You Think I Work for YOU?
THE SCENE: DAVID AXELROD’s office. It is reminiscent of Yogurt’s cave in the movie “SpaceBalls.” (One word: Merchandising!) Everywhere are products relating to The One. Obama t-shirts, Vera Wang clothing, mugs, buttons, posters, bumper stickers and other paraphernalia are carefully lit and displayed throughout the room.
AXELROD himself, Barack Obama’s right-hand man, is too hip to even have a desk. He sits on a leather beanbag chair, with his feet up on a beanbag ottoman for support. He does all his work on his iPhone and iMac, which rest on a side table next to him. For his guests, other beanbag chairs are casually strewn about. A large metal box sits on the coffee table in the center of the beanbags. It has no markings or buttons whatsoever, but it is clearly very important due to its central location. A small Exacto knife sits beside it.
A knock sounds at the office door.
(BILL BURTON, Barack Obama’s campaign manager, enters somewhat timidly.)
AXELROD (standing, impatiently): Come in, Bill. I told Frieda to send you right through.
BURTON: Geez, Dave, you know I can’t understand that accent of hers.
AXELROD (sniggering): Yeah. But who needs her to talk?!
(BURTON and AXELROD snicker manfully.)
BURTON (scornfully): Anyway, Dave, I just heard that John McCain picked a woman to be his VP. Some chick from Alaska – a small-town mayor or something? Seriously, what is that old idiot thinking?
AXELROD (casually): Really? Hmmm. Let me check it out! (cruises the Intertubez on his iPhone for a moment)
AXELROD (wonderingly): You mean, Governor Sarah Palin?! America’s Hottest Governor? Wow. That bastard has balls, I’ll give him that.
BURTON (confused): Dave, is this something for Barack to worry about?
AXELROD (impatiently): Bill, you moron, of course it is! This Palin bimbo is young, pretty and has a 70% -90% approval rating in Alaska. Plus, the fundies will LOVE her, since she’s one of them. Meanwhile, Barack is stuck with that gaffe-tastic old fossil, Joe Biden.
BURTON (sighing): Too bad the President didn’t pick Hillary as his VP. Then McCain couldn’t have stolen his thunder this way.
AXELROD (annoyed): FOCUS, Bill. We lost that argument to Michelle WEEKS ago! Now, the old man pulled a possible game-changer out of his ass, but I think I’ve got just the thing to stop the bleeding. (gestures towards the metal box on the table)
BURTON (in awe): Wow. Is that – what I think it is?
AXELROD: Yes. It’s – The Rove-inator.
Filed under: Barack Obama, Blogosphere, Hillary Clinton, Media, Politics, Presidential Election 2008 | Tagged: Barack Obama, Karl Rove, snark | 133 Comments »