Welcome to Barackracy! A Play in One Exclusive Act.

Note: Thanks to chatblu at The Confluence for the term “Barackracy,” and for the inspiration for this play.

THE SCENE: Inauguration Day 2009, in the living room of JOE and JANE AMERICA. Comfortable furniture and toys belonging to their 2.5 kids and Labrador Retriever are strewn about. Their couch is facing a television set, which is on the fourth wall. Instead of seeing the screen, the words of the new President, Barack Obama, will be heard.

JOE and JANE AMERICA are seated on the couch, facing the audience.

JOE: Well, Jane, the new President gets inaugurated today. I guess we should hear what he has to say.

JANE (grumpily): Whatever. You know if he hadn’t picked Hillary as his VP, he never would have won.

JOE (sighing): I know, honey, I know. She just destroyed that Cantor guy in the debates. She made everyone feel like at least SOMEONE in the White House would know what they were doing. Oh well – let’s see what we’ve gotten ourselves into. (picks up a remote, points it at the audience and presses the power button)

VOICE OF ANNOUNCER: And now, the President of the United States, Barack Obama, will give his Inaugural Address.

VOICE OF OBAMA: My fellow Barackians, welcome to the first minute of my Presidency. And an incredible minute it’s been for all of us! I’ve already solved global warming, ended both wars, captured Osama bin Laden, destroyed Al Qaeda and fixed the economy. On top of these amazing achievements, racism is no longer a factor in America. Just like my followers always said, simply electing me has done all of these things. Am I awesome, or what?

JOE: What the hell is he talking about?

JANE: He’s lost it!

OBAMA: Since all of our problems are now resolved, you might wonder what I’ll be doing for the rest of my 8-10 years as President. I’m glad you asked! I will be devoting my time to implementing Barackracy. It’s democracy – but better!

JOE: Oh boy. I don’t like the sound of this at all.

OBAMA (with growing enthusiasm): Yes, Barackracy is a vast improvement over our old, uncool system of democracy. Let me tell you why. First thing we’re going to do is, every time Congress makes a law, we’re going to text you about it. That’s right – total transparency in government!

JANE: Hmmm, that doesn’t sound so bad.

OBAMA: And it’ll only cost you a few pennies for each special Congressional text! Proceeds will go directly to fund our Total Information Awareness program, sponsored by AT&T. Barackracy means you know we care, because we’re always listening!

JOE and JANE: D’oh!

OBAMA (even more excited): Another improvement I’m making is that Barackracy will combine the best aspects of church and state. Every Saturday and Sunday, you’ll be able to go to your chosen house of worship, and see a broadcast of your tax dollars at work. The most important decisions of the day will be the subject of your minister’s sermons. You will be informed and aware of everything we do, and will be able to discuss it with your fellow parishioners.

JOE: Well, that actually sounds like a pretty cool idea. But what about donations?

OBAMA: Donations will be mandatory, and must add up to the sum of 10% of your income by April 15 of next year. This will be on top of any tax increase I may or may not decide to implement. Oh, and if you don’t go to church, temple or mosque? You’d better pick one. Barackracy doesn’t hold with unbelievers. Amen!

JOE and JANE: Oh crap!

OBAMA (almost hysterical): Now, there’s one final thing. I’ve noticed there are a lot of people out there who didn’t vote for me. Well, we are all one unified, happy family in Barackracy! That’s why you are all going to get visits from my (air quotes) “Unity Ambassadors” throughout the year. One way or another, you WILL come to me! And you’ll make the sign of “O” when you see me! Change! Hope! Believe!

VOICE OF HILLARY (interrupting): Enough! See, Harry? I told you.

JANE: What’s going on? Is that Harry Reid with her?

JOE: The Senate Majority Leader? I think so! And that’s Nancy Pelosi next to him!

VOICE OF HARRY REID: President Obama, the Speaker of the House and I hereby remove you from duty under the 25th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. You are mentally unfit to serve as President of the United States. Hillary, you were right all along.

OBAMA (being carried off, fading away): Wait! Wait! You can’t do this to me! I am The One! I am a symbol of a better America! Barackracy…..

VOICE OF ANNOUNCER (clearing his throat): Ahem. Well, America, that was interesting, wasn’t it? And now, back to our Inaugural Address, with our NEW President of the United States, Hillary Clinton.

VOICE OF HILLARY: My fellow Americans, we are faced with a time of great challenges. But with great challenges come great opportunities.

JOE and JANE (immensely relieved): Oh, thank God.

VOICE OF HILLARY (continuing, fading away): Our climate is changing. Our national security is precarious due to a weakening economy and an over-dependence on foreign oil. But we can resolve these problems, with hard work and our traditional American ingenuity. Here’s how we’re going to do it…

(LIGHTS OUT.)

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89 Responses

  1. Barackacy….there’s a scary thought.

    LOL…..Good job!

    Mountain Sage

  2. Thanks, Mountain Sage! :-)

  3. Oh, thanks for the happy ending – the beginning was too dark for me to take! Excellent as always!
    meanwhile see BO playing into McCain’s caricature of him:
    http://edgeoforever.wordpress.com/2008/08/11/dreamy-obama-texts-you-his-vp/

  4. EOF – that’s why I said that Congressional bills would be texted. God, Obama is so lame. Who cares about his VP if it’s not Hillary (which it won’t be)?

  5. hello

  6. Good Job!

  7. Taggles! How are you?

  8. Bwahahahaha!! Very funny – 2.5 children and Labrador Retriever strewn about , not to mention the first minute of his presidency!

    The unity ambassadors sound similar to Accountable America.

  9. Love these playlets!!! Keep ‘em coming.

    President Hillary ’08
    PUMA

  10. love the play, excellent madamab

  11. very good madamab, & u

  12. madamab: And Pigeon O’Brien could play the part of the wife. Her name is ready made for the marquee.

  13. Hi Shari!

  14. Jane: What’s wrong with the T.V.? Its making all these weird noises…”eh, err, ah, err, ah, ahah, um, err… with no words?”

    Joe: Nothing, President Obama’s teleprompter ;01 is on the fritz! He is just
    getting his ‘O’ mind organized. =D>

  15. thanks Sheri! :-)

    Hee hee. Pigeon O’Brien. Where the h*ll do they find these people? Is she the Linda Tripp clone in this pathetic Edwards scandal?

  16. :-( smiley’s didn’t make it?

  17. Woman Voter – LOL!

  18. Hillary can belt out policy without notes and so can Chelsea! Those women inspire! :-)

  19. PUMA: Our New Home (And We Won’t Go Back)

    The Confluence is one site on this video…:-)

  20. hey pat!!!! how the hell r ya? I miss all you guys already and it’s only monday! what have i missed in the news today.

  21. taggles:
    1. Howard Wolfson said that Edwards duplicity cost Hillary the nomination. Agreed
    2. Obama is going to “text message” his VP choice to his supporters. Jesus!
    3. A friend of Edwards girlfriend, mistress, playmate, whatever, by the name of Pidgeon O’Brien says the affair has gone on longer than he admits to. Nutso.
    4. The girlfriend, mistress, playmate, whatever, does not like the wife. Idiot.
    5. Georgia is at war over there and Putin says stay out.
    6. It is raining again in MA. AGAIN!

    I need to check out perezhilton.com for any updates on Lindsay Lohan.

  22. Darragh did a great job on NPR in explaining PUMA and its initiatives.

  23. Woman Voter – I loved that video. Great job, princessejen!

  24. taggles – Check this out – from campskunk at Alegre’s Corner.

    Howard Wolfson: Edwards Cost Hillary the Nomination

  25. Woman Voter: What a superb video!

  26. I am lost in moderation!

  27. Everyone, an opportunity has fallen on our laps. With the current events taking place in Georgia with Russia, Barry has shown his lack of understanding of the conflict and the region, itself.

    With 300 advisors and despite his membership on the Subcomitte on European Affairs, Barry still got it wrong… and, in turn, had to flip flop to align himself with McCain. McCain won on this issue.

    Barry got it wrong on Energy Policy and handed McCain a slim advantage on the issue.

    Hillary is stronger than Barry on Energy, Economy and on foreign affairs.

    It’s not too late to push the narrative to Superdelegates. It will make a differenct.

    Both of Hillary’s statement are here.

    We need to put up an action item to communicate with Supers and make the case that Hillary was and still is stronger than Barry on most fronts. Clearly, Hillary is THE ONLY CANDIDATE TO GO TOE TO TOE WITH MCCAIN.

    Please push this story on every media outlet. Please call into every show and mention Hillary’s statement calling out Russia and their abuse of Georgia. Please make viral videos. Please post this on every blog that you can.

    Thanks for you help because this will be yet another tool to try and convince SuperDelegates before the convention.

    PUMA

  28. Since Edwards’ political career is over anyway, he should man-up and admit that he had a dirty deal with Obama to defeat Hillary. For the sake of his country.

  29. I shudder to think of Obama answering that 3am phone call. That’s if he bothers to wake up.

  30. Pat, you are going to have to text him on that. Actually answering a phone call is sooo 20th century.

  31. Hi Sheri.

  32. hey mawm! how the hell r ya!!!!! :-)

  33. PJ – I tried to get you out of moderation, but WordPress yelled at me.

    Mawm, can you help out our Pat? :-)

  34. His lack of understanding regarding foreign affairs may be just the thing that will seal his doom. The only chance he may have is by having someone like Biden as VP who at least has a firm grip on foreign affairs. Otherwise I feel the tide drifting over to McCain who has had 30 years of experience even if he is 160 years old. Obama cannot form a coherent sentence regarding the situation in Georgia. His speech pattern is driving me crazy.

  35. nice play madamab!

  36. Woman Voter and madamab, thanks.

  37. Madamb, BRILLIANT – AGAIN!!!!!!!!

    Woman Voter, love the video – wow!

  38. Robin: If he isn’t even man enough to admit this poor little baby is his why would you expect him to come clean on the primaries? He and Elizabeth thought they could get away with this. He is not much of a man to begin with.

    And if Rielle, or whatever name she has chosen for this year, sees him as another Ghandi, I see another Barney Fife.

  39. Thanks, Mawm! :-)

    PJ – Obama failed his first 3 am test – Russia’s invasion of Georgia. He sounded like he was trying to fake his way through a college essay. McCain, while still not great, was much more informed and impressive.

    I predict a lot more people moving to McCain after this weekend’s events.

  40. God the thought of Obama and Michelle in the Whitehouse doing “fist bumps” because they bamboozled the American voters along with the DNC makes me physically sick!!

    check this out
    http://www.seriously-angry-democrat.org

    google obama lovefest

  41. The wife of the “Rockefella” doesn’t check his credentials before she marries him.

    The DNC doesn’t check out BO’s credentials before they marry him!

  42. Hi Sheri! Aren’t you supposed to be on vacation????

  43. Pat: “If he isn’t even man enough to admit this poor little baby is his why would you expect him to come clean on the primaries?”

    I do not care for Edwards one way or another, but I think I read somewhere that he had propossed a paternity test but the mother declined.

  44. I just read something that pointed out that Obama’s flip-flop on public financing means down-ticket Dems have to compete with him for donations.

    Not everyone has an ATM in their garage, especially bitter, blue-collar types.

  45. If Edwards’ affair with Rielle ended in 2006 and he’s not her baby’s daddy, then why did he agree to visit her at the Beverly Hills No-Tell Hotel?

    It was either about the baby or a booty-call, or both.

  46. i am on vacation, i am going out now to supper, gonna take it easy tonite, and then off for more fun in the morning. believe it or not i am still recovering from the conference, which was absolutely great by the way!!

    i briefly saw mccain give a statement on russia, did the ONE give one too?

  47. madamab & SM,

    Princessejen, is some thing else and is good at telling it like it is.
    PUMA’s Have Awakened

    &
    Clinton Supporters Voices Will Be Heard In Denver!

    lets get busy and pass on the word that we all need to get together on August 26th, even if it is three of you with ‘Suffrage’ signs on your main street corner. Until they count all her votes and we get
    a NEW VOTER’S RIGHTS ACT this will happen again! Remember that for every one person that stands with their sign out there, it represents 1,000 that couldn’t (statistically that is the way it works). So, be heard and go out in threes and don’t be silenced.

  48. UpstateNY: First he said he would. Then her sister said he should. Then Rielle, or whatever pseudonom she is appearing under this week, said no because she wants “privacy” for the baby. Then they found out she was being paid 15,000 monthly while living in a gated community near Chapel Hill. Then the press got wise and she was relocated to CA. Then he said he wasn’t paying her but maybe his finance director was. Then he said he only met her once in the hotel but the Enquirer is stating, no, it was more than once. Breathless yet?

    I am waiting to hear from Pidgeon O’Brien to weigh in once more before I make my final decision. She is the one who says they have been going at it for much longer than he claims. And Pidgeon also communicates with extraterrestials so she must be on the mark.

  49. PJ: very true

    myiq2xu: ” he had propossed a paternity test but the mother declined”

    Convenient, no?

  50. I am not sure, taggles, but I am sure it was/is/will be more transcendental than anything anybody has ever said about the Russia/Georgia “situation”.

  51. Madamb,

    This one made me cry. I wish this were going to happen, I really do.

  52. Mawm or Gary: Did you find out anything more about “Paul Johnson” who called into the radio show before Hillary’s webchat?

  53. Without proof of his birth certificate maybe Obama is just another “Rockefeller”. Get busy FBI!

  54. I should have asked that of Sheri, too, or anyone who was at the DC conference. I am curious about him.

  55. Pat: “And Pidgeon also communicates with extraterrestials so she must be on the mark.”

    Well, I did not know that, but if that is the case… heh.

    Pat, you make me feel small with your encyclopedic knowledge of the Edwards affair….Can somebody pay me $15.000 a month too?

  56. The conference, how did it go, where there many there and did the news outlets pick up any of it>

  57. Edwards shouldn’t be blamed for Hillary not being the nominee. By saying this we are looking past the caucus cheatings, the delegate cheatings and the bullying and intimidating of some superdelegates to get them to support BO. I still don’t think Hillary would have won IOWA if Edwards wasn’t in the race. Its the same thing with the February caucuses. I don’t think there is anything Hillary would have done that would have helped her win those caucuses unless she had intended to play dirty like Barky.

    We mustn’t loose focus on the fact that BO stole Hillary’s and uncommitted’s delegates. He cheated in NC and IN. Dean and gang failed to stop the caucus cheatings even though Hillary’s campaign offered them evidence. Edwards might have cheated on his wife but he had nothing to do with Hillary not being the nominee. The only difference he could have made would have been in regards to Michigan. If Edwards wasn’t in the race, then BO wouldn’t have removed his name from the ballot.

  58. Elixir – Well, the thing is that Obama will never be President, and Hillary will never be VP. So it’s already in major fantasyland. :-)

    I would do one with McCain as President, but I just can’t go there yet.

  59. Does polygamy secure Obama’s citizenship?

    Monday, August 11, 2008
    The Saturday, Aug. 9, Canada Press front page story I authored generated a firestorm of letters to the Toronto newspaper.

    One particular Letter to the Editor makes some vital points, and asks an important question not before asked: Does polygamy protect Barack Obama’s status as a natural born US citizen?
    http://countusout.wordpress.com/

  60. Kim – there was no media coverage as per request of the PUMA leaders. It was under lock & key secret!

  61. madamab: You should have plenty of fodder after the 28th.

  62. Woman voter – I LOVE Princess Jen’s videos! I’ve been on her page often to see if she has any new ones.

  63. Robin, no, I didn;t find out more about Paul.

  64. Those videos are wonderful!

  65. Taggles: get lot’s of rest & have a fun vacay, we need you healthy & ready to “jack it up” (one of my favorites on your show!)

  66. There were some people at the conference that didn’t want their identity revealed.

  67. Very understandable.

  68. Pat and Carol, Ed showed up Sunday morning at the conference. He was not with anyone at the time, but he did look absolutely exhausted. Does one of you have any idea why? I didn’t have time to talk to him.

  69. Upstate: I have no knowledge of Pidgeon other than what was on the blogs today. For all I know she is a former nun. But when this stuff starts trickling out and the names of these people and the stupid statements that are credited with I just cannot help myself. They are all crazy for a taste of celebrity.

  70. I won’t mention him again.

  71. Mawn – was Corbett(sp) from turndownobama there? He is the radio show host in PA and wanted to go.

  72. Mawm: He was exhausted from the “escape” he made from Texas and then of course, like I said, we just let our imaginations run wild this weekend! Besides, he seemed to be suffering from mysterious rash and we put him on antibiotics immediately which may account for his appearance.
    Also, he complained about not getting enough to eat in Texas. Guess some people just don’t know how to treat a “guest”. The only thing he was served was some strung popcorn that had been sitting on the Christmas trees since December.

  73. Madamab….my question is will you remember us all when your first play hits Broadway??

    Seriously, more great work…barackracy so reminds me of bankruptcy and I cannot think of anyone more morally bankrupt than obama, et al.

    Thanks for all your hard work!

  74. Robin, one more thing about Edwards. I believe, and it’s just my unsubstantiated theory, that there is a lot more crap to this story, and Edwards may be facing more blackmail. Perhaps he doesn’t want stuff about the baby, the money, whether the affair is ongoing, etc to come out while Elizabeth is still alive.

  75. madamab – great playlet though it hits upon my main fear these days.

    Maybe someone can talk me out of this – either that it is unlikely or that I shouldn’t fear it?

    I think things are lining up for Hillary to be on the ticket as VP. Just today I read down thread how she says ‘if called to serve I will serve.’ Then Bill is speaking right before the VP. Then who the heck is BO going to add to the ticket who will be able to address his complete lack of foreign policy experience (and I do not count the extended photoshoot week tour pfft). Polls say she’s the stronger candidate, so BO will be looking to co-opt her ability to bring out votes.

    It wouldn’t be a bad thing for BO to take all the credit and always have her around to blame and scapegoat, which is classic narcissist behavior btw.

    I’m not going to vote for BO no matter who is on the ticket. Unlike the past 8 years, VP is not usually an influential position.

    Hate to post and run but mom duty and dinner time call….

  76. parentofed, what a mess.

  77. Robin and parentofed, I agree so much. Edwards best move would be to really come clean. He’s already destroyed, so coming clean leaves him at least free. But if he is still concealing, then it prolongs the agony and groveling. If he’s hoping to be pulled back out from under the bus then he is hoping to stay owned by his masters, and that’s pathetic.

    I never was an Edwards supporter, without having anything against him either, but his quasi confession really pissed me off because I think it contained further obvious prevarications and mendacity.

  78. oh and darnit – this too – Hillary stumping for BO this week – if she is going on the ticket for the VP slot then that also explains that – co-opted and all her work goes to him.

  79. I don’t know whether this is scary or funny! Okay, funny in a scary kind of way. Brilliant!!!

    Oh, and speaking of Barakracy, look what happens if you do an aol web search for “Olympics”:

    Web Results 1 – 10 of about 17,300,000 for olympics [definition]
    Sponsored Links
    2008 Olympic Games
    Get up-to-date info on athletes, download widgets & view schedules
    http://www.nbcolympics.com

    Buy Obama T-Shirts Now
    Quality American Apparel Shirts Donates 50% of Net Sales to Obama
    http://www.projecthope08.com/shirts

    Can someone please tell me WTF Obama t-shirts have to do with the Olympics?

  80. Julie – he bought $5 million dollars worth of advertising – also – his Google & Facebook pals have him Metatagged to every newsworthy searchable item.

    Wonder what’ll happen if I type in “presumptuous?”

  81. “Wonder what’ll happen if I type in “presumptuous?””

    I just did. The seventh link is about O. The first six all link to dictionaries. IOW, the first non-dictionary link is about O :)

  82. Hee! Obama’s at number three when you type in “Empty Suit”

  83. Hey madamab great play as always. You had me going there Barackacy indeed!

    You might enjoy my new post about why it may be racist to vote Obama. (using their logic that’s fair right?)

    http://caffinequeen.wordpress.com/2008/08/11/why-voting-for-obama-may-be-racist/

    CQ

  84. JulieS9164,,

    please provide the link…too much. :O

  85. every single one of those one acts is right on the money!

    you are psychic!

    and a great playwright, whomever you be…..

    !

  86. ‘The One’s Fan Club’

    Ouch!

  87. Why is the DNC trying to foist such a big baby off on us?

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080811/ap_on_el_pr/candidates_ads

  88. Woman Voter – just google “empty suit”

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