Make me laugh: Open Thread

Posted on November 13, 2009 by Stateofdisbelief

OK Conflucians, we’ve had more depressing news this week than we certainly deserve.  Therefore, I’m ordering a cease and desist on gloom and doom, at least for this thread. I’m challenging you all to make me, and everyone else here, LAUGH.  What do you have in your bag ‘o’ tricks that will create spontaneous explosions of laughter?  A video?  A picture? A website? A joke?  The sky’s the limit.

Just

MAKE US LAUGH!

laughing_kitten

OK, this video is just ridiculous, but I can’t stop laughing whenever I watch it.

Beat that Conflucians!

Filed under: General

« »

101 Responses

  1. Stateofdisbelief, on November 13th, 2009 at 10:52 pm Said:

    One of my other favorite videos:

  2. MrMike, on November 13th, 2009 at 10:56 pm Said:

    The joke that will go into moderation:
    What did one gay frog say to the other?
    “Hey, we do taste like chicken!”

  4. tpfka nycblue, on November 13th, 2009 at 10:59 pm Said:

    Well that Fart Harder video is a great way to make peace with a 13-year old after a long, argumentative day!

  5. Stateofdisbelief, on November 13th, 2009 at 11:03 pm Said:

    The master: George Carlin

  6. Stateofdisbelief, on November 13th, 2009 at 11:05 pm Said:

    This gets filed under WTF??? Total playground fail.

  7. Walter M. Clark, on November 13th, 2009 at 11:10 pm Said:

    These two are cute funny but I couldn’t resist adding them to your list. Cat vs. Printer times two

    http://www.break.com/index/cat_vs_printer.html

  8. Erica, on November 13th, 2009 at 11:12 pm Said:

    Ok, here’s one, in keeping with the bodily function theme:

    A castle witch was walking on the grounds one night and took pity on two statues that appeared to be gazing longingly at each other from opposite sides of a walkway.

    The witch, being a sentimental sort, took pity on the two lovers and vowed to bring them back to life so they could consummate their desire.

    She hustled back to her lair, rustled up a magic potion, returned to the statues and sprinkled the sprinkled them with the potion while chanting a few witch-y words.

    In an instant the statues came to life, embraced each other and then ran off into the nearest bushes. Whispers, moans and sighs of satisfaction ensued.

    Then the statues emerged, holding hands, and looking very happy.

    One said to the other, “That was great. Next time you hold the pigeon and I get to cr@p on it.”

  9. Stateofdisbelief, on November 13th, 2009 at 11:12 pm Said:

    • myiq2xu, on November 13th, 2009 at 11:17 pm Said:

      “I love being from a screwed up family because nothing bothers you anymore. Once you’ve driven a drunk father to your mom’s parole hearing, what else is there?”

  11. Stateofdisbelief, on November 13th, 2009 at 11:18 pm Said:

    A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

    Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.

    She said, “For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.”

    The wife answered, “Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.”

    The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

    The husband thought for a moment: “Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again.

    I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.”

    The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

    So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!…the husband became 92 years old.

    The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female…..

  13. myiq2xu, on November 13th, 2009 at 11:27 pm Said:

    An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?”

    He replied, “Well, I’ve spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.”

    She said, “I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.”

    The two sat sipping in silence.

    A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?”

    He replied, “I always thought I was, but I just found out I’m a lesbian.”

  14. myiq2xu, on November 13th, 2009 at 11:29 pm Said:

    A father walks into a bookstore with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.

    A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the book store.

    Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.

    After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

    Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

    As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”

    “No,” the woman replied. “Divorce attorney.”

  15. Stateofdisbelief, on November 13th, 2009 at 11:30 pm Said:

  17. MrMike, on November 13th, 2009 at 11:38 pm Said:

    Filthiest dialogue ever on prime time TV.
    June Cleaver pouring her husband’s coffee at breakfast:
    “Ward, weren’t you a little hard on the Beaver last night?”

  18. DisenfranchisedVoter, on November 13th, 2009 at 11:40 pm Said:

  19. Pacific John, on November 13th, 2009 at 11:47 pm Said:

    h/t Digby:

  20. Stateofdisbelief, on November 13th, 2009 at 11:47 pm Said:

    Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, Ralph asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love. About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, ‘Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?’

    Of course, the wife agrees and they do it again.

    Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife’s shoulder and asks, ‘Honey, please… just one more time before I die?’ She says, ‘Of course, dear. ‘And they make love for the third time. After this session, the wife rolls over & falls asleep.

    Ralph, however, worried about his impending death, tosses & turns until he’s down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. ‘Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could…..?’

    At this point the wife sits up and says, ‘Listen Ralph, I have to get up in the morning… You don’t.’

  21. MrMike, on November 13th, 2009 at 11:54 pm Said:

    Stop me (please!) if you’ve heard this:
    A guy walks into a bar and sits down and orders a drink.
    The bar tender notices he has this little guy sitting on his shoulder but since he’s seen a lot of strange things in his life says nothing.
    As soon as the bartender puts the drink down the little guy leaps off the fellow’s shoulder and knocks it over then goes back and sits.
    Liquor everywhere.
    The customer apologizes profusely and orders another dink and offers to buy one for the bartender too.

    The bartender brings the two drinks but as soon as he places them on the bar the little guy is at it again.
    Down the arm across the bar, liquor and glass everywhere.
    The bartender has seen a lot and put up with all sorts but loses his patience.
    He looks across the bar and says, “Look fella, I’m an easy going sort of chap, but what the hell is this all about?”
    The crestfallen customer looks him in the eye and says, “It all started when I found a magic lamp and wished for a 12 inch prick.”

  22. Stateofdisbelief, on November 13th, 2009 at 11:55 pm Said:

    More of the preacher-man
    (Smell what God’s baking…)

    • tpfka nycblue, on November 14th, 2009 at 12:06 am Said:

      Oh you are tempting me back. SOD you are right, it’s ridiculous but ridiculously funny. Me and my 13 year old agree!

      This whole thread is just what the doctor ordered.

  23. DisenfranchisedVoter, on November 13th, 2009 at 11:57 pm Said:

    How did the human race survive before the Comfort Wipe?

  24. MrMike, on November 14th, 2009 at 12:04 am Said:

    Mm, mmm, mm!
    Barack Hussein Obama

    OK! I don’t watch the news all that much so when I saw the above I didn’t know it was a song school kids were singing.

    Really, I thought it was the transcript of a Larry Sinclair interview.

    • Stateofdisbelief, on November 14th, 2009 at 12:11 am Said:

      • myiq2xu, on November 14th, 2009 at 12:20 am Said:

        Obama was recently made an honorary member of a Native American tribe. They gave him a plaque with his new tribal name, “Walking Eagle.”

        After accepting the plaque and making a speech, Obama left. The media stayed to ask questions of the tribal leaders. One reporter asked “How did you choose the name Walking Eagle?”

        “A walking eagle is a bird that is so full of shit it can’t fly” the tribal leaders replied.

  25. Stateofdisbelief, on November 14th, 2009 at 12:05 am Said:

    In the same vein…

  26. Stateofdisbelief, on November 14th, 2009 at 12:15 am Said:

  27. MrMike, on November 14th, 2009 at 12:20 am Said:

    OK , this is old but I’m running out of jokes.

    http://www.bored.com/dancingbush/

  28. RalphB, on November 14th, 2009 at 12:45 am Said:

    At last Obama toilet paper.

    http://twitpic.com/pbsnz

  29. Stateofdisbelief, on November 14th, 2009 at 12:51 am Said:

    This has been great! Thank you all!! I so needed a good laugh. :)

    • MrMike, on November 14th, 2009 at 12:56 am Said:

      Your welcome.
      The malamute has been sticking his muzzle under my arm disrupting typing so it’s off the water the dog then to bed.
      Tomorrow is either a timing belt or a SATA drive, depending on weather so wish me luck.

  30. Riverbird, on November 14th, 2009 at 1:03 am Said:

    Thanks everyone! These are great.

  31. Sandra S., on November 14th, 2009 at 1:10 am Said:

  32. Sandra S., on November 14th, 2009 at 1:13 am Said:

  33. Sandra S., on November 14th, 2009 at 1:17 am Said:

  34. Sandra S., on November 14th, 2009 at 1:19 am Said:

  35. Sandra S., on November 14th, 2009 at 1:21 am Said:

  36. Sandra S., on November 14th, 2009 at 1:22 am Said:

  37. Sandra S., on November 14th, 2009 at 1:23 am Said:

  38. Sandra S., on November 14th, 2009 at 1:30 am Said:

  39. Sandra S., on November 14th, 2009 at 1:33 am Said:

  40. Sandra S., on November 14th, 2009 at 1:33 am Said:

  43. edgeoforever, on November 14th, 2009 at 8:26 am Said:

    Help! I fell into moderation and can’t get up! I guess posting several links to gifs would do that

  44. edgeoforever, on November 14th, 2009 at 8:27 am Said:

    Trying something different

  46. edgeoforever, on November 14th, 2009 at 9:35 am Said:

    an SNL spoof of Citibank commercial – suited for B0’s campaign too
    object width=”425″ height=”344″>

    • Stateofdisbelief, on November 15th, 2009 at 12:49 pm Said:

      Carrey’s stuff was genius on In Living Color. In fact, that whole show was pure genius. Loved it.

      Wasn’t JLo one of the ILC dancers?

  49. Stateofdisbelief, on November 15th, 2009 at 12:48 pm Said:

    Wow Sandra…I can’t believe all of those old Hugh Laurie videos. he was so young! and so different from his House character. Thanks for those!

Comments are closed.