circumstances surrounding Jesus’ death on a cross, a Roman cross, public lynching Italian style…”

(The panelists ponder for a moment.)

CAREY: Now, if you think that quote is racist, tap the “R” on your podium touchscreen. If you think it’s okay, tap the “O” on your touchscreen. The results will appear on the screen behind me. All right, everyone, you have fifteen seconds to make your choice. Go!

(A clock ticks loudly for fifteen seconds, as the screen displays the count. As the last five seconds count down, the audience counts along with it, yelling:)

AUDIENCE: FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE! TIME’S UP!

CAREY: All right, folks, let’s see who guessed right.

(The panelists’ votes appear on the screen: Herbert: “O”, Diuguid “O”, Joe The Plumber “R.”)

CAREY: And the correct answer is: “O”, Okay! One point for Bob and Louis, zero points for Joe.

JOE (interrupting): Excuse me. How can calling Italians “garlic noses” not be racist?

CAREY (jolted out of his routine): What?

JOE (emboldened): You heard me, Drew! That is an incredibly offensive statement. Am I right, people?

AUDIENCE (shouting): BOOOOOOOO!

CAREY (shushing them): Now, now, folks, take it easy on poor Joe. He doesn’t understand that it’s not the statement itself, it’s who said it. And who said it is our beloved Secretary of Faith-Based Initiatives, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright. So how can a holy man like that be a racist?

HERBERT: Amen!

DIUGUID: You speak the truth!

(The other panelists, the audience and CAREY look at Joe expectantly.)

JOE (after a brief pause): Ah, forget it. (looks into the wings, stage right) Take me back to the camp, boys.

(Two tall men garbed in white robes, each with a large “O” badge over their hearts, grab Joe’s arms and take him away.)

CAREY (smoothly): Well, folks, looks like there’s room for one more spot up here. Anyone care to volunteer?

(A brief silence. Then, a woman stands up.)

WOMAN: I want to go with Joe The Plumber. He’s hot. And this show sucks! Racism is racism, no matter who says it. Screw you, Drew!

AUDIENCE: BOOOOOOOO!

(Two more white-robed men grab the woman and haul her out of the audience.)

CAREY (uncomfortable): Ha ha ha, lots of jokers on the show tonight! Let’s go to commercial while we pick another panelist.

(The music starts up again.)

HERBERT: Ha! Drew, do you believe these clowns?

DIUGUID: Yeah, what a bunch of idiots! How dare they question The One?

CAREY (menacingly): Don’t worry, guys. We’ll find plenty of volunteers to take Joe’s place, once our civilian national security force convinces them to help out. After all, no one wants to be called a racist today, especially considering the consequences.

HERBERT: Praise Obama!

GIUGUID: Praise Obama!

CAREY: Amen!

(LIGHTS OUT.)

Cross-posted at Partizane

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223 Responses

  1. Oh man! That was the funniest thing yet. But what’s wrong with Walla Walla Washington?

  2. […] Cross-posted at Partizane and The Confluence […]

  3. Honestly, this is like something out of Apocalyptic fiction.

    I’m going to go read 1984 and calmly tell myself that no civilized group of people could be SO FRIGGING blind to let this crap happen.

    Then I’m going to watch Triumph of the Will and afterwards the Obama rally in Berlin (on mute of course).

    Afterwards I’m going to go stock up on guns and ammo.

  4. I’d laugh if this wasn’t such a possibility. What will America do when the media will denounce any criticism of a President as racist?

  5. hehe screw you, drew!
    snorting through my “garlic nose” right now!

  6. BTW,

    I never got that stupid thing about garlic noses. Chinese folks put garlic in practically everything we eat. I don’t equate garlic to Italians at all. Couldn’t he at least get his r@cial terms correct?

  7. madamab: very clever, and to the point.

    Like GCH, I loathe Time’s Joe Klein, who was one of the first to use ‘low information voters’ to explain why we dumb hick rac*sts in Appy won’t vote for the cerebral Obama. I’m thinking Klein would be a wonderful guest on your show. Of course, I understand there are so many, many race-baiters to choose from that it’s difficult to limit.

  8. That isn’t a Jesus/OBama, that is San Martin de Porres patron saint of the poor and the sick. He was a slave and is one of the most revered saints of (millions) people of color. That is what I was trying to post, in other thread but kept on getting deleted. Thank you.

  9. parentofed, on October 22nd, 2008 at 2:07 pm

    Isn’t Joe the idiot who wrote that Primary Colors book.


  10. San Martin de Porres

  11. saw this on hometown teevee channel website:

    http://tinyurl.com/623a8g

  12. Time magazine did one of the most pathetically hilarious 2-steps this year of all time. They spent the entire primary discussing how experience wasn’t important for a POTUS nominee, and did a cover story vaguely quoting scientists. When McCain selected Palin, o goodness, that old experience factor was vital, just vital to a VP nominee. Whiplash-like dizziness to those still bothering to consider Time a valid news source.

  13. Sal, yes.

    🙄

    And I really do mean that roll.

  14. Woman Voter –

    Sorry, but no, it’s Obama. An expert tells me it’s Photoshopped, although the original image might have been of your saint.

  15. Sal, on October 22nd, 2008 at 2:06 pm Said:
    ——————————–

    I read that he said “gaelic noses” not garlic noses, jus sayin.

  16. destardi, on October 22nd, 2008 at 2:19 pm Said:

    Sal, on October 22nd, 2008 at 2:06 pm Said:
    ——————————–

    I read that he said “gaelic noses” not garlic noses, jus sayin.

    Oh so now tis the Irish he’s pickin’ on!

  17. urgetocompute – It just SOUNDS funny. I’m sure it’s a lovely place with many fine, patriotic citizens.

    😉

  18. OT: Palin flies over corn-cut image of herself:
    There is a picture on CNN of this. The corn field is in northeast Ohio….I just thought this was a nice tribute to her.

  19. destardi – Now you’re after makin’ trouble!

  20. Ooooh, Madamab now you’re in trouble. I see the civilian national security force coming to get you. Great post. Hope it won’t come true.

  21. 🙂 haha

    FYI, this is a great post linked to NQ from the New York Post…

    You’d want to be reading this one.

    http://www.nypost.com/seven/10222008/postopinion/editorials/obamas_education_idiocy_134770.htm

  22. madamab,

    Then they are portraying a sacrilege against innocent people, because I promise you I know of no Catholic that would buy it knowingly. I see it as an afront in abusing people of color and all Catholics in general. You can find San Martin de Porres in most urban churches. http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c9/Iquitos_Cathedral_Stained_Glass_San_Mart%C3%ADn_de_Porres.jpg

  23. Woman Voter – If you think that candle is an outrage, you’d better not look at this:

    Obama Prayer Cards

  24. Next I guess they will photo shop Michelle onto some other religious symbol. I keep saying I don’t need a messiah, I just need someone that can do the job and do it well. Placing his face on that of a saint isn’t going to help his thin resume. OK, gave my two pennies.

  25. Woman Voter, on October 22nd, 2008 at 2:07 pm Said:
    That isn’t a Jesus/OBama, that is San Martin de Porres patron saint of the poor and the sick. He was a slave and is one of the most revered saints of (millions) people of color. That is what I was trying to post, in other thread but kept on getting deleted. Thank you.
    ***************************************

    yes, it is supposed to be obama.. If you copy it and blow it up using photoshop, etc. you will see that although the St. Martin’s was the original picture, the head has been replaced with a likeness of obama.

  26. Woman Voter,

    I am Catholic, admittedly not a very good one, but I find the image offensive. I feel as if Obamanation is mocking Catholics for their belief in saints. Canonization is serious business in the Catholic Church. It takes many, many years to achieve, with many proofs required. It should not be mocked. That they chose to portray Obama as a saint is especially offensive being that the Catholic Church (no matter what Nancy Pelosi says) is strongly prolife no matter what.

  27. Someone should blow this one up from some idiot’s obama/biden campaign fundraising site.

    http://www.obamaprayercards.com/ObamaTrad.htm

  28. what Obama said:

    “I think that Joe sometimes engages in rhetorical flourishes,” Obama said.

    huh?

  29. If you ask me half the Obots are just crazy.
    😈

  30. ainnj – I linked to that site above.

    It really is outrageous how many people see Obama as some sort of religious figure, and subvert religious imagery for their own purposes.

    But I suppose I am r*cist for saying so. Off to the camps for me!

  31. garychapelhill, on October 22nd, 2008 at 2:37 pm Said:
    what Obama said:

    “I think that Joe sometimes engages in rhetorical flourishes,” Obama said.

    huh?
    ***************************************

    That’s code for “loose lips sink ships”

  32. Kim – Only half? You’re generous!

  33. Well at least it is a camp now, under that bus was cold with winter coming upon us.

  34. I don’t find it offensive, I find it pathetic that his overzealous supporters really think he is some sort of second coming or something….scary.

  35. Okay, every freaking one of them and that is not a rhetorical flourish
    😳

  36. madamab, on October 22nd, 2008 at 2:39 pm Said:

    Off to the camps for me!
    ____________________________

    See you in Walla Walla! (I have friends there. And Washington State has GOOD wine!)

  37. wowza madamab! that was riveting. really good.

    can you make it longer, please please please?

    let’s film it and put it on youtube!

  38. Hi Conflucians: Another theater opening sure to take the ballyhoos on MSM. I have been on a field trip, boots on the ground to Missouri. Touched back down in Reno on my way home yesterday. Great front page photo of Palin in Reno Gazette. I have been without an internet this past week so I have not had the opportunity to comment or read the Conflucian Political Weather report. I was in St. Louis for both the Obama 200k blow out and the McCain/Palin rally. From MO I can report the following facts. If you go East to West on I-70 that cuts right through the heart of MO midsection, you will see almost NO Obama signs. In some of the towns along the way, the yard signs are about 50/50 but 2/3 do of the yards do not have signs. In Fulton, Mo. which is a small semi-rural town with 2 private colleges (Westminister College where Churchill gave his Iron Curtain speech and William Woods) and many state institutions (the deaf, criminally insane, insane and a state prison)–otherwise small business, agri business, big Wal Mart and Dollar General—the sign count is as noted above. The Obama signs are near the two colleges which also border on heavily AA neighborhoods. So I am not sure how MO goes but I would say that it is probably very close. I think there is a real undercurrent of “not talking”. What is interesting to me about what I saw and heard in Fulton is that AAs and everyone else there seem to have signed a peace treaty that goes something like this: we will be civil to one another; we will not fight or throw names; we will recognize everyone’s right to compete for jobs, the football team, housing (many mixed neighborhoods). But this election has thrown a veil of tension around this treaty and people are dealing with it by basically not talking POTUS politics.

  39. FLVoter, on October 22nd, 2008 at 2:35 pm Said:

    Woman Voter,

    I am Catholic, admittedly not a very good one, but I find the image offensive. I feel as if Obamanation is mocking Catholics for their belief in saints. Canonization is serious business in the Catholic Church. It takes many, many years to achieve, with many proofs required. It should not be mocked. That they chose to portray Obama as a saint is especially offensive being that the Catholic Church (no matter what Nancy Pelosi says) is strongly prolife no matter what.

    ***
    Once again Obama supporters want to take a short cut! I found it offensive that he turned Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. into ‘The Preacher’ and he didn’t even mention Rosa Parks as ‘The bus passenger’. Here once again they are now trying to take short cuts. By making him a saint they think it would explain his universal works of being born of Selma (1965) but arriving before in 1961. AMEN!

  40. Murphy – Thanks! That’s really nice of you. 🙂

    Email me if you want to discuss it further.

  41. see, if you go to this SITE directly on the obama official website, you can buy those obama saint cards and contributed directly to st. obama’s campaign.

    https://donate.barackobama.com/page/contribute/pf?outreach_page_id=48223

  42. CNN has totally gone off the rails, their main headline is about a GOP ratfucker from four years ago. they have what is obviously faked video of an obama sign being stolen, and they are saying that Palin is stupid because she said the VP is “in charge” of the Senate instead of “president of the senate” They must be stopped they are destroying this country. We must declare war on the media.

  43. And BTW, this is the prayer that I know of for St. Martin de Porres:

    Prayer to St. Martin de Porres
    To you Saint Martin de Porres we prayerfully lift up our hearts filled with serene confidence and devotion. Mindful of your unbounded and helpful charity to all levels of society and also of your meekness and humility of heart, we offer our petitions to you. Pour out upon our families the precious gifts of your solicitous and generous intercession; show to the people of every race and every color the paths of unity and of justice; implore from our Father in heaven the coming of his kingdom, so that through mutual benevolence in God men may increase the fruits of grace and merit the rewards of eternal life. Amen.

  44. aw, isn’t this lovely (also on st. obama’s website, of course he will say its an individual and he cannot watch his whole website)

    http://my.barackobama.com/page/outreach/view/main/StObama

  45. I read that he said “gaelic noses” not garlic noses, jus sayin.

    Oh so now tis the Irish he’s pickin’ on!

    But what the Rev really meant was “Gallic” noses. C’mon, everyone hates the French, right?

    Just a little r@cist humor seeing as I’ve been labeled r@cist one time too many.

  46. As a Catholic raised on the latin mass, I can assure everybody that St. Martin and Obama are light years apart even if I leave out human life issues.

    The former is a saint and thaumaturge who suffered from intense racism; the latter is a con man whose campaign uses false accusations of racism as a bludgeon to get its man elected.

  47. Guys, if you find the prayer cards offensive, you will see a “Report Ojectionable Content” under the post ainnj linked to.

    Feel free to let your fingers do the talking.

    🙂

  48. britgirls – I think you’re right. You know it couldn’t be Gaelic. The Irish don’t use garlic!

    🙂

  49. http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,443141,00.html

    Top officials in Iran are proposing a preemptive strike against Israel to avoid an assault on its nuclear reactors, Israel’s Haaretz newspaper reported Wednesday.

    Senior Tehran official Dr. Seyed G. Safavi said at a recent briefing in London that the proposal followed threats by Israeli authorities, but a possible preemptive strike against Israel has not yet been incorporated into Iranian policy.

    Israeli Transportation Minister Shaul Mofaz said in June that Israel would be forced to strike Iran’s nuclear reactor if Tehran continues to pursue its controversial uranium enrichment program, Haaretz reported.
    **************************************************

    so first thing after his coronation mr. obama is going to call up Pres. ahmadinejad and have a serious heart to heart. yeah, that should work.

    And the vote in florida is actually close?

  50. OT: Colin Powell. I have been wanting to shout this from the roof tops. How can Meet the Press blow up a Colin Powell endorsement of Obama as a big deal and a solemn occasion when this man in making that endorsement talks about Obama’s great decision making skills as exemplified by his non-action and cool distance in the great economic crisis? How can this man whose decision making led him to present to all Americans and the world as a deperatate world menace from a “credible, imminent” threat of Saddam Weapons of Mass Destruction? If Colin Powell has carefully in his methodical military way reached the decision that Obama is indeed “The One” then based upon his credibility and decision-making should not everyone be voting for the opposite?

  51. great job madamab — this is more a horror play then a comedy, though. You have captured exactly what is going on here, especially this quote:
    He doesn’t understand that it’s not the statement itself, it’s who said it. And who said it is our beloved Secretary of Faith-Based Initiatives, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright. So how can a holy man like that be a racist?

  52. EEK! I’m in moderation — some one please free me (used the “r” word quoting the play)

  53. Actually what Wright REALLY meant to say was “Phallic noses”, at least that’s what Bob Herbert told me 😉

  54. TheRealKim, on October 22nd, 2008 at 2:39 pm Said:
    If you ask me half the Obots are just crazy.

    Probably because they are following those two self-serving raving lunatics at the top of the Dem ticket.

    “Crazy people make people crazy”, my sister, the psychiatric nurse’s favorite adage.

  55. I would report objectionable content re: those prayer cards but I don’t want the O camp. having my email — well, I’m sure I’m on their list somewhere anyway, but I don’t need to be waving a red flag in their faces.
    Please free my last post from moderation. Thanks.

  56. But, Sal, Gerard Depardieu’s nickname is pen!s nose. It all comes back to the Frogs.

  57. ainnj, on October 22nd, 2008 at 2:51 pm Said:

    aw, isn’t this lovely (also on st. obama’s website, of course he will say its an individual and he cannot watch his whole website)

    http://my.barackobama.com/page/outreach/view/main/StObama

    They need some help, they don’t even realize that they are offending people and their religious beliefs.

  58. Somehow I managed to use the r word twice in one post without getting thrown into moderation.

    Is it possible that wordpress is on the side of the good guys?

  59. Hee!

    There are three “good” posts in moderation right now. Someday RD will give me more rights so I can approve them. I tried, I really did…

  60. britgirls,

    😀 poor big nosed bastard. he was quite funny in Green Card.

  61. OK, I am off to work, have a good day and remember to tell them: DON’T BLAME ME…I VOTED FOR HILLARY!

  62. Guten abent!

  63. […] Now party of a great play: The Racism game CAREY: Ooooh indeed! Well, let’s start the show. Because it’s a special night, we’ve got some celebrities with us! […]

  64. I must say, as an atheist (was raised in a Catholic family), I find these Obama prayer cards really creepy. And what an insult to St. Martin!

    What’s next, will they circulate images of Obama on a crucifix if we don’t vote for him?

  65. FLVoter — I’m catholic too (Greek Orthodox) and I find the portrayal of Obama as a saint on the candle & prayer cards (not to mention the “prayer” on those cards to “get out the vote) not only offensive, sacrilegious. Anyone who can justify the use of Obama’s face on these images has lost their minds, imo.

  66. Your plays get darker and funnier…Its a sign of the times I guess

  67. Bye Woman Voter!!! Have a good afternoon…

    Hey, there’s nothing wrong with having a big nose. Some of our finest citizens have had them.

    (looks in mirror at outsized schnozz)

    And I LOVE Gerard Depardieu.

  68. myiq — spreken zie deutsch?

  69. That sure is a big-headed “saint”

  70. I had to run downtown on an errand and passed the Westin-Poinsett Hotel. It reminded me of my former Obot days. I had breakfast with Kathleen Turner, who is a huge Obamabot.
    😯

  71. Thanks, EOF!

    Just got a letter from Wes Clark – reduced to fearmongering on The One’s behalf.

    Dear Madamab,

    A responsible withdrawal from Iraq? Filibuster.

    Reform the health care system? Filibuster.

    Investment in renewables and a new energy economy? Filibuster.

    That’s what we can expect to happen to Barack Obama’s agenda if we don’t elect enough Democrats to the Senate on November 4. Republicans have filibustered a record-breaking 94 times in the last two years! Imagine what they will do when faced with Barack Obama’s agenda for change.

    Ya know, if Harry Reid had made the Republicans ACTUALLY filibuster every time instead of accepting the “pro forma” version, I think we could have gotten a jump on that agenda a while ago. But our Congresscritters are apparently averse to any sort of “hard work.”

  72. What’s next, will they circulate images of Obama on a crucifix if we don’t vote for him?

    I don’t know about that, but I might consider writing a poem about this country crucified if enough people do vote for him.

  73. There is an image of Sarah Palin in corn fields? Aliens are paying tribute to her?!?!

  74. and these are the same people who fell off the fainting couch when GWB said his favorite philosopher was Jesus. Oh, and I wonder how it would go over if they put cheney’s face on there. hmm…..

  75. Ja, ich sprechen klein Deutche

  76. I’m not privileged with a direct line of communication to Wes Clark; those who are might want to ask him what happened to Obama’s promised filibuster of FISA.

    Did the Great Leader figure out that he couldn’t simultaneously sleep on a cot to block a bad law while campaigning for the presidency in all fifty-seven states?

  77. madamab:

    You know what they say about guys with big noses

  78. dyb…the truth is out there. remember when the weekly world news said that Clinton was endorsed by the aliens and had a pic of him shaking hands with the greys?

  79. batboy has endorsed obama of course.

  80. madamab:

    Dirty Harry can’t even get 100% of the Dems to vote with him.

  81. miq, This is an American blog. Speak American!

  82. Gary – Democratic MessiahDent – Good
    Republican MessiahDent – Bad

    There, I’ve explained it to your low-information PUMA mind. Now, drink your Kool-Aid like a good boy, and you’ll feel much better!

    🙂

  83. eww!!! I thought you said this was americablog…..

  84. Mawm:

    Si senor! Yo hablo Espanol tambien.

  85. Myiq – LOL! Dirty Harry – I like that.

    I find that guys with big noses also have large…brains.

    That is what you meant, isn’t it?

    (bats eyelashes innocently)

  86. big noses…big boogers!

  87. Gary:

    Speaking of americablog, I had an avarosis once. I got it lanced but I had to sit on a donut pillow for a few days.

  88. Large noses = large amounts of sunscreen.

  89. I have always had a weakness for guys with big noses.
    😆

  90. (giggling uncontrollably)

  91. Gary picked the winner

  92. Severus Snape!

  93. Incidentally, why is Drew Carey hosting the game? Did he say something? I was always under the impression that he was a Republican (though not a fan of Dubya.) I think Bill Maher should be hosting!

  94. My poor big-nosed children can attest to that.

  95. Clowns wear REALLY big shoes.

  96. Clowns have really bad athlete’s foot.

  97. what is it with greek ex republicans trying to destroy our democracy?

  98. Kim – I’m sure your kids are gorgeous, just like you.

    DYB – Drew Carey is a great game-show host, who currently heads up “The Price is Right.” I’m not sure if he is a Republican or not, but he is an actor and would go where the money is, IMHO.

  99. I kept wondering what kind of October surprize Obi is dreading as he urges everyone to “Vote now! Vote early!” I’m thinking that Joe’s loose lips were talking about the draft, the other day. Since Obi is depending so much on the young vote, could that be it?

  100. They were the shoes and inside the shoes are very small feet.

  101. They wear the shoes and inside the shoes are very small feet.

  102. YEs they are beautiful, as I am sure yours will be. But you gotta have them first. Of course, practicing helps.
    😛

  103. Mad: Practice early and often. Be creative with it!

  104. Freakin’ hell, Gary. That’s actually true!

    http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/election-08/bat-boy-backs-obatma/

  105. myiq — aufreizend!

  106. Hee hee hee – I love all the advice I’m getting!

    I’ve been married for almost 12 years, ladies. I have SOME idea of how baby-making is done.

    😉

  107. Mawm, on October 22nd, 2008 at 3:27 pm Said:

    miq, This is an American blog. Speak American!
    __________________________________________

    You betcha! mawm.

    Does anyone think BO speaks American?

    He tries to speak hip, but like everything else he does it sounds phony.

  108. Thank you, madamab!
    This much needed satire is extremely well done.

  109. Thanks, Heidi Li!

    Everyone should click on the Batboy endorsement link above. It is absolutely brilliant!!!

    🙂

  110. gary — Greeks reject & disown the likes of Avrios, Arriana, etc.

  111. brit girls–would I lie to you? I get most of my news from weekly world news. batboy has had some scrapes with the law in the past though, I don’t see how his endorsement can help.

  112. A favor folks: can you help spread the word about a rapid fire match offer just made to Democrats For Principle Before Party (spreading the word is more important for this than even donating, because the deadline is 8 pm tonight). Details about the match are at our website here: http://tdg.typepad.com/democrats_for_principle_b/2008/10/rapid-fire-match-help-democrats-for-principle-before-party-help-election-protection.html

    Here’s a bit of the text from that post:
    “One of our supporters has generously volunteered to donate $250 to the nonpartisan anti-election-fraud group, Election Protection, if we receive $250 in donations by 8 p.m. eastern today, Wednesday, October 22. If you are donating toward this match please put “Election Protection” in the “purpose” box on Paypal.”

  113. and tina fey has been impersonating Palin so much she went and shot bigfoot, doncha know!

    http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/celebs/tina-fey-shoots-a-bigfoot/

  114. gary — Greeks reject & disown the likes of Avrios, Arriana, etc.

  115. GCH – I love this part:

    Even insiders are unsure of what was else was said behind closed doors, but assumed talks centered on how to present Bat Boy’s status as a mutant and former felon to the American Bible-Belt.

    :laugh:

  116. I love obama’s half brother “Obatma” lol meanwhile McCain is negotiating between angels and demons….I think that angel might be from West Hollywood….

    http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/mccain-negotiates-between-angels-and-demons/

  117. madamab, on October 22nd, 2008 at 3:41 pm Said:

    Hee hee hee – I love all the advice I’m getting!

    I’ve been married for almost 12 years, ladies. I have SOME idea of how baby-making is done.

    I don’t know about that madamab — how many babies do you have running around? 🙂

  118. madamab LOLOLOLL!!!!!!

  119. angie, good for them.

  120. Awwww, angie – you had to go there!

    🙂

  121. Speaking of the r@cism thing.

    Just wanted to let PA folks know that not only are they “r@cists” and “rednecks”, but are now also “crackers”.

    http://www.philly.com/dailynews/local/20081021_John_Baer__Is_McCain_banking_on_the__cracker_factor__in_Pa__.html

  122. Arrianna is greek? I thought she was Hungarian like zha-zha gabor.

  123. Okay, I’m now cruising the WWN website. It looks like McCain can counter the coveted “Batboy” endorsement with the equally coveted “Ed Anger” endorsement!

    Ed Anger Endorses John McCain

  124. Thanks for all the laughs today. And now I can add Weekly World News to the few sites that are safe to visit. I’m down to Oddly Enough news from Reuters, Hillbuzz, and of course The Confluence.

  125. That was really an imitation of my mother, madamab — who is actively urging me to have a baby so she can have a grandchild. She actually said those exact words to me once when I got frustrated & told her “I know how to get pregnant, mom.” The only difference is she wasn’t joking around!!! 🙂

  126. OMG, Sal.

    OMG.

    That’s just disgusting.

  127. Here’s an idea … shall we all change our avatars on Halloween? Like a Halloween costume contest.

    Here’s my Halloween outfit … a Saltine cracker, toting an AK-47 and a Bible. Can you guess where I’m from???

  128. Sal, that writer should learn how to form paragraphs instead of a long list of sentences.

    The cheese is definitely sliding off that cracker.

  129. Mawm — she’s Greek — her maiden name is Arianna Stassinopoulos & she was born in Athens, Greece. I’m so ashamed.

  130. Angie – LOL!

    My dad and stepmom are less than subtle about it as well. And my mother-in-law has 10 grandchildren, but pointedly tells me, “There’s always room for one more!”

    By the way, my husband is Greek Orthodox too. Oy vey is mir!

  131. Britgirls – I LOVE that idea!!! Cling to that gun and bible, bitterly!!!

    Okay everyone – seriously, let’s do it. On Halloween, represent your reasons why you’re not voting Obama!

  132. madamb,

    I hope you have a spot for him on the next game show, right next to Mr. “Socialist is Black”

    mawm,

    😀 And to think that this idiot was called one of the top 10 political journalists outside of Washington by the National Journal

  133. madamab, will your first child be an abba?

  134. Britgirls, I love it

  135. britgirls,

    I think you also need to stick a photo of your relative to your outfit. I believe the original quote was cling to family guns and religion. Wouldn’t wanna misquote the Obamessiah now.

  136. Sal, McCain is in Penn, because he is close to defeating Obama there. It is as simple as that.

    Very interesting that cracker boy can’t even entertain the thought that the polls are BS.

  137. madamab — it makes me happy to know your husband is Greek — now I know you have a husband who loves family & that makes me happy for you. However a Greek mother-in-law? Well, all I can say is thank god she has 10 other grandchildren, because if she didn’t she would be unbearable! 🙂

  138. madamab..I am now addicted to the WWN website. britgirls that is a FABULOUS idea!!!! I’m in….we should promote it next week. 🙂

  139. The saddest part is he may actually believe he is the second coming!

    If it weren’t for Angienc and myiq flirting outrageously here at the Confluence I’d be in a perpetual funk. That and my son’s dry humor. I miss him.

    madamab- My ex and I thought we had everything planned. When my first child came as a surprise, we weren’t ready (if one can ever be ready). We were so happy in spite of the situation we were in: students with little income. I got pregnant again while breastfeeding. My ex wanted me to terminate the pregnancy for reasons which seemed logical to him, but we were in a much better situation. I made the decision to have our child, and I’m glad I did it. Once my ex saw the baby he promptly forgot all his misgivings.

    It’s an intensely personal decision, and no time ever seems ideal. Whatever you decide, it will be right for you.

  140. looking for integrity — I am always happy to spread joy — I told y’all I sparkle! 🙂

    If it weren’t for Angienc and myiq flirting outrageously here at the Confluence I’d be in a perpetual funk.

  141. I remember when Arianna’s ex was running for Senator as a GOPer and she was his #1 supporter.

    After he lost he came out of the closet and she became a Democrat.

    The difference is he’s really gay.

  142. Halloween Costume idea — so, should I go as a uterus? That’s why I’m not voting for Obama.

  143. destardi,

    So basically, Obama is the candidate that the uber rich and corporate America has bought. I guess after so much money collected, Obama will not owe anybody anything right because these people and companies gave to Obama out of the bottom of their hearts?

  144. angienc … toooo funny!

    😀

  145. uhbama is a Leo…when you’re not covering him with praise, he gets pissy and throws you away.

    *note, not all Leo’s of course..but you ARE gluttons for adoration 🙂 I speak from experience.

  146. LOL — myiq — true — she worked for Newt Gingrich for crying out loud. Now, granted she says she is Independent, but how any self-respecting or, better yet, self-aware Democrat can actually listen to her political defies logic. Of course, the Obots are awfully short on logic.

  147. FLVoter, on October 22nd, 2008 at 4:08 pm Said:
    ——————–

    Of course, FLVoter! He’s free and clear, and will have no strings attached when he is making major policy decisions. Jus like teh Shrub…eh, heh.

  148. Did anyone else see the article on the Gallup site? It’s about how young voters aren’t going to show up yet again.

  149. FLVoter — Obama is a gift from God — his donors are buying their salvation.

  150. Don’t hate me if this has been posted…

    but considering the AP is notoriously biased for uhbama with writers such as Nedra Pickler…since this is coming from them, it’s interesting.

    It’s a deadheat! Confirming what I suspect…

    http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D93VM4PO0&show_article=1

  151. Heidi-

    I just put a check in the mailbox today. Will it count towards the match? I won’t use a card on line because I’ve already gone through identity theft. Mine has the .44.

  152. Ga6th — I haven’t seen it, but hopefully it doesn’t get spread around to spur those brats out to the polls! God, maybe my dad is right — Obama has made me become a Republican!

  153. Mawm,

    I don’t doubt it, those folks in PA are good and decent folk who work hard for a living, and helped Hillary win by 10. I can’t imagine that any of them likes being called a r@cist or cracker.

    Some NYCers may remember Fernando Ferer’s campaign (also ran by David Axelrod), that had the main theme of “vote for me because I’m Hispanic”. That didn’t work too well even in this liberal town.

  154. destardi — great news, and what I expected. However, I take that article to mean that BO is down in the polls & the AP, in desperation, is releasing that it is a “dead heat” to spur those Obots out to the polls.

  155. I can’t dress up as why I won’t vote for Obama. I think he is a d@!khead and that is just unappropriate.

  156. Gerard Depardieu rocks! So sad to have heard about Guillaume Depardieu’s death recently. (He did not have his father’s nose.)

  157. The first 25 bucks toward this match has come in. If you can let anybody you know who cares about voter fraud realize they have a good opportunity to double their impact, I would be most grateful.

    Sorry to interrupt the general merriment with this sort of business, but I’m not sure how else to publicize.

    Heidi Li, on October 22nd, 2008 at 3:47 pm Said:

    A favor folks: can you help spread the word about a rapid fire match offer just made to Democrats For Principle Before Party (spreading the word is more important for this than even donating, because the deadline is 8 pm tonight). Details about the match are at our website here: http://tdg.typepad.com/democrats_for_principle_b/2008/10/rapid-fire-match-help-democrats-for-principle-before-party-help-election-protection.html

    Here’s a bit of the text from that post:
    “One of our supporters has generously volunteered to donate $250 to the nonpartisan anti-election-fraud group, Election Protection, if we receive $250 in donations by 8 p.m. eastern today, Wednesday, October 22. If you are donating toward this match please put “Election Protection” in the “purpose” box on Paypal.”

  158. cracker comes from “cracking the whip” from slave days, so I don’t even think the term could even apply to Penn because they weren’t a slave state.

  159. conservative woman calling into Hannity right now…found out about Pumas on internet…. hyping up the Pumas…. saying Pumas are energized…. not being polled…

  160. Sal, on October 22nd, 2008 at 3:54 pm Said:
    Speaking of the r@cism thing.

    Just wanted to let PA folks know that not only are they “r@cists” and “rednecks”, but are now also “crackers”.
    ***********************************************8

    LOL, the first (or last) comment on there asks incredulously “so if we don’t vote for obama we’re racists?”. Well duh, of course! Did this guy just get wake up from a 19 month coma?

  161. angienc,

    If Obots are going to heaven, then I would rather go to hell-o. Besides, I heard its warmer there and living in FL has thinned my blood. If it gets below 75 outside, I think its cold.

  162. madamab: Wonderful work! As usual. Just got in from being out all day and what a treat to be able to indulge in one your clever playlets.

    I am off now to light my candle to St. Barack. Best to keep an open mind at all times if my motto. Pass the prayer cards while you are at it. Mine are getting worn out from constant use.

  163. You are right, looking…it will be right if and when it happens.

    Angie – my mother-in-law is actually quite awesome. She and I get along famously. I have a lot less pressure on me given that I am hubby’s fourth wife. I’m the only one she ever really liked, LOL! She doesn’t care that I’m Jewish, only that her beloved son is happy.

  164. FL – I am the same way. I am sitting here in my office with a space heater running. I have been so cold natured since I left Arizona.

  165. I’m seriously going to dress up as a Pennsylvanian. My neighbors will absolutely LOVE it!

    But now I’m undecided on what kind of cracker? White obviously … so a Saltine would be good. Ritz cracker? Is that a little too fancy for a humble Pennsylvanian? Goldfish cracker … bringing both the cracker slur and fish (symbol of God) together? Or will this symbolism go over the heads of us low-information voters?

  166. TheRealKim, on October 22nd, 2008 at 4:18 pm Said:
    FL – I am the same way. I am sitting here in my office with a space heater running. I have been so cold natured since I left Arizona.
    ***************************************

    I am freezing!!! And its about 50 here in nj……ugh

  167. Pat I missed you today
    😕

  168. (giggling hysterically again)

    I am picturing uteri and penii as avatars…LOLOLOLOL

  169. Hell it is 65 here and I am so cold.

  170. The Unholy Triumvirate of Obama, Pelosi, and Reid:

    http://www.spectator.org/archives/2008/10/22/the-unholy-triumvirate

    the article is boring and predictable but I do love the title!

  171. TheRealKim, on October 22nd, 2008 at 4:22 pm Said:
    Hell it is 65 here and I am so cold.

    ********************************
    65 sounds mighty good to me!

  172. Funny joke i came across:

    Sarah Palin is invited to meet with the Pope while he is vacationing south of Rome in Venice .

    The liberal press reluctantly watches the semi-private audience, hoping they will be able to allot minimal coverage, if any.

    The Pope asks Governor Palin to join him on a Gondola ride through the canals of Venice .

    They are admiring the sights and agreeing on moral issues when, all of a sudden, the Pope’s hat (zucchetto) blows off his head and out into the water. The gondolier starts to reach for the Pontiff’s cap with his pole, but this move threatens to overturn the floating craft.

    Sarah waves the tour guide off, saying, “Wait, wait. I’ll take care of this. Don’t worry.”

    She steps off the gondola onto the surface of the water and walks out to the Pope’s hat, bends over and picks it up. She walks back across the water to the gondola and steps aboard. She hands the hat to the Pope amid stunned silence.

    The next morning the topic of conversation among Democrats in Congress, CBS News, NBC News, ABC News, MSNBC, CNN, the New York Times, Hollywood celebrities, and in France , and Germany is:

    “Palin Can’t Swim”

  173. ainnj – Yes, pulling about 45 now here in NY, with wind!

  174. Kim: Wed is my “nanny” day. I take care of a 4 month old whose grandmother is a friend from 6:30am to 3pm. How I get myself roped into these things is beyond me. For the record: I am no longer 21!

  175. BPD – LOLOLOLOLOL!

    Perfect!

  176. it got pretty frigging cold real quick in NYC. My dog is waking me up earlier and earlier every morning to put her on our bed. 😀

  177. Madama, we are, if anything, blatantly honest.

  178. Bob Somerby makes a very accurate observation today.

    If Hillary was the nominee the media would still be loving John McCain.

  179. Pat: It is because we are “nice.” God how I hate that word.

  180. Darned right, Kim! You betcha!

    Myiq – Somerby made mincemeat out of Joke Line today, as well as paking the point you mentioned.

    He rocks.

  181. Here in Fort Lauderdale the high was in the 80s (I think 83) and the low is supposed to be 74. Oops, dropped delow 75, so the fuzzy socks will have to be worn tonight. My hubby hates the fuzzy socks.

  182. myiq2xu, on October 22nd, 2008 at 4:26 pm

    I think the media would LOVE anyone who wasn’t Hillary if she won the nomination. They would blame the entire thing on her and make it seem like every AA in America would stay home to protest her candidacy. The GOP coulda put up Kermit the Frog and the media would show him more love than it would show Hillary. The anger from dkos and NBC”News” would have been crazy.

  183. test…oh noes…

  184. gerard depardieu is not dead…check his wiki…his son recently passed away though 😦

  185. Sal:

    You betcha!

    We would be hearing over and over and over how AA voters were gonna stay home because Obama was robbed by the r@cist superdelegates.

  186. Oops! “paking the point?!” LOL

  187. OT: I must say that “Sarah Palin” and “Barack Obama” sound much prettier in their French pronunciations.

  188. Sal – And yet, she would be ahead by 20 points nonetheless.

    The schadenfreude would have been so delicious…

  189. I don’t have a husband, so I wear fuzzy socks, flannel pj’s and granny undies. Life is Good.
    😎

  190. FLVoter, 74? My favorite temperature, sigh. 51 here in PA.

  191. I also eat potato chips in bed

  192. madamab, we knew what you meant: paking the moint.
    It helps to pake the moint as pearly as clossible.

  193. I would rather be considered a “ra*cist” for not voting for Obama then an “Obamabot” if I did. I hate the taste of Kool Aid.

  194. TheRealKim, on October 22nd, 2008 at 4:41 pm Said:

    I also eat potato chips in bed
    ___________________________________________

    Hey, what’s this turning us on at 4 something in the pm?

  195. Kim – you’re giving away the secrets of the single woman!

  196. Kim, those crumbs represent your new freedom.

  197. Kim: Me too! We are just in rehearsal for the nursing home! Jello and soup to follow and I will be all set.

  198. madamb,

    much as I love McCain, I don’t doubt that.

    Bad economy + proven commodity + someone who knows what the hell they’re doing + not a Republican = Hillary Landslide

    Bad economy + unproven and unqualified commodity + someone who has no clue what the hell they’re doing + not a Republican = a 1 point race for Barry despite having spent $600M on the race, not counting October.

  199. Urge –

    POL!

  200. Ft. Lauderdale? Aw, that makes me think of my grandfather. I used to love visiting him there. He lived in one of those retirement high-rises a block from the beach. He’s been gone a long time now but I still remember the address and everything.

  201. Pat,

    Oh yeeah!

  202. Oh geez, Pat. I just had a horrible vision of an old folks home under the new Obama Health System – there’s Kool Aid before and after every meal.

  203. we have often asked here why the obots act as they do. Here is a link to an article in UK’s Independent which is sobering and may explain that a little bit – especially the part regarding resistance.

    http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/a-harsh-lesson-for-germany-courtesy-of-its-socialist-past-968642.html

    The classroom renactment is true to life. We lived in Berlin for over a decade, a portion of that time being before the wall came down. We were able to get East German TV so we know what was said and how the govt. acted. I went to East Germany as part of an academic travel so I saw this first hand. After the reunification as the STASI files were gradually made available to the public we read them.

  204. urge – you really think there’ll be old folks under Obama? Pfft! “Soylent Green is people!”

  205. New post up! Hopefully, not too sad, but I am right now. I think there’s a ray of light.

  206. Oh, and I forgot to say, another great play, madamab!

  207. destardi, on October 22nd, 2008 at 4:12 pm Said:

    Don’t hate me if this has been posted…

    but considering the AP is notoriously biased for uhbama with writers such as Nedra Pickler…since this is coming from them, it’s interesting.

    It’s a deadheat! Confirming what I suspect…

    http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D93VM4PO0&show_article=1

    Yes I hate you! I hate you hate you hate you!!! 😉

    I put it up earlier in a tiny URL because I can’t do anchor tags worth a damn and wp doesn’t like it when I paste in a line for whatever reasons!

  208. I’m just saying things are good, that’s all. I wear what’s comfy to bed and eat when I want and where I want and own my vote. So all you barky bots out there, watch out for those women you don’t need.

  209. paste in a link. Maybe that’s why my tags don’t work!

  210. Sal –

    Bad economy + unproven and unqualified commodity + someone who has no clue what the hell they’re doing + not a Republican = a 1 point race for Barry despite having spent $600M on the race, not counting October.

    Imagine if McCain were doing as poorly as Obama, although he had all the money and free press in the world. Wouldn’t you feel that your party picked the wrong nominee? Gawd, it pisses me off so much!!! Grrrrrrrrr….

  211. Oh to be able to wear fuzzy socks all the time! That and chocolate.

  212. I just went to the post office, and hadn’t been for a few days, so the mail piled up. Just a few days though. There were four–count ’em, FOUR–requests for money from Obama & surrogates (Biden, Kennedy, & Michelle O). They just raised $150 million dollars and they are begging for more money?! What the hell is this guy planning to do, plaster his face all over every tree in the country? I am already so sick of looking at him. And we wonder how he raises all this money–the harass people until they finally donate. It’s even more idiotic, because I have sent EVERY SINGLE REQUEST back, for months, with PUMA statements all over the form. This guy just irritates me on so many levels!

  213. madamb,

    If McCain had opted out of public financing, I would have instantly considered simply staying home. I would have been wondering if my party got the wrong guy before he even started fund raising for the GE 😛 I am a VERY big supporter of public financing, and it was one of the main reasons why I was able to hold my nose and vote for Kerry over Bush in 2004.

    I know your party picked the wrong candidate, I’ll tell you that Republicans did not want to face Hillary in the GE. The media, frankly, sold a bill of goods about the whole polarizing figure crap. She won 70% of the vote in NY state. 70%! She reached consistently across the aisle to work with Republicans. There is absolutely NO way she would be as polarizing as Obama is right now.

  214. madamab: “Imagine if McCain were doing as poorly as Obama, although he had all the money and free press in the world. Wouldn’t you feel that your party picked the wrong nominee? Gawd, it pisses me off so much!!! Grrrrrrrrr….”

    THIS is the very heart of the obot problem. They don’t feel like they picked the wrong person. They think that A) those who don’t support Obama are racists and B) they just need to throw more money at the campaign, flood the airwaves with Obamaganda and steal as many votes as possible so they can force their candidate on the rest of us. It’s absolute madness!

  215. Who said Gerard Depardieu was dead?? No, his son Guillaume – a successful actor in his own right – recently died. His credits included “Tous Les Matins Du Monde,” “The Count of Monte Cristo” (in both of these Gerard would play the older versions of his characters), Pola X, and “Napoleon.” (Among many other titles.)

  216. DYB, on October 22nd, 2008 at 5:10 pm Said:

    I misread, sorry!

    I like Gerard’s acting, and your post threw me for a loop. my bad!

  217. Sal, on October 22nd, 2008 at 3:54 pm Said:
    Speaking of the r@cism thing.

    Just wanted to let PA folks know that not only are they “r@cists” and “rednecks”, but are now also “crackers”.

    http://www.philly.com/dailynews/local/20081021_John_Baer__Is_McCain_banking_on_the__cracker_factor__in_Pa__.html

    Thanks for the link. I read all the comments I feel Mccain can win PA. He seems to have lot of supporters

  218. daily acorn:

    AP: Elections Officials Find More Possible Registration Fraud
    CLEVELAND — Elections officials in the Cleveland area have identified 14 more cases of potential voter registration fraud involving a voter advocacy group accused of submitting false registration forms in several states…
    Earlier this month, the board asked the prosecutor to investigate various other allegations, including at least four dozen registrations obtained by ACORN from a single voter.
    Ballots of the voters in question will be counted provisionally unless the board can prove their eligibility. No charges have been filed.
    http://www.examiner.com/a-1649632~Ohio_county_finds_more_possible_registration_fraud.html

  219. You’ve outdone yourself with this play madamab! I don’t know how you do it. Thanks for the laughs.

  220. Not directed at you MadamB…. love your posts….

    However, I find that picture very offputting. I’m a Catholic (and a pro-choice DEM)… and to see The One’s face super-imposed on St. Anthony with the Rosary is AWFUL. I don’t have gentile sensibilities, but repeatedly seeing that kind of thing puts me in full blown BO vomit-mode.

    Instead, maybe someone can put his mug on some other religious guru… maybe on a Zoroastrian symbol (as mentioned in McCain’s roast on Obama in homage to Clinton)? 🙂

    Sorry, I’m Ms. Grumpy Grump today :S

    :: note to self :: check calendar for date of PMS onset ::

    🙂

  221. “I’m sure it’s a lovely place with many fine, patriotic citizens.”

    Well, there is a prison there.

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