I work in a relatively small law firm. I am a legal assistant with aspirations of my own of becoming a lawyer. That’s the reason I took this job in the first place. Anyway, like I said, it is a small firm. As is typical in the south, most of the lawyers are religious, but consider themselves “progressives”, although they don’t always practice what they preach (not offering health benefits to my de facto spouse, for example). I am out of the closet at work and have been mostly treated with respect in that regard, except for said benefits.
Several of the lawyers have questioned me on occasion about politics. It began when they noticed that on one of my cars there is a Hillary Clinton bumper sticker, but on the other a McCain sticker (mawm’s doing). They questioned how I could support both. I explained that there are two of us in our household and that we were at different places in deciding who we would vote for. I have never expressed any support for Obama in the workplace, and even made it quite clear that the discussion was an uncomfortable (hostile) one for me, as I could tell that everyone else in the office is a kool-aid drinking obamabot. I think they got the hint, because the two lawyers (partners) in the firm stopped discussing the subject with me. One of the associates, however, has continued to push the subject.
It began with questions about my cars. I made it quite clear that I was not interested in discussing the matter. It continued, however, in the form of emails announcing upcoming events with Obama (he was in NC a couple weeks back), along with other articles expressing support for Obama and disdain for anyone who opposes Obama. I never responded to any of them. Like I said, this is a small firm (5 lawyers, 2 legal assistants, and a receptionist). I would think that my lack of response would have been signal enough for this particular associate to stop. But that hasn’t been the case. She continues to solicit us as volunteers for Obama, become part of her “crew”, etc.
I thought that I would be able to ignore it until I got the following email from her this morning. It was only sent to me, the other legal asst. (female) and the other associate lawyer (also female). She did not send it to the other 3 lawyers who are the partners in the firm. This is what I found in my inbox with the subject line “I usually don’t do this, but this was too funny“:
Yes, folks, she could be a heartbeat away . . . .
The picture in my email was much larger (it was not an attachment, so I had to go through about 10 steps to get it to copy here) and it depicts Sarah Palin in a bikini holding a rifle. The photo is a fake. I find it offensive, sexist and just plain inappropriate for the workplace. I feel trapped now. I feel like if I speak up I will disrupt the harmony of the office. We are such a small firm that if I complain to any of the partners, it will be obvious who it was. If I don’t, I feel like I’m condoning this behavior. I am so sick to my stomach right now I can’t even work. I just want to leave. Has anyone else had to deal with this type of work environment? What did you do? Everyone else, what would you do?
Filed under: Gender Equity, Presidential Election 2008 | Tagged: obamabots, Sarah Palin, sexism
Oh Gary, this is awful. I don’t know what to tell you. I do know that people can be fired in the work place just for a political bumper sticker. I remember that happened to someone in OH supporting Kerry in ‘04. My suggestion is to politely email this woman and ask her to stop forwarding you political emails.
Gary – I’m so sorry you have to deal with that! {{{hugs}}}
I just went through some sexual harrassment sensitivity training for a law firm I am going to work for. The bottom line is, that was an offensive and inappropriate email. It doesn’t matter about the politics of whomever is involved, pictures of women in bikinis are not okay in the office.
If I were you, I would think about who might be the most receptive to your message, and discuss it with that person. My first impulse would be to tell the person who sent it that it made you uncomfortable. He/she should cease and desist after that.
Yes, email her directly and remind her that business computing resources are for business uses only.
I would ask her politely not to send any more political emails.
My sister is a big Obama supporter and she is bombarding my brother and nieces with the same type of emails and she has lost all three of them. She doesn’t send them to me because she knows I would send opposing emails back. She also didn’t speak to me for three months when I told her I no longer could support Obama for president based on the debates and his behind the scene tactics (Clintons as racists for one; flyers against Bill’s record, etc)
One niece is so upset with the emails she is thinking of putting her baby in a NRA shirt with a bible on her lap and emailing back.
Why can I not remember to type r*cist? Moderation is my middle name.
I would respond with a polite email reply to the picture telling your associate you would rather not receive any more emails from her, which do not directly pertain to work. Thank her in advance for respecting your wishes.
She could be in big trouble if you decided to charge her with sexual harassment or creating a hostile workplace. This was being done on business time, using business’s resources. Those lawyers would be furious at the trouble she could be getting them into. I would say something to her, like what ugsome said, also adding that it made you uncomfortable. If she’s smart that should make her stop.
Whew, it’s tough. Everyone in my office is pro-BO too, I’m the only one who isn’t, but we simply don’t discuss it, none of us. It never comes up. I’m lucky I guess!
the thing is though, is that this woman is one of my bosses. I do not want to create a difficult space for work. Like I said, I am working here to get experience…and reccommendations to law school. If I make waves that could upset that. If I don’t say anything I feel like I’m doing the wrong thing….I know it doesn’t seem like much, but it is really upsetting…
Been there. You have a choice: speak up, fight a noble fight, then eventually end-up leaving your job. The other lawyers (the partners) certainly know what is going and their inaction means they don’t care. If you don’t speak-up, then you have a couple of months of bullshit to deal with, then it will fade away.
That kind of crap makes me madder than Hell because, like I said, I’ve had it done to me. It is also a kind of harassment technique when someone is trying to get rid of you. For a few months, I received an almost endless stream of “fat information” along with another stream of emails with every “fat joke” in the universe. I rode out and that made my enemies (and yes that’s what they were) even more angry. Long story short: they’re gone, I’m here.
So the question becomes: Is this a fight I’m willing to lose my job over?
If the answer is “yes” then I suggest you respond to your harasser with information on Universal Health Care and benefits for gay couples and benefit sharing, etc. Leave O’Precious the Beanpole Assshole out of it for he can do wrong in the eyes of his disciples.
I would make it clear that sexism is as odious and loathsome as racism and using sexist image as “humorous” propaganda is as offensive as a photoshopped image of Obama shining shoes (the example Ferraro uses).
I teach at a very liberal university and all of my colleagues have sold their souls to the kool-aid king. They know I don’t support him but they have begun to leave me alone because I’m an “old-school feminist with no sense of humor.” Ha ha. No doubt jokes about babies with Downs Syndrome also abound.
What has happened to my party?
I’m very sorry for this. You will stand up for yourself, I know. It’s heart-wrenchingly awful. In the long run, even if you get this person to back off, you probably will want to work elsewhere. I would start looking. What your momma says is about right – it’s who you spend time with that counts. You seem way too good to me to be suffering this idiocy. It’s just a personal view, but I would say stay polite, stay firm, and start up your exit strategy now.
Best wishes.
Gary,
I think that you take the high ground by following ugsome’s and Gayle’s suggestion.
He/she cannot argue that sending such pictures are an appropriate use of work resources.
And try taking some deep breaths and doing something active (i.e., walking something over to someone else) to give yourself a little break and time to calm down.
Best,
Mar
Morning –
First! You are far too fab to be a lawyer — be what is in your heart — !
He must be using his legal network, no? Haha!
Last night I saw her speak.
She is MORE PUMA than……………… WOW.
She is FANTASTIC, and she has the strength of RD. It’s incredible!
Direct the E’s to the trash, and say something like — I don’t like to discuss politics with my colleagues. End of subject.
You would be happier in a place like San Fran!
in my state…….I bet.
hugs to you!
Ignore, ignore, ignore……….
Gary: The first thing you need to do is TELL THEM TO STOP, and tell them to stop IN WRITING.
It is looking like harassment, but part of proving harassment is to be loud and clear that you wish their behavior to STOP.
Then see what happens. But the first stop is to calmly and clearly object to the behavior in writing. Start a paper trail.
she just sent me another email with two links, one from huffpost, about Palin being a hypocrite on the bridge to nowhere. I really want to reply with everything I know about Obama but I would get my ass fired. how is this fair?
Gary! I can’t believe you got the very same e-mail I did!!!
Here’s my response to my Obot friend, Mike:
Okay, I’ll respond one at a time as you’ve given me a ton to read. There’s only so much swill I can swim in before having to come up for air.
So, the photoshopped image of a gun-toting, American-flag clad, bikini-wearing Palin. It came into your inbox and you just gleefully forwarded it out. You can imagine how this image has been bounced around and sneered at.
It’s a low blow.
Kind of reminds me of that time that Hillary circulated that photo of Obama in Somali dress. What a f*cking B*TCH. She was obviously trying to paint Barack as a Muslim.
EXCEPT IT DIDN’T HAPPEN LIKE THAT!
Drudge Report ran a story with the following headline “CLINTON STAFFERS CIRCULATE ‘DRESSED’ OBAMA.” The alleged “circulation” amounted, on close reading, to what Drudge’s dispatch said was an e-mail from one unnamed Clinton “staffer” to another idly wondering what the coverage might have been if the picture had been of Clinton. Possible e-mail chatter about an inoffensive picture as spun by the Drudge Report would not normally be deemed newsworthy, even in these degraded times.
How did the Obama campaign react to this?
“It’s exactly the kind of divisive politics that turns away Americans of all parties and diminishes respect for America in the world,” said Obama’s campaign manager David Plouffe, who also described the non-story as “the most shameful, offensive fear-mongering we’ve seen from either party in this election” and “part of a disturbing pattern.” Although he never explicitly spelled out the contours of this pattern, he was clearly alluding to r*ce baiting. Later in the day, Obama himself jumped in, repeating the nasty, slippery charge that the Clinton campaign “was trying to circulate this [picture] as a negative” and calling it a political trick of the sort “you start seeing at the end of campaigns.”
Just one example of the shameful r*ce-baiting that Obama’s campaign successfully employed throughout the campaign.
Welcome to Chicago, Mike. New home of the DNC.
Sources:
http://drudgereport.com/flashoa.htm
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0208/8667.html
http://www.tnr.com/politics/story.html?id=aa0cd21b-0ff2-4329-88a1-69c6c268b304
cc…but if I do that it could get really ugly. is it worth it?
Sorry … I tried to take out the word “r*ce” and still ended up in the troll filter.
Help me out!
Gary, email her and tell her you are uncomfortable with the political emails, and please let’s just keep it professional. I bet she will stop if for nothing else for being afraid it will hurt her at work.
Wow, it’s hard that it’s one of the bosses doing it, plus it’s a small law firm.
I agree with the suggestions to ask her very politely and in writing, to stop sending you emails about the topic. And keep hardcopies of the emails and your replies.
(Maybe you can just say in your email that the topic of the elections makes you uncomfortable and you would appreciate it if she took you off the send list for it.)
Speak to the managing partner. That’s what they’re supposed to do – manage. And clearly, any employee who would send sexist claptrap like that to fellow employees needs some serious management intervention.
Tell the MP you’re worried clients might be receiving it too and that it could jeopardize the firm. Tie it to the bottom line, they’ll get THAT.
brit, if this were a friend, or even a coworker, I would gladly blast back, but this is my boss. I’m no prude and I also don’t have a thin skin, I just think it is inappropriate. I would never have thought to send everyone that picture of Obama dressed as a muslim…in fact I probably would have been fired. But I feel like i’m in a position where I don’t have any good options.
(And NO do NOT start discussing politics with her in the emails. Or in person. No No No. Keep the high ground by keeping everything professional. )
votermom…I have never done that. that’s why it is so weird. I guess they just assume that because I’m gay I blindly tow the dem line.
“I guess they just assume that because I’m gay I blindly tow the dem line.” Which makes the whole incident even MORE offensive.
Ignore, ignore, ignore……….
Gary, don;t say ANYTHING until you get those letters of recommendations. I mean it. Suck it up and play along. Don’t send any email out. Once you get your letters, you can tell them all to fuck off if you want, but don’t rock the boat until then. Obama supporters are CRAZY!
“Sometimes I do what I wanna do. Other times I do what I gotta do.” — Maximus’ personal slave, “Gladiator.”
If you do tackle this (with a partner, or the HR person if they have one), frame it as a distraction to your productivity, that you prefer no political discussion, much less proselytization, in the workplace, and have attempted to draw that line /as a professional./
Since your firm is billing the client for your work about 4x what they pay you, they may not appreciate your colleague wasting her colleagues’ valuable time.
Gary – If this person knows how you feel about Palin and Obama, and she is still sending you these emails, then she is trying to get your goat.
Perhaps Cal’s suggestion is better if you want to stand up for yourself.
.
However, you should prepare yourself for working elsewhere. It will come down to her or you, and the partner trumps all in the legal environment.
If she is trying to get your goat, then sarah is right: Ignore ignore ignore. The woman will leave you alone if you don’t rise to the bait.
I agree, lay the groundwork by telling her no, that the emails make you uncomfortable and that you would like not to receive them.
If she retaliates, or make you life difficult, document it. When you have enough tell the partners that you would prefer that it stop and that you don’t wish to get a lawyer but are prepared to do so.
Make sure you copy the emails and take them home.
I know, Gary. You’re in a really difficult position. I’m gladly blasting Mike and will continue to do so DAILY. I’m so f*cking pissed to be seeing CDS morph into PDS without skipping a beat.
I agree with Cal. Go over her head and make a quiet complaint about political e-mails at work. Make sure you have a hard copy of that e-mail before it disappears.
Good luck! It’s horrible to deal with this kind of cr@p at the workplace.
i didn’t realize she was your boss. In that case, I’d delete the email and never mention it. If she asks you if you received it, a simple “yes” should end the conversation. Think of yourself as soundproofing: you absorb the noise and keep it from traveling.
Gary, I don’t have any better advice than you’ve been given here already, esp. Cal’s above. I’d just add, as best you can, keep a diary noting every single instance of this stuff that’s happened in the past and if it continues.
Good luck. Last week my dental hygienist went on a fishing expedition with me to find out if I was on board with Teh One. She wasn’t obnoxious about it but this stuff is getting old really fast.
gary: If you can afford to do it get up and walk now. Leave. This woman, who you clearly state is your “boss”, is coming after you on dual levels.
The first being that she is interfering with your political views by forcing you to accept her ideas as a “joke”. She is subtly ridiculing you by portraying this woman as a bimbo in order to reinforce her political support of a candidate she knows damn well you are unable to accept. This is demeaning.
The second part rests in her knowledge of you as an openly gay man. By forwarding a picture of a bikini clad woman to you provides her the opportunity to “rub your nose in it” for as you said, these are typical Bible Belt people who more than likely disdain your relationship but are much too “progressive” to admit it out loud.
She has placed you in an untenable position. She has insulted and demeaned you both as a colleague and as a human being. Make no mistake about it, as an attorney she is well aware of the repurcussions.
Armchair quaterbacking from my end is easy but I feel as disturbed by this as you. Get up, leave. Nothing good can come of knowing your chances for advancement have just hit a brick wall.
I really feel for you — I have been in your position. That picture is inappropriate and it is apparent that you are dealing with a bully. I used to sit and steam and never say anything because I was afraid I would be fired, or worse yet, harassed even more.
If there is a sympathetic attorney, speak with him/her. You might also try putting the associate on the defensive and make her uncomfortable with her behavior. How? Go and talk with her with an innocent, confused, “help me out here because I just don’t understand” look on your face. Ask her why she sends pictures of semi-naked women to you — why she thinks you want to receive things like that. Make her explain herself to you — why she does what she does when she must know she is bullying you. (Don’t use the word bullying until you think it becomes a good idea.)
Gary, If NC is like Georgia, you can legally be fired for any reason or for no reason at all. Perhaps when you approach this person, you can preface it with some humor and then indicate what steps you’ll take if she continues. For example, since your office knows you’re out, maybe return the photo with the comment that girls in bikinis don’t interest you — and then add that you’d really appreciate it if she didn’t send you any more political stuff because you want to give your work your full attention. Then follow it with a comment that you’d hate to have to tell managing partner/other attorneys that you couldn’t get X project done because you were swamped by all of the political stuff offending lawyer was sending you — hinting that you’ll take the matter to the others if she continues.
Whatever you do, lay groundwork for the day you sue the crap out of ‘em for creating a hostile work environment and wrongful termination (if they retailiate and fire you for speaking up).
Paper trail is your friend.
Try and separate yourself from your passion about politics when you’re at work.
If you see an email pertaining to the subject, just look briefly (1 second) and delete, and try and block it out of your mind.
This isn’t worth losing a job over.
Or start looking for another job. When you find one, then give her a piece of your mind.
My 10 years old came home from school upset that a schoom mate defaced her note book by writing “Obama” on it. Th little group of friends split in 2 chanting “Hillary” and “Obama”. That happened in March.
i told her our election took place already, Hillary won and there’s no reason to discuss it any further. And to keep the subject out of school, no matter how much time I give to it at home. She did.
I’d do a similar thing in your place: “the vote isn’t until November – don’t want to be bothered about it until then” attitude.
My 10 years old came home from school upset that a school mate defaced her note book by writing “Obama” on it. Th little group of friends split in 2 chanting “Hillary” and “Obama”. That happened in March.
i told her our election took place already, Hillary won and there’s no reason to discuss it any further. And to keep the subject out of school, no matter how much time I give to it at home. She did.
I’d do a similar thing in your place: “the vote isn’t until November – don’t want to be bothered about it until then” attitude.
Gary, my sister (revgrl) is an HR specialist. I just called her and she is reading it now, and is going to respond to help you out.
big hugs for having to put up with this!
It’s really tough when you’re in a small office. Do you have to sign something regarding the use of email/computers for work use only? Most offices have some sort of document stating that if the policy is violated, that one result could be termination.
You don’t want to send any response other than to please cease and desist because then she can turn it back around on you for harassment. Regardless of the partner’s political leanings, whoever is in charge of HR must be notified. If they’re smart (and most lawyers are) they will take appropriate action to protect themselves.
I would also consider contacting the EEOC and filing a complaint. They have to investigate all complaints and this certainly qualifies.
Do none of the regular posters/readers of this blog have connections in NC to help Gary find a new job that is professional and help give him the kind of experience he wants to pursue his goals?
Normally I would say ATTACK!, but Gary needs two letters of recommendation for his application Oct 1st. He does not have time to go to another firm and work long enough to get the letters. I don;t think he should jeopardize that to make a point, however righteous, about this woman. Once he gets the letters, I want him to call her out, but ot until then.
Ignore it if you can. Confronting her will only add drama to a small office situation and that won’t be good for anyone, especially you.
If it becomes impossible to ignore and you feel a need to take action, then I agree with 100% with Masslib’s advice: email her that “you are uncomfortable with the political emails, and please let’s just keep it professional.”
Gary -
You know what? I understand you being upset over this, but in the end that photo was a prank, and not a terribly viscous one. You’ve no doubt been dealt far worse. I know I have. I say just go to some private place, scream, then get on with things. Be pleasant (most particularly with those who make you feel the most uncomfortable) and look for another job. Life is transitory.
I respect you, Gary, but this is small potatoes. Choose your battles with care. Let whoever sent you this know – over coffee that you pay for, perhaps, and in a very low-key manner – that you’d rather not receive such material.
Smile and move on, Gary.
I agree with mawm.
OT – well, it’s been 30 seconds – thought this video from Blue Gal (O supporter) about McCain’s roommate’s was interesting:
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/ebf425277b
From the way this woman is behaving, are the letters of recommendation even a sure thing?
Hi Pat! I’m so glad to see you here today. I was afraid you’d left us. I didn’t mean to insult you by disagreeing with you yesterday. Believe me, I completely understand your disillusionment, disgust, and despair over what has happened. I guess we’re all grieving in our own ways–some with anger and defiance, some with withdrawal etc. You are such a loved and valuable member of this forum. The thing that makes this place special is that we can sometimes disagree with respect. xo
It is so tough. It may be better, if you can do it, to just document and ignore it. I’m guessing it is just for the next two months, until O loses in a landslide.
Gary, I am an Sr HR professional with over 13 years of experience. Although it is a small firm and you want to preserve harmony and relationships, they are contributing to what you perceive as a hostile work environment. You must speak out!
You wrote that, “[You] find it offensive, sexist and just plain inappropriate for the workplace.” You are correct. If you do not have an HR person to go to, approach your manager. Tell him/her that you like working at the firm, understand this election season is heated, but you are finding the emails, verbal comments, and so on to be offensive and want them to stop. As leaders of the firm, they should be creating a respectful and inclusive work environment for all staff, not just a select few. They should not be colluding with poor and disciminating behavior, especially if it has been brought to their attention via a formal complaint (which you should do).
Document everything too! Save the email. Save notes of your conversation, when you have it with your manager. Record his responses and follow up actions.
As a gay male, you are a member of a legally protected class as well. It’s a potential serious discrimation lawsuit which they’ll want to avoid – if they’re smart. Otherwise, call the Dept of Labor in your state!
Good luck!
laney, on September 4th, 2008 at 10:49 am Said: in a previous post
DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ:
Angry Artist also has a cousin who saw Hillary at a fundraiser, claimed she was not very nice, she made people wait, people left because they paid 250.00 to see her and she just spoke for a few minutes, blah, blah, blah…
This is a lie. I never wrote such a thing.
Bloggers shouldn’t resort to outright lying.
Gary – keep a log every contact (verbal, nonverbal), how it makes you feel, how you responded (even if you ignore it) and their response and keep a hard copy of all emails at home(including your response) with your journal. This advice was given to me during a similar experience at work. It paid off – unexpectedly things escalated and got really ugly – my word against theirs, but my journal saved my job and my sanity. I could read off the events leading up to the final blowup no need to struggle with my memory. Best wishes.
P.S. most companies have a policy against use of company email for personal uses (generally includes religious, political matter – check your policy).
best wishes
NM puma
I’m so f*cking pissed to be seeing CDS morph into PDS without skipping a beat.
britgrls: that’s exactly what it is, isn’t it? Next! If women, and good men, don’t speak up, it will continue unabated, to any woman who challenges the power structure.
Put a Palin bumper sticker on your car. Smile if asked about it again. Know that if they don’t give us Hillary back, that Palin will be the next Vice President of the United States.
Forward the email to your private email address. Change the subject if questioned.
You don’t need their approval to go to law school. Apply, do well on your LSAT and go for it if that is what you want.
I think I will ignore it. I do want the letters — not from her, from the partners, who I do like. The thing is, she has always been very nice to me and we’ve gotten along very well. I think she must know by my lack of response that I am not an Obama fan, so she is doing it to get my goat, imo. I know its no big deal, but it is just amazing that such a small thing can make you feel so powerless. I will keep everything documented in case things get worse. I’m going to have to take a break now….
Gary,
She wants you to take the bait. Don’t. Address it obliquely. Take the professional angle.
Where I work we were very clearly instructed on appropriate use of email. There is a rock solid policy against the sort of thing she is doing. Email never goes away. She is skating on thin legal ice here and needs to be reminded that work computing resources are for work only.
revgrl, gay men are not protected in NC and there is no national protection except in government I believe.
Carol, he does need their approval. He needs their letters of recommendation.
Gary: If it were me (and it isn’t of course), and based upon what you have said in your post, i.e., this job is important to you, you’ve already expressed your political views (at least with the bumper sticker), I would not make huge waves over this. I know you’re mad but even making a point about your political view could get you fired! You don’t want that. What good does it do to lose your job, halt your career for a bit – over some politics?
Having said that, I would politely and even in a humorous way perhaps, ask your boss not to send anymore political emails because it disrupts your working environment and you would rather concentrate on the relevant issues that are important to this country; and you do that AFTER work. I know this is your boss so being polite is probably in order. Sometimes, you have to play the game in order to get what you want.
Unfortunately, I received the same repulsive photo from a dear friend, and current colleague. I sent back a short email saying that I no longer discuss politics with friends and family, and I asked her not to send me any more political emails. I haven’t heard back from her. But the good news is that I doubt I’ll get any other sexist propaganda. Be polite, not political—But draw the line in the sand. No more politics in the workplace. No way.
Hate to play devil’s advocate, but here it is:
Would you have been equally offended if it was an equally tasteless caricature of obama?
1)You’re not going to change this woman’s mind
2)You’re not going to stop the flow of nasty content like this to other people
so
3)You should demand that she stop sending you politically oriented email, or any email not related to work.
“…she must know by my lack of response that I am not an Obama fan….”
To her, silence = consent.
fif, I just re-read 1984, and the switch from CDS to PDS is what I compare to the part in the book when, in the midst of hate week, the enemy suddenly switches from Eurasia to Eastasia:
“The thing that impressed Winston in looking back was that the speaker had switched from one line to the other actually in mid-sentence, not only without a pause, but without even breaking the syntax.”
Mind you, it’s not like Palin needs me to stick up for her.
“Look out Bawack! Duck!!! There’s a HUGE kitchen sink hurtling toward your head!”
fif: Thanks, it is just that I miss Hillary so much and we all know damn well she was the best possible choice to be the nominee, and my hatred for all things DNC sometimes gets in the way.
Having said that, I am kind of out of step here. Granted Sarah Palin gave a rousing speech and getting her licks in by calling out Obama was the highlight of the evening. She came across as a strong woman but as I looked at the crowd in attendance I am reminded that these are the same people whose group thinking gave us 8 of the worst years of any presidency in history through George W. Bush. And I am not one of them either.
I just cannot bring myself to become a gushing geyser over Sarah Palin anymore than I can do the same with Barack Obama. Both are in agreement that an office for “faith based initiatives” will remain in the WH following the election. Sarah has already been on record proclaiming the Iraq invasion was “God’s will” and I just am unable to get my head around what either of these two have in mind when it comes to the separation of church and state.
I love this site and will continue to be in awe of the posters and diarists who reside here. But I feel no sense of elation or anticipation with the exception of watching the DNC implode.
I will continue to lurk but it is best to withhold my opinion before somebody tells me to STFU.
Gary – just my 2 cents…. reply to the message with one word ‘unsubscribe’. Probably would be taken well as a bit of humor, but they should get the point. If they don’t, then I’d look elsewhere for a job, when you leave tell them the reason. Good luck!
angry artist, on September 4th, 2008 at 11:16 am Said:
————————————-
I met Hillary at a small fundraiser, and she was very accommodating.
I also met the ebullient Stephanie Tubbs-Jones.
So sorry to read this post.
If I may throw another point of view out to you, Gary?
The email is vile, to be sure-but it’s a reflection on the sender, not on you.
How very sad that this woman chooses to spread this garbage.
There probably isn’t much (or anything) you could do to make her see just how offensive it is to be forwarding garbage like this, but you can certainly choose not to give her any power over you by reacting, which is probably what she wants you to do.
Don’t take it personally. This pathetic woman is not worthy of your energy. Move on.
But save the email, just in case she continues her nonsense.
Gary,
I agree with Madamab. I would tell the person who sent you that picture that you find it tasteless and offensive and to please leave you off further mailings. You don’t even have to discuss politics. The picture is sexist and anti-woman.
Gary, you can take back the power you have given her over your feelings. It is your power. Not hers.
Also it sounds like it is a control thing with her–she is trying to get you into a control struggle with her. I was taught the following: In a control struggle when you lose you lose & when you WIN you LOSE. However, you WIN the moment you let go of the struggle. Just saying.
Your career is more important than her problem.
Oooh, Pat. That is an excellent idea. I’ll have to remember that one.
P.S. By the way, the bikini clad pic went out all over the internet yesterday. I saw it, too.
dastardi, if my boss had sent me that email about Obama being a muslim, yes it would also have offended me.
good advice small pox. your handle is kind of creepy though
Gary-
I went through something like this recently with my cousin, a McCain supporter, and my old boss was the head of the Young Republicans in my state. (Sigh) As a liberal, bi woman who believes in discretion and professionalism, I feel your pain.
Here’s the thing, and there’s really no getting around this: you said that “I feel like if I speak up I will disrupt the harmony of the office. ” But, there is already disharmony – you are not being treated with respect. Just because they don’t know how it’s affecting you doesn’t mean it ISN’T affecting you. So, preserving harmony is not really an option, I’d say.
You have a choice – you can be an instigator or an accomplice. It’s an ugly choice, but there you have it.
Maybe it’s worth it to keep your mouth shut and wait for happier days. Times are tough, money doesn’t grow on trees, and it’s a small world. Use whatever platitudes get you through it if it means finding some peace. Jobs are like monkey bars – if this one isn’t where you want to be, just hold on until you can reach the next one.
Maybe the experience you’re looking to gain at this firm is right in front of you. Your boss will not be the last authority figure who controls your pursestrings. If you don’t feel you have a dandy way of handling this, then you need to find one – unless you plan on being this stressed the rest of your working days. If you don’t find one now, you will need to find one later. If you wait until 7 years from now, it might be a much bigger risk you’re taking in *testing* a way to respond to such a situation.
I would advise risk screwing up your worklife now rather than later. There’s more time to recover.
If you choose to confront her, food for thought:
I agree with keeping it firm but friendly. Do it in writing, but talk about it in person also to keep things more casual and warm. Explain that of course you understand she would never intentionally offend a subordinate, but that it certainly came off that way.
Tell her that , like her, you agree that good manners dictates a moritorium on politics in the office, especially when it is uninvited. You have others interests in mind aside from your own, and you would show her that same respect if you were her boss.
As for the picture itself – firmly say that you don’t want to embarrass her by taking the matter any further and that you trust it was a one time slip.
Hope any of this helps. This is a character-building exercise, and those are never easy. Good Luck.
Gary I am a paralegal in a law firm. Prior to this, I was a legal advocate in Domestic violence and womens issues.
I know what you are dealing with, believe me.
You have two choices – one is to ignore it and keep on going. Another is to let her know, you find this distasteful and although you respect her choice, you will not be able to assist her in her efforts to vote Obama. Send this in a response, an email response. Be polite, firm and clever if possible.
Keep a copy of the email you sent and a copy of the email she sent in your private email-not the firms. Retrieve any and all copies of this type email from your discarded bin and keep it in a folder in your private personal email.
If there is anything I have learned working with attorneys, it is cover your ass. I have files as thick as some case folders, regarding inapropriate behavior, things I find unethical etc.
You have to take care of you.
I, too, wanted to be an attorney, even did a year at Wake after undergrad. But my husband was transferred, I had kids, blah blah, typical woman story, my fault. I almost went back but discovered that I don’t like lawyers for the most part.
Go with Legal Aide if you ever have the chance. There is one in Smithfield and they are great. I was offered a position with them last year, but they pay a little less than I could afford and I still have a child in college.
Pat,
If anyone tells you of all people to STFU, they will have to deal with me and my troll trigger finger! Please don’t lurk. I agree with you. Although it is exciting to see a woman dissing the precious, I’m not going to cross over to the other side. The only way I would ever vote for McCain would be if MA is so close that my vote might actually have an effect. The last thing I want to do is vote for a Republican and then have to live with the results.
We love you here Pat. Your voice is a truly special one and if you start lurking instead of speaking your mind, it would be terrible.
I am an attorney and I would email her back and make her aware of the inappropriateness of these kinds of emails at work. I would also tell her that such emails make you uncomfortable as they are sexist and demeaning. Remind her that she, as an attorney, should know better. I would also cc all the partners at the firm so they can be aware of the potential sexual harassment case going on here.
Of course, this might cause problems in your office, so maybe you should leave out the cc’ing to the partners. Nonetheless, you should confront her, in writing, and politely tell her to stop this nonsense in the office.
Pat J–No reason to lurk. My best friend, a life-long Repub. until Bush, just called me this morning saying that while he might have voted for McCain, Palin’s constant reference to God and prayer had him scared beyond words–especially when referring to Iraq. So you’re not alone.
I think you can admire her for being a strong woman without admiring her political views. That’s where I’m coming from, at any rate.
thanks to every one else too. it is great to be able to get instant feedback like this. I feel a lot better. I just think that this kind of activity needs to be spoken out against, that’s why I feel bad by not doing anything. Imagine if a man had sent that picture to women in the office….or ir I had sent the obama/muslim thing out to everyone. it just sickens me that this type of disgusting propaganda is being used by people who consider themselves liberals….
PS — to second Kim — keep copies of the emails.
garychapelhill, on September 4th, 2008 at 11:36 am Said:
dastardi, if my boss had sent me that email about Obama being a muslim, yes it would also have offended me.
———————————————–
You’re a bigger man than me, and I respect that.
I’d laugh at obama jokes, etc…because it fits my filters so to speak.
If I weren’t in a place of work, I’d respond with my own pictures/jokes about uhbama, and see how she felt. Since you ARE in a workplace, keep it professional, ask to not be included in politically oriented emails.
This is disgusting behavior. I would send an email to her and ask her to not send anything like to you again. You don’t find it funny or appropriate. Your silence encourages it when its sent by another women. Address it immediately. Sexism must not be tolerated. And in this election the fact that any women find it funny irrelevant of whether or not you like or not is simply feeding into the disgusting media…
Think about it this way ladies…why Didn’t Obama take Hilary? Why did he pick a white man? He threw 18 million votes up in the air didn’t he? Why? Does it make any sense to you?
Kennedy took Johnson even though he hated him. He wanted to win. Clinton took Gore and there wasn’t alot of love there. Reagan hated Bush. Think long and hard about your vote and why Obama didn’t take Hilary.
Obama thinks he can win…and you’ll see things his way! I’m a Hilary fan…but now…even though there’s much I don’t agree with on the Republican ticket…I see reformers. And action speaks louder than words.
Pat Johnson – I hope you don’t think that everyone on this site is a “gushing geyser” about Sarah Palin.
I am certainly not. I appreciate her good qualities, think McCain made an absolutely amazing pick, and will be happy to see a woman in the White House. But, she is still a Republican and is wrong on most, if not all, of the issues.
Her appearance has made the race exciting again, but it’s still going to be a very suck-tastic four years, IMHO. I’m just taking my joy where I can. Hillary was the only chance for real liberal reforms that we had and the DNC wouldn’t let us have her.
This is a bittersweet moment for many of us. Hugs and Cosmos to you.
Gary: I don’t think keeping quiet about it in your situation amounts to condoning it. If I were in your shoes (and I know I am not). I would quietly go on about my own life and continue ignoring her. Fighting her would not change her mind and it would not change the minds of the other Obots. So I would keep my peace and go about my life secure in the knowledge that Sarah Palin is a tough woman and she does not need me to defend her.
Do what feels good to you. I can only say that if your boss was just trying to get a rise out of you, the best way to thawrt her is to go on quietly and calmly.
Wow, what happened to that new post? I was going to point out that in the 18th century it was perfectly ok to think slavery was wrong, and the post disappeared.
madamab,
Yes, your comment reflects my point of view perfectly. I already miss Hillary every day. I don’t want to be missing PatJ. too.
Gary,
As you can see, we all feel for you {{{HUGS!}}}
Looking after your future, and those letters of recommendation are very important to get as you keep with your wish to become a lawyer, I agree with those who say to ignore the b*tch. Yep, for most buffoons, there’s absolutely nothing more irritating than to be ignored. IRRITATE her!
BTW—judging from the wonderful disposition and concern for real issues that you’ve shown via what you write, I’m convinced that you are going to be one terrific lawyer.
All the best
Oh and if she came asking me what I thought of the picture (again IF I was in your shoes) I would say with a bored and vacant look “I have seen bikini clad women before … they don’t do much for me”.
OR with a bright eyed bushy tailed look “Wow, that woman is hot! And she is the only one I know who can carry off that rifle with that bikini.”
Gary, I know what you’re going through. At the time of the Clinton “impeachment”, I was the lone Democrat working as a receptionist at a small electronics company. Fun.
I never initiated political discussions but people were determined to draw-goad?-me out. I let them know exactly what I thought in plain terms and could almost see their heads explode. Until they met me, all of them thought that there were no white people in the Democratic Party!! And this was Ohio, not North Carolina.
Now, as I said, I was the receptionist and not important enough to reallly ruffle feathers.
Is it possible for you to take a passive/aggressive stance? Read and respond promptly to all of her business related communications and mark the politcal crap as unread and return it to her?
A new post by BB!
Better get some coffee and settle in.
Gary, more hugs to you. I know you will do exactly the right thing for yourself.
You are letting this incident own you. Stop it.
Then confront the sender and let her know in no uncertain terms that she is contributing to a hostile work place and if it continues you will take action.
Gary:
I’ve been in various businesses for over 30 years and I can tell you that this road only goes in one direction, sooner or later you will be leaving your present firm – try to do it on your own terms.
1. Log all communications as others have suggested.
2. Immediately begin looking for another job.
3. Get LoRs if you can but…
4. If you can’t, then make clear to prospective employers that you are uncomfortable in your present circumstance but will not discuss why.
Most important: take charge of your well being. In the end, you will be much better off for doing do.
I would certainly bouce those inappropriate emails back to her with no comment, and let her imagination do the rest….I have lived thru so much sexism in office settings and this is typical of a bully….hang in there and do what is best for you Gary….lots of hugs to you…
GAry,
Does your firm have a handbook and does it contain rules about use of email? Copy the email policy and paste it into an email to her asking her to cease. If not, you must be firm and say “no more.”
Gary, I know this sounds horrible, but I now only buy cell phones with the record feature on the side. I have worked with some really bad attorneys, one was disbarred last year, but private practice pays so much more. Anyway, I have even recorded some tirades to protect my posterior. Hugs to you, because I KNOW how you feel.
PAT, I missed you. Don’t go away, you are one of the most intelligent people here. One of the things I love about this place is that we can agree to disagree. I probably won’t vote Palin/McCain either, but I am in SC so it doesn’t matter about my vote. I consider you a friend and I have lost way too many of those over this election cycle.
Elixir, NO, he may lose his job.
Mawminc is correct. Gays are not a protected class under federal law although they are in some states.
I too am a partner in a small law firm and, as such, would never condone the behavior of this associate irrespective of which candidate was being ridiculed and my own political persuasions.
Gary, only you can decide whether you wish to speak directly to the offender, make a complaint to her manager, or ignore her inappropriate behavior and do nothing. I do agree with others who have advised you to keep careful documentation of all of her offensive emails and remarks in case the situation escalates.
In the meantime, maybe you could practice some yoga…
Take care.
Gary – AND THIS IS A LAW FIRM?????
OMG. Haven’t they ever heard of sexual harassment laws?
And yes, even if you are a gay male, sending you a photo like that is exposing to a sexual situation.
Confront the person who sent it and talk to your HR person.
Hi Gary. I feel your pain! I received the same image in an email from a male coworker, a partner no less, earlier this week. Most people who know me assume I’m an Obama supporter so I don’t think there was the same level of antagonism as you experienced. But it’s still depressing for the reason you mentioned, self-described liberals using tactics that go against everything we believe in.
Gary, I’m sure you’ve gotten plenty of good advice from around here. My suggestion is, send her an email promoting Green party info, then any other political propaganda from any and all really far out fringe groups you can find. Even the satire sites. Have fun with it. It’s only important if you let it be. Otherwise, she’s just doing what Obots are trained to do. If she asks what it’s about, just tell her you like to keep your options open.
http://www.gp.org/index.php
“#
S, on September 4th, 2008 at 11:42 am Said:
Gary: I don’t think keeping quiet about it in your situation amounts to condoning it. If I were in your shoes (and I know I am not). I would quietly go on about my own life and continue ignoring her. Fighting her would not change her mind and it would not change the minds of the other Obots. So I would keep my peace and go about my life secure in the knowledge that Sarah Palin is a tough woman and she does not need me to defend her.
Do what feels good to you. I can only say that if your boss was just trying to get a rise out of you, the best way to thawrt her is to go on quietly and calmly.”
I agree…suck it up and move on. This is not an issues that is worth risking your career for. You will need letters of recommendations to advance your career. My GF recently went through a situation where she was denied a position due to an out right lie by the person who headed the selection committee at a university. I was really pissed and had her talk to my lawyer who specialty is dealing with university issues. His advice, suck it up and move on.
If you were going to be there long-term, I would definitely say respond and complain. If you are only there for a couple of months, though….that’s tougher. Maybe ignore, but it’s up to you.
DEFINITELY document, just in case it gets ugly. I once had a coworker doing stuff like that to me, and I started hitting my “bounce” function on my mac email, so it returned to her with a message that the email address was incorrect.
That was sort of my middle ground – a way of letting her know I wasn’t interested without it being a confrontation.
I have a friend of long standing who will send me the worst e-mails, among which are several of women judged to be unattractive and with lots of ridicule of the person photographed.
I always cast my mind back to what my Aunt Fern would do, a woman small of stature but long on wit and grace.
I hit reply to the worst offender of the bunch in my estimation and composed a message along the lines of, “Isn’t it terrible the things people judge each other for? I know you were looking for someone to share this with who would be as upset as you are yourself to see the disrespect and mockery afforded this individual. However, I think I will keep this to myself as I would not want to forward and have the recipient mistakenly believe I was “in on the joke”. Not everyone would see this as we do.”
In my personal friendship, it seemed to work. It was obvious what I was getting at, yet my language couldn’t be faulted. There was no escalation or repetiion and that was my goal. Hope it works out for the best for you, whatever you decide to say or do, Gary.
Gary, Thanks for the feedback re the “creepy” name. I usually just lurk. When the urge to comment came I thought of name I used back in the days of CB radios.
I too work in a law firm surrounded by crazy Obamabots who’s lack of restraint in withholding their Hillary/Bill hating comments on the job incenses me. This is a workplace for goodness sakes!!! I keep me political commentary to myself, and I would expect they would do the same….but I guess that would make too much sense for an Obamabot to abide by.
Don’t let it go. Politely and firmly respond indicating you consider political emails like this inappropriate for he workplace, and would prefer not to receive any more in the future. If they don’t respect that, go to a higher up, and remind them that being subjected to politcal ‘harassment’ was not included in the job decription.
Gary – your boss is being very overt about this. I hate that you have to deal with this – hate it! I can identify with it from being harrassed for decades with sexism because I am considered “pretty” – I’m not going there, but I do know how it feels. When I was very very young, I spoke out tut suet. Then I became devious – wickedly so – almost evil, ha ha ha.
You’re one of my heros now – you stand up for principle. Gawd my hero list is getting shorter everyday. You’re smart as a whip – be careful.
I didn’t realize she was your boss either. In that case your only response is a non-response, don’t say anything and delete it. If she asked if you got it, a polite “yes” with no further comment will suffice. No point losing your job over this. It WILL pass.
(Especially if BO loses!)
I agree with mawm. Distasteful as it may be, I would suck it up until I had the letters of recommendation (and my acceptance to law school) safely in hand.
The short term release of firing back at this woman is not worth jeopardizing your career goals.
Besides, she is looking for a reaction from you. Don’t give her the satisfaction of knowing she got to you.
Dear Gary,
This is happening to many of us in our workplaces now. But before I was a tenured professor of law, I was sexually harassed just as I was getting started in my career. I reported it immediately to the Dean who took formal action against the harasser. Ultimately I chose to join a different law faculty after realizing that the one that included the harasser would never be a comfortable place for me. I landed in a better spot than I ever could have imagined (even though my current work environment does not provide too much support for people with my political views – as opposed to people who actively support Senator Obama). My point is this: follow your conscience and your gut. And if you need help relocating to a different firm, feel free to contact me at heidi59 at gmail dot com.
Heidi Li Feldman
Meanwhile, the charming (not) conduct of people who are trying to intimidate those who do not share their views continues, and it is a sorry spectacle. My latest effort to document the craziness is here, if anybody has the stomach to even look: http://heidilipotpourri.blogspot.com/2008/09/desperation-seems-to-bring-out-worst-in.html
Gary,
I have been in situations like this. The most important thind is to not let them get in your head. Keep yourself focused on your goals and your own personal truth. I know from experience that once they get in your head, serious damage can be done.
NC is a”right to work” state and they can fire you for anything here. So, I would document everything, keep your eye on the goal, and look for other employment just in case. I wouldn’t say anything directly unless it keeps happening.
I would however have a little fun with it, mess with her head a little. If she says anything to you about the photo, I would use a little sarchastic snark to put her in her place. Something subtle and to the point. “Oh, that tacky photoshopped thing?” Just dismiss it as the pointless crap that it is. Make her feel stupid for circulating the thing. Make her second guess herself. Why is she taking time from her work to circulate something so stupid? Be polite though, the southern kill ‘em with kindness thing. It has to be done with the right tone- kind of brushing it off your shoulders. It’s cathartic and entertaining!
Good luck.
Hi! im new to this site and i just read your post and some of the replys. I know its kind of harsh to say but i dont think any one cares at your job about the e-mails, have the other employees said anything to you about how uncomfortable they feel about the e-mails. If you do feel like those e-mails are an injustice to you, then you should speak to your boss person to person. If you take the advise that said you cant do your work because of the e-mails then that tells your bosses that you cannot work under stressful conditions, and you are not worth thier time or money. I asked my mothers opinion, she is a supervisor, and she said that you should speak to that person. Tell her that you dont appreciate the e-mails and to pls stop, and if she dosent stop to go over her head and complain, but dont say your work is being affected just say its inappropriate and unprofessional and that you dont appreciate it. My thing is if you treat her with respect as you tell her to stop she will probably treat you with respect right back. If you want to be a lawyer you have to be fearless. Dont be afraid to open your mouth but of course be professional. I hope it works out for the best for you.
Gary:
“when you hear the dogs barking, keep going…”
1) Assess the situation: How bad do you want those letters of recommandation? And do you think that opposing your boss will jeopardize the coming letters from the partners?
2) Cover your butt: Keep an exact record of the emails and other conversations, Log and copy, AT HOME.
3) Be very clear: you speak out, you’re out buddy! This is a southern small firm, you do not stand a chance in practicallity. What are you going to do,? go into law school with a harrasment suit pending? Good luck finding employment in any law firm after that…
There is how the world should be and how it really is.
4) In two months this is going to all go away. If Hillary ate crows before the whole world to see, you can do this!!
5) If you can’t: start looking for another job and AFTER you have secure a good lead, email your boss 2 or 3 sentences politly asking her to refrain sending you emails of political nature as they interfere with your work and make you incomfortable. If that does not stop her then, go to the partners and negociate with them, exchanging leaving on good terms for letters of recommandation.
The fact that she has not sent the recent photo to the partner shows that she knows she is out of line. But, you never know how they’ll react if it is brought to their attention. They might be scared and start making your life difficult until you leave on your own account.
Look at it this way…. This is starting to smell a lot like disasparation from the Obots.
Gary, that e-mail disrupted the harmony of the office. There is obviously no harmony there whatsoever for YOU to disrupt. I suggest that you consider how this will impact your career ONLY, and don’t worry about any other “larger” considerations. You’re allowed to put your own concerns first — I’m not telling you what to do, but I am telling you to trim the unwanted and unnecessary variables OUT of your analysis. You are all that matters here.
Gary,this reminds me of the indignities Senator Clinton has had to endure in order to fight another day. I don’t recommend you immediately don an orange suit and make coded references to us, your supporters, but I do agree with getting your letters of recommendation and moving on into a position in which you will be able to fight. We are here for you until you have the letters in hand and are in a better position to make the move you feel comfortable making.
You can’t just delete all the e-mail she sends you as she is your boss so I have a question… does this person actually put a subject matter in the title? If you can tell which is business and which is personal, delete without opening. She will get the hint.
Otherwise try to have a sense of humor. If you make any practical request, you will be out of a job. The person may stop pushing Obama, but your reviews will be poor and they can legitimately push you out by picking apart your work and trumping up issues to fire you with cause.
Try something VERY small to give humor to the situation. Force yourself to use humor. Put your fingers up in a cross, as if you were repelling a vampire and say ‘eek, more Obama propoganda’ and laugh and walk away. Carry a folder with a ‘nobama’ sticker or put a button under you lapel and flash it. Put in a McCain/Palin event on your calendar. Just a very gentle ribbing back and forth might defuse the situation. The goal is to give a hint to get that person to back off.
My advice… do not confront. Ignore and try some humor. You are only in a position to confront if you don’t want your job. Sorry, but based on experience, that’s the reality.
Look after yourself. Keep your eye on your goal. And then, when Obama is defeated in November, you will have the last laugh.
Gary,
I have handled similar problems with my managers in the past.
Don’t worry about documentation yet – in fact, DON’T do anything that sends a ‘I am documenting’ signal. Set up a private (formal) meeting with her.
When you meet with her, just say that you do not want to receive email of a political nature from her anymore because it makes you uncomfortable.
The meeting signals the seriousness of your request but also gives her a chance to change her ‘evil’ ways without feeling like you are getting ready to file a formal complaint. She may react in a bad way, but that will tell you everything about next steps.
Believe it or not, Gary, I’m going to tell you to do NOTHING. First, you are in this job to get experience and to get ahead. Eventually, that will mean an up and out. If she was merely a peer, I would tell you to tell her that you do not appreciate recieving political email at work. However, she’s a superior and having her support will greatly enhance your experience there. Say nothing and do nothing. It’s in your best interest.
You aren’t going to change her mind. Like so many on the Obama train, she has lost all good sense. We had an old saying in the Army. You don’t shit where you eat. In short, you don’t do things that could hurt your position, unless your willing to leave.
Oh, Gary, this makes me sad and angry and sick all over. I’ve never been harassed this way, but a sister has. She’s a Hillary fan from way back and her bosses (2 or 3 men) loved playing this game with her. She got the e-mails; she heard the jokes; she found the cartoons and pictures conveniently left on desktops and copy machines. Once she was subjected to a rebus with Hillary’s picture and an interpretation so vile she and I both had to have it explained to us. I think this was the last straw. My sister can give as well as she can take, but she finally stood her ground and approached the most reasonable manager. He was quick to set down a rule that politics would henceforth be off limits in the office. In truth, my sister and her ally so missed their appropriate political discussions, they would thereafter joke about meeting for lunch away from the office for reasonable debate.
You know your boss and whether or not she is approachable. I never like e-mail for the delivery of serious discourse. There is too much room for misunderstanding of intent and tone. If you choose to talk with her, do as good teachers do in conferences, start on a positive note. As you did here, make it clear how much you enjoy the work and what an inspiration it has been. But you pride yourself in the work you do and these e-mails are a distraction.
Whatever you do, document, document, document. And be careful in how you use the computer at work, even if it’s your own, chances are, the server is theirs. Your boss of all people should know that this is harassment, and I believe there are laws about that.
I’m sorry you are going through this, and please forgive if I’ve repeated ideas offered above. I was just mad enough to jump right in. I’m certain you will handle this beautifully and positive change will come.
I would speak up and say that the e-mail is offensive.
I also work at a small law firm, as a legal secretary. The difference is that I’m in NY and most of my co-workers are Dems. Out of 7 people in the office, 2 have supported Obama all along, 2 are Hillary supporters who will be voting for Obama in November, 2 (including me) are Hillary supporters who will be voting for McCain in November, and one is a Republican.
I had a discussion with my Republican co-worker this morning (funny, I’ve been talking politics a lot more with her these days!). I asked her what she thought of Palin and she said she thought of me as soon as she heard the news. She is disgusted by the misogynistic attacks and thinks that the “OMG! Who will take care of the babiez?!!11!?” meme is offensive to all working women. I agree with her.
I think that if you speak up, even if just via reply e-mail saying that the pic is offensive, you may find you have allies you didn’t know you had. I did a similar thing in a group e-mail (non-work related but also anti-Palin) a few days ago and a couple of people thanked me for speaking up. I didn’t say much, but merely pointed out that nobody would be doing this to a male candidate.
Of course, only you can judge your individual situation, but if it were me, I would say something.
Gary,
If this were happening to me, I would bide my time until I got what I needed.
Rise above it. You will be the “better” person and the true professional.
This is what our “new” Democratic party has brought us. Women emailing pictures of bikini-clad women to others. She doesn’t sound like the Democrats I use to know.
Good luck.
Gary, you’ve gotten a lot of advice already, so I will only express my dismay that you have to deal with this kind of stuff. I don’t like hearing that you feel powerless, when you are doing so much to keep all of us from feeling powerless.
Gary:
There are many fellow PUMAs who sincerely care for you (as demonstrated in the outpouring of concern and desire to help in the posts here) which I know you already know. The energy created by all of these caring PUMAs will definitely “surround and protect you” in this most sad and unfortunate circumstance occurring at your workplace.
In the meantime, there are many good suggestions that were offered. In adding my suggestion, I would just say:
Take your time in choosing which path to take and definitely document everything that has occurred (keep a detailed diary) including copies of any written work evaluations that you have received since being employed at this law firm.
Unfortunately, this kind of “harassment,” (and I concur that it is harassment) is still all too common in the workplace.
Heidi Li Feldman has some excellent advice in her post and you definitely will have the ability to find a good job elsewhere in the legal field when and if you choose to do that.
You are NOT alone and there are a lot of PUMAs that are there with you IN SPIRIT.
If you can, just close your eyes for a minute and feel that PUMA spirit surrounding and protecting you.
Also, this challenge is already resolved in your favor and if your dream is to go to Law School you are there (everything you need will be provided). Nothing (including the ignorance and pettiness) of your “boss” at your place of employment will stand in your way.
By your very presence at his law firm you have ALREADY taken a stand for the “Truth” and you have honored what it ethical and of good conscience.
If you choose to leave them because of this unacceptable behavior, it is truly their loss. Wherever you choose to work you are and will be a great asset.
Dear Gary – I saw that picture on the bartcop site on Tuesday and on Wed (yesterday) he printed some of the tidalwave that came back at him for his sickening efforts to discredit Palin. I credit bart with turning around my initial antipathy toward Hillary and have gone on record more than once about his trashing of 3rd party efforts and considered giving him a piece of my mind about his deeply offensive Palin cartoons but just waited to see what would happen and sure enough he got buried by the response.
Gary,
Upon reflection, I can understand why you might want to just let this drop. I think it is important to call attention to sexism, but this person probably wouldn’t get it anyway. You need to put yourself first. This picture is going to make the rounds no matter what you do, and in the end it will backfire on Obama.
Just know that you have lots of people here who appreciate you and know what a caring and compassionate person you are.
Gary, I’m so sorry you’re having to put up with this crap. You’re one of my favorite writers, and it’s obvious from your posts what a truly wonderful person you are. I do not understand what it is about Obama that turns normally sane and even nice people into deranged bullies. You said that your working relationship with this woman prior to the onset of her Obama derangement condition had been cordial, which must make this all the more upsetting. Obama is the most divisive person I have ever seen. Here’s hoping that after November, Patrick Fitzgerald will be allowed to finish his investigation and in a few months Obama will have either resigned his Senate seat in disgrace or be residing in the big house.
I’m not going to give you any advice. Anything I want to tell you has already been said by another commenter. Since you are working in a law firm, you will be able to sort out the advice you should take from that which is well meaning but perhaps a little overly idealistic and unrealistic.
If you decide to throw caution to the wind, however, here’s a little something you can e-mail back to her (which I lifted from a comment at Uppity’s site:
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_qwNGaeCRkvY/SL9ZkgH89bI/AAAAAAAAAn0/0Gd0hu56Bl4/s1600-h/barracuda.jpg
and since I will presume that you will have better sense than to e-mail it to your problem co-worker, just enjoy it yourself. I think the person upthread who commented that this is a sign of desperation by the Obamabots is exactly right, but it just sickens me what has become of the Democratic Party.
It’s this kind of stuff that make election years so difficult. It’s amazing how we can get along so great with people until we discover that we are on diffent ends of the polical spectrum. I remember when I was young, I would innocently spout off which candidate I was supporting and then listen to older more mature co workers proceed in telling me why I shouldn’t. It was no big deal many years ago. We live in a very divided society and talking politics is almost as dangerous as talking about sex in the workplace. I know it’s hard but my advice would be to just muster up the bravest and most mature trait you have and ignore it all. It will be over with in November and you will be glad you did. Try to focus on next year and your career. I can feel your pain because I get those emails too and you’re not alone.
Gary, I don’t comment very often, but I always enjoy reading your posts and am so sorry this is happening to you. I tried to post a previous comment, but it possibly was weeded out as spam since it contained a link to a very funny photo that I hoped you would find amusing. How can I get the link to post?
Gary,
Document everything and politely ask her to stop sending you political emails. Keep on documenting and reply like a broken record to each incident.
This is harassment. I would also consider looking for another job.
If the harassment continues, I would seek legal council outside of the firm.
Gary,
I think the solution here is as simple as “delete”.
You can’t win, so don’t even try to fight the battle. You have more to lose than you want to risk.
If you’re absolutely determined to respond, do so with a link that debunks the e-mail du jour…photoshopped pictures, blatant lies, etc. But be prepared for that link to fall on blind eyes.
Otherwise, hit “Delete” and go on to the next e-mail.
P.S. How depressing to read that you’re getting this crap from a woman!
messy, thanks for the kind words. If you format your links they will show up here. otherwise they tend to end up in the spam filter. I’ll fish yours out (pun intended–I already looked!) Sarah Baracuda isn’t going to take any bs..he he…
Look. I’m an older lady who has worked all her life so I’ve had all sorts of crap directed at me.
She’s your boss. You’re gonna need a letter when you leave. Just ignore it and keep repeating to yourself “This will all be over Nov. 4″. I’m sure that’s what Hillary’s doing and at least you don’t have to go through your trial in public.
I know what everyone else is saying but you need your job. The other advisers are well-meaning but it’s easier to tell someone to do noble things than it is to do them.
Gary,
sorry to be so late, and I haven’t read even one-third of the thread . . I’m at work on lunch and have to run to do a group i na few minutes…
BUT this happened to me during the Clinton years. I was receiving email upon email upon email that was utterly disrespectful, filled with lies, and generally hate-filled. I ginored it for a long time. Didn’t write back, never referred to any of the mail not in person, on the phone or in email.
After months of feeling harrassed (it felt like an attack but it wasn’t as there were many other people included in the mail) and ignoring the mail, I wrote back saying that I wanted to be left off the email list. That I was uncomfortable with the content of the messages. That it felt so disrespectful and that I was surprised that this person would be involved in something of this nature.
He dropped me off the list. For all I know he stopped altogether. But he didn’t bother me again.
In this case, it’s “only for a few weeks” which will likely feel like years. But if ignoring doesn’t work for you, then, let this person know that opening these emails is interfering with your ability to do the work you were hired to do and ask if she has suggestions as to how to manage both the personal email as well as the work mail successfully.
my best to you….
Gary,
I have never responded to a blog post before, but since you are sort of a neighbor I felt compelled to do so. I must tell you as a Wolfpacker, I believe you are getting what you deserve for living in Chapel Hell. I mean, My God man, that abscessed buttboil of a town is the World Capitol of sanctimonious hypocrisy. Actually, I take that back. The world capitol of hypocrisy is probably Paris. The US capitol? LA, well….it moved to Chicago. Ok, it’s only the State capitol of sanctimony and hypocrisy.
All kidding aside, you could do several things. First. Nothing. Second, you could reply you are uncomfortable discussing politics at work and BCC the other lawyers thus alerting them to the situation and putting them on the hook for the workplace environment. Or third, you could have some fun with it. Topspin lob it back to her replying you are fed up with both political parties and are going to write in Roy Williams for president. Or in the alternative if you really want to get her goat (or Ram if you will;-)), since he brought home the gold you will be writing in Mike Krzyzewski.
At any rate, I hope I gave you a chuckle at work. And, remember: you are a PUMA, you are stronger than this, they are only emails and there are only 61 days until the election. Stay strong……….and oh yeah Go STATE!
Great advice from our beautiful PUMAs…nothing to add except ((hugs)) Hang in there!
Jeff. I tend to agree with you about chapel hill, and to be fair I live right on the edge of town (I’m actually in Durham County, but still within the city limits of the people’s republic of CH.). But I hate to break it to you, my job is in Raleigh, but thanks for the advice….and I graduated from UK, so
GO WILDCATS!!!
Gary,
I got that exact email too. And it is from someone that I sometimes work for and who I am about to ask for a job.
I was tempted to send a pithy Puma posting to this person–who just assumes that I loved getting his witty email-
about how much the desire to make Sarah Palin into slutty white trash reveals about sexism and lack of characater–but then i threw the email in the trash.
Oops I accidentally sent my email too soon.
I wanted to say that I have decided I have to pick my battles carefully because I support a family. Maybe that is true of you too. And sometimes success–which I know you will one day have–is the best revenge.
However you are being bullied and maybe you should be working for people who appreciate you and will be mentors to you instead of jerks.
Best to you Gary, I love your posts.
Hmmm, bummer about Raleigh (my hometown), no excuses.
And Go WildCats (I have a crush on Ashley Judd).
JJ
Something to consider:
I once was being sexual harassed by my boss. I fought it, went to HR. Next thing I know I was fired along with the HR director who took my side. I immediately filed a report with the EEOC. The complaint was settled, I recieved a whopping $5,000.00 and lots of smears and threats from my former employer who also hired a private detective to dig into my past. But, what I didn’t think about at the time is that now I had what they call in the corporate world “A RECORD”….i.e. now I was on record with the EEOC making a complaint about an employer. Well, guess what, I found out other employers look at that issue when hiring you. They think “they will do the same thing to us” and no matter how much you are innocent it doesn’t matter to them. You took an employer to task. Sucs, huh.
Better be sure you want to take this on, that it is worth it. Definitely, keep a record in case it escalates into a firing. Otherwise, ignore it and get on with your life.
I, too, am a legal assistant in a law firm. My lawyer is trying to hold me hostage by telling me if I don’t vote for Obama, I will lose my right to control my own body as the Republicans will stack the Supreme Court.
I said to him, Fuck It. I’m voting for Palin, as she is clearly better suited than any of the other candidates. You’ve got Obama, you are stuck with him.
Gary, tell that woman the truth. If she is able to make trouble for you in the workplace due to your political affiliation, take her ass to Court.
Honesty is the best policy and you’ll feel better for it.
Jeez Gary, what a total drag. If you can, find another place to work. In MT legal assistants are always in demand.. perhaps the same is true in your neck of the woods. I hope so. Since these people do not respect your right to disagree with them, and seem to have no end to poor behavior– you’d probably be much happier working somewhere else.
That e-mail of Palin is disgusting. No place for that in the workplace.
I think you would be happier working somewhere with people you can respect.
As you have aspirations of becoming an attorney yourself, it would probably be a good career move for you to locate a law firm where you feel welcome and appreciated. Then you can continue working there
while you go through law school and draw on their
contacts when you go into practice (or even join their firm).
You’ve got great, if conflicting advice here – I can’t add more intelligent thoughts…..
So, I’m just sending warm, positive thoughts your way…and {{strength}} to deal with stupidity. I think we’ve all now by now gained the ‘compassion that comes from utter powerlessness’.
Good luck, Gary!
It seems everyone has great advice about keeping records, and about whether to have the discussions or not. Yes, you should be planning to leave, because the difference reveals a thought process not shared by you. If the firm had at least one partner promoting different viewpoints it would be okay. As it is, you will always appear to be an annoying gnat. In this environment you may not advance. Secondly, what does your firm do? If you decide to have the discussion, is there someway that the behavior can be shown as detrimential to the firm’s focus?
It seems everyone has great advice about keeping records, and about whether to have the discussions or not. Yes, you should be planning to leave, because the difference reveals a thought process not shared by you. If the firm had at least one partner promoting different viewpoints it would be okay. As it is, you will always appear to be an annoying gnat. In this environment you may not advance. Secondly, what does your firm do? If you decide to have the discussion, is there someway that the behavior can be shown as detrimental to the firm’s focus?
Gary darlin’,
I’m sorry you have to deal with this. It’s part of being an individual and not indulging oneself in groupthink. Therefore, be proud and brave, but not foolish. One thing my mother drilled into my head is that discretion is often the better part of valor.
I would not go over your boss’s head. If, as you say, everyone in the office is on the kool-aid, then forcing her boss to curtail her activities will cause more hard feelings toward you.
My advice is to send your boss an e-mail outlining several of the reasons you enjoy working at your job, and especially, mention some good things about your boss. Then say that you’ve found in the past that mixing politics or religion in the workplace often causes hurt feelings between people who normally get along fine.
Then you say, “I know you understand and will respect my wishes to be left out of any and all inter-office political e-mail loops. And I thank you for being the professional you are.”
If you are going to be a lawyer, Gary, this is the kind of thing you are going to need to learn to do, anyway. Be brave and make plans to move out to California. San Francisco mandates that your partner would have benefits.
Best of luck to you.
I mean, if you can make it a problematic behavior for the firm, re: it’s clients, exposure, or community position, then it doesn’t have to be about you versus her. It will be tricky though; most folks would rather kill the messenger. Perhaps it would mean removing stickers from cars while in the company lot as offer of recognition.
Send her back one of those Obama Cartoons
http://media.townhall.com/Townhall/Car/b/payn080903_03.jpg
Watch out though she might blame you of being a conservative as this is from townhall that a conservative friend sent me so mix it up with one making fun of McCain
http://media.townhall.com/Townhall/Car/b/varv08302008a.jpg
or
http://media.townhall.com/Townhall/Car/b/kn0902bcd.jpg
By the way the cartoon trick works – my obotic friends are emailing me less and less stuff. The only sad thing about your case it is someone you are working with
Gary,
1. CYA
2. Email her that you’ve decided to support someone other than Obama.
3. Save her emails to you and your responsive emails to a cd.
4. Unless it requires a response, ignore the emails (after saving to a cd).
5. Don’t be baited. Just continue to put out there that your decision is made.
Again, unless it requires a response, treat it like spam & delete it, ignore it, whatever. But CYA
here’s my suggestion…
take the same picture. Photoshop her head in place of Palin’s. Add Osama Bin Ladin standing next to her. Send it to her, and the other two recipients…with the same kind of tag line….”I don’t usually do this, but XXXX’s email to us with the photoshopped picture of Sarah Palin inspired me….”
Gary- you are being harassed- I am so sorry! First things first- do NOT delete the e-mail- create a folder for it- preferably one with a password where you should store all future similar types of communications from this ‘person.’ PRINT a hard copy and keep it at home- same with any follow up junk- evidence my dear.
Next is going to be a tough call- but one only you can make. You MUST tell this person to stop- there have been many good suggestions in the comments above as for wording- depends on how strong you want to come on – but you absolutely must make it clear you do not want to receive any more non-work related e-mails. You do not wish to mix work and politics, it makes you uncomfortable, you are not supporting Obama- however you wish to put it- and only you can judge how far to go to get effect. Print a copy of your e-mail and then move it to your new evidence file where you have stored the original offensive material.
Hopefully this person will have a light shine on marblehead and cease and desist- if not, a face to face meeting may be in order, to make sure they are understanding of your wishes.
God I feel for you- what the hell is this cuntry coming to? I remember growing up we were given three things that were NOT discussed in mixed company- sex, politics and religion. Are there no manners anymore?
Best thoughts to you! Keep us posted!
1. Don’t email her. Emails are too easy to misconstrue.
2. Create a new webmail account anywhere.
3. Ask to speak to her in person.
4. Take a notepad. Explain that you would perfer to leave non-work subjects to our-of-the-office means of communications. You are doing this to protect you both.
5. Offer her the valid but unused email address.
6. Open the email regularly to monitor if she is using it or not, and to protect yourself if she asks. (She might use it to invite you to a party!)
You should ignore it, unless you do not intend to keep working there for long.
Are you being harassed? Yes. Absolutely.
Is bringing it up going to make your life better? No.
Unless you want to grandstand it, do nothing.
Gary: I’m so sorry the bots have followed you to work. Here at my work place, it’s an actionable offense to solicit people for political purposes. I don’t know what kind of action people take but it’s really frowned upon. Talking about politics is Ok but your coworker would be subject to disciplinary action if she tried to get you to campaign for Obama or pushed email like this on you. In fact, you might be able to report her for sexually offensive email but why rock the boat? In two months, it will all be over.
Be like Hillary and behave with dignity. Don’t acknowledge the email or anything else this person does to get your support. Sooner or later, one of two things will happen: 1.) She’ll give up and go away or 2.) Her antics will be so obvious that someone else will call her on it. You could also offer to buy her lunch someday and tell her in no uncertain terms that you want her to lay off. You could tell her that you have thousands of sisters who will beat the shit out of her if she doesn’t.
.
Gary, I’m an not a member of the Bar in NC, but here are my general thoughts (not legal opinion):
Do NOT retaliate in kind. as YOU or both of you could end up getting dismissed.
Personally, I would move forward with a formal complaint, which would be directed at the principals in the firm, not the offending (offensive) employee, but that is your call. It is up to them to keep the workplace harassment-free.
I own a small firm in DC and would be furious if one of my employees was acting this way because it could create liability for me and my insurance rates are already thorugh the roof!
Get a local employment or civil rights lawyer – maybe in Durham – to advise you. She/he will advise you on how to document the behavior that is being aimed at you. What you describe may be sexual harassment, she keeps asking you out and now she sends you a pic of a bikini-clad woman, forget the political overtones. Harassers always say they were “joking” and “can’t you take a joke?”
Disgusting behavior – you are right to be offended!
Just delete the emails. If she mentions them, say “I always delete spam email.” Don’t talk about it. Don’t worry about it. It makes her look like a bully. Just delete – and smile when you do it.
Heidi: I too was harassed and had to bring a complaint against my boss (I was a young gov’t attorney at the time). The agency did not retaliate against me and I accepted another (better) assignment as part of the settlement. I’ve always felt good about doing the right thing at the time even though I was supporting a family – a toddler and a baby on the way – and it was a risk.
It is certainly not unusual in our profession. My first law firm (a very large well known Texas firm) was settling a particularly nasty sexual harrasment lawsuit when I first joined it. Disgusting!
Gary – Mawm is right. It is also a good idea to document everything. It was also a good idea to seek support here.
I have been through this and have read a bit about office bullies. There is usually not a good end for the person being bullied. Statistically they either end up fired or leaving.
It is a difficult situation – very upsetting. But it is important not to react.
Gary, if I may be so, ahem, presumptuous:
I’m in a tough situation myself in the soi-disant liberal bastion that is Chapel Hill. In my case, I found the best means of backing off the would-be harassers was to politely indicate a lack of interest via email. It both put the harasser on notice and left a trail. It did take several hours of rewriting to achieve the bland couple of sentences I needed, though.
If your boss is a lawyer so clueless as to ignore a paper (ok, electronic) trail that gently and politely protests the use of a work environment for political arm-twisting, as well as overt sexism, I would hope she won’t even be in a position to be anyone’s boss in a law firm much longer.
I’m self employed but one of my clients also sent me the same email. Obviously I do not want to get into political discussions with my clients so I simply responded with this:
“Whoever photo shopped this did a great job.”
and added this link:
http://www.holytaco.com/2008/09/03/i-wish-this-was-really-sarah-palin/“
If I had not stumble upon the site that shows clearly that it was photoshopped, and the subject came up, I’d probably laugh and ask who doesn’t have a photo of themselves in a bathing suit goofing around at a pool party?
you are gay
Politics has always been dirty. People will dig up bones that have been buried and forgotten only to remind us that many of them politicians will do anything to get what they want.
Yes Gary, I’ve had a similar situation but I made myself clear that I didn’t want to be bothered with it or else there will be hell to pay… ^^
These things annoy you because you let them. Stuff like this rolls right off me, you say you are literally sick to your stomach. This person is clearly crossing the line in the workplace and you should rest easy knowing that this person is not doing the right thing and that their insanity will eventually be found out by other people.
If it were me, I’d say “Hey, that was a great pic of Palin you sent me there. Got any of yourself like that?…Why the shock? This can’t be construed as sexual harassment since I’m gay, you know.”
So don’t do that, LOL. That’s just something *I* would do, but then again all of the places I’ve worked have been VERY relaxed and liberal.