Saturday: Truth and Consequences

The Obamaphiles continue their charm offensive to woo and cajol us to vote for Obama.  How sweetly they shower us with attention and affection.  Soon, they will have us eating out of their hands, our tiny little bird brains filled with brilliant Barackian light and music.

F$&* that $*%^!

Can we please get a better brand of troll here?  The ones we have been assigned are insulting our intelligence.  Let’s knock these myths down one at a time:

1. McCain has skin cancer.  He could *die* in office.  DIE, I say!  Then, Sarah Palin would be President.  OMG!  She’s only been a governor for 2 years!  Woe is me!  What shall become of us??? Truth: Tim Kaine has been governor of VA for exactly as long as Palin.  He was on Obama’s short list for VP. So, if Kaine was experienced for Obama, Palin is experienced enough for McCain.  Plus, the Republicans have maintained a more natural order in their ticket.  John McCain is “mentoring” Palin.  It looks logical and good spirited.  As to the health issue, skin cancer, like melanoma which McCain has had, is curable if caught early.  People with John’s skin type, which happens to be mine also, have to be extremely vigilant about noticing changes in the skin but it *is* possible for us to lead healthy, productive lives with sun protection and immediate treatment of lesions.   He’s more likely to die of heart disease.
2. But she’s so inexperienced.  How would she handle the presidency if she had to step in? Truth: Barack Obama has been running for president for as long as Sarah Palin has been running Alaska.  In fact, she is likely to step into the top spot with more ease than Obama because her experience as an executive is more relevant than his as a legislator.
3. She’s a former beauty queen. Truth: Former beauty queens get scholarships to college.  She got one.  She seems to be very smart.  Very tenacious.  We liked those qualities in Hillary.  Plus, she’s easy on the eyes.  So, she shows that women can be attractive and smart and powerful.  And the people screaming “former beauty queen” are showing their bigotry towards women.  I’m so glad we’re getting this all out in the open this year, aren’t you?  Otherwise, we would have spent the next 40 years co-existing with you troglodytes and sleeping with you and stuff, never knowing what you were really thinking.  Now, we can feel confident that if you don’t measure up in bed, it’s not our problem.
4. She’s anti-choice. Truth: We know what she is but if Obamaphiles insist on calling us post-menopausal, dried up pussies, you shouldn’t be surprised if we are suddenly unsympathetic towards young female Obamaphiles who find themselves unintentionally pregnant.  Some of us fought those battles in the 60’s.  Some of us took advantage of the battles won in the 70’s and 80’s.  Some of us continue to fight in the 90’s and 00’s.  But we’re not your parents who are responsible for getting you out of every scrape.  YOU are responsible for your own fate.  If you don’t like the anti-choice leanings of your next president and vice president, work your ass off for downticket Dems so Republicans can’t ram through any more anti-choice legislation.  You’re old enough.  Do it yourself.  Besides, you female Obamaphiles had a choice in Hillary Clinton who was committed to prtecting your reproductive freedom.  Instead, you picked a man who is actively courting evangelical voters and watering down the pro-choice section of the Democratic platform.  And you have the nerve to call US dumb?
5. She thinks creationism should be taught alongside evolution. Truth: So do I.  And I’m a scientist that eats evolution for breakfast.  Hear me out.  Creationism is one of many theories about the origin of life.  Yep.  Betcha you guys forgot about spontaneous generation and the garbage theory (sort of like scientology).  In fact, in my 10th grade biology class, all theories were presented.  It took about 2 days to go through spontaneous generation, the garbage theory and creationism (taught by way of a Navajo myth.  What can I say?  My High School was progressive.)  Once that was over, we spent the rest of the quarter talking about natural selection.  You may be surprised to know that some Christian colleges like Messiah College where Monica Goodling was an undergrad are very natural selection friendly.  They have to be if they are teaching biology in an accredited program.  That’s the way life and biology work and they acknowledge it.  Students are presented with many theories and they are left to sort it out for themselves in an atmosphere that respects evidence based science.  That’s the way it *should* be.  Besides, you can beleive in natural selection and also that your creator caused it to be the way life originated.  Ain’t nobody’s business if you do.  And it keeps the crackpots out of the science class.
6. She’s no Hillary Clinton.  Truth: And neither is Barack Obama.  If the Democrats wanted Hillary Clinton to save Obama’s bacon, really the DNC’s bacon, they should have put her in the top spot and made Obama VP.  That would have been an unbeatable ticket.  Palin seems to have a lot of qualities that Hillary supporters admire.  No, she’s no Hillary Clinton but we didn’t get Hillary despite all of our efforts and the warnings we gave.  It seems like the Democrats are completely blindsided by Sarah Palin.  Heck, we knew she was coming.  She or Christie Todd Whitman were going to kill the Democratic ticket.  But did th DNC listen?  Nooooo. Tough noogies.
7. McCain is only pandering to you wimmin. Truth: Yup.  And???  You think we’re too stupid  to realize this?  Of course he’s pandering to us.  He’s a f%*(ing politician.  That’s what successful politicians do.  They reach out to voting blocs and offer them something.  I know that the Democratic party has abandoned this approach this year because they are above all of that and we’re just supposed to fall in line and hand over our votes like good little girls.  Obama is transcendent and Hillary was just too down to earth and common.  That’s why she needed to be purged.  Or maybe the Democratic party really is just that Good Old Boys club and they only used women’s rights as a come on.  We’re not too stupid to see that.
8. You’re all going to vote for McCain because he picked Palin and it’s all identity politics. Truth: Not necessarily.  Some of us will never be able to cross that ideological divide.  But Palin was the deciding factor for a good many people here.  McCain did something that the DNC refused to do- honor women voters.  As Chicago Dyke said:
   

   More than anything else, she is a clear warning: someone in the McCain campaing has a brain. Bigger than Rove’s, bigger than McCain’s. Fear that, if you long for Democratic victory this fall.

   More than anything else, we want to punish the DNC for turning its back on voters who went to the primary polls in good faith to vote for Hillary Clinton, expecting that our votes would be recognized.  We voted for her in overwhelming numbers in some major D and swing states and our votes were taken from us in the interest of “unity”.  Our delegates were harrassed and intimidated, our persons and characters insulted and derided, our candidate of choice, a brilliant, energetic, dedicated public servant, reduced to a figurehead of “your time has come and gone”.  We were told in no uncertain terms that OUR chance to lead the country had slipped through our fingers in favor of a bunch of amateurish, idealistic, young thugs.  I gotta tell you in advance of the November purge that that attitude went over like a lead balloon.  We will not let you get away with it.  Some of us will stay home.  Some of us will vote N.O.T. (nothing on top).  Some of us will write in or vote third party.  And, now, because of Sarah Palin, some of us feel we have some place to go.

9. The Democrats have no one but themselves to blame.  Oh, absolutely true.