Pennsylvania Primary Cocktail Hour

Well, it looks like Obama made like a banana and split PA for Indiana. Gee, was it something I said? Meanwhile, the bitter cling to their guns and can stop praying he leaves. This calls for a party. After all, it looks like Clinton is going to breeze to the finish line in PA with a comfortable win. How big is anyone’s guess but a win is a win. And after being outspent by something like 3:1, you have to wonder why the frontrunner is, um, having so much trouble winning the biggest, most Democratic states. It’s counterintuitive, isn’t it? If he’s the hot spit Democratic nominee to be, shouldn’t he carry at least one Big Democratic state other than Illinois? How about a single swing state? Huh. I guess he’s not such a BMOC after all.

Welcome to the Clinton Cocktail Party. This is the time of day when we put away our poison keyboards and lift a glass to each other. To the left of the doot is Rico, our bartender with flair. He’s been chomping at the bit for several weeks now and had to take on other jobs tending bar at the Fraternal Order of Internal Hydraulic Technicians parties. But plumbers aren’t nearly as snarky as we are and there were all those bathroom jokes. It gets old. Tonight, he is featuring a Pittsburgh Sunrise as the Cocktail du jour, but you can order anything your like.

Tonight’s featured music is provided by jazz musician, George Benson, also from my home town. This tune, Breezin’, sounds light and mellow. Let’s breeze to the finish line.

This is an open party. Obamaphiles are welcome here too. So, everyone be on your best behavior or check your trigger words with Florence, our lovely checkroom attendant. The waiters will be circulating with some homemade pirogies with onions and sour cream, hot sausage bites, dilly beans and mini Philly cheeseteaks. Please drink responsibly and tip your wait staff generously.

Party on!

Short Takes for 2008-04-22

In recognition of Earth Day, here’s a selection of totally unrelated material:

• A Canadian journalist acutely dissects the conservative subtext of Oprah Winfrey’s Big Give:

Its philosophy is simple, and American: Philanthropy and the private sector, it suggests, can best provide services and solve problems, with the added bonus – and this is important – that they cause no loss of personal liberty … philanthropy evokes religious fervour in the States where it is an accepted alternative to social spending … There was no revelation that decent education and health care are rights in a developed society, not privileges to be bestowed by charity or through Winfrey’s good graces .

• A Georgia sportswriter takes a (cockeyed, IMO) look at Hillary’s nuclear options:

… she wins enough electoral votes to guarantee that no one wins a majority of electoral votes. Then it goes to the House. … 15-20 representatives may say to the rest of the party, either we all vote for Clinton and guarantee a “Democratic” president, or else …

• The North Carolina debate is officially canceled in the interest of party unity! (Rumor was that Obama’s handlers had him practicing a plausibly deniable crotch-grab.)

You have shown tremendous passion and interest in being a part of history as Democrats are poised this year to elect the first female or African-American President. However, there were also growing concerns about what another debate would do to party unity.

• In other developments on Planet Earth as we know it, a teenager with a cellphone walks into the path of an oncoming train, an NFL defensive lineman punches his baby momma in the forehead with a closed fist causing her head to intersect a glass barroom divider, and magazine covers crudely disparage the Clintons in particular and women in general.

It’s up to you, Pennsylvania. Go, Hillary, Go!

Today’s the big day. Positive thots go out to Hillary and our friends in H-burg: Maya, Brian, Will, Peggy and Jeff, Melissa, Phyllis, Khalil, Katrina, Lee and all of the other staff and volunteers. You guys worked really hard and I know it will pay off.  It’s bright and sunny in NJ, a beautiful spring day.  I’m guessing it’s pretty much the same in many parts of PA.  That should lead to a nice turnout.

Hillary, you were fantastic on Countdown last night. Keith is probably reflecting on how sordid his career has become since he sacrificed his integrity for the money chase. There is much consternation among the Conflucians as to why this is even a contest. There’s no one on either side that approaches your professionalism, preparation or grace under fire.