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Quick! Get Barack the Smelling Salts! Again!

I feel faintOh my God! Hillary contrasted herself with Barack Obama!Does it get any more negative than that? What will that villainess think of next? Dragging out their SAT scores? Perish the thought!

Watch out, watch out! I think Obama is going to swoon dead away!

Oh, this is serious. i have never seen anything so vicious in my entire life as Hillary Clinton merely suggesting that she is a candidate that has no hidden skeletons. Some of us untutored may see that as a positive affirmation that she has survived the relentless Republican attacks on her character including a $70 million crotch shot of her entire life that turned up very, very little to nail her on. How naive we all were. She was really just gearing up to take him down.
Oh, it may sound innocuous, but look at him freaking out. He is apoplectic!

He is purple with rage! He is hysterically looking for a fainting couch to recover himself.
It is too much strain for the poor man. Wasn’t it enough that he put his own drug use out there for everyone to see? Wasn’t it enough that he gave hope to millions of poor and confused adolescents to not give up on themselves? Didn’t she see the fricking copyright to his story? It’s right there on the page in the corner, um, oh nevermind. I’m sure it’s there under a blacklight.
He even trademarked the word “cocaine”.Heavens to Betsy, what if Mark Penn had said “crack”? Well, that would be the end of the Clinton campaign. Obama would have had to protest too much more and demand an immediate concession from her. She would have to bring her own tar, feathers and rails and submit graciously to his leadership.
Oh, woe is me! My candidate just can do anything right. I know this because Tweety tells me so. He says that Obama is nicer and prettier and more cool and has more friends. If the generalities got any more glittering, I would have to wear sunglasses indoors. Hillary is just a witch who cackles, stridently, and her shrillness is off-key. It’s too sharp. I can’t verify this because I don’t have perfect pitch like Tweety does but I will rush to the music store tonight and grab a pitch pipe so I can be absolutely sure that he’s right.
I *am* sure that he is right because I just know that Tweety is a manly man. He practically drowns his guests in Aqua Velva spit. He has all of those babes on with him who are just dreamy over Barack. If it weren’t for Tweety’s largess towards the weaker sex, they might never get a chance to even be on TV, pontificating on how Barack’s feet seem never to touch the soil, while Hillary is knee deep in mud.
Barack, Barack! We hardly knew ye. Surely you will expire from the shock to the system of Hillary’s blitzkrieg attack. She’s coming at him with both guns blazing. She is nuking him with statements of fact. Oh, it is too horrible. Make it stop!
Apologies simply will not do. Stuffing a sock in the Big Dawg’s mouth is insufficient. Nothing except complete cessation of hostilities on her part will assuage the wound she as inflicted on this man’s tender sensibilities. His delicate constitution will simply collapse from the weight of the onslaught.
There, there, Barack. It will all be over soon. She may be bad but she’s not nearly as bad as those nasty Republicans. You should see what they did to Kerry.
Ugly.