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Deprogramming and Kool-aid Detox

I’ve been asked repeatedly of late if I have any tips for people who have loved ones trapped in the cult of Obama.  After consulting with my good friend Captain Spaulding who has lots of experience with cults and trapping people, I offer this handy guide.

Obamamania is no joke.  The first step is believing the media hype.  Then comes the experimentation with Kool-aid, and before you know it, BAM! – you’re a brain-eating zombie.

It makes me ill when I smell the fetid stench of sugary swamp bilge oozing from some Kool-aid slurper’s pores.  I think it’s the rotting odor of decaying brain cells wafting out with every hot exhalation.

You can spot an Obot by looking for some or all of the following signs:

1.  The inability to use logic and think rationally.

2.  Paranoid delusions that everyone (except fellow cult-members) is a racist

3. Uncontrollable outbursts of sexism and misogyny (similar to Tourette’s)

4.  Bright discoloration around the nostrils (caused by snorting the Kool-aid in powder form)

If your friend or beloved family member isn’t already, um . . . “receptive and ready” to begin deprogramming, you will have go catch them convince them to come with you for treatment.  The Captain recommends duct tape and a large windowless van for transportation.

Before your patient arrives, you need to make preparations.  We recommend a large house, preferably with a basement and neighbors who mind their own business.  Select a well-lit and cozy room and furnish it with a comfortable bed and chairs.  On every wall should hang several pictures of Hillary and Bill Clinton.  Pleasant music and aroma-therapy scents should be brought in.  This will be your room.

Take the least desirable room of the house, and remove any amenities like carpeting or lighting.  Board up the windows but be sure to leave openings for cold drafts.  Plumbing is optional, depending on your sense of smell and how hard you plan to work.  A plastic bucket works for the Captain, but you may want to include lots of air freshener.

“Brain-eating” is a metaphor, your patient will eat other things.  Gruel is a common and easy to prepare meal, with some occasional “mystery meat” from your refrigerator for variety.  DO NOT feed them Cheetos, no matter how much they beg or plead.  Those little orange puffs of imitation food are a gateway drug.

The length and intensity of the treatment will depend on how much you really care about your patient and what happens on November 4th.  For the first step in the treatment process you will need to obtain a fish about 18 inches to 2 feet in length.  Fresh fish are available for a reasonable price in most large supermarkets, but for those on a budget you can obtain not-so-fresh fish for free from the supermarket dumpster. 

Secure your patient to a chair with generous amounts of duct tape, leaving their head and shoulders exposed.  Blindfolds optional.  In a loud firm voice say “Nobama”  while striking your patient across the face with the fish.  (Don’t hold back, really smack them)  Continue saying “Nobama” while striking them back and forth in the face with the fish.  Go ahead and yell it if the neighbors can’t hear.  Keep doing this until your arms are too tired to continue.

This won’t help your patient but by now you should feel much better.  Repeat Step 1 as often as you feel like it, but eventually you may need another fish.

With luck, sometime around mid-November you can release your patient while laughing at them mockingly.  It is possible,  however, that you may have to keep them somewhat longer, until they either exclaim “My God, what did I do?” or you lose patience and brick up the entrance to their room.  (I will remind you that Captain Spaulding does need organ donors and is willing to pay finder’s fees, no questions asked.)

I hope this guide has been helpful.  Good luck and happy hunting.

69 Responses

  1. Holy mackerel.

  2. Where is everyone this morning?

  3. Secure your guest to a chair with generous amounts of duct tape, leaving their head and shoulders exposed. Blindfolds optional. In a loud firm voice say “Nobama“ while striking your patient across the face with the fish. (Don’t hold back, really smack them) Continue saying “Nobama” while striking them back and forth in the face with the fish. Go ahead and yell it if the neighbors can’t hear. Keep doing this until your arms are too tired to continue.

    ___________

    Are you sure this is correct? I thought that you’re supposed to connect Obama with a bad smell, not Nobama with a bad smell. Shouldn’t you be showing vids of Obama as you smack the Obamazoid with a smelly fish?

  4. Lisadawn:

    Feel free to experiment

  5. Irlandese, on October 11th, 2008 at 10:19 am Said:
    Holy mackerel.
    ______________

    [Snicker]

  6. myiq2xu,

    I couldn’t post a comment for awhile, because I was laughing so hard! Captain Spaulding is a mean mofo. I wouldn’t want to get on his bad side.

  7. ::: BREAKING NEWS :::

    In 2009 the government will start deporting
    all of the weird old people.

    I started crying when I thought of you.

    Run, my friend, RUN !!!!

    Well….what can I say….someone sent it to me! I’m not going alone.

    Got the above from an “R” freind. There was cute pic in it too but it did not come through. May be a response to the agism promoted by BZero, a campanion to the ra*ism, Sex*ism, Misog*mony,elistism, sigh, long list of never before used talking points for a campaign.

    I have never been able to identify the why of the Messiah title – the One title. I stopped watching CNN, MSNBC, ABC, NBC long ago and only cruise through Fox occasionally. But, last night, I saw a really short chip of Farrakhan spewing that message regarding BZero…….and Tom Hayden’s wife finds him transcendental…………? And Fox is semi tepid in support of McCain? If voters do not have the IQ and the moral compass to put this coup d’etate together – we are screwed as a country. People are scared at the situation this country is in. I feel for the people worried about alllll the things out there about BZero – I think there are three things that are not true or really don’t matter. But there are those who do know and who are expressing very real problems with this fraudulent candidate and the media is making fun of them – discounting real questions in a condecending manner.

    If BZero supporters thought it was really in the bag, they wouldn’t be fighting so hard to surpress, but that does not comfort me because of all the $ -people’s careless smug support for this cipher. We’ve been though stolen elections before and recent. So frustrating.
    Sigh, standard MO for me – repost from below

  8. But how do you deal with the fact that McCain supporters are now being categorized (in blogs and in the media) not only as being fundamentally racist but as also now being frightening, violent and threatening fascists (as when the media now presents and interprets McCain rallies) ? How is it possible to deal with that label/judgment? This election is just a mess …

  9. for GREAT MUSIC from the WOMEN of INDEPENDENT MUSIC aka
    GODDESS RADIO to go with your politics and de-programming click here :

    http://www.cygnusradio.com

    and click the big listen button

    or click here

    http://audio.cygnusradio.com:8000/cyg1_hi.m3u

    all independent artists ( deprogramming ) music all the time

    EVA CASSIDY Set still on at this posting

  10. I slept until 9:30 this morning. Ectasy!

    On the koolaid front, my mom is rethinking her tepid support for Obama. She isn’t sure she is going to be able to go through with her plan to vote for “the Democrat.” Yay!

  11. From Anglachel:

    “If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, and then turned in the cans for recycling, you would have $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. This is called the 401-Keg Plan.”
    Daniel, Calgary, Canada

    Sensible people, those Canadians

    http://anglachelg.blogspot.com/2008/10/economics-humor.html

  12. See! See! Proof that John McCain is inciting people to violins!
    The above post condones assault with a fishy weapon! Soon they will be bringing out the comfy chairs then all is lost!

  13. BO needs a ticket to Slovakia; I hear there’s an elite hunting club looking for guys like him.

  14. Speaking of the meltdown, Krugman says that when Paulson let Lehman Bros. go under, he precipitated this whole mess. According to Krugman, if something serious isn’t done this weekend, things are gonna get a whole lot worse.

  15. Irlandese,

    Can you clarify that please? What do mean?

  16. Has anyone heard about UBS? There are rumors floating around CT, where their US HQ’s are, that they’ll be “next”.

  17. OK, I get the reference: Hostel. It still sounds a little off. Let’s not go there.

  18. BB-that’s my stupid pre-coffee reference to that movie Hostel. All the basement/Capt. Spaulding imagery. It’s all miq’s fault.

  19. Another symptom would be the glassy-eyed stare as thye chant “O Bham Ah, O Bham Ah” like the crowd chanting Im ho tep in the movie the mummy.

    I couldn’t post my suggestion for another symptom until I quit laughing and that took some time. Thanks for the laugh. I needed it. I think we all needed it.

    And MrMike @ 10:32, if McCain is

    inciting people to violins

    isn’t that a good thing? How harmful can a fiddle player be? And doesn’t music sooth the savage whatever?

  20. BB–you’re right. My apologies. Bad call. Coffee and happy thoughts for the rest of the morning for me.

  21. Irlandese:

    It’s best you leave the sick humor to those of us with sick minds

  22. Why would my comment be “awaiting moderation”? I What a clique here – I do not support Obama at all and yet I am censored. I was basically only asking a concerned question. What sort of “democratic discussion” goes on here?

  23. Moderation is automated.

    Chill out while I check with Spammy

  24. Thanks for the laugh.

    Given the way the polls are trending, humor is all we have left.

    What’s the suggested antidote to the smugness of the Obot when Teh One wins in nov?

  25. Mr Mike
    You are right! Violins it is! And sorry if I am skeptical about the results of all the procedures exposed in this post. It’s because of those interviews
    http://edgeoforever.wordpress.com/2008/10/11/i-support-obama-and-his-vp-sarah-palin/

  26. after my 4:04 sleep not found awakening early this morning … I went bback to be and slept like a log until almost 9 am and then got set up for my GODDESS RADIO SHOW 🙂
    But i have been reading and I do believe the class identification theory of forgiveness for “upper class terrorism ” is spot on… and worthy of dissemination to what is left of media reporting the truth . and it cuold be effective in changing some peoples minds .

    Ultimately with the economy in such dire straits ; I now strongly believe that a great many more people now wish Hillary were the candidate and more will be pursuaded to vote for the experienced hand , and that McCain will win .

  27. Florida:

    Assuming the worst and Obama wins, reality will set in for Obots when he is in office.

    Look at the shock and dismay over FISA, and imagine 4 years of at least half of Obamanation being upset at everything he does.

  28. swanspirit – yes, totally. Experience plus the need for checks and balances inherent in divided govt. Now if we can only get that message out!!

    Hubby argued this morning that FDR got his agenda through Congress because there wasn’t divided govt. I replied that Bambi ain’t no FDR. He hasn’t talked to me since. It’s gonna be a fun weekend.

  29. If we are to believe the polls, ALL Democrats (including PUMAs) ALL independents and some Republicans have suddenly and for no particular reason decided to support Obama.

    I think it’s just another haka

  30. mmmh sounds like MISERY is meeting the Mossad! Can I use any type of duct tape?

  31. LOL!!! This is a great guide Thanks!

    Now that I have cleaned off my computer, I am wondering if you might have a more shoe string budget friendly program, say, for those of us in apartments or members of the recently impoverished. I can’t even afford the gas to get to the dumpster.

  32. I do not believe the polls , I think some of the polling is extremely skewed and that the reporting of them is part of attempted brainwashing .

  33. vivienne:

    Captain Spaulding endorses 3M duct tape.

    Use of cheaper brands may result in the premature discharge of your patient.

    Remember their motto – “Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver”

  34. myiq2xu – I think this would be a perfect job for Kathy Bates!

    I think it is time to watch Misery again! I think it might be v educational!

  35. Irlandese,

    I can relate. Don’t worry about it….

  36. myiq2xu, on October 11th, 2008 at 10:55 am Said:

    Florida:

    Assuming the worst and Obama wins, reality will set in for Obots when he is in office.

    Look at the shock and dismay over FISA, and imagine 4 years of at least half of Obamanation being upset at everything he does.
    ……………………………………

    First myip2xu, I would place a disclaimer on the post [ This is political humor, do not try this at home.] and secondly let them know that if it were ever tested you have volunteered as the very first subject (the taped one).

    Now to the above quote. I don’t think we wouldn’t know that they his supporters were be unhappy because there will be no dissent allowed. If we can’t ask questions now without being labeled a ra@ist what makes you think anyone will be able to ask questions or criticize anything he does when he is in office?

    We will all walk around fearing the ‘supporters’ much like the non-pod people in the movie…fearing they will point their fingers at us and say we don’t support the most intelligent person on earth. Just listen to this clip and then comment:
    [audio src="http://www.bpmdeejays.com/upload/hs_sal_in_Harlem_100108.mp3" /]

  37. I’m a horror fan myself.

  38. OK, time for my nap. lol

  39. Woman Voter – this is soooo funny, if it would not be sooo sad and disturbing!

  40. Woman Voter,

    OMG, that’s hilarious. I haven’t listened to Howard Stern in a long time even though I have Sirius.

  41. Woman Voter:

    What make you think I haven’t tried this at home?

  42. myiq2xu…did you place me in moderation?

  43. myiq2xu…OK…I am all ears. WHO TIED YOU UP?

  44. myiq2xu,

    I also want to know who smacked you with the fish and how big was LOAN…from the SHARKS!

  45. Well, there is this Almodovar movie: Tie me up! Tie me down!

    Maybe I should have another look at that one as well to refine the technique!

  46. Not Your Sweetie
    http://edgeoforever.wordpress.com/2008/10/11/i-support-obama-and-his-vp-sarah-palin/
    ………………….

    Full post with the audio care of Not Your Sweetie.

  47. Didn’t I tell you I used to be married?

  48. …mmmh and i believed marriage was no requirement for certain activities!

  49. vivienne westwood,

    ALMODOVAR – ATAME – TIE ME UP TIE ME DOWN looks pretty violent, although it does have a young Antonio in it. Too violent for me… 😦

  50. myiq2xu, on October 11th, 2008 at 11:41 am Said:

    Didn’t I tell you I used to be married?
    ………………………………………………………….

    So, you got loose!

  51. Woman Voter – saw it ages ago – dont think it was that dramatic, i believe there is even a happy end. It is one of these surreal Almodovar stories….gotta love the man!

  52. vivienne westwood,

    Intense for me is a good meal, good tea and a good discussion. I even freaked out over the Jessica Alba get out the vote for Obama.

    http://www.ecorazzi.com/2008/09/12/jessica-alba-topless-and-taped-for-new-voting-campaign/

  53. Excellent – looks like somebody has already followed myiq2xu’s advice!

  54. I off for a cupa tea. Best of the morning to you all…including myiq2xu.

  55. vivienne westwood,

    Yup, myiq2xu could be all Hollywood with a bit of zen mixed in.

  56. myiq
    OHMG
    ROFLMAO!
    Best friend’s Obamabot hubby told me to “go f** myself” last night.
    Which organs would Capt. Spaulding be interesting in and how much does he pay?

  57. I used to love Kool-Aid. “Rainbow” was my favorite flavor. Too much sugar to drink now.

    I just had a very surreal conversation with an Obot this morning. It really is like a cult swallowed up half my friends. She said she is voting for Obama because he has the better ideas. I asked, “What are Obama’s ideas?” The answer was entirely predictable: She didn’t have one.

    What is the cure for obotulism? We need to find one fast.

  58. betuscha – I’m afraid to ask, but what are you hearing about UBS?

  59. “R@cist” is a word that a real r@cist uses to attack a non-r@cist, much the same way that Americans are “terrorists” and terrorists are “freedom fighters.”

  60. Ooops – meant to post that in the other new thread.

  61. (Comment included a personal insult directed at myiq2xu and was deleted)

  62. Ivory Bill:

    I understand you don’t think this post is funny. I disagree.

    There was no reason for you to insult me personally, and if you persist in such conduct you will find yourself unwelcome here.

    I could have simply deleted your comment but I think your point is worthy of discussion.

  63. SherryNC – sorry for the delay. We’ve been hearing rumors that there have been internal meetings about shutting down their trading activities in CT – and maybe their CT HQ’s too. Also, FYI, the IRS is investigating their offshore dealings in Liechtenstein.

    http://www.usatoday.com/money/economy/2008-07-17-3298944891_x.htm

  64. Thanks, betuscha.

  65. You’re “funny enough,” myiq2xu. Actually the post is hilarious. Some people just don’t get satire, unfortunately. I’m afraid if OB becomes president, humor and satire will be outlawed.

  66. Anytime, SherryNC. And if you or anyone else hears anything about UBS, pls let me know. It’s a sensitive subject in CT.

  67. betuscha, iirc the CT trading operations were set up fairly recently – mostly investment banking, credit swaps, etc. and got very heavily into the subprime/derivatives fiasco. There definitely has been & will be reductions of employees in that division and I wouldn’t be surprised if they shut CT down. The (squeaky conservative) parent bank in SWTZ is very NOT happy with them. I’d hate to see that happen to CT- love the state (my ancestors settled in the CT R. valley in the 1600’s); but maybe having Dodd heading the Sen. Banking Cmte will be of help (if he doesn’t go down in disgrace over FNM/FRE).

    UBS Bank USA has HQ in Salt Lake City and probably won’t be much affected. They are officially a US bank, FDIC & all that. UBS Wealth Mgmt & all brokerage operations are HQ in NYC/Weehawken, NJ – the old PaineWebber HQ, with branches all over the US.

    I am guessing UBS may have >100k employees in the US, through the original acquisition of PW & multiple regionals over the past ~8 yrs + the Bank. I don’t see it failing but it’s had huge write-downs this year and had to substantially build up reserves.

    Can’t find anything more recent via google than your July USA Today article about the off-shore accounts investigation. That one has potential to get ugly in the current environment. 😦

  68. Egad, myiq, you’re one sick dude.

    Kidnapping, physical violence, special secret rooms…but when that fish came out I just couldn’t stop laughing. Yes, I have had some Obots “in my face.”

    Now I’m going to have to get myself a shrink and it’s all YOUR fault.

  69. SherryNC – wow! Thanks for the insight. Yes, the offshore investigation is going on full force. Can’t comment further.

    CT river valley? I grew up and went to college in Middletown. Small world.

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