Obama Post-Debate Congratulatory MadLib

As we all know, Obama has won tonight’s debate. Congratulations to him! Now, the only question is, does Tweety need help writing the predestined post-debate script? I think we should give him a hand.

Post Debate Script

_______! Was that ________ or what? Obama just _________ the _________. He was _____ and fresh. Hillary just looked ______ today and off her ________, wouldn’t you say Howard? I just felt a ______________ in my __________. What a historic _________. His response to George’s question on _______ was __________, ________, and _________. And she just couldn’t deliver the knock out blow that she desperately needed. What an amazing response on __________. Do the voters of PA see what they have in this guy? His supporters are all so ________ and _________. I think he’s finally put their fears of _____ to rest once and for all. Andrea, you’ve been on the Clinton campaign bus. Have her _____ and _______ supporters come to accept that she’s proabably ________?

Ok, go to it! We’ll send the best one to MSNBC so Tweety can take the evening off and just relax until after the debate.

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42 Responses

  1. funny sh*t. I banned the word hope over at NYC Weboy yesterday, so I’ll be on the lookout for any excessive praise about how he inspires us, fills us with hope, makes us hopeful, leaves us hoping he’ll win, etc. etc. :)

  2. Fuck! Was that hot or what? Obama just smoked the “witch.” He was so sexy and fresh. Hillary just looked old today and off her meds, wouldn’t you say Howard? I just felt a tingle in my balls. What a historic orgasm I had. His response to George’s question on how Hillary is mean was so insightful, statesmanlike, and unifying. And she just couldn’t deliver the knock out blow that she desperately needed. What an amazing response on how unfairly Hillary has used his misunderstood “bitter” quote. Do the voters of PA see what they have in this guy? His supporters are all so energized and youthful. I think he’s finally put their fears of [weasel-words meaning angry black man or snooty elitist] to rest once and for all. Andrea, you’ve been on the Clinton campaign bus. Have her menopausal, corrupt, and/or eunuch-y supporters come to accept that she’s proabably lost this thing and should kill both herself and Bill to end the primaries?

    Or something like that. I’m sure Tweety will surprise and “improve” on the above, as he so often does.

  3. Scottreads: ROTF! Must catch breath and wipe tears from eyes. That was fricking brilliant.

  4. Did you really roll on the floor, RD? Or do you have Obi’s serial exaggeration problem ;).

    The funny thing is, this script, with very minor adjustments is probably applicable to more non-bitter folks than Matthews. Funny or sad. Mostly sad.

  5. Glory Hallelujah! Was that the second coming of Christ or what? Obama just blew the roof off the building. He was clean and fresh. Hillary just looked like an old hag today and off her rocker, wouldn’t you say Howard? I just felt a tingle in my shorts. What a historic moment to be alive. It’s…it’s…like the moon landing and the final episode of M*A*S*H all rolled into one. His response to George’s question on small town values was insightful and profound. And she just couldn’t deliver the knock out blow that she desperately needed. What an amazing response on bringing industry back to Pennsylvania. Do the voters of PA see what they have in this guy? His supporters are all so enlightened and intelligent. I think he’s finally put their fears of living in America to rest once and for all. Andrea, you’ve been on the Clinton campaign bus. Have her band of old crones and uneducated supporters come to accept that she’s proabably washed up and over the hill?

  6. gqm: OK, I was not on the floor but I was laughing so hard I had to catch my breath and wipe tears form my eyes. That much is true. And yes, this is a template suitable for many occasions.

  7. Lucinda: Another one! I am going to need medical assistance before long. M*A*S*H! It’s more like a mash note. Too good.

  8. Ain’t it the truth! Ain’t it the truth!

    Obama could take his clothes off tonight, streak around the stage, all while drooling and proclaiming himself to be the second coming, pick up a ukelele and start strumming and singing josie and the pussycats greatest hits, and his performance would still be called “riveting” “unique” “out of the box”…..

    GO HILLARY!

  9. Riverduaghter: You couldn’t find anything easier?

    Here you go:

    My Goodness! Was that electrifying or what? Obama just impresses the electorate. He was magnificent and fresh. Hillary just looked bitchy today and off her rocker, wouldn’t you say Howard? I just felt a 9 iron in my pants. What a historic performance. His response to George’s question on how he’s doing was amazing, sincere, and profound. And she just couldn’t deliver the knock out blow that she desperately needed. What an amazing response on the color of his tie. Do the voters of PA see what they have in this guy? His supporters are all so erudite and gorgeous. I think he’s finally put their fears of flu to rest once and for all. Andrea, you’ve been on the Clinton campaign bus. Have her illiterate and dreadful supporters come to accept that she’s proabably wrong to be on earth?

    Send my check to charity. Thank you.

  10. MABlue: Except for the bitchy part, I could actually see Tweety saying all of this. You have a future in entertainment news.

  11. hysterical!

  12. OK. It’s going to be hard to top the “9 iron”. Of course I’m a little immature.

  13. rd:

    You’re wrong on the bitchy part. He and his regular have actually say that about her many times on Hradballs and on that louse infestation called The Chris Matthews’ Show.

  14. MABlue: Have they actually said the B word or were they referencing others saying the B word, which is just their way of saying it and getting away with it? If that’s the case, it’s perfect!

  15. rd:

    Here is one thing I could come up with in a nanosecond. It’s from Media Matters call to action against Chris Matthews:

    Using overtly sexist language, he has referred to Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-NY) as a “she devil” and compared her to a “strip-teaser.” He has called her “witchy” and likened her voice to “fingernails on a blackboard.” He has referred to men who support her as “castratos in the eunuch chorus.” He has suggested Clinton is not “a convincing mom” and said “modern women” like Clinton are unacceptable to “Midwest guys.” He has called her “Madame Defarge” and “Nurse Ratched.”

    That should give you an idea, although I’m pretty sure I have heard him use “bitchy” on Hillary Clinton.

  16. Post Debate Script

    Holy Mother of God, I feel born again! Was that mind blowingly humbling, or what? Obama just freaked out the entire time. He was trying desperately trying to be smartass and fresh. Hillary just looked wonderful today and off her polite script, wouldn’t you say Howard? I just felt a twinge in my nuts. What a historic loss for misogynistic manly men. His response to George’s question on health was weak, dodgy, and pathetic. And she just couldn’t deliver the knock out blow that she desperately needed. What an amazing response on his testosterone poisoning for her to instead leave him just staring into space without a clue for all of us to see. Do the voters of PA see what they have in this guy? His supporters are all so whiny and boring. I think he’s finally put their fears of George Bush, by actually being WORSE than Bush, to rest once and for all. Andrea, you’ve been on the Clinton campaign bus. Have her detractors and Obama supporters come to accept that she’s probably the next president of the United States?

  17. Fuckin A! Was that a Philly shutout or what? Obama just wiped the floor with her old Crown Royal ass. He was sober as a SF judge and sooo money! Hillary just looked off her game today and off her hormonal rocker, wouldn’t you say Howard? I just felt the most incredible stimulation in my prostate. What a historic pee down my leg! His response to George’s question on his favorite color was succint, colorful, and goddamn presidential! And she just couldn’t deliver the knock out blow that she desperately needed. What an amazing response on how he has ALWAYS been a member in good standing of Ducks Unlimited. Thank God someone is protecting the wetlands around me. Heh, heh, hehheh. Do the voters of PA see what they have in this guy? His supporters are all so brilliant and manly! I think he’s finally put their fears of his so-called effeteness to rest once and for all. Andrea, you’ve been on the Clinton campaign bus. Have her handlers and her frazzled old jealous supporters come to accept that she’s proabably only been in this race this long because everyone felt sorry for her?

  18. whaleshaman: Hillarious! But, er, wishful thinking.

  19. ufa: You’ve got the Philly accent down. Lots of local references. “incredible stimulation in my prostate”, Ha! Cattle prod?

  20. My Book Club (we are all elitists) is meeting at 5:30 tonight and I have already put them on notice that I need to be home by 8 for the debates and if not they have to watch it with me because I cannot miss it. I want her to blow him off that stage!! Go Hillary!

  21. Sweet Jesus on a Pogo Stick! Was that homo-erotic or what? Obama just raised the hair on my right ear-lobe. He was large-eared and fresh. Hillary just looked hungover today and off her meds, wouldn’t you say Howard? I just felt a thrill in my man parts. What a historic and stinking load of eloquence. His response to George’s question on the Mideast was exactly the same as Hillary’s, only smarter, and somehow better when attached to a person with a phallus. And she just couldn’t deliver the knock out blow that she desperately needed. What an amazing response on the question of whether Rev. Wright’s mansion has an indoor swimming pool. Do the voters of PA see what they have in this guy? His supporters are all so non-clingy and non-bitter. I think he’s finally put their fears of having an inexperienced Republican light loser with ties to William Ayers, Rev. Wright, Nadhmi Auchi and Tony Rezko toss our chance at the presidency down the crapper to rest once and for all. Andrea, you’ve been on the Clinton campaign bus. Have her lizard-brained and white trash supporters come to accept that she’s probably going to either cry or toss back another shot and a beer at any moment?

  22. august: THAT was august. Brava/o!

  23. I am book marking this! When I get sick and tired of all the trolls at MyDD I will come here to get my armour back on!
    HILARIOUS!

  24. August, I am laughing out loud by myself here! Truly funny! And probably close to the truth the way they spin it.

  25. Commanding! Was that Presidential or what? Obama just hit the cover off the ball. He was inspirational and fresh. Hillary just looked mean-spirited today and off her message, wouldn’t you say Howard? I just felt a hardball in my mouth. What a historic comeback if he can get to within 10 points in PA.. His response to George’s question on small town voters was convincing, humble, and effective. And she just couldn’t deliver the knock out blow that she desperately needed. What an amazing response on the moral authority he just delivered to super delegates. Do the voters of PA see what they have in this guy? His supporters are all so energized and motivated for change. I think he’s finally put their fears of electability to rest once and for all. Andrea, you’ve been on the Clinton campaign bus. Have her knee cappers and disheartened supporters come to accept that she’s probably finally going to drop out after PA?

  26. Ooo, LeeAnn, you must know Tweety personally. BTW, just for reassurance, I haven’t met any disheartened supporters in my canvassing. Lots of heartened ones though. ;-)

  27. Thanks RD,

    keep the faith but don’t cling to it. ;)

  28. Have her knee cappers and disheartened supporters come to accept that she’s probably finally going to drop out after PA?

    the last line olberman chiming in

  29. I’m not funny today — but I’m really enjoying you guys! You’re hilarious….

    I’m almost looking forward to comparing what you’ve come up with to the real thing….

  30. riverdaughter: whaleshaman: Hillarious! But, er, wishful thinking.

    It could happen.

  31. Hallelujah! Was that the most exciting day of the last two millennia, or what? Obama just nullified the entire existence of the person who went by the name of Hillary Clinton. He was otherworldly and fresh. Hillary just looked devilish and off her normal human disguise.. I just felt a sudden hope for the universe in my brain. What a historic day for mankind. His response to George’s question on what color his wife would prefer in the White House was charming, exciting and modernistically aesthetic. And she just couldn’t deliver the knockout blow that she needed. What an amazing response on what would be the most effective way to terminate the existence of Hillary Clinton. Do the voters of PA see what they have in this guy? His supporters are all so nubile and suggestible. think he’s finally put their fears of having sex with an older man to rest once and for all. Andrea, you’ve been on the Clinton campaign bus. Have her lesbian and castrated male supporters come to accept that she’s probably already taken an overdose of hemlock in her dressing room?

  32. rd:

    I think the verdict is in.

    William wins the “Thrill-up-Chris Mattews’ other leg” Award hands down.

  33. HOLLY MOLLY! Was that inspirational or what? Obama just hoodwinked the small town hicks. He was sexy and fresh. Hillary just looked Annie Oaklish today and off her mark, wouldn’t you say Howard? I just felt a tingle in my briefs. What a historic bamboozling performance. His response to George’s question on arugula was insightful, astute, and moving. And she just couldn’t deliver the knock out blow that she desperately needed. What an amazing response on the price of caviar. Do the voters of PA see what they have in this guy? His supporters are all so giggly and bubbly. I think he’s finally put their fears of powerful women to rest once and for all. Andrea, you’ve been on the Clinton campaign bus. Have her tenacious and persistent supporters come to accept that she’s probably NOT QUITTING!

  34. Holy frigging Mary, Mother of God! Was that a “coming to Jesus” moment or what? Obama just buried the tired old Clinton hag once and for all. He was simply at his most inspirational and fresh tonight. Hillary just looked out of her league today and off her game, wouldn’t you say Howard? I just felt a sense of wonder and transcendence in my soul. What a historic event to have personally witnessed. His response to George’s question on regenerating the soul, spirit and essence of America was close to experiencing first hand the monumental speeches of Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr, and Robert Kennedy rolled into one. And she just couldn’t deliver the knock out blow that she desperately needed. What an amazing response on how to achieve peace, love and understanding in the Middle East. Do the voters of PA see what they have in this guy? His supporters are all so forward thinking and shining examples of true Americans. I think he’s finally put their fears of the death of the American Dream to rest once and for all. Andrea, you’ve been on the Clinton campaign bus. Have her mean spirited, whiny and deluded supporters come to accept that she’s probably deceived and lied to them long enough? It certainly proves not only that politics isn’t a game for girls, but that women never should have been given the right to vote. REPEAL THE 14TH AMENDMENT! The hand that holds the dick rules the world.

  35. stop stop! I cant stop laughing!

  36. here’s mine:

    “what do we have to do to kill her already – drown her in the bathtub? we sooo want to move on to the good stuff with the guys and this thing just wont go home. We have months of crap on Obam to start spilling and we cant till she goes away!”

    the gossip at the watercooler tomorrow at msnbc

  37. “Oivay, Maria! Was that the cat’s meow AND pajamas rolled into one or what? Obama just dug, with a hefty verbal shovel and pick, the old battle axe’s grave. He was pop-smart and fresh. Hillary just looked old and haggard today and off her meds, wouldn’t you say Howard?

    I just felt a lump in my sans-a-belts! What a historic performance by one that comes along only once between cicada seasons. His response to George’s question on elitism was light, right, and contrite. And she just couldn’t deliver the knock out blow that she desperately needed. What an amazing response on the issue of abortion, balancing the other difficult moral issues against a woman’s right to choose. Do the voters of PA see what they have in this guy? His supporters are all so young and hung and unsung. I think he’s finally put their fears of even patriotic flag pins to rest once and for all.

    Andrea, you’ve been on the Clinton campaign bus. Have her old and post-menopausal supporters (including the men) come to accept that she’s probably going to Hell for destroying the Democratic party, or do they think she might make it into Purgatory, or even Limbo, where the unbaptized babies are?”

  38. HA! Was that totally amazing or what? Obama just smoked the hag. He was totally unscripted and fresh. Hillary just looked older than Moses today and off her broomstick, wouldn’t you say Howard? I just felt a lightening bolt in my pants. What a historic blowout. His response to George’s question on how horrible Hillary is was so wise , humble , and Kennedyesque. And she just couldn’t deliver the knock out blow that she desperately needed. What an amazing response on sexism. Do the voters of PA see what they have in this guy? His supporters are all so smart and sexy. I think he’s finally put their fears of of Reverend Wright to rest once and for all. Andrea, you’ve been on the Clinton campaign bus. Have her old and pathetic supporters come to accept that she’s proabably deader than a doornail?

  39. Everyone: These are some of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time. (I’m kind of concerned for you, LeeAnn. You seem to be channeling Tweety and KO. It’s unnatural) The interjections are priceless.
    Excellent work. Take a bow.

  40. Post Debate Script

    What a turnaround! Was that Hillary walking on water or what? Obama just sucked all the oxygen right out of the room and I know I’m mixing my metaphors but he looked like a candle in the wind. He was not all hopey and changey and fresh. Hillary just looked radiant and I think she’s a real hottie today and off her broom-stick for good, wouldn’t you say Howard? I just felt the Obama tent pole come crashing down in my pants, wham, bam, thank you mam. What a historic night for Senator Clinton and the working class heroes, especially the wise – I didn’t say wizened – old women who’ve supported her all along. His response to George’s question on…well his response on everything was just totally verbose – lets call him Oblahblahma – the guy is done, somebody needs to go over and stick a fork in him . Shame on the pundits who were saying she couldn’t get back in the game and she just couldn’t deliver the knock out blow that she desperately needed. What an inspirational response on every question put to Senator Clinton. Do the voters of PA see what they have in this guy? His supporters are all so open-minded and fair. I think he’s finally put their fears of a Clinton Presidency to rest once and for all. Andrea, you’ve been on the Clinton campaign bus. Have her haters in the blogosphere and her poor shat-upon supporters come to accept that she’s proabably, no I’ll say absolutely, she’s going to be the next President of the United States?

  41. Post Debate Script

    PIE! Was that peachy or what? Obama just ate the whole slice. He was hot and fresh. Hillary just looked stale today and off her crust, wouldn’t you say Howard? I just felt a rumble in my belly. What a historic dessert. His response to George’s question on crumb topping was scrumptious, tasty, and delicious. And she just couldn’t deliver the knock out blow that she desperately needed. What an amazing response on shortening. Do the voters of PA see what they have in this guy? His supporters are all so full and satisfied. I think he’s finally put their fears of overeating to rest once and for all. Andrea, you’ve been on the Clinton campaign bus. Have her cake and creampuff supporters come to accept that she’s probably inedible?

  42. Well now, slap the kernals off the corn and knock the eyes off the potatoes ! Was that the smoothest piece of hogfat you ever saw or what! Obama just fired up the BAR -BEEEEEEEE-Q! He was boot-lickin’ ready and fresh! Hillary just looked plum-tuckered out and off her hash slinging’, kitchen sink flinging’ timing today. I just felt a 0.22 piece of birshot in my BEEEEE – hind when he spoke!

    What a woods, crawlin ‘ , ruffed grouse shoot we had today here in PA. His response to George’s question on how to properly marinate and tenderize wild turkey was right out of “Down Home Cookin” and made my mouth water more ‘ an all get out! And she just couldn’t deliver the knock out blow that she desperately needed. What an amazing response on the interconnectedness between snuff chewin and deer huntin’ here in backwoods and bitter PA . Do the voters of PA see what they have in this guy? His supporters are all so and “You-uns” and “Chipped ham” kind of people. I think he’s finally put their fears of not understanding Pennsylvanians as guntoters- and religion clingers to rest once and for all. Andrea, you’ve been on the Clinton campaign bus. Have her beer and kielbasa supporters come to accept that she’s proabably not making pierogies next Christmas?

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